FabSwingers.com forum: I didn't work for me so what about you?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First rule of fab.

Never trust anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"First rule of fab.

Never trust anyone."

Even outside of fab, that can be tricky too. At least here you understand what most want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confused

How can a friend with benefits, benefits meaning sex, how can that be strictly platonic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic? "

That sounds controlling, not friendly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘Follow the rules to call/text’

Eh?

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

Why would there be rules?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Can't say I've ever given or been given rules on when to call or text. I don't think I'd like it either.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Guessing there is a spouse in the picture who would notice texts/calls in the evening?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My understanding is that FWB means you are just friends, so message or reply when or if you want, and have sex if you both want it at the same time.....am I missing something?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"‘Follow the rules to call/text’

Eh? "

I had a friend who's culture made it difficult for him to have his own life. If his family found out it was 'all hell broke loose. I knew the girl aswell and she wanted more. It was quite awkward for them.

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic? "

Do you mean keep the messages / calls platonic ?

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic? "

Depends on how respectful they are...

I have this in a hot husband relationship, his wife and I came up with our boundaries so to be respectful of their marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely fwb is just that not to be at beckon call of a guy x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Guessing there is a spouse in the picture who would notice texts/calls in the evening?"

Like the situation I mentioned a short while ago, avoidance is most likely a reason

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

That sounds controlling, not friendly "

Well you don’t want them phoning when your spouse is sitting beside you do you ?

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

Depends on how respectful they are...

I have this in a hot husband relationship, his wife and I came up with our boundaries so to be respectful of their marriage."

Hot husband ? I'd like one of those to borrow

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

Do you mean keep the messages / calls platonic ? "

Nature of calls and messages could be whatever the two wish. I'm along the lines of if one developed stronger feelings and it made the other friendship awkward

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By *abonWoman
over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham

I don’t think it’s a case of ‘trusting’ them to remain platonic. Feelings can evolve up of down for both sides. It’s more a case of trusting that you’ll be truthful and kind to each other.

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

Do you mean keep the messages / calls platonic ?

Nature of calls and messages could be whatever the two wish. I'm along the lines of if one developed stronger feelings and it made the other friendship awkward

There is lots of apps and ways to hide conversations if they so wish too. If it's that much of a problem to your friend he could always block said person when inconvenient to take calls then unblock.

As for one developing feelings , I'd suggest they get together, discuss it and if a happy medium can't be found , they call it a day.

There is nothing more painful than unrequited lust/love and if that's the case you need to be kind and do the right thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was in the position to have a FWB, I don't think that is or should be rules, isn't being a FWB a completely free arrangement? Maybe I'm wrong, which might explain why I can't find one!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My understanding is that FWB means you are just friends, so message or reply when or if you want, and have sex if you both want it at the same time.....am I missing something? "

That is the definition. Only problem was feelings developed hence the awkwardness between them

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic? "
yes, I had a lady friend for over a year and we kept to our ground rules. It’s not difficult not to be a berk.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

Do you mean keep the messages / calls platonic ?

Nature of calls and messages could be whatever the two wish. I'm along the lines of if one developed stronger feelings and it made the other friendship awkward

There is lots of apps and ways to hide conversations if they so wish too. If it's that much of a problem to your friend he could always block said person when inconvenient to take calls then unblock.

As for one developing feelings , I'd suggest they get together, discuss it and if a happy medium can't be found , they call it a day.

There is nothing more painful than unrequited lust/love and if that's the case you need to be kind and do the right thing. "

Very true. I suppose once it reaches the point where one of them tip-toes around egg shells, it's no longer a 'happy medium'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I was in the position to have a FWB, I don't think that is or should be rules, isn't being a FWB a completely free arrangement? Maybe I'm wrong, which might explain why I can't find one!"

Depends on the circumstances like some above mentioned someone who's married so there will be rules. For the friend of mine it was culture and family etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feelings happen when you see someone regular. It's not a matter of trusting them to keep it platonic

I understand about not calling unless otherwise arranged but rules about when to text

. That sounds like it's all one sided

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"If I was in the position to have a FWB, I don't think that is or should be rules, isn't being a FWB a completely free arrangement? Maybe I'm wrong, which might explain why I can't find one!

Depends on the circumstances like some above mentioned someone who's married so there will be rules. For the friend of mine it was culture and family etc"
was he a single adult?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get the rules thing. Some people need it spelling out that there are certain times when contact isn't welcome. They should respect that. I wouldn't necessarily call it a rule, but at least people understand that. There are those of us with families and jobs and we don't want calls at certain times.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I don’t think it’s a case of ‘trusting’ them to remain platonic. Feelings can evolve up of down for both sides. It’s more a case of trusting that you’ll be truthful and kind to each other."

Agreed.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I get the rules thing. Some people need it spelling out that there are certain times when contact isn't welcome. They should respect that. I wouldn't necessarily call it a rule, but at least people understand that. There are those of us with families and jobs and we don't want calls at certain times. "
do you like calls at 9.25pm?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was just going to say something similar. Blimey me and you agreeing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I was in the position to have a FWB, I don't think that is or should be rules, isn't being a FWB a completely free arrangement? Maybe I'm wrong, which might explain why I can't find one!

Depends on the circumstances like some above mentioned someone who's married so there will be rules. For the friend of mine it was culture and family etcwas he a single adult?"

Yeah he was.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've found with my fwb, our friendship has gradually evolved over time, and we've been able to discuss it and process it together. We're aware of each other's boundaries and limitations, we respect them. We have great rapport and trust. We roll with the punches.

Respect and honest, clear communication seem to be the key to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've found with my fwb, our friendship has gradually evolved over time, and we've been able to discuss it and process it together. We're aware of each other's boundaries and limitations, we respect them. We have great rapport and trust. We roll with the punches.

Respect and honest, clear communication seem to be the key to me."

Bloody hell I agree with you too!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Big tits are nice

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Respect and honest, clear communication seem to be the key to me.

Bloody hell I agree with you too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good point, his concern/issue was his family but I chose not to partake in Q's and A's for that one

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

To me fwb's are exactly that. The friend part of it means respect, kindness, we like/love each other and shape our connection together according to needs, wants, desires. Hearts and feelings are part of it. The benefits part means intimacy and sex.

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"To me fwb's are exactly that. The friend part of it means respect, kindness, we like/love each other and shape our connection together according to needs, wants, desires. Hearts and feelings are part of it. The benefits part means intimacy and sex.

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

Yes.

I've laughed and cried with mine. He's very, very dear to me, I trust him with everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"‘Follow the rules to call/text’

Eh? "
code for married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

Hi, with complete and total due respect, you do seem to be describing almost a marriage you have with your FWB?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

Hi, with complete and total due respect, you do seem to be describing almost a marriage you have with your FWB?"

My FWB and I have this sort of thing, and no, really not. We're both emotionally and physically intimate. We care about each other. Our relationship changes over time. We live separately, communicate almost exclusively on Kik, see each other when we can.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"If I was in the position to have a FWB, I don't think that is or should be rules, isn't being a FWB a completely free arrangement? Maybe I'm wrong, which might explain why I can't find one!

Depends on the circumstances like some above mentioned someone who's married so there will be rules. For the friend of mine it was culture and family etcwas he a single adult?

Yeah he was."
so what business is it of anyones elses what he does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

Hi, with complete and total due respect, you do seem to be describing almost a marriage you have with your FWB?"

have you ever been married?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All my fwbs are that! First and foremost, total and completely friends! Never ever had rules, why would you have rules with friends? Slightly confused here ... seems more likely to be a bwf or fb relationship?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If someone has a partner, they'd probably be the ones who most want restrictions on the contact.

Many people use s shag SIM, to keep a division between different parts of their life.

I'd generally trust someone by experience and end it, if someone seemed to be getting involved.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

Hi, with complete and total due respect, you do seem to be describing almost a marriage you have with your FWB?

have you ever been married?"

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By *rincess9090Woman
over a year ago

leigh

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic? "

Depends on the situation and what you both agreed to. If your both single then there shouldn’t be any rules of texting etc.

Sooner or later one of you will end up with feelings and it gets harder and harder.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My FWB and I have been seeing each other for about two years now. No inappropriate feelings to date.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"All my fwbs are that! First and foremost, total and completely friends! Never ever had rules, why would you have rules with friends? Slightly confused here ... seems more likely to be a bwf or fb relationship? "

We all worked together and they were good friends to begin with, I they had a night then things developed but because of personal reasons he had his limitations. You're right I suppose its a cross between fwb and fb.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you trust a fwb to follow rules of when to call/txt? Or even trust them to keep it strictly platonic?

Depends on the situation and what you both agreed to. If your both single then there shouldn’t be any rules of texting etc.

Sooner or later one of you will end up with feelings and it gets harder and harder. "

Exactly what happened with them

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I would respect boundaries we have agreed on and if anything changes then I would want to feel comfy to bring it up for discussion.

Hi, with complete and total due respect, you do seem to be describing almost a marriage you have with your FWB?"

Except we don't argue about who puts the bin out!

I have more than one .. with different levels of friendship and contact. No obligation, no promises other than to be honest and respectful.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Yes. I have a lovely FWB. Over the last two years our rules have developed and we’ve talked a lot.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I've had some great FWB arrangements that have gone on for years. They knew not to phone me in the day because I'm at work but it wasn't a rule, I just wouldn't answer and they'd end up talking to my voicemail.

I've never set restrictions on messaging, but there's always been an understand that messages may not be returned immediately if either of us are busy; no spitting out of dummies over it.

I get the phone calls, but not the messages, not unless there's a spouse in the picture.

As for developing feelings I've loved all my FWBs, but I've never been in love with any of them. One of them developed deeper feelings and we had to stop seeing each other, but we're grown-arsed adults and can have that conversation! Ultimately if those deeper feelings aren't reciprocated I don't see any other way to deal with it than to end things - to drag it out would just be cruel.

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