FabSwingers.com forum: Regrets

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Has anyone of yourselves found yourself in a situation where your completely surrounded by people “friends “ but felt so lonely. This evening I felt this so much. I feel like a spare part. My kids whom I’ve give my life to are older now and do their own thing I’ve just realised my life isn’t about them no more and I’m on my OWN.

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/02/20 22:21:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone of yourselves found yourself in a situation where your completely surrounded by people “friends “ but felt so lonely. This evening I felt this so much. I feel like a spare part. My kids whom I’ve give my life to are older now and do their own thing I’ve just realised my life isn’t about them no more and I’m on my OWN.

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

All the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a few but then again too few to mention

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I don’t have kids but seen the same thing happen to my sister.

I can however be a very lonely guy in a crowded room. My inner monologue works overdrive in those situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what is your regret?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've had a few but then again too few to mention"

Awww you beat me to it

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I feel like this right now. Totally and utterly understand.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I think everyone can feel like that at times, it’s very common. And to wonder the big “what am I doing?” life questions.

Sorry to hear you felt this tonight, I find it’s useful to talk to others about this feeling when I get it, it helps a lot. Be gentle with yourself, have a think what you’d like to achieve or do for you. Self care, do things that make you smile. Reach out to others.

Sending you a big hug.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get this

It’s hard isn’t it.

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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

Try that without kids.

So what do you regret op

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

It's normal to feel this. Sending love and good vibes.

Try to think about what you would enjoy and try it x

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

They never leave you ! they always need their parents, it just changes, just like when they first started school, first got themselves to school, first went to big school. It just keeps changing and they need you for different things, it’s challenging though , miss ours too, but also let’s you do lots of things you couldn’t do before , so enjoy it and start ticking off that bucket list x

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

I'm sorry you're felling that way Op

I think everyone feels that way at one stage or another. Just remember that if you've friends you're never really alone. As to your children, you've done what any good mother would and that implies being selfless. If they're off to uni embrace the opportunities to live more for yourself now. Hugs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think everyone can feel like that at times, it’s very common. And to wonder the big “what am I doing?” life questions.

Sending you a big hug. "

I sat there in a room full of people but felt so alone. I came home because I knew my triggers and I was feeling too good. I am very hard on myself and I know this. X

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

I understand the feeling I can be in a room full of people and feel so alone it my constant state of feeling right now after my ex I thought I wasn’t alone then after mine and her break up. I realised I was always alone but I never felt so alone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think everyone can feel like that at times, it’s very common. And to wonder the big “what am I doing?” life questions.

Sending you a big hug.

I sat there in a room full of people but felt so alone. I came home because I knew my triggers and I was feeling too good. I am very hard on myself and I know this. X"

*not too good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My regret is so personal I couldn’t put it into words but every day I beat myself up thinking if I really did do the right thing it’s just something I’m always gonna ponder on but hey ho

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

"I understand the feeling I can be in a room full of people and feel so alone it my constant state of feeling right now after my ex I thought I wasn’t alone then after mine and her break up. I realised I was always alone but I never felt so alone. "

And OP I’m here if you want to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

Not necessarily “better”, yes different. They won’t forget where they are loved, they will spread their wings, but they rely on what you’ve done for them. xxx

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

Hey this lot , dare I say , had a mental breakdown 9 years go and from this I ended my marriage , gave me the strength to leave , realised it was her that was a major part my Issue ,,, but always felt empty and alone , but sadly I still do , people don't know the half of what does go on in people

Lives and are so easy to judge ,,,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm facing this, come September he'll be gone. It's what I want for him, I wouldn't change it for anything. But I haven't been away from him for more than twelve days since he was born. It's going to rip me apart, I'm scared as hell.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hey this lot , dare I say , had a mental breakdown 9 years go and from this I ended my marriage , gave me the strength to leave , realised it was her that was a major part my Issue ,,, but always felt empty and alone , but sadly I still do , people don't know the half of what does go on in people

Lives and are so easy to judge ,,,,

Thank you for sharing that. I put so much pressure on myself. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm facing this, come September he'll be gone. It's what I want for him, I wouldn't change it for anything. But I haven't been away from him for more than twelve days since he was born. It's going to rip me apart, I'm scared as hell. "

It’s so hard. I feel like my life’s being ripped away

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

Lives and are so easy to judge ,,,,

Thank you for sharing that. I put so much pressure on myself. X"

That's the trouble nowadays , the peer pressure is just so heavy and we do put so much on our shoulders xxxx massive hugs xxx I've you ever want to chat , just inbox me xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

Yep I have been there but believe me, your babies will always find home to be sanctuary.... Both my boys love coming home.

You gave them their wings, now they are doing what you have prepared them for.

Your relationship with them won't change, it will evolve but it won't change.

You can enjoy them in another way....

Also when they get jobs they buy you nice things

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think everyone can feel like that at times, it’s very common. And to wonder the big “what am I doing?” life questions.

Sending you a big hug.

I sat there in a room full of people but felt so alone. I came home because I knew my triggers and I was feeling too good. I am very hard on myself and I know this. X"

Some days you simply have to recognise the triggers, as you did, and retreat and baton down the hatches - that’s absolutely okay. But remember, not everyday will feel like this. It’s good to recognise you’re especially hard on yourself, now work mindfully and consciously to remember that and be kinder to yourself. Treat you, as you’d treat others. Sometimes it’s worth just feeling the feelings and having a good cry, scream, whatever the feeling is, and letting it out. Bottling up, ignoring, repressing the sads, lonelys, hopelessnesses isn’t actually helpful, sometimes going full storm is necessary! Think of yourself like a barometer, picking up on a bout of bad weather and riding it out, and keep alert for the coming sunshine.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering.

Not necessarily “better”, yes different. They won’t forget where they are loved, they will spread their wings, but they rely on what you’ve done for them. xxx"

My son loves me to bits and we are very very close. But it’s hard as I’ve sacrificed ( hard word as it should come naturally ) but I’ve not gone out I’ve sat in with my baby’s since I split with their dad 10 years ago. And now they are older and not needing me I feel a bit lost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional resilience is a really hard thing to adopt as it goes completely against our instincts when it comes to people we love.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think everyone can feel like that at times, it’s very common. And to wonder the big “what am I doing?” life questions.

Sending you a big hug.

I sat there in a room full of people but felt so alone. I came home because I knew my triggers and I was feeling too good. I am very hard on myself and I know this. X

This just made me cry. Thank you x

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 08/02/20 22:41:30]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

Where I use to work felt like the outcast. Did want to be around people. It amazes me when I tell people how sad I was and they didn't know

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think everyone can feel like that at times, it’s very common. And to wonder the big “what am I doing?” life questions.

Sending you a big hug.

I sat there in a room full of people but felt so alone. I came home because I knew my triggers and I was feeling too good. I am very hard on myself and I know this. X

This just made me cry. Thank you x"

Giving you a virtual squeeze.

Someone once told me to think about change and transition as if I am a tree, how when you prune a tree hard it springs back healthier with renewed growth and strength, it bloody hurts the tree but ultimately it is a good thing. You’re going through a period of pruning and adjusting but you will grow stronger, healthier and there’ll be plenty of positive that will come out of change, even if it hurts like hell currently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s so hard. I feel like my life’s being ripped away "

I wish I had something more than just that I know how you feel and it hurts like fuck. But we'll get through it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering.

Not necessarily “better”, yes different. They won’t forget where they are loved, they will spread their wings, but they rely on what you’ve done for them. xxx

Sacrifice is the right word, it is what good parents do. They understand fully when they have their own kids.

Sending a hug XXX

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

I’m dreading this. As they get older I still love those times they need me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for your lovely messages and PMs. Just life I guess x

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s so hard. I feel like my life’s being ripped away

I wish I had something more than just that I know how you feel and it hurts like fuck. But we'll get through it xx"

You’ll be fine , you’ll keep his room just as it is and wander in when you feel sad and he’ll be back there in that bed at Christmas and the summer and possibly the odd weekend?.

You’ll be just as close but a different kind of adult relationship develops, just as good, but just as much work so rather than feel like your losing him, see it as developing. Plus you can fab more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering. "

Very much so,not many friends around and kids have more of a social life (which is good for them)very lonely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can and you will get through it, it is a huge transition four both of you and the relationship will evolve. Your role won't change, he will always need you.

I felt like I was grieving for the little boy I had lost when my baby went to University 350 mile from home...

My boy was born in the village we live in, barely left the county except for holidays and I was supposed to trust Scotland with my world?

Of course I stood, congratulated him and supported him, yes I grieved for my little boy but watching his transition into a man made me so proud.

He finished University and now working his dream job in Edinburgh... proud of him is an understatement, but I remember that despite being a professional in his field he will always be my baby.

Your baby will always be your baby no matter the age xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Frequently at the moment yes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hard to explain but when you dedicate your life to your kids and then release that they are leaving you for uni and better things. You think, maybe I’m just pondering.

Very much so,not many friends around and kids have more of a social life (which is good for them)very lonely

Hard isn’t it , I’ve isolated myself for years because of my children, now they are older and spreading their wings I’m on my own. Not that I resent them at all I am very very proud. But I think “ men do have it easier “

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It’s so hard. I feel like my life’s being ripped away

I wish I had something more than just that I know how you feel and it hurts like fuck. But we'll get through it xx

You’ll be fine , you’ll keep his room just as it is and wander in when you feel sad and he’ll be back there in that bed at Christmas and the summer and possibly the odd weekend?.

Hope your ok x

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By *lay 4 uMan
over a year ago

bolton

They're always going to be your children who will always need you (trust me ) but this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life . Embrace it and enjoy it .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"They're always going to be your children who will always need you (trust me ) but this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life . Embrace it and enjoy it ."

I know this. My boy is very close to me , but when you look back and think “ I was 21 In university and deferred “ for my partners career “ he passed and has now a very big accounting practice employing 10+ accountants. And I’m just scrounging a living. Yes I’m bitter as he promised me the world.

We split up and he Carried on with his accountancy practice, meanwhile I was on my own ( no degree) and he decided to give me £20 a week maintenance! He’s a ltd business so he controls his earnings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you so much HotNotts and MissDrevus. He's just been given an unconditional offer at his first choice university, he's absolutely buzzing and I'm so overjoyed. He is going to be a couple of hundred miles away but his dad won't be too far. I wouldn't change a thing, truly but he's the best thing that ever happened to me and not seeing his face every day is going to be painful. Thank you both and to the OP, it helps to know someone gets it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you so much HotNotts and MissDrevus. He's just been given an unconditional offer at his first choice university, he's absolutely buzzing and I'm so overjoyed. He is going to be a couple of hundred miles away but his dad won't be too far. I wouldn't change a thing, truly but he's the best thing that ever happened to me and not seeing his face every day is going to be painful. Thank you both and to the OP, it helps to know someone gets it

That’s so lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s so lovely xx"

He was at Goodison today with his dad

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That’s so lovely xx

He was at Goodison today with his dad

Sam was at Preston, he’s going the next away. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

He’s studying Maths. He’s been given a 9 in maths and all science.Has a scholarship for a private school. I’m torn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

Journalism. The course is just perfect for him, he's so excited. I loved every second at university and I know how much he'll enjoy it. But I keep thinking about picking him up from pre school, the best thing ever was seeing him before he saw me so I'd get to see his face change when he spotted me. He used to dance with joy. It's what my mum calls "last chapter of the house at pooh corner syndrome". She's feeling it too, he's incredibly close to my parents. But we raised him to live, not to live for us so it's what should be happening. Mums and sons, huh?

I'm so determined I'm going to be a nice mother in law

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

He’s studying Maths. He’s been given a 9 in maths and all science.Has a scholarship for a private school. I’m torn. "

Woah! That's seriously impressive

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

He’s studying Maths. He’s been given a 9 in maths and all science.Has a scholarship for a private school. I’m torn.

Woah! That's seriously impressive

Hmm. Not so when he’s not impressing In class. But he’s in talented gifted, so he’s obviously bored

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

I'm so determined I'm going to be a nice mother in law

Amazing! Wish him all the luck in the world with it!

Sounds like you have done an amazing job with him, stand tall be proud xx

My son studied Game Development and Maths, he finished with 2:1

Now working as a scripter at gaming company in Edinburgh working alongside the guy who wrote Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption...

Said the guy was seriously impressed that my boy had fixed a break in the gaming code that the coders couldn't fix lol x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Amazing for him! What is he going to study?

Same with my son, chose to study in Dundee... Never looked back. The first night at home without him I cried, didn't sleep, just cried...

It gets easier....

And it makes the times with him extra special

I'm so determined I'm going to be a nice mother in law

Amazing! Wish him all the luck in the world with it!

Sounds like you have done an amazing job with him, stand tall be proud xx

My son studied Game Development and Maths, he finished with 2:1

Now working as a scripter at gaming company in Edinburgh working alongside the guy who wrote Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption...

Said the guy was seriously impressed that my boy had fixed a break in the gaming code that the coders couldn't fix lol x"

Absolutely brilliant! Love strong mums. You must be so proud ! X

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

My eldest is at college in the week as part of his apprenticeship. When he went that first time as soon as I closed the front door I burst into tears.

He comes home pretty much every weekend with a big bag of washing. He's matured beyond words, every time I see him he looks more grown up. He does his own food shopping, he's found a barber's he likes and has even washed his bedding up there. He has reminded me that he's not a child anymore (When I text him to tell him to take a coat out with him

)

It's really hard but as a mother you do burst with pride. It's lonely to begin with but you do realise when they don't need you 24/7 that it's time for you again x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My eldest is at college in the week as part of his apprenticeship. When he went that first time as soon as I closed the front door I burst into tears.

)

It's really hard but as a mother you do burst with pride. It's lonely to begin with but you do realise when they don't need you 24/7 that it's time for you again x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so glad the OP started this thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My eldest is at college in the week as part of his apprenticeship. When he went that first time as soon as I closed the front door I burst into tears.

)

It's really hard but as a mother you do burst with pride. It's lonely to begin with but you do realise when they don't need you 24/7 that it's time for you again x"

Such a lovey message, thank you. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think every parent does. I worry all the time that I haven’t prepared my kids for the shit show that life is but at the same time all I can hope is that they’re a better version of me which they definitely are

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Think every parent does. I worry all the time that I haven’t prepared my kids for the shit show that life is but at the same time all I can hope is that they’re a better version of me which they definitely are "

Not every parent does as a single parent, when you sacrifice every part of your life as a singer mum , no nan no family member to help. You do everything on your own. Your friends go out and you can’t , but that’s life. Now my children are older it’s weird for me. As I feel alone. Can’t explain it’s weird

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is the circle of life brothers and sisters, we recreate, we bring them up , and they start their own circle, tomorrow, the sun will still rise x

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By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london

I am always surrounded by people but still feel lonely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am always surrounded by people but still feel lonely"

Same. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Born alone die alone

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

I get this a lot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Born alone die alone"

It shouldn’t be like this x

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