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A secret shared?

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By *ick_and_Bicker OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Over 20 years ago my BIL whilst a bit tiddly at a family party, persistently tried to persuade me to have sex with him. I persistently brushed him off, all the time feeling creeped out, a bit scared and that all familiar feeling women get when approached like that.

A change in circumstances beyond my control means that I'm now living very close to him and my sister so can't now avoid frequent contact after being estranged for all those years. Another sibling is encouraging contact (our family is a fractured one and they desperately want to fix that).

There has been no altercations to cause these fractures, nothing really to mend so I can't really insist on avoiding him without letting the cat out of the bag.

My chest is in knots and I'm not able to get my thoughts in order, can you lot offer your opinions please?

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Tell your sister, he sounds like a cunt

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By *ick_and_Bicker OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Tell your sister, he sounds like a cunt"

That's not an option. I've no idea if he even remembers doing it and they are a strong couple. If I did, I would simply be accused of causing trouble.

T.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"Tell your sister, he sounds like a cunt

That's not an option. I've no idea if he even remembers doing it and they are a strong couple. If I did, I would simply be accused of causing trouble.

T."

Kick him in the nuts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a big gulp and walk in like nothing has happened, it may be easier to rise above it and be the bigger person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretend you forgot and go and see them. Keep your phone in your pocket recording so if he tries it again you have evidence or you could use the evidence against him to get him to back off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would maybe tell the other sibling that's encouraging the reconnect. Explain you don't want trouble, you don't want to split them up or be seen as a problem maker. You simply want peace, harmony and everyone to be happy and in your mind, keeping distance is the fairest solution, especially as you have no idea if he even remembers.

It's not a decision you've come to lightly and one that is actually rather painful, and you'd hope that the decision is treated with the respect it deserves

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was twenty years ago. Pretend you’ve forgot about it like he probably has and especially if he was pissed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her.Always live by the rule what would want others to do if it was roles reversed x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Families!

None of this is your fault, kero that at the forefront of your mind. If you have to see them and he repeats his behaviour immediately and with no ambiguity slap him down verbally. A short sharp "fuck off, you're my sisters husband" for instance. Take control of the situation in your own mind now so that you can take control in reality.

I know that isn’t as easy as it sounds but apart from spilling the beans I can't see another solution that's in your interest.

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By *ick_and_Bicker OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

You're all so lovely, thank you.

The car was lucky this afternoon, I'm so bothered about it all that I decided to clean the inside to distract conscious thoughts.

I either keep this to myself and suffer the historical agony or confide and bust the whole family apart, neither of which is going to make me feel any better at all.

The only things I can come up with are to limit contact to minimise my discomfort, never be alone with him and like Nicecouple advised, record any conversation that repeats the last one.

The other option is to continue to remain aloof with all of them and be the weird and wonky sister but I don't have the luxury of physical distance any more.

T.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"Tell her.Always live by the rule what would want others to do if it was roles reversed x "

My thoughts exactly

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You're all so lovely, thank you.

The car was lucky this afternoon, I'm so bothered about it all that I decided to clean the inside to distract conscious thoughts.

I either keep this to myself and suffer the historical agony or confide and bust the whole family apart, neither of which is going to make me feel any better at all.

The only things I can come up with are to limit contact to minimise my discomfort, never be alone with him and like Nicecouple advised, record any conversation that repeats the last one.

The other option is to continue to remain aloof with all of them and be the weird and wonky sister but I don't have the luxury of physical distance any more.

T.

"
,

I can't claim the credit for the recording suggestion , I can claim credit for the "fuck off" suggestion though

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Bugger. What a rubbish situation. Unfortunately I have no helpful advice other than keep your poise and composure. Ensure that if he ever decides to reprise his behaviour from that night that he is aware that it is unwelcome and that you wouldn't go near it even if it was made of cake. Scoundrel.

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By *ick_and_Bicker OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"You're all so lovely, thank you.

The car was lucky this afternoon, I'm so bothered about it all that I decided to clean the inside to distract conscious thoughts.

I either keep this to myself and suffer the historical agony or confide and bust the whole family apart, neither of which is going to make me feel any better at all.

The only things I can come up with are to limit contact to minimise my discomfort, never be alone with him and like Nicecouple advised, record any conversation that repeats the last one.

The other option is to continue to remain aloof with all of them and be the weird and wonky sister but I don't have the luxury of physical distance any more.

T.

,

I can't claim the credit for the recording suggestion , I can claim credit for the "fuck off" suggestion though "

I'm very good at doing that now, how pleased I am to be older, wiser and the owner of sooooooo many fucks I can throw them around with impunity.

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By *ick_and_Bicker OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Bugger. What a rubbish situation. Unfortunately I have no helpful advice other than keep your poise and composure. Ensure that if he ever decides to reprise his behaviour from that night that he is aware that it is unwelcome and that you wouldn't go near it even if it was made of cake. Scoundrel. "

Scoundrel, what a rare word, we should use it more.

I detest that he's put me in this position, his attempts were on sunny afternoon, in front of my parents, sibs and all our children, he even suggested we use a bedroom that overlooked the party. Classy eh.

If any of them heard they have never said anything.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Tell them straight that you don’t like him and that’s that. You don’t have to give a reason

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