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Actions not words

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that?

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Depends in what way they wanted them

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Depends in what way they wanted them "

We went *there* early in this thread

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

I think it’s fairly simple/obvious personally? It usually pertains to behaviours in some way, so you either just start doing it or stop doing it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I already do it. So does jay we tell each other we love each other all the while but little things like him putting my coat on for me and doing the buttons up for me.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

In a relationship you can’t keep making promises (words) to someone and not act on them. I see this so frequently where one half of the partnership gives the other half of the partnership chance after chance to get their act together. I think it’s really hurtful when people make promises in or out of a relationship and don’t follow them through. It’s a commitment and even more so when you’re supposed to love someone. Promises made to children should always be kept if you know you won’t keep them don’t make them. They will think breaking promises is acceptable through life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find a way to show them that I care. It can be as simple as kiss in the cheek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you’re asking someone to change a behaviour, it’s too easy for them to say ‘yes ok I’ll do better’ it’s something that needs to be proved over time by actually making those changes and showing that it’s not just lip service

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that? "

Stop doing whatever it is that's annoying her and do what will make her happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find a way to show them that I care. It can be as simple as kiss in the cheek "

Have I read this wrong . I’m hopeless, I promise to try harder

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that? "

shut up and start doing.

I think it means showing you love someone by deed because words mean nothing if they aren't backed up by actions.

That's why I always make Mr N's breakfast and he cleans my car

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that? "

I would make every effort to ensure that person felt loved, appreciated and desired by doing whatever was within my power to do so.

Little things mean alot to me.

Jo.Xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

op have you read the Guardian article

"Love isn't Valentines and roses. It's holding hands in A&E"

that about sums it up for me

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"op have you read the Guardian article

"Love isn't Valentines and roses. It's holding hands in A&E"

that about sums it up for me "

I haven't actually!

I might go and have a look at that.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

It’s a true phrase used for good and bad connotations ‘actions speak louder than words’. Just like someone who says ‘sorry’ but then goes and does the same thing again, the words are meaningless unless their actions prove them differently

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I thinks its the same for different relationships, love, family, friends...

If you consistently say XXX but do YYY then people will feel let down or that you are untrustworthy.

Xx

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere


"It’s a true phrase used for good and bad connotations ‘actions speak louder than words’. Just like someone who says ‘sorry’ but then goes and does the same thing again, the words are meaningless unless their actions prove them differently "

This.

Don't say one thing and then do another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s a true phrase used for good and bad connotations ‘actions speak louder than words’. Just like someone who says ‘sorry’ but then goes and does the same thing again, the words are meaningless unless their actions prove them differently "

I was going to say exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that? "

Show them if you can.

I'll use an example of myself, I am after all the expert on me.

I need a fair amount of reassurance, patience and kid gloves at times, resulting from baggage and toxic people. I also need straight talking at the same time. Complicated little fucker or what?

Well, being in a new relationship and handing another the ability to crush my trust and heart has been difficult, even more than that with it being a swinging relationship it's opening that up a step further and allowing others who I don't know that same ability. That's fucking tough, and that's the bit I struggle with the absolute most. These other people have no loyalty to me like B does, some people are nasty, toxic and the epitome of evil, others are sent from heaven.

It's taken me a long time to get to where I am arriving at, which is a place where I can accept that the swinging side is for physical pleasure. Of course there have been people I already trusted and would allow into our bed if desired, but that opportunity never arose.

The some of reassurance B has given me has been in words, but in truth as much as I believed them, I didn't KNOW. You can believe something but not know it for sure. Like God, some people believe in God, but they don't categorically know.

The truth has been reached in my mind by his actions, and those actions were ..... nothing!

He hasn't pressured me into meets, although we've talked extensively. He hasn't turned the thumb screws into meeting alone, I've been the one applying the pressure there to be ok with it (which is the one that's gonna take the longest time to be secure about)

What I'm saying is, by giving me the time to get comfortable, that alone has been what I've needed, and we're now heading to a party in less than a fortnight where unless there's a Coronavirus outbreak, sexual shenanigans with other people WILL be happening.... and I'm not only cool with it, but I'm excited about the prospect.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have an allergy to drama. Talking about feelings and crap usually brings it on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that?

Show them if you can.

I'll use an example of myself, I am after all the expert on me.

I need a fair amount of reassurance, patience and kid gloves at times, resulting from baggage and toxic people. I also need straight talking at the same time. Complicated little fucker or what?

Well, being in a new relationship and handing another the ability to crush my trust and heart has been difficult, even more than that with it being a swinging relationship it's opening that up a step further and allowing others who I don't know that same ability. That's fucking tough, and that's the bit I struggle with the absolute most. These other people have no loyalty to me like B does, some people are nasty, toxic and the epitome of evil, others are sent from heaven.

It's taken me a long time to get to where I am arriving at, which is a place where I can accept that the swinging side is for physical pleasure. Of course there have been people I already trusted and would allow into our bed if desired, but that opportunity never arose.

The some of reassurance B has given me has been in words, but in truth as much as I believed them, I didn't KNOW. You can believe something but not know it for sure. Like God, some people believe in God, but they don't categorically know.

The truth has been reached in my mind by his actions, and those actions were ..... nothing!

He hasn't pressured me into meets, although we've talked extensively. He hasn't turned the thumb screws into meeting alone, I've been the one applying the pressure there to be ok with it (which is the one that's gonna take the longest time to be secure about)

What I'm saying is, by giving me the time to get comfortable, that alone has been what I've needed, and we're now heading to a party in less than a fortnight where unless there's a Coronavirus outbreak, sexual shenanigans with other people WILL be happening.... and I'm not only cool with it, but I'm excited about the prospect.

P"

Yay!!

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I already do it. So does jay we tell each other we love each other all the while but little things like him putting my coat on for me and doing the buttons up for me. "

As an independant women this makes me cringe. A man putting on my coat and doing up my buttons to me is patronising as i am an adult not a child. Action speak louder than words?. Go onto youtube and listen to Show me from My Fair Lady. Just bloody kiss me instead of saying you want to kiss me

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I already do it. So does jay we tell each other we love each other all the while but little things like him putting my coat on for me and doing the buttons up for me.

As an independant women this makes me cringe. A man putting on my coat and doing up my buttons to me is patronising as i am an adult not a child. Action speak louder than words?. Go onto youtube and listen to Show me from My Fair Lady. Just bloody kiss me instead of saying you want to kiss me"
every relationship is different and mine suits me down to the ground. I like being wrapped up in cotton wool.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I already do it. So does jay we tell each other we love each other all the while but little things like him putting my coat on for me and doing the buttons up for me.

As an independant women this makes me cringe. A man putting on my coat and doing up my buttons to me is patronising as i am an adult not a child. Action speak louder than words?. Go onto youtube and listen to Show me from My Fair Lady. Just bloody kiss me instead of saying you want to kiss meevery relationship is different and mine suits me down to the ground. I like being wrapped up in cotton wool. "

And i am happy for you. Maybe deep down i am envious of what i have never had in life. Maybe its turned me into a hardened, stubborn person who fends for herself. Maybe one day when i need help to put a coat on and do up buttons there will be nobody there to help me. Time will tell.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll flip my previous example on it's head too.

I think he also needed to see I was trying to be cool with things. Although I had said I'd need time, I also had to make an effort.

I have probably applied too much pressure on myself over the last year and half, but that was me trying to fix myself and change how I felt with regards to swinging.

I did a massive amount of soul searching, I have done research, self help and meditation. We also spoke about where I, he and we wanted to be in the future.

So we have the goal, it's just the how to get there. That's the mofo. If you knew those answers it would be a finger snapping jobbie but it wasn't.

So in my internal work and communication, B could see I've been trying to get to the mindset I needed for us to do this without so much worry, with it being the fun it's meant to be and the "extra" to our relationship rather than the basis of our relationship. That in turn has given him the patience needed to give me the time needed.

Give n take.

Patience

Effort

But most of all .... communication.

P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Start miming

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

an example of actions v words.

Some time ago my mum had a heart attack and I was looking after her while she recovered. I met my sister in law and some of her friends in town, she put her arm round me and told her friends "we" had been looking after mum. She'd visited once and laid on the bed with her and cried .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other person has an idea of what they want or expect from you in your relationship and wants you to take action and make their expectations happen, as opposed to talking about what you gonna do and never getting around to it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All those small simple human actions that demonstrate that we live our lives in a way that matches our words and our relationship with another perhaps?

Although I have seen the same comment used on here as a weapon with which to beat others....

Yet if the words and actions match if we are authentic in our lives and relationships then hopefully our words and actions match, if we are ever given the opportunity to demonstrate that. Usually that only ever happens in the outside world rather than by disembodied messages on fab.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that? "

Every relationship has its own dynamic, but to me personally it would mean - loyalty, trust and respect - no amount of words could speak louder than those and in the right situation one would hope mutually reciprocated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that?

Every relationship has its own dynamic, but to me personally it would mean - loyalty, trust and respect - no amount of words could speak louder than those and in the right situation one would hope mutually reciprocated. "

You said it sooooo much simpler than I did

P

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"During a conversation with a friend today, this subject came up and it's set me thinking. I've heard this phrase quite a few times in many aspects of life and in specific; affairs of the heart, I was wondering though, what does that actually look like to you personally?

If someone said that they wanted actions not words in a relationship, how would you go about doing that?

Every relationship has its own dynamic, but to me personally it would mean - loyalty, trust and respect - no amount of words could speak louder than those and in the right situation one would hope mutually reciprocated.

You said it sooooo much simpler than I did

P"

Means the same though P!

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