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dad jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

whats everyones best dad joke but remember it has to be both corny and somewhat amusing, and most of all it just has to have a hackneyed pun to make it the best joke ever.

Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed funny pun.

mine:

My mates Juan and Amal are identical twins. Their mum only carries a pic of Juan...

cos if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad went to barbers last week, the barber said he was going bald. My dad said "Well, hurry up then!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What cheese will never be yours?

Nacho cheese

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the beach laught

.

.

Because the sea w.e.e.d

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By *urlyCatzWoman
over a year ago

Blackpool

Two guys walk into a bar

The third one ducks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of music is liked by cheese

“R and Brie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen.

I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought that's the last thing I need.

I changed my ipod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

I owe alot to sidewalks. They've kept me off the street for years.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend but he kept asking her for another shot.

I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most of my dad's jokes involve the death of members of a certain profession.

His profession, mind you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“What’s up?”

Stands up...“I am”

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By *izzy69Man
over a year ago

London

A guy in a supermarket bet me that I couldn't reach the top shelf in the meat aisle.

I refused....the steaks were too high

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You've got some snew on your nose.

What's snew?

Dunno. What's new with you?

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By *miableRogueMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Two snowmen in a field

*Both daughters “No dad!”

One turns to his mate

*BD “NO DAD!!!”

And says....

*BD “Aaaaaarrrrrrggggh!!”

“Can you smell carrots?”

*BD “Bore off!”

I tell this joke in the summer too, just to be more Dad

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Depending on your dad, I guess.

Aussies don't fuck, Aussies mate.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

What would you call a dinosaur that has only one boss eye, a nervous blink and a squint?.

.

.

.

Dyathinkesaurus

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no head?

Matt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the cowboy say when he walked into the German car showroom?

Audi!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an exploding monkey? (Shout the next bit!)

A baBOON!

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

What's got 99 balls and makes fat women sweat?

Bingo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesawus

What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog?

A doyouthinkhesawus rex

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By *miableRogueMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"What's got 99 balls and makes fat women sweat?

Bingo"

Top of the shop is nine-oh, 90

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

.

.

.

.

lickalottapuss

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no head?

Matt."

What do you call a deer with no legs, no dick and no eyes ?

Still no fucking idea.

A

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By *hobos46Man
over a year ago

Royston

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says to the barman "I'll have a glass of H2O". The second chemist says "I'll have a glass of H2O too".

The second chemist died.

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