FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Confidence

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Finding it hard to meet because the thought makes me too nervous, high sex drive but havnt found anyone that puts me at ease enough to meet them. How do other shy/anxious people do it? It feels like so much effort and I usually just end up having a wank lol.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going to follow and use the advice myself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try a social event ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Finding it hard to meet because the thought makes me too nervous, high sex drive but havnt found anyone that puts me at ease enough to meet them. How do other shy/anxious people do it? It feels like so much effort and I usually just end up having a wank lol. "

I got myself to a club initially and made some friends- that helped put me at ease before I actually played with anyone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do what your comfortable with

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

[Removed by poster at 04/02/20 17:29:04]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Why does it make you nervous? Take sex out the equasion and meet them for a social and go from there

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I ask OP what are you nervous about, bear in mind fear doesn't exist until we create it. Is there an underlying issue that might be triggering the fear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

I was similar at first.

I've found there's two main suggestions offered

Ease into it with social only meets

Or visit a club and dive right into it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always have a social first. If I can't relax around them for that then it goes no further.

Meet somewhere I feel comfortable and safe.

Lots of conversation beforehand if necessary until I feel comfortable meeting them.

If they are not making you feel like you want to meet them then maybe that is a sign they are not the right person? Just a thought.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Do a social only and treat it as if meeting a friend for a coffee or a drink

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I was similar. I found some people who helped me help myself, in feeling confident in myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Try a social event ?"

Yep. Going to a social is a good way of meeting people in a no pressure environment. If you're nervous about going in the first time (which I completely understand), message someone who is also going and more often than not they are happy to go in with you (meet for a coffee or something beforehand). Hosts are really good at making newbies feel welcome as well.

Having a coffee with someone you fancy and making it as run of the mill as possible is another way of doing it, people are lovely and often more than happy for a coffee and a chat.

Talk to people as well! People have their own insecurities and doubts and getting to know someone and build that connection can help to alleviate the anxious thoughts. You can have lots of interesting chats that don't revolve around fucking.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can honestly understand how you feel.

It took me months to finally meet someone the first time I was on here. It still does. I guess it doesn’t help when people you think are genuine, aren’t.

I very rarely chat to anyone new.

Broke my own rule this weekend and ended up regretting it. Now my anxiety is through the roof.

I fully sympathize OP

xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Try a social event ?

Yep. Going to a social is a good way of meeting people in a no pressure environment. If you're nervous about going in the first time (which I completely understand), message someone who is also going and more often than not they are happy to go in with you (meet for a coffee or something beforehand). Hosts are really good at making newbies feel welcome as well.

Having a coffee with someone you fancy and making it as run of the mill as possible is another way of doing it, people are lovely and often more than happy for a coffee and a chat.

Talk to people as well! People have their own insecurities and doubts and getting to know someone and build that connection can help to alleviate the anxious thoughts. You can have lots of interesting chats that don't revolve around fucking."

This is first class advice from the lovely Meli, you won’t go far wrong following it x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Just socials with no expectations to go easy? Fess up that you are nervous and find the ones that can put you at ease.

And maybe give some love and attention to the part of you that is so fearful. What's that?

X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just social anxiety I think

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Just social anxiety I think "

It probably depends on how bad the anxiety is. If you think you can work past it, then "feel the fear and do it anyway". If not, then you might want to consider other outlets.

Remember they're nervous too, or likely understand that people get nerves. Most people are understanding.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

We each have our own ways of overcoming anxiety and nerves - some dive in feet first, some take their time until they feel relaxed and any number of other ways - none of them are the *only* way, and the only right way is your way OP

Attending group socials, or insisting on a social only meet (or two) first are both good ways to help you relax and feel comfortable - taking your time to get to know someone and be relaxed about them is another.

It's key not to feel pressured, or allow yourself to be pressured, too - remember this is about you just as much as the other person, and if they're not willing to play by the way you do things, then they weren't right for you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I definitely insist on social only meets to begin with to get a sense of someone. It helps me manage things, and keep them at my pace.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester


"Finding it hard to meet because the thought makes me too nervous, high sex drive but havnt found anyone that puts me at ease enough to meet them. How do other shy/anxious people do it? It feels like so much effort and I usually just end up having a wank lol. "

Ewooooooo!

You've just got to adjust your thought process a little. The fact that you've admitted it and posted on here infront of a thousand people shows me that you're actually fine.

I used to be painfully shy and anxious but I'm not anymore. I do get performance anxiety though sometimes.

Here's one key point to bear in mind: if you've chatted with a man or woman non-sexually, and he/she hangs on - that person likes you. You do not need to be afraid.

Just take it easy, meet up for a social thing. You do not have to be nervous about social meets. If you think about it, if you bollocks it up, just block that person. Ha!

And for me, I became more confident with practice.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find *pretending* to be confident helps. Fake confidence looks a lot like the real thing to the casual observer! Plus what others have said by starting with a social. If you've set those boundaries up front, the expectation isn't as high, so the pressure is off.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

Pretty sure the OP misrepresents herself here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I agree that socials would be great for you!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

You have cake in your name

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find *pretending* to be confident helps. Fake confidence looks a lot like the real thing to the casual observer! Plus what others have said by starting with a social. If you've set those boundaries up front, the expectation isn't as high, so the pressure is off.

"

That assumes you know what confidence feels like in the first place. You can't fake what you don't know.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Ignore the people who message you and take the positive messages that help you. Those messaging you are looking to gain something from it.

Confidence comes from within, with the help of those you trust. The mob in your inbox aren't to be trusted, for the most part.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top