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Self sabotage....

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By *az080378 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Cromer

Does anyone else do this?

Or have you previously done it but found a way to stop?

Why is it easier to lack confidence and put yourself down than to believe in yourself?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I have done. I still do occasionally.

Therapy, accountability. Lots of work on myself and managing my demons.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

For me if I feel confident I can be torn down and disappointed. That's the message I've had all my life.

It's a seductive lie, though...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do it all the time. It helps that so many people agree with me, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I seem to have an aversion to happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, stopping it is something I struggle to do x

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By *hortarseWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk

Yes I do it all time. When someone finds out how to stop it please tell me.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Yes I do it all time. When someone finds out how to stop it please tell me."

Knowing that you do it, knowing why you don't, addressing the reasons why you do it.

Or, hard fucking work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Constantly do it, and it's always there no matter what, BUT it does help if you have someone who shows you how differently you are viewed.

F.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anyone else do this?

Or have you previously done it but found a way to stop?

Why is it easier to lack confidence and put yourself down than to believe in yourself? "

I hope you’re ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let me take a stab in the dark....

Told by others (those whom have some kind of "power" over you, so parent/spouse/teacher/caregiver) that you're not good enough?

That you need to try harder

That you're not gonna amount to anything unless you "XYZ"

That you're no oil painting

Did you lack hearing "I'm proud of you"?

Made to feel like nothing was good enough?

Made to feel like you weren't important?

Like your feelings didn't matter?

If something DID go wrong, was a case of "what did you expect, you're *insert put down/confidence knocker*

Self sabotage and me have known each other a while. It was a painful comfort blanket.

I don't do it half as much now, because I'm learning that I deserve to treat myself better because I AM worth it, regardless of what those who drummed into me I wasn't think.

I need to be my own friend, not my own foe.

I'm a good person to other people, so the least I can do is afford myself that level of friendship.

Be your own friend.

It's easier said than done at times, fuck me I know, but please... give it a whirl.

P

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Let me take a stab in the dark....

Told by others (those whom have some kind of "power" over you, so parent/spouse/teacher/caregiver) that you're not good enough?

That you need to try harder

That you're not gonna amount to anything unless you "XYZ"

That you're no oil painting

Did you lack hearing "I'm proud of you"?

Made to feel like nothing was good enough?

Made to feel like you weren't important?

Like your feelings didn't matter?

If something DID go wrong, was a case of "what did you expect, you're *insert put down/confidence knocker*

Self sabotage and me have known each other a while. It was a painful comfort blanket.

I don't do it half as much now, because I'm learning that I deserve to treat myself better because I AM worth it, regardless of what those who drummed into me I wasn't think.

I need to be my own friend, not my own foe.

I'm a good person to other people, so the least I can do is afford myself that level of friendship.

Be your own friend.

It's easier said than done at times, fuck me I know, but please... give it a whirl.

P

"

This is what I was getting at, but much more helpfully put. Yes. This. Someone get this lady a medal. And a drink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Let me take a stab in the dark....

Told by others (those whom have some kind of "power" over you, so parent/spouse/teacher/caregiver) that you're not good enough?

That you need to try harder

That you're not gonna amount to anything unless you "XYZ"

That you're no oil painting

Did you lack hearing "I'm proud of you"?

Made to feel like nothing was good enough?

Made to feel like you weren't important?

Like your feelings didn't matter?

If something DID go wrong, was a case of "what did you expect, you're *insert put down/confidence knocker*

Self sabotage and me have known each other a while. It was a painful comfort blanket.

I don't do it half as much now, because I'm learning that I deserve to treat myself better because I AM worth it, regardless of what those who drummed into me I wasn't think.

I need to be my own friend, not my own foe.

I'm a good person to other people, so the least I can do is afford myself that level of friendship.

Be your own friend.

It's easier said than done at times, fuck me I know, but please... give it a whirl.

P

This is what I was getting at, but much more helpfully put. Yes. This. Someone get this lady a medal. And a drink."

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P"

Very much. Maybe if I shrink my world and control every possible variable, worry about every tiny little thing, then I'll avert catastrophe. Because life is horrible and disaster is around every corner and I have to prepare for every eventuality. (That's anxiety, but I think it ties in with self sabotage)

It isn't true. We're wounded. We have to repair ourselves. It's hard, it sucks. But it's liberating.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Let me take a stab in the dark....

Told by others (those whom have some kind of "power" over you, so parent/spouse/teacher/caregiver) that you're not good enough?

That you need to try harder

That you're not gonna amount to anything unless you "XYZ"

That you're no oil painting

Did you lack hearing "I'm proud of you"?

Made to feel like nothing was good enough?

Made to feel like you weren't important?

Like your feelings didn't matter?

If something DID go wrong, was a case of "what did you expect, you're *insert put down/confidence knocker*

Self sabotage and me have known each other a while. It was a painful comfort blanket.

I don't do it half as much now, because I'm learning that I deserve to treat myself better because I AM worth it, regardless of what those who drummed into me I wasn't think.

I need to be my own friend, not my own foe.

I'm a good person to other people, so the least I can do is afford myself that level of friendship.

Be your own friend.

It's easier said than done at times, fuck me I know, but please... give it a whirl.

P

"

It’s good advice.

I wouldn’t spend too long on the past, we’ve all had shit , but the past doesn’t define the future , you do, but it is helpful to become self aware of why you feel like you do.if you spend too long there it will make you bitter and become a victim that ain’t move forward.

Get a mentor to journey with you , not a councillor. Mediate on your funeral and all the great things people will say about you.....

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By *hortarseWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk


"Let me take a stab in the dark....

Told by others (those whom have some kind of "power" over you, so parent/spouse/teacher/caregiver) that you're not good enough?

That you need to try harder

That you're not gonna amount to anything unless you "XYZ"

That you're no oil painting

Did you lack hearing "I'm proud of you"?

Made to feel like nothing was good enough?

Made to feel like you weren't important?

Like your feelings didn't matter?

If something DID go wrong, was a case of "what did you expect, you're *insert put down/confidence knocker*

Self sabotage and me have known each other a while. It was a painful comfort blanket.

I don't do it half as much now, because I'm learning that I deserve to treat myself better because I AM worth it, regardless of what those who drummed into me I wasn't think.

I need to be my own friend, not my own foe.

I'm a good person to other people, so the least I can do is afford myself that level of friendship.

Be your own friend.

It's easier said than done at times, fuck me I know, but please... give it a whirl.

P

This is what I was getting at, but much more helpfully put. Yes. This. Someone get this lady a medal. And a drink.

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P"

Yes it's all about trying to get back control. You put things so right p. I'm strictly with it right now but I know I'll get through it like I always have to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would seem every time I post a thread!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Let me take a stab in the dark....

Told by others (those whom have some kind of "power" over you, so parent/spouse/teacher/caregiver) that you're not good enough?

That you need to try harder

That you're not gonna amount to anything unless you "XYZ"

That you're no oil painting

Did you lack hearing "I'm proud of you"?

Made to feel like nothing was good enough?

Made to feel like you weren't important?

Like your feelings didn't matter?

If something DID go wrong, was a case of "what did you expect, you're *insert put down/confidence knocker*

Self sabotage and me have known each other a while. It was a painful comfort blanket.

I don't do it half as much now, because I'm learning that I deserve to treat myself better because I AM worth it, regardless of what those who drummed into me I wasn't think.

I need to be my own friend, not my own foe.

I'm a good person to other people, so the least I can do is afford myself that level of friendship.

Be your own friend.

It's easier said than done at times, fuck me I know, but please... give it a whirl.

P

It’s good advice.

I wouldn’t spend too long on the past, we’ve all had shit , but the past doesn’t define the future , you do, but it is helpful to become self aware of why you feel like you do.if you spend too long there it will make you bitter and become a victim that ain’t move forward.

Get a mentor to journey with you , not a councillor. Mediate on your funeral and all the great things people will say about you.....

"

For some therapy is a lifeline. I certainly needed several counsellors to help unravel my childhood trauma without inflicting further damage on myself. Which was how I set myself free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P

Very much. Maybe if I shrink my world and control every possible variable, worry about every tiny little thing, then I'll avert catastrophe. Because life is horrible and disaster is around every corner and I have to prepare for every eventuality. (That's anxiety, but I think it ties in with self sabotage)

It isn't true. We're wounded. We have to repair ourselves. It's hard, it sucks. But it's liberating."

I hear ya, and yes, I agree that anxiety ties in with it.

Daft things like yesterday, I was gonna carry the big mirror from the spare room into my room, but you have to cross the top of the stairs. I saw myself and the mirror crashing down. I haven't a clue if the average person has those images or not, but that can't be "normal" right?

The mirror is still in the spare room funnily enough!

If someone is late, I automatically head down the "they've had a car crash" route and have to talk myself round into the "there's probably been traffic" "they may have stopped off for food" way of thinking.

Don't get me wrong I'll take risks, but again, on MY terms.

P

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P

Very much. Maybe if I shrink my world and control every possible variable, worry about every tiny little thing, then I'll avert catastrophe. Because life is horrible and disaster is around every corner and I have to prepare for every eventuality. (That's anxiety, but I think it ties in with self sabotage)

It isn't true. We're wounded. We have to repair ourselves. It's hard, it sucks. But it's liberating.

I hear ya, and yes, I agree that anxiety ties in with it.

Daft things like yesterday, I was gonna carry the big mirror from the spare room into my room, but you have to cross the top of the stairs. I saw myself and the mirror crashing down. I haven't a clue if the average person has those images or not, but that can't be "normal" right?

The mirror is still in the spare room funnily enough!

If someone is late, I automatically head down the "they've had a car crash" route and have to talk myself round into the "there's probably been traffic" "they may have stopped off for food" way of thinking.

Don't get me wrong I'll take risks, but again, on MY terms.

P"

If I ask for what I need, I'll be mocked and shunned. If I believe in myself, I'll be torn down. If I trust, I'll be betrayed.

Sometimes these things are true. But the pain is temporary. I can escape. If I cripple myself I miss out on life and hurt myself more than anyone else can hurt me.

Anxiety exists to protect you. It needed to once upon a time. But you're bigger and stronger now. You've got this. It needs to stand down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P

Very much. Maybe if I shrink my world and control every possible variable, worry about every tiny little thing, then I'll avert catastrophe. Because life is horrible and disaster is around every corner and I have to prepare for every eventuality. (That's anxiety, but I think it ties in with self sabotage)

It isn't true. We're wounded. We have to repair ourselves. It's hard, it sucks. But it's liberating.

I hear ya, and yes, I agree that anxiety ties in with it.

Daft things like yesterday, I was gonna carry the big mirror from the spare room into my room, but you have to cross the top of the stairs. I saw myself and the mirror crashing down. I haven't a clue if the average person has those images or not, but that can't be "normal" right?

The mirror is still in the spare room funnily enough!

If someone is late, I automatically head down the "they've had a car crash" route and have to talk myself round into the "there's probably been traffic" "they may have stopped off for food" way of thinking.

Don't get me wrong I'll take risks, but again, on MY terms.

P

If I ask for what I need, I'll be mocked and shunned. If I believe in myself, I'll be torn down. If I trust, I'll be betrayed.

Sometimes these things are true. But the pain is temporary. I can escape. If I cripple myself I miss out on life and hurt myself more than anyone else can hurt me.

Anxiety exists to protect you. It needed to once upon a time. But you're bigger and stronger now. You've got this. It needs to stand down."

So fucking right.

So fucking sad, but so fucking right.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P

Very much. Maybe if I shrink my world and control every possible variable, worry about every tiny little thing, then I'll avert catastrophe. Because life is horrible and disaster is around every corner and I have to prepare for every eventuality. (That's anxiety, but I think it ties in with self sabotage)

It isn't true. We're wounded. We have to repair ourselves. It's hard, it sucks. But it's liberating.

I hear ya, and yes, I agree that anxiety ties in with it.

Daft things like yesterday, I was gonna carry the big mirror from the spare room into my room, but you have to cross the top of the stairs. I saw myself and the mirror crashing down. I haven't a clue if the average person has those images or not, but that can't be "normal" right?

The mirror is still in the spare room funnily enough!

If someone is late, I automatically head down the "they've had a car crash" route and have to talk myself round into the "there's probably been traffic" "they may have stopped off for food" way of thinking.

Don't get me wrong I'll take risks, but again, on MY terms.

P"

Arent those thoughts called 'intrusive thoughts' like if we are somewhere high we think of jumping off although we never would. Quite common I think if not all that pleasant.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Intrusive thoughts can be part of these issues, certainly. Although I'm certainly thinking of something more persistent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Aww thank you Swingy

It's just struck me too.

Part of it is being untrusting and insecure.

For me self sabotage was also an out of control form of control! If I screwed things over, at least it was done on MY terms. I was taking the power back in a twisted confused and backwards way, but I had it.

It's a form of taking back the power.... just misplaced and lost.

P

Very much. Maybe if I shrink my world and control every possible variable, worry about every tiny little thing, then I'll avert catastrophe. Because life is horrible and disaster is around every corner and I have to prepare for every eventuality. (That's anxiety, but I think it ties in with self sabotage)

It isn't true. We're wounded. We have to repair ourselves. It's hard, it sucks. But it's liberating.

I hear ya, and yes, I agree that anxiety ties in with it.

Daft things like yesterday, I was gonna carry the big mirror from the spare room into my room, but you have to cross the top of the stairs. I saw myself and the mirror crashing down. I haven't a clue if the average person has those images or not, but that can't be "normal" right?

The mirror is still in the spare room funnily enough!

If someone is late, I automatically head down the "they've had a car crash" route and have to talk myself round into the "there's probably been traffic" "they may have stopped off for food" way of thinking.

Don't get me wrong I'll take risks, but again, on MY terms.

P

Arent those thoughts called 'intrusive thoughts' like if we are somewhere high we think of jumping off although we never would. Quite common I think if not all that pleasant. "

It’s also catastrophising created by anxiety

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Insert the image "anxiety girl! Jumping to the worst conclusion in a single bound!"

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

It's like getting sucked in by qucksand.

It's not if it's going to happen..more a case of when

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Yes I used to be terrible for self sabotage. When you heard from an early stage in life you weren't wanted and a hindrance, you start to believe it. Your beaten and told it was your own doing, you believe it. You're constantly on high alert looking for signs of abuse. So then you go into overdrive to protect yourself over relatively small things.

This I have improved on so so much, by writing my thoughts before I act. For me personally that taking a step back and analysing what I feel has helped.

For me now, my self sabotage looks different. I put too much energy into some relationships/friendships that are toxic to me. It's an after affect of being told nobody wants me or that I'm inherently unlikeable. I struggle with walking away, I've improved the last few years where I've explained why I'm getting upset. And I've actually had the courage to walk away from people. It's not been an easy path and I've got a way to go. But if I look back on how far I've come I can honestly say I'm proud of myself.

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