FabSwingers.com forum: what would you do?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm in a bit of a dilema. It was my birthday at the weekend and had a lovely night out with all my closest friends, well all but one that is. 3 hours before going out my bestfriend on 34 years text to say she can't make it as has no money. Fair enough I hear you all say. However she has done this to me every year since she moved in with her fella (she left her husband for him). She also came round on my birthday and I'm sure she must of known then that she couldn't do it. She put £20 in my card which to be honest I'd rather she'd have kept and came out for the meal.

Adding to this she always has the money to get her nails done and goes out with her fella's friends once a month the last time being a couple of weeks ago knowing she would need some money to come out with me.

My point is instead of not saying anything like I always do, should I finally have it out with her?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

She is your friend, you are still in contact, you still see each other, why rock the boat?

A comment like, "it's a shame you couldn't make it the other night" would be enough.

You don't know what pressure the boyfriend is putting on her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think that is it exactly I'm not on his approved list of friends because i see through him and don't think he's the most amazing thing on the planet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds to me that you are a bit worried about her circumstances so maybe you should talk as you are old friends.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm actually very worried about her last year I asked if he was hurting her as she is always covered in bruises and cuts on her arms. Her response was to cry ( bit of a weird response to me).She said it was the meds she's on makes her drowsy but surely if my question was so obscure she'd have laughed not burst into tears

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Sounds like she has plenty of cash, she is just under the thumb and not allowed out but doesn't want to admit it.

Might be still worth mentioning it in case there is any darker issue there with her partner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm actually very worried about her last year I asked if he was hurting her as she is always covered in bruises and cuts on her arms. Her response was to cry ( bit of a weird response to me).She said it was the meds she's on makes her drowsy but surely if my question was so obscure she'd have laughed not burst into tears

Think I would be worried too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds like she has plenty of cash, she is just under the thumb and not allowed out but doesn't want to admit it.

Might be still worth mentioning it in case there is any darker issue there with her partner."

I do think he doesn't want her out on her own incase a man speaks to her!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i 2 think ur friend is in trouble ,n doesnt no where 2 get help n support ,n if she is under the the thumb of her boyfriend n the relationship not as gud as she thort it wud b ,then she mayb scared of ending it because she has no where 2 go ,,,do talk 2 her n let her no your support is there ,,

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

just don't know how to talk to her. I don't want to push her away in case she really is in trouble. I thought about talking to her mum first but she's d*unk most of the time so doesn't notice what is going on. Unfortunatley her father died years ago he would've known what to do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I was once that girl and people did speak to me but I dug my heals in further and got closer to him as I did not want to see what they could all see. When everyone gave up and I was left to make my own mistakes I soon saw what he was really like. But I got out before it was too late. I think you should talk to her but on a level that she knows you will always be there for her no matter what and when things go wrong she has you. A good friend is one who does not judge but understands and sticks around when its tough

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple1234Couple
over a year ago

BELFAST UK

Try and set up a wee DVD night in with a few drinks get a few girls round where she wont need to speand money, If she still txts saying she cant make it then speak to your other friends and see if they have the same thoughts as you do, if a few of you's think the same then all of you's speak to her at once and maybe she will open up more quick about what is going on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

"I think I was once that girl and people did speak to me but I dug my heals in further and got closer to him as I did not want to see what they could all see. When everyone gave up and I was left to make my own mistakes I soon saw what he was really like. But I got out before it was too late. I think you should talk to her but on a level that she knows you will always be there for her no matter what and when things go wrong she has you. A good friend is one who does not judge but understands and sticks around when its tough

"
thats the best advice,my friend went through something similar with a control freak,he cut her off from all her friends and even family,we managed to get her out of the situation, but it has left its mark on her,to be the friend she needs,you have to be non judgmental even when you can see what is happening

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

been there myself too.

my best friend who never gave up on me, would drop into conversation that, there was a key to her front door hidden in **** and that she loved having a spare room for guests to come stay anytime.. lol without coming right out and saying / confronting me. i know she was there for me when I needed her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am there for her always have been. Yet the friends he does allow her to see are the ones that turned on her when she left her husband calling her a slag and everything. And although I didn't agree with how she was going about things she was my friend and I supported her totally

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread