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Skeletons

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I'm aware that it's the nature of the site that many, if not most, people keep things hidden for personal, privacy and safety issues. However there are often more sinister reasons and intents behind such secrecy.

Following on from the 'who do you miss' thread, I'm aware that some people fondly remembered have dark secrets. It's not my place to reveal them but it's got me thinking; what revelations would make you rethink your evaluation of a person?

I realise that this is a personal thing for everyone, but if you found out that a fondly remembered forumite was a fake, a cheat, etc. Where would you draw the line?

Where is the tipping point for you where the forum persona and kind words can't outweigh the skeletons they hide?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a dark, dark town there was a dark, dark street

and in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark house,

and in the dark, dark house there were some dark, dark stairs

and down the dark, dark stairs there was a dark, dark cellar

and in the dark dark cellar….

Three skeletons lived!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dish the dirt, Tea, spit it out? What do you know, and about whom??

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

An interesting post.

As many people know I'm extremely cynical and take nothing and nobody at face value on the internet. I often think "yeah, but what are you really like?".

I think that extreme cruelty of any sort would make me reconsider.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Oh oh have you got skeletons op? Are you testing the water?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People have the right to privacy and as long as it is not harming anyone, then I dont see the problem.

I have a life away from the site that I keep very separate and never let the two lives cross each other

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Dish the dirt, Tea, spit it out? What do you know, and about whom?? "

Let's just assume that I know everything and work backwards from there

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Oh oh have you got skeletons op? Are you testing the water? "

Haha!

*nervous gulp*

I think my skeletons are well documented!

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"People have the right to privacy and as long as it is not harming anyone, then I dont see the problem.

I have a life away from the site that I keep very separate and never let the two lives cross each other "

Yes, I recognise that. It's not what I'm asking though...

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I try to see the best in people much to my suffering usually but I think if there were obvious lies or cruelty then I'd absolutely change my stance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t trust anyone

Cynical but that’s me

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"An interesting post.

As many people know I'm extremely cynical and take nothing and nobody at face value on the internet. I often think "yeah, but what are you really like?".

I think that extreme cruelty of any sort would make me reconsider."

I feel fairly similar. The issue of extreme cruelty raises the question; to whom and what constitutes extreme? To a cheated partner, that might be considered extreme.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I try to see the best in people much to my suffering usually but I think if there were obvious lies or cruelty then I'd absolutely change my stance."

Yes, you do. It's one of the things that I love about you.

What constitutes cruelty to you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it depends what you would define as ‘skeleton’. If somebody had a bit of a past- not my business. Wouldn’t judge them for it. If someone had a secret wife and kids back home, then I would end all communication. The wife and kids aren’t ‘skeletons’ they’re people. The dude in question would just be a Dickhead.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Don’t trust anyone

Cynical but that’s me"

I'm not quite that extreme but it does take a lot to gain my trust and it can be lost very quickly

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been."

Agreed.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Aside from the usual unforgiveable crimes, how much of the tittle tattle is to believed when much of it comes 3rd, 4th,or 20th hand.

I take people on their own merit now as trusting gossip about said skeletons has led me down very wrong paths about bloody lovely people. Pot stirring is abound.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I trust myself absolutely. There are limits to my trust in anyone else.

There are people on here whose personas I like, some that I like a lot. I trust a few people a small amount and I don't trust that the site persona and the real person are the same.

Once we meet, then I maybe will trust more depending on the person. I've trusted some more than others on meeting.

Maybe I'm just cynical but I've been doing the online thing a very long time.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been."

Definitely this, however when it comes to some things I do think we as users have a responsibility not to facilitate behaviour unbecoming. Remember you’re online and frequently not all is as it seems. If something appears too good to be true it probably is. I’ve had my own set of rules regarding Fab and meeting etc. When I followed them no problems, however when I didn’t I only had myself to blame that I was disappointed. Don’t allow these unscrupulous people to have skeletons where possible x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don’t trust anyone

Cynical but that’s me

I'm not quite that extreme but it does take a lot to gain my trust and it can be lost very quickly "

Yes, extreme and a knee jerk post.

I don’t trust anyone to begin with, words are easily said, promises made etc but the truth is, the majority on here will tell ‘selective truths’

My first experiences on here this time have made me more wary - I’ll keep a distance, keep a wall up until I believe I can trust.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

They've not been added to my will, for a generous windfall, nor abused me, so I'd take the same approach as with everyone else in life. You can't evaluate based on a near infinite range of possibilities, so I'd handle it based on what I know and my assessment of them. Don't overthink things. People are generally good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the forum persona that often worries me

There's too much over sharing and I'd never be trusting of that

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Aside from the usual unforgiveable crimes, how much of the tittle tattle is to believed when much of it comes 3rd, 4th,or 20th hand.

I take people on their own merit now as trusting gossip about said skeletons has led me down very wrong paths about bloody lovely people. Pot stirring is abound.

"

Gossip is exactly that, I let myself be the judge. Bat shit crazy soon shows itself..........the truth will out and any other cliches you’d care to add x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t really understand what’s being asked here but I’m hungry and not firing on all cylinders.

In my case the worst thing people could say is that I’m actually not a cunt and quite sweet behind closed doors.

I wouldn’t meet anyone that had done any illegal harm to anyone against their wishes, for obvious reasons.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Aside from the usual unforgiveable crimes, how much of the tittle tattle is to believed when much of it comes 3rd, 4th,or 20th hand.

I take people on their own merit now as trusting gossip about said skeletons has led me down very wrong paths about bloody lovely people. Pot stirring is abound.

"

This is true and gossip is a part of that and sadly rife. I've been the subject of gossip myself and its awful but when it's direct from trusted friends and primary sources, there's little refuting it.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been.

Definitely this, however when it comes to some things I do think we as users have a responsibility not to facilitate behaviour unbecoming. Remember you’re online and frequently not all is as it seems. If something appears too good to be true it probably is. I’ve had my own set of rules regarding Fab and meeting etc. When I followed them no problems, however when I didn’t I only had myself to blame that I was disappointed. Don’t allow these unscrupulous people to have skeletons where possible x"

Just to clarify, are you saying to 'out' these people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aside from the usual unforgiveable crimes, how much of the tittle tattle is to believed when much of it comes 3rd, 4th,or 20th hand.

I take people on their own merit now as trusting gossip about said skeletons has led me down very wrong paths about bloody lovely people. Pot stirring is abound.

"

This

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"I try to see the best in people much to my suffering usually but I think if there were obvious lies or cruelty then I'd absolutely change my stance.

Yes, you do. It's one of the things that I love about you.

What constitutes cruelty to you? "

Purposely hurting anyone, emotionally, physically or mentally.

No excuse for hurting others, it's a weak trait.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I try to see the best in people much to my suffering usually but I think if there were obvious lies or cruelty then I'd absolutely change my stance.

Yes, you do. It's one of the things that I love about you.

What constitutes cruelty to you?

Purposely hurting anyone, emotionally, physically or mentally.

No excuse for hurting others, it's a weak trait. "

Agreed

Lots do it though, which is incredibly sad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are usually three sides to every story. Yours theirs and the reality which may be somewhere in the middle.

Gossip can be corrosive, and no doubt we all have skeletons and things we prefer remain in the past.

Trust is relative to our own perceptions as is truth. Both can be hard won and easily broken, especially if we break that trust by spreading gossip rumour or even anothers secrets.

None of us are perfect, and maybe we all need to seek redemption at times.

So rather than listen to such things I will trust my own judgement even if I sometimes get it wrong and let life unfold as it will...

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been.

Definitely this, however when it comes to some things I do think we as users have a responsibility not to facilitate behaviour unbecoming. Remember you’re online and frequently not all is as it seems. If something appears too good to be true it probably is. I’ve had my own set of rules regarding Fab and meeting etc. When I followed them no problems, however when I didn’t I only had myself to blame that I was disappointed. Don’t allow these unscrupulous people to have skeletons where possible x

Just to clarify, are you saying to 'out' these people? "

No I’m saying the internet has it’s fair share of unscrupulous people and it’s a good thing to remember that when interacting online. Be alert, use your gut don’t fall for everything you’re told. Believing everything online is a recipe for disaster including gossip. By being vigilant some of the ‘skeletons’ are preventable x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a dark, dark town there was a dark, dark street

and in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark house,

and in the dark, dark house there were some dark, dark stairs

and down the dark, dark stairs there was a dark, dark cellar

and in the dark dark cellar….

Three skeletons lived!

"

I've got a feeling I used to read that to my son do you know what it's called?

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"There are usually three sides to every story. Yours theirs and the reality which may be somewhere in the middle.

Gossip can be corrosive, and no doubt we all have skeletons and things we prefer remain in the past.

Trust is relative to our own perceptions as is truth. Both can be hard won and easily broken, especially if we break that trust by spreading gossip rumour or even anothers secrets.

None of us are perfect, and maybe we all need to seek redemption at times.

So rather than listen to such things I will trust my own judgement even if I sometimes get it wrong and let life unfold as it will...

"

I see what you're saying on the nature of gossip and to a certain degree about truth vs hearsay. I'm not discussing that though, I'm taking about facts and truths about people that have been kept hidden and then revealed.

It's not a case of trusting judgement, it's a case of the reality of a person.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been.

Definitely this, however when it comes to some things I do think we as users have a responsibility not to facilitate behaviour unbecoming. Remember you’re online and frequently not all is as it seems. If something appears too good to be true it probably is. I’ve had my own set of rules regarding Fab and meeting etc. When I followed them no problems, however when I didn’t I only had myself to blame that I was disappointed. Don’t allow these unscrupulous people to have skeletons where possible x

Just to clarify, are you saying to 'out' these people?

No I’m saying the internet has it’s fair share of unscrupulous people and it’s a good thing to remember that when interacting online. Be alert, use your gut don’t fall for everything you’re told. Believing everything online is a recipe for disaster including gossip. By being vigilant some of the ‘skeletons’ are preventable x"

Ah I see. Yes I agree with you on the whole. I will say though that some people are incredibly well practised at the art of deception.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been.

Definitely this, however when it comes to some things I do think we as users have a responsibility not to facilitate behaviour unbecoming. Remember you’re online and frequently not all is as it seems. If something appears too good to be true it probably is. I’ve had my own set of rules regarding Fab and meeting etc. When I followed them no problems, however when I didn’t I only had myself to blame that I was disappointed. Don’t allow these unscrupulous people to have skeletons where possible x

Just to clarify, are you saying to 'out' these people?

No I’m saying the internet has it’s fair share of unscrupulous people and it’s a good thing to remember that when interacting online. Be alert, use your gut don’t fall for everything you’re told. Believing everything online is a recipe for disaster including gossip. By being vigilant some of the ‘skeletons’ are preventable x

Ah I see. Yes I agree with you on the whole. I will say though that some people are incredibly well practised at the art of deception. "

Absolutely, I’d just say educate yourself before coming online. There is plenty of advice out there and examples of what to look for x

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton, and my relationship (or intended relationship) with the person that has said skeleton in their closet. But I would never make a judgement on anyone at face value...there are always two sides to every story.

I had a very good example of this last year - someone I met for the first time told me some unpleasant things about somebody else. They weren't aware that I knew the person that they were talking about. Naturally, I asked the other person and got their side of the story. My judgement was that it was a case of people having different expectations... one side of the story was coming from a place of hurt and bitterness, the other from a calmer, less emotional "these things happen" point of view. But if I had only listened to the first person, I would have thought the other party was some kind of monster!

I guess my ramblings mean that I don't believe gossip...if I've heard something about someone that I like then I'll always ask them and get their side of the story so I can make my own mind up. After all, gossip rarely comes from a pleasant place, it's almost always intended to hurt or discredit.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

There are things that would be good to know, but unfortunately not necessarily any good ways to know them. This kind of environment splinters the networks of trust you might otherwise look for, and reliability can be misconstrued or faked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sexual assault. If I knew that one of my friends had experienced that at the hands of a forumite, they would never, ever make my "I miss them" list, regardless of how enjoyable their posts had been.

Agreed. "

This doesn't sound very hypothetical, which is beyond awful.

I've never met anyone from the forum, so any impressions (good or bad) that I have from just here are pretty superficial. I'm aware I don't actually know anyone and they don't know me. People could be harbouring all manner of concerning secrets online - I'm not so cynical that I imagine everyone is, but not naive enough to believe no-one is either.

Going into any meet/relationship/friendship you're generally unaware of the person's true self or past but I've never had any bad experiences via here, and thankfully I've never discovered anything particularly ominous about a friend from anywhere. I'd say I'm pretty 'streetwise' generally, so all I can do is have faith that my instincts aren't that bad and/or be thankful I've been fortunate enough not to have crossed paths with anyone like that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"An interesting post.

As many people know I'm extremely cynical and take nothing and nobody at face value on the internet. I often think "yeah, but what are you really like?".

I think that extreme cruelty of any sort would make me reconsider.

I feel fairly similar. The issue of extreme cruelty raises the question; to whom and what constitutes extreme? To a cheated partner, that might be considered extreme. "

Cruelty to humans or animals mental or physical. I'm not going into detail because it would contravene forum rules.

I think we need to be more aware that the internet enables illusion, good and very realistic illusion but illusion nevertheless.

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By *nnocentimesMan
over a year ago

over there by that tree


"In a dark, dark town there was a dark, dark street

and in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark house,

and in the dark, dark house there were some dark, dark stairs

and down the dark, dark stairs there was a dark, dark cellar

and in the dark dark cellar….

Three skeletons lived!

I've got a feeling I used to read that to my son do you know what it's called? "

That would be Funnybones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are usually three sides to every story. Yours theirs and the reality which may be somewhere in the middle.

Gossip can be corrosive, and no doubt we all have skeletons and things we prefer remain in the past.

Trust is relative to our own perceptions as is truth. Both can be hard won and easily broken, especially if we break that trust by spreading gossip rumour or even anothers secrets.

None of us are perfect, and maybe we all need to seek redemption at times.

So rather than listen to such things I will trust my own judgement even if I sometimes get it wrong and let life unfold as it will...

I see what you're saying on the nature of gossip and to a certain degree about truth vs hearsay. I'm not discussing that though, I'm taking about facts and truths about people that have been kept hidden and then revealed.

It's not a case of trusting judgement, it's a case of the reality of a person. "

Perhaps it depends on who is doing the revealing? Straight from the horses mouth as it were is probably more credible than any third party comment, isnt it?

None of us are perfect, and we all have the capacity to change. So depending on what those facts are perhaps the skeletons should be left buried and people given the chance to find their own redemption in whatever way they can.

So much of life relationships and fab is about personal interactions. Being true to ourselves is the best we can hope for. Trusting others is just that, trust. I guess we all hope we dont misplace it?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I’m now wondering what I don’t know about the people I named as missing on that thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m now wondering what I don’t know about the people I named as missing on that thread! "

Ditto. And feeling like I need to reassure people it's not me!

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"I’m now wondering what I don’t know about the people I named as missing on that thread!

Ditto. And feeling like I need to reassure people it's not me!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no reason to believe that anyone on a public forum is who they pretend to be. I don't get close to anyone for that reason. So no revelation would surprise me or make me change my view. Cynical? Yep.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"I’m now wondering what I don’t know about the people I named as missing on that thread! "

I’m off to amend my post, I think I need to add something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting post considering what I have been subjected to on here.

When I start to feel unsafe that's the tipping point for me. And I actually don't feel safe, if the situation I think is in play is right it's very worrying. It's made me consider leaving fab altogether.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"There are usually three sides to every story. Yours theirs and the reality which may be somewhere in the middle.

Gossip can be corrosive, and no doubt we all have skeletons and things we prefer remain in the past.

Trust is relative to our own perceptions as is truth. Both can be hard won and easily broken, especially if we break that trust by spreading gossip rumour or even anothers secrets.

None of us are perfect, and maybe we all need to seek redemption at times.

So rather than listen to such things I will trust my own judgement even if I sometimes get it wrong and let life unfold as it will...

"

This ^

I’d add that just because an individual might have acted in a certain way with one person, it does not mean they will act that way again.

I take everyone on face value and go from there. If someone told me something about someone, I’d think about 1) why they told me, is there a disgruntled past between them; and 2) if I was concerned enough, ask the other person their side of the story and then make my own mind up.

As said above, no one is perfect, we’ve all made mistakes. If you were judged on your one mistake how would you feel ? Everyone deserves a chance to change

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By *urvyandCurious999Woman
over a year ago

Hiding from twats

I've heard some disturbing things about some people on here, from people I've no reason to doubt. I'm very very wary about who I'll meet or interact with on the forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don’t trust anyone

Cynical but that’s me"

This for me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hang my Skeletons on the railings outside my house along with the shrunken heads. I keep the Voodoo dolls inside though, because they don’t like the cold weather here.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"I'm aware that it's the nature of the site that many, if not most, people keep things hidden for personal, privacy and safety issues. However there are often more sinister reasons and intents behind such secrecy.

Following on from the 'who do you miss' thread, I'm aware that some people fondly remembered have dark secrets. It's not my place to reveal them but it's got me thinking; what revelations would make you rethink your evaluation of a person?

I realise that this is a personal thing for everyone, but if you found out that a fondly remembered forumite was a fake, a cheat, etc. Where would you draw the line?

Where is the tipping point for you where the forum persona and kind words can't outweigh the skeletons they hide? "

I don't have a tipping point because I am simply not interested in gossip and past indiscretions.

People can be who and whatever they want to be on here a young forumite once said to me and I heeded his words wisely x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i like someone im happy to chat pretty much regardless of what they have done.

im open and honest about who i am and certain people ive confided in with my 'skeletons' have been understanding and its been their choice weather or not to carry on talking to me.

I wont tolerate sexual assault or anything along those lines i had a friend on a old profile that used to be good mates with i found out from two other seperate people he had forced things to happen (which is sexual assault).. i queeried it and cut all contact.. hes still here now.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x"

That’s a really good point. I agree

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x"

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have past histories. Some are forgivable and others definitely not. Deliberately hurting others. Making people feel worthless. Using people. Playing mind games. Not accepting responsibility for one's actions are all Beta Male traits. Most women on here are looking for Alpha males.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a bone

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"We all have past histories. Some are forgivable and others definitely not. Deliberately hurting others. Making people feel worthless. Using people. Playing mind games. Not accepting responsibility for one's actions are all Beta Male traits. Most women on here are looking for Alpha males."

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dont mention alpha males

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Primarily I do not get close enough to anyone on the forums any more to form any allegiance or notion of a need to protect, care for or defend.

Over the 10 years or so that I have been a member of this site (in various incarnations) I have seen people come and go and learned reasons why this has occurred, either from them or those that claimed to know them.

I would say that I have been the subject of unfounded rumours and lies, moreso in the last 2 years than at any other time, going from Fab Forum award winner a fair few years ago, to someone that feels unwelcome.

It has taught me to be mindful of who I let get close, regardless of my innocence as they say, a lie will get round the world before the truth can pull it's boots on.

So to answer your question OP, I no longer get close enough to someone to allow their inevitable fall from grace to impact me.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Primarily I do not get close enough to anyone on the forums any more to form any allegiance or notion of a need to protect, care for or defend.

Over the 10 years or so that I have been a member of this site (in various incarnations) I have seen people come and go and learned reasons why this has occurred, either from them or those that claimed to know them.

I would say that I have been the subject of unfounded rumours and lies, moreso in the last 2 years than at any other time, going from Fab Forum award winner a fair few years ago, to someone that feels unwelcome.

It has taught me to be mindful of who I let get close, regardless of my innocence as they say, a lie will get round the world before the truth can pull it's boots on.

So to answer your question OP, I no longer get close enough to someone to allow their inevitable fall from grace to impact me."

I honestly did not tell anyone about the candle goat and cream egg

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

"

Oh I agree, I think it was worded carefully too. I just find it a very difficult question to answer. There isn't a clear line for me, and I don't think missing someone's forum presence is dependent on something they may have done, as I said. Everyone is different so I can't apply a one size fits all answer to the OP's question. Maybe a cop out but it's an honest answer from me.

Mrs TMN

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Oh I agree, I think it was worded carefully too. I just find it a very difficult question to answer. There isn't a clear line for me, and I don't think missing someone's forum presence is dependent on something they may have done, as I said. Everyone is different so I can't apply a one size fits all answer to the OP's question. Maybe a cop out but it's an honest answer from me.

Mrs TMN "

Agreed the line will always be blurry and possibly subjective

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

It's difficult on a forum to have a strong opinion one way or another if you haven't met them. I personally think the forum gives a decent indicator of the person's personality but that's about it. We all get sucked in into others dramas occasionally. However, it did surprise me how some reacted having only heard one side of the story.

It's hard to pinpoint an exact skeleton that would be my tipping point. I do believe that some people can learn from their mistakes and become better people.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I know plenty of stuff about people past and present. I also know at one time i was gossiped about that made me laugh as if they had asked me what they wanted to know i would have told them but they where more interested in making stuff up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

"

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

For me it would depend on the skeleton and whether or not that person had become a part of my life.

If they hadn't, and most on Fab don't, then I don't care whether they have whole graveyards in their wardrobes

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

Darn I need to login as myself

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information."

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

"

Define absolute knowledge...

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

Define absolute knowledge... "

On fab? This is defined by, "told to me by someone I am trying to get in the knickers/pants of"

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

Define absolute knowledge...

On fab? This is defined by, "told to me by someone I am trying to get in the knickers/pants of" "

Ha!

We're too far away from most forumites for that to be a remote possibility. So, not a problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

Define absolute knowledge...

On fab? This is defined by, "told to me by someone I am trying to get in the knickers/pants of" "

That is most definitely a problem.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

Define absolute knowledge... "

Hmmm

I struggle to see what is so difficult with the premise

You discover absolutely Someone you superficially knew and liked had once fiddled with little boys does this change whether you like them or not

It was a well worded hypothetical

Not a if you heard 34th hand they may have done

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials


"it depends what you would define as ‘skeleton’. If somebody had a bit of a past- not my business. Wouldn’t judge them for it. If someone had a secret wife and kids back home, then I would end all communication. The wife and kids aren’t ‘skeletons’ they’re people. The dude in question would just be a Dickhead.

"

And the same if it were a woman.

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By *essons in LustCouple
over a year ago

huddersfield


"People have the right to privacy and as long as it is not harming anyone, then I dont see the problem.

I have a life away from the site that I keep very separate and never let the two lives cross each other "

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Well OP, this is a difficult question to pin down and one which appears quite personal to you, I think?

I think of the forums as a group of acquaintances - some make you laugh, some make you roll your eyes, some you have a lot in common with and some you don't. Like any group of people, for example workmates, school parents etc. The vast majority of those people you will only ever see the surface of. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy their presence or notice the change in the group dynamic if they are not there, in my opinion.

Over time, there may be a few who you develop a deeper relationship with, and who you show more of yourself to. That trust can't be built overnight. If I found someone who I considered to be a friend had been concealing a large part of themselves from me, then I might question the relationship. But on the other hand, it entirely depends on what it is they have been concealing, and why.

We are complex creatures. We all have parts of ourselves which we keep hidden - from friends, from family, even from ourselves. Some people come to fab specifically to explore those hidden parts of themselves. I have no expectation that anyone I meet in life - online or otherwise - will be an open book. I don't think that's cynical, just realistic.

Mrs TMN x

Actually I think the OP was worded carefully

He did not question the fact people with dark secrets often interact and impact others in a positive way

He clearly asked where is the line that despite being superficially touched you would change your opinion to one of disappointment or revulsion

If it were anyone we knew abd were fond of forum or otherwise which it became apparent they had killed , r ped psychologically abused or abused a child

Would you still think fondly

A number of celebrities have demonstrated that some forgive and some do not

I think a fine OP, OP

As for me cruelty would be my line which includes my above examples and animals

Knowing something like that changes my view too. It very much depends on the nature of the skeleton and how much I trust the information.

Absolutely I'm taking it that the OP meant absolute knowledge not a rumour

Define absolute knowledge...

Hmmm

I struggle to see what is so difficult with the premise

You discover absolutely Someone you superficially knew and liked had once fiddled with little boys does this change whether you like them or not

It was a well worded hypothetical

Not a if you heard 34th hand they may have done "

Not a difficult question for you to answer, that's fine. I'm saying I found it difficult to answer. I find life is rarely black and white and people are hugely complex, that's why I find it hard.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

The problem with skeletons is how factual they are. On somewhere like this it’s incredibly hard to know what’s first hand or Chinese whispers.

Some behaviours on here made me step right back and reevaluate who should be in my life or not.

Ive met some wrongens over the years and put it down to experience. Similarly I’ve watched friends be unfairly judged because of something another seems to be factual.

Like others have said, there are often several sides to a ‘story’ on here. You have to be incredibly careful what you believe and play your cards accordingly.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"

I struggle to see what is so difficult with the premise

You discover absolutely Someone you superficially knew and liked had once fiddled with little boys does this change whether you like them or not

It was a well worded hypothetical

Not a if you heard 34th hand they may have done "

Then to answer the OP if I was discover information about someone I frequented with either from here or in everyday life that they had perpetrated acts of abuse, either mental or physical, against anyone, vulnerable or not then, I would disassociate myself from that person, and indeed, I have done in the past.

But I would have to be 100% certain that this was the case. Far too much unhappiness is caused by rumours from those whose egos have been damaged

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"

I struggle to see what is so difficult with the premise

You discover absolutely Someone you superficially knew and liked had once fiddled with little boys does this change whether you like them or not

It was a well worded hypothetical

Not a if you heard 34th hand they may have done

Then to answer the OP if I was discover information about someone I frequented with either from here or in everyday life that they had perpetrated acts of abuse, either mental or physical, against anyone, vulnerable or not then, I would disassociate myself from that person, and indeed, I have done in the past.

But I would have to be 100% certain that this was the case. Far too much unhappiness is caused by rumours from those whose egos have been damaged "

Exactly

If the question was

Would you think differently if you heard a rumour about ?

Then it would be foolhardy to take a stance until substantial evidence was presented

But to my mind that was not the ops point

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"

I struggle to see what is so difficult with the premise

You discover absolutely Someone you superficially knew and liked had once fiddled with little boys does this change whether you like them or not

It was a well worded hypothetical

Not a if you heard 34th hand they may have done

Then to answer the OP if I was discover information about someone I frequented with either from here or in everyday life that they had perpetrated acts of abuse, either mental or physical, against anyone, vulnerable or not then, I would disassociate myself from that person, and indeed, I have done in the past.

But I would have to be 100% certain that this was the case. Far too much unhappiness is caused by rumours from those whose egos have been damaged

Exactly

If the question was

Would you think differently if you heard a rumour about ?

Then it would be foolhardy to take a stance until substantial evidence was presented

But to my mind that was not the ops point "

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

If someone lied about who they were as a person I’d be pissed off. I could understand (and forgive) someone lying about their appearance (thanks to reading Jemima J when I was younger) and I understand the whole myriad of reasons people do this (so long as not sinister).

But if I discovered they portrayed themself as lovely but were going out robbing OAP’s (for example) then I’d have something to say and yes my opinion of them would change and so would my behaviour towards them accordingly (I.e. I’d back off and moonwalk out of our interactions).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm who I portray myself to be but of course I have things in my past I'm not proud of but I don't broadcast it and nither should I.

If I'm totally honest I don't understand why it was linked to the miss you thread.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"I'm who I portray myself to be but of course I have things in my past I'm not proud of but I don't broadcast it and nither should I.

If I'm totally honest I don't understand why it was linked to the miss you thread. "

Ask the OP......

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"I'm who I portray myself to be but of course I have things in my past I'm not proud of but I don't broadcast it and nither should I.

If I'm totally honest I don't understand why it was linked to the miss you thread. "

I think that some of those named as being missed, others thought they were actually quite unpleasant. Though this could just be a difference of opinions. But yes, it would've been better if this were a totally seperate thread I think.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn? "

The reasoning was absolutely not because of bruised ego, the reason was exactly as I laid out in my OP.

There was no intent to spread rumour or gossip.

My intent was to question the rose tinted memory of forumites fondly remembered and to caution against that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a dark, dark town there was a dark, dark street

and in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark house,

and in the dark, dark house there were some dark, dark stairs

and down the dark, dark stairs there was a dark, dark cellar

and in the dark dark cellar….

Three skeletons lived, trying to fix a fuse.

"

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn?

The reasoning was absolutely not because of bruised ego, the reason was exactly as I laid out in my OP.

There was no intent to spread rumour or gossip.

My intent was to question the rose tinted memory of forumites fondly remembered and to caution against that."

Well you know what they say about the road to hell......

Only 15 or so people are mentioned in the thread you mention, you claim to know something heinous about one of them (at least), this would lead to gossip, this would seem obvious. Perhaps you haven't received any messages asking you who, but I know full well I have from taking part in your thread. I shall leave you to your "good" intentions, thanks for the "caution".....

Be well.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn?

The reasoning was absolutely not because of bruised ego, the reason was exactly as I laid out in my OP.

There was no intent to spread rumour or gossip.

My intent was to question the rose tinted memory of forumites fondly remembered and to caution against that."

I don’t think there was bruised ego or malintent in your post, Tea. I do think though that to question the memories others have of people when you (I assume) hold opposing info (I will assume it is concrete fact) of any of those people and to post a thread cautioning anyone that they shouldn’t feel fond of people when they don’t have those facts is at best discomforting and at worst liable to feel as if it is maligning (albeit potentially realigning correctly) and undermining anyone’s experience of others without backing it up. It’s an odd power differential.

You’re right to caution that we may change our minds over people when and if we discover new and contrary information about them, but to accuse named someone/s on a specific thread of being so and how we shouldn’t think fondly of them, with no further info is rumourmongering or stirring somewhat. Even if the rumour proves true ultimately.

I feel really weird about this thread.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn?

The reasoning was absolutely not because of bruised ego, the reason was exactly as I laid out in my OP.

There was no intent to spread rumour or gossip.

My intent was to question the rose tinted memory of forumites fondly remembered and to caution against that.

Well you know what they say about the road to hell......

Only 15 or so people are mentioned in the thread you mention, you claim to know something heinous about one of them (at least), this would lead to gossip, this would seem obvious. Perhaps you haven't received any messages asking you who, but I know full well I have from taking part in your thread. I shall leave you to your "good" intentions, thanks for the "caution".....

Be well."

Please don't patronise me

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn?

The reasoning was absolutely not because of bruised ego, the reason was exactly as I laid out in my OP.

There was no intent to spread rumour or gossip.

My intent was to question the rose tinted memory of forumites fondly remembered and to caution against that.

I don’t think there was bruised ego or malintent in your post, Tea. I do think though that to question the memories others have of people when you (I assume) hold opposing info (I will assume it is concrete fact) of any of those people and to post a thread cautioning anyone that they shouldn’t feel fond of people when they don’t have those facts is at best discomforting and at worst liable to feel as if it is maligning (albeit potentially realigning correctly) and undermining anyone’s experience of others without backing it up. It’s an odd power differential.

You’re right to caution that we may change our minds over people when and if we discover new and contrary information about them, but to accuse named someone/s on a specific thread of being so and how we shouldn’t think fondly of them, with no further info is rumourmongering or stirring somewhat. Even if the rumour proves true ultimately.

I feel really weird about this thread. "

You take it as that, which is you prerogative.

I'm not rumourmongering or stirring, I'm questioning just how well we know these people that we're lauding. Im asking what would make a person reconsider such remembrance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm who I portray myself to be but of course I have things in my past I'm not proud of but I don't broadcast it and nither should I.

If I'm totally honest I don't understand why it was linked to the miss you thread.

Ask the OP......"

I did, that's why I wrote it on his thread!

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"

Perhaps the “who do we miss” thread has bruised a few egos. We will never know.

This thread seems designed to spread rumour and gossip and I regret taking part.... perhaps one day even I will learn?

The reasoning was absolutely not because of bruised ego, the reason was exactly as I laid out in my OP.

There was no intent to spread rumour or gossip.

My intent was to question the rose tinted memory of forumites fondly remembered and to caution against that.

I don’t think there was bruised ego or malintent in your post, Tea. I do think though that to question the memories others have of people when you (I assume) hold opposing info (I will assume it is concrete fact) of any of those people and to post a thread cautioning anyone that they shouldn’t feel fond of people when they don’t have those facts is at best discomforting and at worst liable to feel as if it is maligning (albeit potentially realigning correctly) and undermining anyone’s experience of others without backing it up. It’s an odd power differential.

You’re right to caution that we may change our minds over people when and if we discover new and contrary information about them, but to accuse named someone/s on a specific thread of being so and how we shouldn’t think fondly of them, with no further info is rumourmongering or stirring somewhat. Even if the rumour proves true ultimately.

I feel really weird about this thread.

You take it as that, which is you prerogative.

I'm not rumourmongering or stirring, I'm questioning just how well we know these people that we're lauding. Im asking what would make a person reconsider such remembrance. "

Ahhh okay! It was just written in a way that I think people have extrapolated that you had concrete knowledge that someone on the other thread was guilty of something heinous, I get now that that isn’t the case then? I think it was this point that I and perhaps some others struggled to be comfortable with, which makes sense right?

I think everyone is conscious that they wouldn’t know someone necessarily fully when they’re remembering them on those threads - we’re just commenting on our experience of them from Fab, and I think everyone when provided with concrete evidence that someone’s reality changed up an otherwise positive experience of them would reconsider, question and make fresh decisions. Yes, you’re right, we don’t really know anyone.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I would expect if there was anyone on here who has caused harm either physically or mentally to another against their will. And that was absolute fact!!

Then we should all know about that person. Surely our safety for each other is what's the OP's priority is here.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgive me if I'm talking out of term but I don't see the significance of these people who have left the site?

Surely it's more of a concern over people who are active now?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a dark, dark town there was a dark, dark street

and in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark house,

and in the dark, dark house there were some dark, dark stairs

and down the dark, dark stairs there was a dark, dark cellar

and in the dark dark cellar….

Three skeletons lived!

I've got a feeling I used to read that to my son do you know what it's called?

That would be Funnybones."

Yes!!!

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