FabSwingers.com forum: A man was found dead

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Covered in strawberry sauce a flake and sprinkles

The police think he topped himself

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Another man fell down a hole.

The Police are looking into it.

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

The inventor of the ice cream with a flake in it has just died.

He was 99

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just found an origami porn channel, shame its only paperview

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By *ame-room-no-swapCouple
over a year ago

Taunton

What do you call a £1 call girl for a heavy rock band ?

Quid pro quo

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Want to hear a jokey about paper?

Nevermind, it’s tearable.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

My mate committed suicide by drinking a gallon of varnish.

He had a terrible end, but a lovely finish!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The inventor of the ice cream with a flake in it has just died.

He was 99"

Hahahaha

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

What do you call a penis inside a delivery truck accompanied by a lesbian?

Dick Van Dyke

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

My mate Gav died yesterday from taking too many heartburn tablets. Can’t believe Gavisgon

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

"What do you call a penis inside a delivery truck accompanied by a lesbian?

Dick Van Dyke "

Hahahahaha

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

I hate trying to explain Puns to Kleptomaniacs. They always take things literally.

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

What do you call a man that swims the English Channel with no arms and no legs?

Clever dick

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My mate Gav died yesterday from taking too many heartburn tablets. Can’t believe Gavisgon "

Hahahaha awww mate crying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Conjunctivitis.com now theres a site for sure eyes...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Covered in strawberry sauce a flake and sprinkles

The police think he topped himself "
that isnt funny at all. Shame on you.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

"My mate Gav died yesterday from taking too many heartburn tablets. Can’t believe Gavisgon

Hahahaha awww mate crying

An oldie but a goldie!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My mate Gav died yesterday from taking too many heartburn tablets. Can’t believe Gavisgon

Hahahaha awww mate crying

An oldie but a goldie!"

There the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Due to the sad state of my sex life, I have decided to convert to Islam

My new name is,

Seldom Bin Laid

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

I bought some shoes from a dr ug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

The man who invented the hokey y passed away last week. It's been a sad time for his family, especially the funeral arrangements. They chose a coffin, they put his left leg in.... and that's when the trouble began.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

A short Psychic broke out of jail. They were a small medium at large.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Bought my Ma a Bonnie Tyler Sat Nav for her Birthday. It kept telling her to turn around and every now and then it fell apart.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Proper guffaws here ! Loving these. You lot have made me smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm loving these.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare but he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got nothing to add, except that I love these

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

My Ex used to hit me with Stringed Instruments. She had a history of Violins.

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By *at mustard 69CoolMan
over a year ago

llandudno

I used to date a homeless woman, it was great,. Sex was good and at the end of the night you could just drop her anywhere .

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

My policeman friend arrested two youths last week. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

He charged one and let the other one off.....

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By *at mustard 69CoolMan
over a year ago

llandudno

My auntie Marge has been in hospital for months , so ill they still do t know what's up

I can't believe she's not better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the agnostic , dyslexic, insomniac ,

He used to lie awake Avery night , wondering if there really was a dog !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know a thief who stole a calendar.

He got twelve months.

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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock

Don't ever watch a porno in 3D.

I got a knob in the eye

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A transylvanian man has been found dead surrounded by sausage rolls, with a silver platter embedded in his head.

Police have arrested Buffet the Vampire Slayer

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

What do you call a man with a spade on his head... Doug

What do you call a man without a spade on his head...Douglas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex got mad that I had no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

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By *ilverfox2936Man
over a year ago

Prescot

I saw this advert in a window that said:

“Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.”

I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The difference between a boner and a bonus is your wife will always blow the bonus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last week I was diagnosed as colour blind. It was a big surprise. It was totally out of the green.

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By *ilverfox2936Man
over a year ago

Prescot

I’m devastated, I’ve just been sacked from the calendar factory for taking a couple of days off.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

My grief counsellor died today. He was so good at his job that I didn't give a fuck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

Two men on different sides of the world.

One doing the highest ever tightrope walk.

The other getting a blowjob from an 80 year old lady.

Both thinking the same thing. What is it??

Don't look down.. dont look down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bought my Ma a Bonnie Tyler Sat Nav for her Birthday. It kept telling her to turn around and every now and then it fell apart."

Proper giggled at this one, nice one dude xx

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

The Grim Reaper came for me last night & I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death!

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By *4pu55yMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?

A sour puss!!

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By *ertnsarahCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

I was attacked by some little ginger boy doing martial arts, turned out to be the carroty kid!

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By *4pu55yMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

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By *4pu55yMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

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By *ice But Very NaughtyCouple
over a year ago

Swansea

These have made me (her) giggle, I have a silly sense of humour...love them thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can now get viagra eye drops

Makes you look hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m reading a book about gravity

It’s impossible to put down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did the picture end up in jail ?

It was framed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a man walked into a bar OUCH it was an iron bar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which tight bastard put an ‘S’ in the word “Lisp”?........

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

"You can now get viagra eye drops

Makes you look hard "

But if you don't swallow them quickly you get a stiff neck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a man with a spade on his head... Doug

What do you call a man without a spade on his head...Douglas.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can now get viagra eye drops

Makes you look hard

But if you don't swallow them quickly you get a stiff neck."

I take them before playing football, makes me harder in the tackle.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"What do you call a man with a spade on his head... Doug

What do you call a man without a spade on his head...Douglas.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell "

What do you call a man with no ideas?

Geoff Bob

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Conjunctivitis.com now theres a site for sure eyes...

Sore not sure

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.

She seemed surprised.

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By *orthwalesman40Man
over a year ago

Rhyl

Did you hear that a cheese factory exploded in france yesterday.... there was dbrie everywhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went 'T'PAU!' I said 'Don't you mean KAPOW??' He said 'No, I've got china in my hand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks into a pub opposite a hospital. Wearing a hospital gown and pulling along a drip.

He sits at the bar.

'Barman give me a triple whiskey!'

Barman grabs a bottle and pours the drink for the frail looking man. He picks it up and downs it in one and slams the empty glass down.

'One more!'

The barman pours another and the guy picks it up, downs it and again slams it on the bar.

'Another!'

The barman takes pity and pours one more.

The man raises it, takes a sip and says

'I shouldn't be drinking this with what I've got!'

To which the barman replies

'Why what have you got?'

'10p' says the man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went 'T'PAU!' I said 'Don't you mean KAPOW??' He said 'No, I've got china in my hand."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. He's a catholic converter

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

"What do you call a man with a spade on his head... Doug

What do you call a man without a spade on his head...Douglas.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell "

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sister Matic

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By *ubbermaidbabyCouple
over a year ago

clwyd

"Two men on different sides of the world.

One doing the highest ever tightrope walk.

The other getting a blowjob from an 80 year old lady.

Both thinking the same thing. What is it??

Don't look down.. dont look down. "

Love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandad.

Not screaming and crying like the passengers on his bus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?

A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?

A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

We can have sex and think of your sister at the same time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?

A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

We can have sex and think of your sister at the same time

I don't have a sister but I do have three brothers, you really can multi-task

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?

A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

We can have sex and think of your sister at the same time

I don't have a sister but I do have three brothers, you really can multi-task

Hahaha.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

A man was found dead in a vat of falafel condiment. Police are treating it as a hummuscide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before he passed away, we spread lard on our grandfathers back.

But he went downhill quick after that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Called a helpline today about my tinnitus.

Got nothing but ringing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a woman who likes small cocks?

Your wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?

A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

"
was that hubby that said that you traitor

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By *oyo2Man
over a year ago

nottingham

All the toilets were stolen from the local police station,they have nothing to go on

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

A man has been reported for drilling a hole in the fence to the nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a coffin & condom?

Ones for going in

Ones for cumming in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lorry has overturned on the motorway full of wigs,,,,, police are combing the area

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of these are great

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

What do you call a naked woman sitting in a strawberry field?

Jammy c$nt.

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By *llure sensuelleWoman
over a year ago

right here

Very amusing x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Schofe has done a runner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the park the other day and wondered what this disk shaped object coming towards me was

And then it hit me!

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

I've just dipped my penis into a tub of Lurpak.

I now have a knob of butter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was driving on the motorway there behind an Ann Summers lorry, all of a sudden its doors burst open and aw these dildos flew oot everywhere... A black one smacked off ma windscreen, the wean seen it and started screamed 'Daddy daddy wit was that'? I said 'its just a wee birdy dont worry'... she said 'just a wee birdy? It had some size a willy on it'!!

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By *iamond coupleCouple
over a year ago

leeds

A drugs company brought out a new pill. 50% viagra 50% Prozac. If you don’t get a fuck, you don’t give a fuck.

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By *iamond coupleCouple
over a year ago

leeds

A Geordie walks int a bar and asks for a can of Newcastle Brown. After the barman handed it to him he turned it upside dow, emptied it and proceeded to squash it flat underfoot. He picked up the flat can, placed it between 2 slices of bread and proceeded to eat it. It was a beer can sandwich

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

Why do golfers wear two pairs trousers ?

In case they get a hole in one.

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By *ayMaxxxMan
over a year ago

Windsor

When I'm away from home I often get lovesick.

Well, the doctors call it Clamydia.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's Forrest Gump email password?

1forrest1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rip. Was such a lovely man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to order an Indian take away the other day and the waiter recommended a chicken tarka massala.

It's just like a normal tikka dish,only this ones a little otter

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By *ingAlMan
over a year ago

hereford

My friends in a bad way through drugs, now he thinks he's a daffodil, been taken into care,they say he won't be out till spring

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By *ice But Very NaughtyCouple
over a year ago

Swansea

What do you get if you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

The quickest way to make Antifreeze, just stealbher blanket.

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By *alvenieMan
over a year ago

Bouncing Between Swindon and Weston

Two fish in a tank,

One says to the other,

Do you know how to drive this thing....

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By *ingAlMan
over a year ago

hereford

Storm Dennis has claimed its first victims, the bodies of four black men have found floating in the floodwaters, they think it might be the Drifters

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot."

Hahahaha fucking hell geezer

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Hahahaha fucking hell geezer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a magician who's lost his magic

Ian

I'm here all week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the definition of frustration?

A one armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do you call a magician who's lost his magic

Ian

I'm here all week

Bit controversial that one

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"What do you call a magician who's lost his magic

Ian

But not in Scotland!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a magician who's lost his magic

Ian

I'm here all week

Bit controversial that one

Saving my best for the WI Sunday scone meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Storm Dennis has claimed its first victims, the bodies of four black men have found floating in the floodwaters, they think it might be the Drifters "

Can't wait to see the comments against this one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Storm Dennis has claimed its first victims, the bodies of four black men have found floating in the floodwaters, they think it might be the Drifters

Can't wait to see the comments against this one

Fuck the comments that’s fucking hilarious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every night before bed I pull off my boxers.

I really spoil those 2 dogs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Every night before bed I pull off my boxers.

I really spoil those 2 dogs"

Hahahaha hahahaha..... crying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A load of books have just fallen on my girlfriends head !... she only her shelf to blame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every night before bed I pull off my boxers.

I really spoil those 2 dogs"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Premature ejaculator seeks big tired long legged.....

....nevermind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A snail wins the lottery

Goes into a rolls royce garage and orders a new roller

He tells the sales man " I want an S painted on the roof...I want an S painted on the bonett and I want an S painted on all the doors"

"Certainly Mr Snail, but may I ask why ? " said the sales man

" Yes when I drive down the road I want everybody to say ...look at that S car go...."

Goodnight ladies and gentlemen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A snail wins the lottery

Goes into a rolls royce garage and orders a new roller

He tells the sales man " I want an S painted on the roof...I want an S painted on the bonett and I want an S painted on all the doors"

"Certainly Mr Snail, but may I ask why ? " said the sales man

" Yes when I drive down the road I want everybody to say ...look at that S car go...."

Goodnight ladies and gentlemen "

Twat

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

A man who swallowed £250,000 is still ill in hospital doctors say there is little change in sight.

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By *ame-room-no-swapCouple
over a year ago

Taunton

Without being paid for it, I’m giving my support to the lead singer of U2. It’s Pro Bono work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awh, I'm terrible at jokes. I always punch up the fuckline

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

My mate died of heartburn the other day !! Can't believe Gaviscon

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Two birds sitting on a perch

The one says to the other

Can you smell fish?

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"just found an origami porn channel, shame its only paperview"
it folded

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

What's brown and sticky ?

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By *ornLordMan
over a year ago

Wiltshire and London

"What's brown and sticky ? "

A stick

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By *ornLordMan
over a year ago

Wiltshire and London

"Two birds sitting on a perch

The one says to the other

Can you smell fish?"

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I stopped at a roadside snack van as I was getting hungry. I placed my order. The woman cooking put a burger under her armpit.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Defrosting it", she replied.

She then put another burger in her other armpit.

"Defrosting?" I asked.

"Yes", she replied.

"Cancel my hotdog!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i took my wife to a remote Indonesian parenthian island but she found her way back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I stopped at a roadside snack van as I was getting hungry. I placed my order. The woman cooking put a burger under her armpit.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Defrosting it", she replied.

She then put another burger in her other armpit.

"Defrosting?" I asked.

"Yes", she replied.

"Cancel my hotdog!""

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Covered in strawberry sauce a flake and sprinkles

The police think he topped himself

that isnt funny at all. Shame on you."

Possibly the funniest post on the whole thread.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend overdosed in curry powder yesterday.

Luckily he's still alive but he is in a Korma

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My friend overdosed in curry powder yesterday.

Luckily he's still alive but he is in a Korma "

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By *xelf787Man
over a year ago

Chorlton, Manchester

I was walking past Strangeways with my mate who is not very politically correct. A window opened and we saw a little fellow climb down the wall on a rope made of bed sheets. My mate said " Look at that dwarf coming diwn the wall" I corrected him and said " No mate that's a little condescending"!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once knew a escort called Polo

She made a mint with her hole

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend fell into an upholstery machine at work, he should be fully recovered in a week.

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

My mate used to have a paper shop , it blew away in the wind .

Velcro is a rip off .

Crazy paving isn’t as good as its cracked up to be .

Stay safe

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By *r Rubba LoverMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Might be a touch contraversial this one.

I found out today I had a relative died at Auswich........he fell out of the guard tower...

**cringes**

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I shared a cream egg with Arnold Schwarzenegger once, he said have to love Easter baby.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might be a touch contraversial this one.

I found out today I had a relative died at Auswich........he fell out of the guard tower...

**cringes**"

Too soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The man who invented predictive text died yesterday

His funfair is next Monkey

Rust in piss

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Covered in strawberry sauce a flake and sprinkles

The police think he topped himself

that isnt funny at all. Shame on you.

Possibly the funniest post on the whole thread.....

I broka ma garden gate yesterday, some people took offense...

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By *hilliandspiceMan
over a year ago

Wimborne

Loving all of these, thank you to all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently, a large hole has been discovered in the fence at Eureka's

The Police are looking into it

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By *irty Boy-123Man
over a year ago

wirral

What do you call a Velcro sanitary towel?

A bloody rip off.

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

The man who invented auto correct has died.

May he roast in piss

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hahahaha what the fuck you lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloke goes to the GUM clinic for a check up, he whips his cock out and its made of liquorice. Doctor says to him "looks like you've been shagging allsorts mate"...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

With jam in, and he hopes you like jam in too.

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By *ensual mMan
over a year ago

conwy

Whats the most sensitive part of your body whilst masturbating.

Your ears listning out for someone coming up the stairs.

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By *aybr3Man
over a year ago

London

This is really fab funny!

You are making my whole contact list smiling today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Police caught a man in the act of drinking battery acid.They threw him in the cells and said they'd charge him in the morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll never forget my grandads last words - Fuck me a bus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jokes about sugar are rare.

Jokes about brown sugar, demerara!

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

Why was the guitar teacher fired? For fingering A minor

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why was the guitar teacher fired? For fingering A minor "

Oi oi tosspot

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

"Why was the guitar teacher fired? For fingering A minor

Oi oi tosspot

Whassup mingebag!

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