FabSwingers.com forum: Self sabotage

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm a bugger for ruining things...I cant help. If something is going well you can guarantee I'll fuck it up. Most of it is out of fear and worry that I'll end up hurt

Is anyone else the same?

Please make me feel less weird and shit haha

Ps sorry to you (you know who you are) for being a dickhead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

This is me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn’t blame yourselves, it takes two to tango

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I can be. I had lots of therapy. I'm not perfect, but I'm better.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Nowhere near as much as I used to be but yeah.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do thee exact same thing and it's bloody brutal at times

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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

Absolutely

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Yep, I've improved from where I was but damn my flipping brain sometimes.

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By *ackandJill1Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

Oh god yes! I used to do this all the time

Seem to have have balanced things out lately maybe old age mellows the mind haha but I suspect I'll be at it again soon enough

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I take the micky out of myself all the time.

Sometimes just to beat others to it. Lol

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

Yep guilty of this too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do the same thing always. My own worst enemy. In fact I think I treat people who hurt me better than I treat myself

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I take the micky out of myself all the time.

Sometimes just to beat others to it. Lol"

I do this!!

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Don't know about self sabotage, as that on some level requires intent to do so, whether consciously or subconsciously.

However I certainly have a knack for making things worse and fucking shit up for myself, usually when intending to do the opposite.

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By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

Yep, me too. I’m my own worst enemy

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I take the micky out of myself all the time.

Sometimes just to beat others to it. Lol

I do this!! "

Blimey - we have something in common (sits down in shock)

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By *aliWoman
over a year ago

S Wales

Firstly, thank you for doing such an honest post. And yes every time!

No matter what anyone says I still doubt myself and get in my own head.

Any tips on how to stop or even just reduce this would be greatly appreciated x

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Ahhh hugs for you x

No but I do walk away very quickly with no second chances when drama appears

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By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales

Yep

All the time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's crazy isnt it.

In the fab world I've havent done overly well on meeting the right man/men. Finally one comes along who wants the same, has his head screwed on, knows how to handle my crazy and i just cant help but run off scared

Stupid woman haha

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Best thing to do is what you're doing .. notice it for what it is. Have a peep and see why.. what is not resolved from your life wounds? Then work on that. That will help break the cycle of behaviour. You're on it!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Eurgh it's bloody annoying. Sometimes it's pushing something that you know will upset you and you don't want to happen/know but a small part of you hope it's not so, even though you know it is. It's really fucking stupid. I'm learning not to do it and so far that's going really well for me. I think. Right now I'm in my uncertain phase.

I hope that things get sorted for you OP, x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes... But i think usually its because my head has moved on, but my heart struggles... So by self sabotaging, the decision is removed from me

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"It's crazy isnt it.

Stupid woman haha "

Can we run scared together?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a professional at fucking things up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's crazy isnt it.

Stupid woman haha "

You’ve run off scared or done something to put him off? If he can handle your crazy then he’ll be around still and you can go back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think everyone can be guilty of this. Just part of life, don't be hard on yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's crazy isnt it.

Stupid woman haha

You’ve run off scared or done something to put him off? If he can handle your crazy then he’ll be around still and you can go back.

I've just been very up and down and done his head in.

I'm hoping I can show him that I'm

worth it haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But to answer the op yeah I can be prone to some self sabotage and very self critical, but I know I have deep rooted childhood rejection issues. Any slight hint of a rejection transports me back to being a child where my stupid mother used to dress in my best clothes and do my hair nice on a Saturday and tell me my Dad was coming to get me and I’d be waiting in the window and waiting and he never turned up. Even learned to tell me mum not to tell me he was coming but she’d still dress me nice because he’d promised and this time he would turn up, he never did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m a professional at fucking things up

But Cheeky you seem to have your shit together!! God what hope for the rest of us

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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago

norwich

I do this with my makeup !! Just a little bit more lippy and eye liner, 2 mins latter and I look like Ronald McDonald!! X FML !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please don’t be so hard on yourselves, we all have our reasons but you’re not always to blame. Sometimes we take the Mick out of ourselves that’s just a self protection thing

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I self sabotage most evenings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do this with my makeup !! Just a little bit more lippy and eye liner, 2 mins latter and I look like Ronald McDonald!! X FML ! "

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

"I’m a professional at fucking things up

Good to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m a professional at fucking things up

But Cheeky you seem to have your shit together!! God what hope for the rest of us"

I’m my own worst enemy at times

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But to answer the op yeah I can be prone to some self sabotage and very self critical, but I know I have deep rooted childhood rejection issues. Any slight hint of a rejection transports me back to being a child where my stupid mother used to dress in my best clothes and do my hair nice on a Saturday and tell me my Dad was coming to get me and I’d be waiting in the window and waiting and he never turned up. Even learned to tell me mum not to tell me he was coming but she’d still dress me nice because he’d promised and this time he would turn up, he never did."

Oh my darling! That must have been so hard. No one deserves that.

I know it wont help but I send my love to you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m a professional at fucking things up

Good to know "

Shut up you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That post made me feel so sad. I'm a single dad to a teenage girl and I would never let her down like that.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I’m a professional at fucking things up

But Cheeky you seem to have your shit together!! God what hope for the rest of us

I’m my own worst enemy at times

Well. I'm one of many that think you're amazing.

So, nur nur na nur nur.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Yes

Yes

This is me"

Me too.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

I’d it a case of when the cards are actually on the table you are outside your comfort zone and panic.. Then fuck it up because you feel so nervous... loads of that on here... the chase is exciting... discussing what you’ll do is intense, and having a huge ego boost is what you need but actually doing it is virtually impossible.? Sometimes people enjoy the chase more than anything else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s just made my eyes fill up

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By *hortarseWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk

Yep do it all the time. Hate myself for it. Then I get over it move on to better things. It must happened for a reason.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

"I’m a professional at fucking things up

Good to know

Shut up you

Touched a nerve... and just a tip but if you are going to take a pic of toilet paper make sure it’s unused. I know there’s a shortage but really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure if you just explain and tell him he'll understand. If you say he's got his head screwed on and wanted the same as you it's only a message away from putting things right if you mean it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d it a case of when the cards are actually on the table you are outside your comfort zone and panic.. Then fuck it up because you feel so nervous... loads of that on here... the chase is exciting... discussing what you’ll do is intense, and having a huge ego boost is what you need but actually doing it is virtually impossible.? Sometimes people enjoy the chase more than anything else"

No it's not even that deep into it for me. Its the initial stages. My fears creep in early...I'm not good enough etc and I act like a prick

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sure if you just explain and tell him he'll understand. If you say he's got his head screwed on and wanted the same as you it's only a message away from putting things right if you mean it.

I do mean it

I'm sorry

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

No it's not even that deep into it for me. Its the initial stages. My fears creep in early...I'm not good enough etc and I act like a prick "

Well don’t then

Other advice available on request

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well Angel-eyes I'll happily put up with your crazy. I'll be glad to have you anyday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally get this.. My dad was an alcoholic.. It's made me hard as fuck and very difficult for people to get to know me 'cos i learnt at an early age i can only rely on myself...ever

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No it's not even that deep into it for me. Its the initial stages. My fears creep in early...I'm not good enough etc and I act like a prick

Well don’t then

Other advice available on request "

Thank you for the advice. I now feel that all of my problems are solved

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

No it's not even that deep into it for me. Its the initial stages. My fears creep in early...I'm not good enough etc and I act like a prick

Well don’t then

Other advice available on request

Thank you for the advice. I now feel that all of my problems are solved "

You are welcome ... here to help

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By *atBottomGirlsWoman
over a year ago

St Austell-ish

"I'm a bugger for ruining things...I cant help. If something is going well you can guarantee I'll fuck it up. Most of it is out of fear and worry that I'll end up hurt

Is anyone else the same?

Please make me feel less weird and shit haha

Ps sorry to you (you know who you are) for being a dickhead.

Angel--we've mostly all been there. Sorry! Message if you want consolation (I'll even change my setting for you!).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well Angel-eyes I'll happily put up with your crazy. I'll be glad to have you anyday

Aww do you mean that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well Angel-eyes I'll happily put up with your crazy. I'll be glad to have you anyday

Aww do you mean that?"

You know i do. Always got time for you x

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By *hortarseWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk

"Please don’t be so hard on yourselves, we all have our reasons but you’re not always to blame. Sometimes we take the Mick out of ourselves that’s just a self protection thing "

It's ok I don't blame myself. I blame you.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Do you feel you're overcoming these issues? If the answer is no or unsure perhaps you should take a step back and do your best to address them. It's very unfair for people who would genuinely be interested and fit your criteria. They'd likely interpret it as leading them on or playing mind games and rightly so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you feel you're overcoming these issues? If the answer is no or unsure perhaps you should take a step back and do your best to address them. It's very unfair for people who would genuinely be interested and fit your criteria. They'd likely interpret it as leading them on or playing mind games and rightly so. "

They did think I was playing games but luckily my explanation helped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there and have the T-shirt and heartache to prove it.

Trying to learn and move on is the idea but it’s not easy at all.

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By *elisandre300Woman
over a year ago

dontbefuckingnosey

Yep!

I constantly do this. In both RL and here on fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my darling! That must have been so hard. No one deserves that.

I know it wont help but I send my love to you xx"

Thanks beaut, Daddy issues is a real thing like! I was coming out the Chinese one night when I was 17 and he was walking towards me and I threw a full pancake roll at his face. Didn’t make me feel any better and I was down a pancake roll.

As for your thing if you’ve done his head in the best advice I can give is to step back. You have to do damage control now. Depending on the severity of your kick off it might be salvageable it might not.

Guys don’t like drama at all, especially in the early stages, they can smell it as well.

Takes a very emotionally strong guy to handle someone with issues, I mean the rewards are amazing. People with ‘issues’ love harder than your normal well adjusted people due to the serotonin levels in the brain being scrambled! Very loyal and protective, generally more filthy with regards to doing things considered taboo and prone to putting other people’s needs before their own.

Any time you act up it’s fear driving you, be interested to know what from your past is having an affect on you today.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

They did think I was playing games but luckily my explanation helped. "

Clear communication involving all parties helps so many things x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a bugger for ruining things...I cant help. If something is going well you can guarantee I'll fuck it up. Most of it is out of fear and worry that I'll end up hurt

Is anyone else the same?

Please make me feel less weird and shit haha

Ps sorry to you (you know who you are) for being a dickhead.

I do this all the time, I deserve to be alone and I only have myself to blame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They did think I was playing games but luckily my explanation helped.

Clear communication involving all parties helps so many things x"

Absolutely, open and honest communication is the only way through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take the micky out of myself all the time.

Sometimes just to beat others to it. Lol

I do this!! "

I think my profile covers this

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Be kind to yourself, OP. It's so hard x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

Oh wow haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

Oh wow haha

All good?

Just have to try and stay chilled. Easier to say than do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a bugger for ruining things...I cant help. If something is going well you can guarantee I'll fuck it up. Most of it is out of fear and worry that I'll end up hurt

Is anyone else the same?

Please make me feel less weird and shit haha

Ps sorry to you (you know who you are) for being a dickhead.

Been there and done this, but I’ve just learnt from what I’ve done wrong in the past and not going to do what I did again.

These things happen but we can learn from the lesson and change things.

Or it’ll just eat us all up inside and that’s worse

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes

Yes

This is me"

I managed to fuck it up with you all by myself, Floro. You didn’t have to do ‘owt yourself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's crazy isnt it.

Stupid woman haha "

We didn’t even really get talking!

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By *elisandre300Woman
over a year ago

dontbefuckingnosey

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

Oh wow haha

Always love a happy ending! Good luck you two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And never live in the past, embrace the future, I’ve done that and now I have the most incredible lady, it just goes to show that fabs can lead to a lot more which is elusive but an amazing outcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

That’s so,lovely

...good luck you 2

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all...wasnt really expecting a public display lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks all...wasnt really expecting a public display lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In a rare expression of honesty. This thread was directed at me. Just so all can see this. I have forgiven Angel-Eyes and have told her i like her a lot.

Hope happy times will follow from now.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Thanks all...wasnt really expecting a public display lol.

Big hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I assume people don't like me, don't want to talk to me and generally don't want me around. I'm not sure that counts as self-sabotage, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My penis isn't big enough to hurt you but feel free to still fuck it though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there. Its a question of this is too good to be true. I dont deserve this. They must have underlying agenda. All equals to not loving myself enough at the time or trust issues. Sometimes they were valid and people were dicks. But sometimes it was just me lashing out my old issues. Which is not fair. Its great if they forgive you and move forward but the pattern can repeat unfortunately and it is our own responsibility to do something about it. I hope you find a way and strength to move past that and let in some happiness and joy without doubts

you need to believe you deserve that attention. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im exactly the same. It ruins my life.

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By *hongman1Man
over a year ago

Mansfield

"Don't know about self sabotage, as that on some level requires intent to do so, whether consciously or subconsciously.

However I certainly have a knack for making things worse and fucking shit up for myself, usually when intending to do the opposite. "

Sounds just like me, usually by believing something someone tells me so I make decisions based on that then it turns out to be bollocks and I end up screwing my self over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would appear that forgiving them only leads to more heartache as they let you back in then hurt you all over again.

Needless to say feelings are now wasted.

Shall endeavour to be a cold hearted bastard. Seems it would be more appreciated!!

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

"Would appear that forgiving them only leads to more heartache as they let you back in then hurt you all over again.

Needless to say feelings are now wasted.

Shall endeavour to be a cold hearted bastard. Seems it would be more appreciated!!"

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Would appear that forgiving them only leads to more heartache as they let you back in then hurt you all over again.

Needless to say feelings are now wasted.

Shall endeavour to be a cold hearted bastard. Seems it would be more appreciated!!"

Oh my...

no happy ending here it seems.

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