FabSwingers.com forum: Best putdowns

By *edmark07 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

What's the best put down you have heard ?

Maybe it was in a status post, maybe it was directed at you or maybe you came up with it but let's have a laugh and a bit of fun

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

You’re so ugly that when you were a kid, your mum used to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who died and left you king?

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By *eachPreacherMan
over a year ago

Kent/London

On this site? Ok boomer

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By *edmark07 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

"You’re so ugly that when you were a kid, your mum used to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you "

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Jimmy Carr to a heckler.....

" You want my comeback, well you'll have to suck it out your Mums chuff "

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By *winfrozrMan
over a year ago

Carnoustie

Calling someone a thundering moron

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

When you was born , you was so ugly the nurse slapped you mom

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot. "

Don't get it.

Can you explain? I'm probably being a bit thick. I'm just a simpleton.

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By *edmark07 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.

Don't get it.

Can you explain? I'm probably being a bit thick. I'm just a simpleton. "

Put Down......hot cup, wasnt really worth explaining

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.

Don't get it.

Can you explain? I'm probably being a bit thick. I'm just a simpleton. "

It’s ok, it was a poor play on words, I had to put the cup down because it was burning my hand.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Well I'm glad you think highly of yourself, someone has to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !

Your still bloody ugly

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Sh*t off you hairy dogs cock.

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !

Your still bloody ugly "

Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill

“You are d*unk Sir!”

“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was waiting for my fella (at that time ) to turn up to a fetish event in manchester and he was, as he always was, late. So I was walking round in an outfit including stockings and a corset and an awful lot of cleavage and a few guys started to follow me around. It ended up like something out of a Benny hill sketch as I kept walking round and round . Eventually one of them asked 'are you on your own?' to which I replied 'do you think that's likely ?'

Then I apologised and explained but yes, I did have a giggle delivering that line

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's the best put down you have heard ?

Maybe it was in a status post, maybe it was directed at you or maybe you came up with it but let's have a laugh and a bit of fun "
you're uglier than a pug with an upset stomach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't like my show? Then do what every man who's ever slept with you has done, and ask for your money back"

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

If I had a face like yours, I’d stand on my hands and teach my arse to speak.

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's a good thing you're attractive, you need something going for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !

Your still bloody ugly

Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill

“You are d*unk Sir!”

“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly”"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot. "

That cup must have been so upset.

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By *ee04Man
over a year ago

Thurrock

"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !

Your still bloody ugly

Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill

“You are d*unk Sir!”

“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly”

His other good one when last Astor said to home if you wer my husband I’d poison you.

He replied Lady if you were my wife I’d drink it

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By *ookMan
over a year ago

london

That’s a big penis you have but you just need to buy yourself some batteries for it...

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By *ee04Man
over a year ago

Thurrock

Of all the millions of sperm, you were the one that got through.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.

That cup must have been so upset. "

Luckily I managed to set it down before there was any spillage. The handle was quite perturbed but with proper support will pull through.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"fake"

"tranny"

"prostitute"

Yes men are delightful creatures

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i love spanking but you bring new meaning to the words you have a face like a smoked kipper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Thats down to your intellect i suppose "

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" " Thats down to your intellect i suppose " "

Insert Dunning Krueger reference here

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I enjoy telling people that they're a waste of sperm....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

The problem with put downs are the people delivering them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

put your teeth back in you looked like youve an untucked face

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Had a message last werk saying "not much of a nipple but guess they will do" and also another saying i should stop posting pics of my horrid droopy boobs. I never did do what i was told

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying to a mate "I've seen better,you've been with worse though" in front of them and their new partner,ouch

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By *edmark07 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

Sir John geilgud on Ingmar Bergman

She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting." A knights tale 2001

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just as well you love yourself so much,no one else does"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Sir John geilgud on Ingmar Bergman

She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them "

Is she related to Ingrid the famous actress ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had a message last werk saying "not much of a nipple but guess they will do" and also another saying i should stop posting pics of my horrid droopy boobs. I never did do what i was told

"
ttl

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!"

I'll give that the dignity it deserves...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

'Gielgud'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once had a famous footballer come on to me in a bar in Newcastle. I politely declined his offer and asked him to leave me alone, to which he responded by saying ‘Do you know who I am?’

I replied ‘I know that I don’t care’, which had the barmaid crying with laughter.

Said footballer went on to set fire to three £20 notes in an ashtray (it was that long ago) in an effort to impress me

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's about what I'd expect from you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Gielgud' "
ingrid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(anyone) "dont you know who i am ?"

(me) "well you ain't Ronnie Pickering are you Pal !!"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"'Gielgud' ingrid

'Just whistle'

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

[Removed by poster at 06/03/20 11:53:40]

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

Ffs !!!!

Your a fat ugly twat , who’s varies are fake and shouldn’t be on this site ( fab)

Get these messages once or twice a week on here

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By *odieCI5Man
over a year ago

Solihull

You have something on your chin,,,,,, no the other one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wipe the cum off your other chin

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !

Your still bloody ugly

Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill

“You are d*unk Sir!”

“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly”

The d*unk one was to Labour MP Bessie Braddock.

I liked the one (allegedly) to Lady Astor who said to him

"If you were my husband I would poison your coffee"

To which he replied.

"Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I asked a lady to sit on my face once and she replied with..

"why? Is your nose bigger than your dick"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So ugly mother Theresa wouldn't kiss that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my favourites is = You have been slammed more times than a taxi door on a Saturday night X

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

The next time you tell me how to do my job I'm going to follow you down the docks and tell you how to suck sailors cocks properly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

M&f-We like you let's meet

Me-Sorry your not for me

M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"M&f-We like you let's meet

Me-Sorry your not for me

M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet "

Fucking twiglet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"M&f-We like you let's meet

Me-Sorry your not for me

M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet

Fucking twiglet

You called

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Gielgud' ingrid

'Just whistle'

"
i did guess someone ate the pea

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By *edmark07 OP Man
over a year ago

liverpool

"M&f-We like you let's meet

Me-Sorry your not for me

M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet "

I bet you regret not meeting now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"M&f-We like you let's meet

Me-Sorry your not for me

M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet

I bet you regret not meeting now"

I sure do as I'm really into angry immature ego junkies that can't take rejection lol it really turns me on

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By *ustme34Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"M&f-We like you let's meet

Me-Sorry your not for me

M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet

I bet you regret not meeting now

I sure do as I'm really into angry immature ego junkies that can't take rejection lol it really turns me on

"
*noted for future*

just kidding obviously. Some people think there gods gift and just cant take a no

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

Have you got a pen ?

Yes

Well get back in it you ugly pig

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

A face like a Bulldog chewing a wasp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't remember where I heard this, I think it was on a film, but it stuck with me for a long time..

Man 1 was telling man 2 about a large sum of money he'd made or received. Man 2 said "I wouldn't wipe my arse on that", man 1 quipped "I'm surprised you even wipe your arse".

There was no comeback from that really.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Have you got a pen ?

Yes

Well get back in it you ugly pig

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"I can't remember where I heard this, I think it was on a film, but it stuck with me for a long time..

Man 1 was telling man 2 about a large sum of money he'd made or received. Man 2 said "I wouldn't wipe my arse on that", man 1 quipped "I'm surprised you even wipe your arse".

There was no comeback from that really. "

There's a similar line in a book called 'No Name Lane' .... it's a scene in a pub where journalists are being discussed.

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

You’ve had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

When you was at School there was no History

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

My dads bigger than your dad.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

If you are in Liverpool use this .......

Yer Ma!

You'll sleep for a while tho......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that a urine stain?

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

To a girl in Benidorm

Me.. if only I was 20 years younger, to her reply, you’d still be my fucking grandad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow that bogey off the end of your nose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He has Van Gogh’s ear when it comes to a good choice in music

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By *nlyIfItsWorthItMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

You should have your opposable thumbs removed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would agree with you but then we’d both be wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you're not bad looking for your height

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who left the gate open at the cunt farm?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep rolling your eyes, you may one day find a brain back there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I give you a straw will you fuck off and suck the fun out of someone else’s day

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

Who put 10p in the dickhead?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meeting you helped me to realise recognise light travels faster than sound. You looked bright until I heard you speak.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's a shame about the lack of substance attached to that pretty face.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Your OK hun just not my type and your gob stinks so please don't talk

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Oh. You think that's charm? Excuse me, I need to wash my hands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that a new language you have learnt? Oh no it’s just bullshit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Better to keep quiet and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's a shame bravado isn't a marketable skill, or you'd be minted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep your chins up.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Have you had a shower and what's that smell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I want your opinion I will give it to you.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"When I want your opinion I will give it to you."

I'll give your opinion all the consideration it deserves.

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester

Wouldn't piss on you if you was on fire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your teeth look like a broken window and your mom sucked the local builder for a pallet of bricks so she could build your sister a whore house.Lurve you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Their face looks like a blind cobblers thumb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I dont speak stupid

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By *hatcuriouscat2018Man
over a year ago

Derby

You're so fat, when you walked past the TV I missed two episodes !

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

Are your parents cousins?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(Anyone) “Well your guess is as good as mine...”

(Me) “No it’s probably better!”

(I have to laugh at my own jokes!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(Anyone) “Well your guess is as good as mine...”

(Me) “No it’s probably better!”

(I have to laugh at my own jokes!)"

Well someone has to

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

You're the reason we need to put instructions on shampoo bottles.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You're one I should have been warned about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mouthbreather.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The next time you tell me how to do my job I'm going to follow you down the docks and tell you how to suck sailors cocks properly.

must remember this

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

He’s got teeth like piano keys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He’s got teeth like piano keys"
can i tinkle on your ivories

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your dad should’ve wanked you down the toilet.

You’re an oxygen thief and a waste of quality human skin.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

What’s your favourite machine at the gym, the fucking vending machine?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“ you’ve gotta laugh at yourself, otherwise you’ll be missing out on the joke of the century”

I think it’s a dame Edna joke

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By *ocothumpaMan
over a year ago

quite close to you

In the check out line for Lidl; a 20something in a very short skirt, and tiny vest top, gold and perfume sprayed everywhere on her:

E/european woman on till to 20something: “I like your outfit...very summery”

20something: “Er...thanks but it’s winter”

E/european woman [looking outside towards to heavy rain then looking her up and down:

“Yes, yes it is”

2nd:

After babysitting my nephew, watching Thomas the Tank Engine on a loop for two hours, on my way home I went to get some beers, in the queue I’m singing the theme tune, when this little kid in front spins round at yells at me “STOP SINGING IT WRONG! YOURE DOING IT WRONG”

His mum looked horrified she kept apologising but I couldn’t stop laughing, he was still going as his mum pulled him out the shop.

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

It was aimed at me...

Back in school, I walked into a lesson in year 10 to hear a guy I knew talking about Ross, Chandler, Monica and Joey.

"Why do you like Friends so much?" I laughed at him

"Why haven't you got any?" was the reply

Still feeling the burn today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're so stupid you couldn't get out of a revolving door

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

When I want to hear from an arshole I’ll fart

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

You're a nice girl but your shit stinks

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By *acky RacersCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Said to a thick person....

"Did your Mum have any kids that lived"?

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

He’s so tight, he can peel an orange in his pocket without the smell coming out

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

Did you hit your head when you feel from heaven ???

Fuck no , it was your face

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Can I borrow your brain please?

It's just I'm trying to build an idiot .

Classic sledging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because you have hairs round your gob you dont need to talk like a c**t.

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By *ookMan
over a year ago

london

....A face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.

That cup must have been so upset.

Luckily I managed to set it down before there was any spillage. The handle was quite perturbed but with proper support will pull through. "

I still don't get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s like a cock but only smaller

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its John McClane

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

F.ck off you cat fingering thunder c.nt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You got a head like a witch doctors rattle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve got more gob than a cows got c**t

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

You're as much use as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest!

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By *toobguyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Me to a very attractive younger lady- where've you been all my life?

Her- I wasn't born for half of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice arse ....shame it's on your shoulders.

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