FabSwingers.com forum: Is cheating always wrong?

By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

To cut a long story short... we have basically no sex life at all and have barely had sex in the past year. I made it clear at the start of the relationship I have a high sex drive and like to try new and exciting things, which she appeared to agree with but I see now that she has no interest in sex whatsoever.

I have tried speaking about it so many times but she refuses to listen and flat out refuses to discuss it. I have asked what she likes, and what would turn her on... I get nothing back. I have told her how important I find it in a relationship... again, she is just not interested.

I dont want to leave her as we do have a child together and I love her, but I do find her flat out refusal to acknowledge anything to do with sex or to even discuss it is actually quite selfish of her considering she knows it is a big thing for me. If she ever has an problem with something in the relationship I acknowledge it and try my hardest to improve... that is not reciprocated.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

Fuck the missable old goat off then you won't be cheating problem solved. or stay with her delete fab and live happily and faithfully ever after, easy really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She is getting fucked by someone else . But needs your financial security

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By *ragoniteMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Could she have post-natal depression? Or just be exhausted from being the mum of a toddler.

Talk about it openly if you can. Have been there and work the t shirt. Didn’t talk about it and the elephant in the room took over the room!

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

I can't validate what you're doing for you ,

How old is your child? Could she be suffering from.post natal depression maybe?.

Do you help with childcare/housework etc and make her feel appreciated,i know when i don't feel that way I lose my mojo.

I think if you feel you do help out/treat her well and have done all you can then you have to make a decision.

Live as you are and sneak around on here or be brave and make a break for it.

Yes it may hurt at first ,but surely you both deserve some happiness .

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Some good replies above, but IMO if you love someone you don't cheat on them. Good luck

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By *ecretpantyTV/TS
over a year ago

lisburn

If she is not interested that is not going to change. So make the best off it and fuck about and if you get caught, well then she knows you give her a chance to be a wife.Or leave and find someone who is like yourself.

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

Dude, you're not compatible.

Thats okay! It's OK for her to not want sex very often. It's OK for you to want it always. What's not OK is cheating and destroying any hope of an amicable break up for the sake of your child.

Do you want the kid growing up with parents who argue and hate each other?

Or do you want to just accept it won't work, try to stay calm and focus on how to co-parent.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"If she is not interested that is not going to change. So make the best off it and fuck about and if you get caught, well then she knows you give her a chance to be a wife.Or leave and find someone who is like yourself."
,

Gave her a chance to be a wife?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you can judge yourself, if you feel your cheating is legitimised then go ahead.

With regards to your partner it's hard to give advice since we don't know either of you but as others have said there could be many reasons her sex drive is gone but I wouldn't say being selfish is one of them, something has changed for her and perhaps her reluctance to discuss or deal with it is a sign she is struggling emotionally, physically or mentally or just isn't happy in the relationship either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I first came on here in a similar situation to yourself. My wife refused to discuss our problems, refused to go to counselling (even at the end when I gave an ultimatum that it was that or we were over)

Unlike yourself (or at least unlike the way you describe it) our lack of sex wasn't the issue. We still had sex once as week or so up till the last few months. The issue was this only happened when she initiated it, in the meantime any sign of intimacy from me was rejected outright. I could cuddle and hold hands but basically anything she wouldn't do with her grandson or the dog she refused to do with me yet when she wanted sex I was expected to perform. In the end I'd just pretend to be asleep. Cuddle her as she slept and she'd snuggle back, put my hand anywhere in the 'banned' zones and she'd tut and sigh and roll over. At least while she was awake she was more subtle about it, but after days of that I somehow stopped feeling sexy when she tried it on with me.

As you say, the total refusal to admit there's an issue is the main problem - I our case she admitted the problem but denied there was anything she could do about it.

My advice? Force the situation now while you still have the strength to try. Don't wait to have a fucking breakdown, get involved with someone else and end up in a crumpled sobbing heap on the floor in a cinema lobby. It takes a long long time to recover and it's not a nice place to go. Worse still, once you've been there your brain remembers the way back way, way too easily.

Go and stay at a friends perhaps, tell her you are not prepared to be ignored, the status quo isn't working and changes need to be made. Be prepared that some - maybe all - of those changes may need to come from you, but be clear with her that you will not accept being fobbed off. The fact you're on here as you say is a really big alarm bell and says you're prepared to start moving on. She needs to know that.

Good luck.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

^^this

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Have you sought medical help together?

Otherwise if sex within your relationship isn't important to her then she won't be concerned if you seek it elsewhere. If the two of you can agree on that there's no dilemma. If sex is important to her she will want to cooperate with you in trying to find a solution. However if she has pnd or is depressed in any way she won't be in a state of mind that enables her to sort this out at the moment.

How was the birth of your child? Did she have stitches, are they healed or causing her any pain?

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved..."

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I first came on here in a similar situation to yourself. My wife refused to discuss our problems, refused to go to counselling (even at the end when I gave an ultimatum that it was that or we were over)

As you say, the total refusal to admit there's an issue is the main problem - I our case she admitted the problem but denied there was anything she could do about it.

Good luck.

I have to say this would be how I would (and did) handle it.....

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?"

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

This is possibly correct, but don't embark on an affair because thats just messy for all involved. The realisation of the other woman that she's just the shag is pretty shitty if she's single

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

Ok thank you

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?"

They don't. They just let one person abuse the others trust and totally mug them off and make them look stupid.

But cheaters like to try and convince themselves they're not scumbags.

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

Wow. Some really great comments from you all. I really appreciate the time you guys have put in.

I will definitely take it on board when figuring out what option to take.

In terms of the post natal depression, its definitely not that. It started before our child was here. In fact the consummation (i think thats the right word) was one of the rare times we did it for a few months.

Oh also, yes I do my fair share of chores and I cook every evening.

I will probably try to speak to her again. And again try to get across that it is getting me down. Im not expecting much in return but its worth a final shot.

Again, thank you everyone x

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

This is possibly correct, but don't embark on an affair because thats just messy for all involved. The realisation of the other woman that she's just the shag is pretty shitty if she's single "

Not always, I like the sex without the commitment

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

They don't. They just let one person abuse the others trust and totally mug them off and make them look stupid.

But cheaters like to try and convince themselves they're not scumbags."

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

"Wow. Some really great comments from you all. I really appreciate the time you guys have put in.

I will definitely take it on board when figuring out what option to take.

Oh also, yes I do my fair share of chores and I cook every evening.

I will probably try to speak to her again. And again try to get across that it is getting me down. Im not expecting much in return but its worth a final shot.

Again, thank you everyone x"

What's most important to you

Are you really expecting her to come onboard and swing .. will you subject her to sex with men she knows even less than you

Will that make her more palatable

And will it give you more reason to hang about your kid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Court her. Get a babysitter. Make her feel desired. And show her also, intimacy doesn't always have to lead to sex.

It is extremely difficult for young mums not to swerve away from being the attentive lover you're missing. Being a mummy is all encompassing.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

They don't. They just let one person abuse the others trust and totally mug them off and make them look stupid.

But cheaters like to try and convince themselves they're not scumbags."

They are just trying to fulfil a basic human need and enjoy being desired, no?

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

"Wow. Some really great comments from you all. I really appreciate the time you guys have put in.

I will definitely take it on board when figuring out what option to take.

Oh also, yes I do my fair share of chores and I cook every evening.

I will probably try to speak to her again. And again try to get across that it is getting me down. Im not expecting much in return but its worth a final shot.

Again, thank you everyone x

What's most important to you

Are you really expecting her to come onboard and swing .. will you subject her to sex with men she knows even less than you

Will that make her more palatable

And will it give you more reason to hang about your kid

No, I dont expect her to swing at all, I am fully committed to her but wish she would take my feelings into consideration also thats all. I have not mentioned her being ‘more palatable’.

And yes the reason we have a child together is what makes it more difficult.

As I said I need to weigh it up. I understand all points of view expressed on here.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

You did ask for opinions, so here goes...

She’s the mother of your child, have some respect for her, get rid of your Fab account and keep your cock in your pants.

You both deserve happiness, if she doesn’t make you happy then leave her. Carrying on until she finds out what you’ve been doing on Fab behind her back isn’t something she deserves. She might never get over it. And she will find out eventually. Don’t do it to her.

Sorry it that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Wow. Some really great comments from you all. I really appreciate the time you guys have put in.

I will definitely take it on board when figuring out what option to take.

Oh also, yes I do my fair share of chores and I cook every evening.

I will probably try to speak to her again. And again try to get across that it is getting me down. Im not expecting much in return but its worth a final shot.

Again, thank you everyone x

What's most important to you

Are you really expecting her to come onboard and swing .. will you subject her to sex with men she knows even less than you

Will that make her more palatable

And will it give you more reason to hang about your kid

No, I dont expect her to swing at all, I am fully committed to her but wish she would take my feelings into consideration also thats all. I have not mentioned her being ‘more palatable’.

And yes the reason we have a child together is what makes it more difficult.

As I said I need to weigh it up. I understand all points of view expressed on here."

You're between a rock and a hard place. Whatever the problem is in a relationship if one partner refuses to talk about or even acknowledge it, it will never be resolved in a good way.

Sometimes (and I stress I'm saying this without knowing your partners side of the story) an ultimatum needs to be issued. It can seem unkind but you're not getting anywhere at the moment and I can't imagine that she's happy.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Priorities shift when you have kids, maybe she's knackered, maybe she's fed up of you banging on about sex. Maybe she's lost a bit of self confidence. Who knows?

If you want it to work out you'll have to be patient and wank more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can only keep trying to discuss it with her OP. It's not straight choice now. You also have your responsibility as a father.

Try to make space for the two of you to reconnect and do it as often as you can. Parenting is a joint responsibility and you need to share.

Do you understand the dynamic of your relationship and are you speaking the same language? Read the books 'Attached' and 'The Five Languages of Love'.

I suggest you leave Fab and any other site to focus on this first. You can always return later. But don't let it be a distraction from your relationship.

And, no, she's not cheating. But probably very tired and following her maternal instincts. You can work it out together with some understanding. I'm afraid that cheating usually only ends one way. Is that a risk you want to take?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

Ive been the one that found out, its not something i would wish on anyone. 4 yrs later i still struggle with it every day and it has totally changed me as a person

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

Ive been the one that found out, its not something i would wish on anyone. 4 yrs later i still struggle with it every day and it has totally changed me as a person"

I understand what you're saying, it's something that lives with you for a long time...

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

Ive been the one that found out, its not something i would wish on anyone. 4 yrs later i still struggle with it every day and it has totally changed me as a person"

Same. And he was a regular cheat. I have no idea how I would deal with finding out he had a secret Fab life. I don’t think I’d ever trust another person again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

Something like that shows you just want everything about yourself and shows no compassion or empathy for partner/husband/whatever. Im not going to judge, but put the shoe on the other and think how you would feel if you where treated the same way. If its all in open with your partner thats fair enough but sneaking around and mugging them off just so you can keep a roof over your head and someone to help you with the kids and take you on holiday is not right imho, tbh it more behaviour of a sociopath

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a 15 year relationship.... it ended a month ago. No sex in 10 months.... maybe twice a year for past 3 or 4 years..... she wouldnt talk.... she'd be chatting to guys pn tinder, had an affair while i was working nights, i thought an open relationship would help. Just made her more distant. So no judgement. We have 2 kids, just ended up as friends, lodgers, not lovers.

It's not cheating if you are being neglected.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

I don’t have a partner and I’m not a sociopath

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dude, you're not compatible.

Thats okay! It's OK for her to not want sex very often. It's OK for you to want it always. What's not OK is cheating and destroying any hope of an amicable break up for the sake of your child.

Do you want the kid growing up with parents who argue and hate each other?

Or do you want to just accept it won't work, try to stay calm and focus on how to co-parent. "

This. Oh so much this!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cheating implies that there are rules, if you don't accept the rules to begin with you can't cheat.

If you do accept the rules you are accepting society's constraints.

not exactly a "swinger" then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

I don’t have a partner and I’m not a sociopath

Why would you say what you have said then other than having some sort of prior experience doing something like that? As joke? Dont think OP is exactly looking for jokes.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

I don’t have a partner and I’m not a sociopath

Why would you say what you have said then other than having some sort of prior experience doing something like that? As joke? Dont think OP is exactly looking for jokes.

No need to name call just because our opinions differ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

I don’t have a partner and I’m not a sociopath

Why would you say what you have said then other than having some sort of prior experience doing something like that? As joke? Dont think OP is exactly looking for jokes.

No need to name call just because our opinions differ

I havn't called you any name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant help but think the fact that in such a longwinded post there's just a few words mentioning you have a kid is the problem. You've been together 2 1/2 years so for a big chunk she's either been pregnant or a new mother and you really do not appear to have taken that in to account at all

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

We can only comment from our own experiences, so all our opinions will differ. I personally couldn't cheat or deceive anyone and would leave the relationship if the differences couldn't be resolved. There's nothing worse than being made a fool of, by someone who purports to love you.

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By *heshirefungirlWoman
over a year ago

ammanford

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

^^this

I've been swinging longer than I remember and my current partner of nearly six years met me though a sex site and knew from the start that I have a huge sex drive and a very active sex life and we used to have a fantastic sex life to start with till I moved in and stopped seeing other people, but it's got less and less till two years ago it was at the point where I was lucky to get it once a month, and there was no foreplay or passion or lush left in it, I've always been a very sexual person and this deprived sex life was destroying both me and our relationship, so I started going to my favourite club once every other month with my ex (from over a decade ago we were great as swinging buddies but not meant for a relationship and have remained great friends,were as the one I live with we are great other than the sex side of things)

There is a massive difference between sex and making love and sex is what I want and need, I'm a very different person in all areas of life,if I'm being looked after sexualy , now I don't want to leave the guy I live with and I have tried so much to get him back on track when it comes to sex but he's not interested in sex at all at least not at the moment, example he's just made me go from the 22nd December till the 1st of February with nothing and everytime I tried to instigate it he rejected it, leaving me feeling unattractive and hurting, bringing me down, increasing my depression and anxiety and making me insecure, we were falling out over the silliest of things and I was thinking of walking away but now I've had my needs met I'm a lovely person again and we are back to great and them two nights away every other month save our relationship and make home a much nicer place for us both to be, I only meet people I already know or people at clubs, I don't meet anyone who I'm likely to see in my vanilla life, I'm not having an affair, I'm cheating on him if that's what you want to call it but all my devices are left open and on laying round the house and none of them are locked, he knows I still go out with swinging buddies and friends just not about the sex but that is only because he doesn't ask about it

I guest the only answer to your question is that only you can choose the path for you but just be aware that for every action there is a reaction and if you choose to play away behind your partners back they might find out and then you have to face what ever that brings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

Gunna sound harsh, brace yourself!

Why would you have a child with someone that you are not compatible with. You must have known early on that she was not as highly sexed as you?

I think as much as you don’t want to leave her you are better to do it whilst child is young as this situation is not going to improve, just get harder. You will end up hating her and then your child may start to see, hear and understand things. In MY OPINION (and only that) you should leave for all your sake. Sad as it is. As if she finds out you are cheating, women (not all but most) turn nasty with kids involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I cant help but think the fact that in such a longwinded post there's just a few words mentioning you have a kid is the problem. You've been together 2 1/2 years so for a big chunk she's either been pregnant or a new mother and you really do not appear to have taken that in to account at all"

Also if she had a rough pregnancy/delivery the awful fear you have of falling pregnant again could be hindering things.

Took me almost a year to open my legs again after giving birth (well, having him plucked from my womb) coz being pregnant made me so unwell I was petrified of it happening again, even with the contraceptive injection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We can only comment from our own experiences, so all our opinions will differ. I personally couldn't cheat or deceive anyone and would leave the relationship if the differences couldn't be resolved. There's nothing worse than being made a fool of, by someone who purports to love you."

That shit messes with your head, your sense of self, your self esteem, your trust and judgement, you sense of worth, your reality. Let's be honest, when you find out the life you thought you had isn't the one you really had it knocks you down, it has the power to break you. It changes you forever in some ways, and can impact every single future relationship.

That's a mighty big responsibility to have on your shoulders.

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By *ixen500Couple
over a year ago

some where near shropshire

"Hi op

I can't validate what you're doing for you ,

How old is your child? Could she be suffering from.post natal depression maybe?.

Do you help with childcare/housework etc and make her feel appreciated,i know when i don't feel that way I lose my mojo.

I think if you feel you do help out/treat her well and have done all you can then you have to make a decision.

Live as you are and sneak around on here or be brave and make a break for it.

Yes it may hurt at first ,but surely you both deserve some happiness ."

Hi yes i agree with miss Morgan

Life is short get to the bottom of the problem

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The solution, if you are to have a satisfying relationship, if compatible, is to be able to solve your communication together. It may mean ongoing experimention and creativity with how this is achieved, but you'll need it.

Ultimately why you want to communicate well is to sustain the relationship and improve it. If she's resistant to talking about sex, then find how to talk about the relationship and your feelings for her.

Don't use your prior discussion/notificattoon to her about the importance of sex or a high sex drive, as a get out of jail card.

Relationships start to break down when someone has secrets that aren't shared. They become like fractures in the strongest rock that will grow.

Set your objectives as talking but get the foundation being that it's about the importance of your relationship and wanting to become closer etc.

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

They don't. They just let one person abuse the others trust and totally mug them off and make them look stupid.

But cheaters like to try and convince themselves they're not scumbags.

They are just trying to fulfil a basic human need and enjoy being desired, no?

They can do that outside of a relationship.

Instead of using someone to keep their bed warm whole they disrespect them.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

In the end I'd just pretend to be asleep. Cuddle her as she slept and she'd snuggle back, put my hand anywhere in the 'banned' zones and she'd tut and sigh and roll over. At least while she was awake she was more subtle about it, but after days of that I somehow stopped feeling sexy when she tried it on with me. "

Now this is very familiar!! Much less than once a week though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a woman that's been cheated on, looking back, I wish he had just left me, the mental scars run deep, I'm not pretty enough, sexy enough, funny, etc etc etc.

If you love her but feel that your need for sex is more important then before you take that step and cheat, leave....I'm not judging you please believe that.....as they say if you love her let her go! Dont inflict that kind of damage, put it down to experience except that for what ever reason it's not making you or her happy and step away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who has cheated and been cheated on, I'd say it's time to walk away. An unhappy relationship isn't good for a child or the parents either and kids do pick up on it. If it's come to this then you have to consider whether it's really love or more habit that makes you think you want to stay.

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By *ireupthequattroCouple
over a year ago

Stratford

"You did ask for opinions, so here goes...

She’s the mother of your child, have some respect for her, get rid of your Fab account and keep your cock in your pants.

Sorry it that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

Cause he will keep doing it if he can ,just thinks about getting his cock wet , wank more , stay honest , and get off here , too many married blokes on here with a sob story about the wife not understanding their needs, delete your fab account at once , it’s a swingers site not a brothel for frustrated married guys playing away from their wives who don’t understand them

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Being cheated on fucks people up. It ruins their trust in other people, it can cause low self esteem, you question your judgement of others, it’s upsetting (especially if you cheat with someone who is a cowbag and causes a whole world of shit and enjoys the experience), it affects future relationships with good honest people who have to bear the brunt of this persons ex fucking them over in the past and leaving emotional scars.

So cheat if you have to. If you’ve exhausted all other avenues. But be aware that you are damaging another person. And you can’t take back all the hurt and pain it will cause. Not just to your partner, but to yourself if she leaves you.

People forgive, but they never forget.

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By *oneyCPL8484Couple
over a year ago

Gosport

Weve been there in past relationships. All we can say without going into detail is DONT LIVE A LIE! The longer it goes on the more damaging it is. Live life honestly and it will eventually fall into place.

Good luck to you x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

It really erks me, people slagging partners off to justify being on here.

Strangers can't help you ease your conscience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating can NEVERA be justified. Noone EVER deserves to be cheated on. The act of cheating can not be justified, and especially not validated by random people in a sex site who you will likely never meet just because THEY get away with it (and probably totally and completely unaware of the damage and destruction their actions cause).

You've got problems, I hope you get the correct help to guide you through it.. but Fab isn't for you in this situation. I wish you all the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some time apart would be a wiser choice than cheating. I've been your wife, my ex could probably have written what you did when our wee one was a baby. Our priorities at that time just felt so different. While he saw sex as just as essential as it was pre-child, I saw it as something else he was insisting was constantly added to my long list of to-dos while I was exhausted, stressed and feeling the unsexiest of my life. I just thought 'ok so this is how I am now, I don't really have a sex drive anymore' but it turned out to be totally situational.

We separated and the passion came back with a vengance. We didn't handle it all that well in that we realised we preferred living apart but continued to have a way better sex and social life together for years following on an on/off basis. We always parented together and both slept with other people, but always still ended up getting together often too, and the sex was everything it was at the beginning and more. We've now nipped that in the bud after an unsuccessful attempt to try as a couple again but we're still best friends, as neither of us betrayed the others trust at any point while we were figuring it out.

I'm not saying that's how it would go for you, or recommending it does as that kind of limbo isn't great either. Just that you'll both at least have a chance to see whether you even miss being together or whether you just are through habit now. Don't cheat on her, give both of you a chance of a happier future (whether together or apart) and a better long term relationship as parents by giving each other some breathing space to figure it out amicably.

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By *athan 123Man
over a year ago

rochdale oldham border

Honestly ? Yes but that doesn’t stop people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly ? Yes but that doesn’t stop people "

Exactly.

I've been cheated on and I have cheated.

I've come to the conclusion that relationships just aren't for me.

I miss intimacy but I dont miss having my happiness depending on another person.

Fab is a good insight into why I would find it difficult to trust anyone again.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Ome other hing to consider.

Is it possible she has had bad experiences before she knew you that impact her attitude to sex and intimacy... it.may well be sething she never admits to but finding out you've cheated could be another crack for her to come to terms with

For her mental health and that of your child it's worth trying to consider what selfish is

Is she being selfish or are you

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By *oungladMan
over a year ago

Burnham

Cheating or not, it might be worth considering counselling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

Hope you've got a crash helmet, or maybe an underground bunker - prepare to be battered by judgemental haters. Many simply refuse to see, but I understand your position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some good replies above, but IMO if you love someone you don't cheat on them. Good luck

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

The person who is/has been on the receiving end of cheating will always see it as being wrong.

The person who does the cheating will always try to convince themselves it is not.

I have been on both sides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in the same predicament. Whats worrying is I knew we both have a high sex drive, Caught her messaging another guy on Kik confronted her, had the argument, stayed together for the kid never trusted her again. We carried on until recently when I asked her if she wanted to do a couple profile on here, which she thought was a bad idea and we have now split. We didn't love each other and were only staying together for the child which in the end was not good for either of us. Its all about compromise and working together and if neither are willing to do that than love is over im afraid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, don't do it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Have you discovered through getting to know them and good communication, that a partner has done something against you that would warrant them being scarred for life? And that damage done to them would likely affect your child, at the most important part of their life?

If not, do NOT cheat. Manage your relationship in a different way.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

Hope you've got a crash helmet, or maybe an underground bunker - prepare to be battered by judgemental haters. Many simply refuse to see, but I understand your position."

Oh please! No one dragged the op in here and tortured him to divulge his business. Using his own volition he set out his stall knowing he would take some flack, so what's your problem?

In these situations the cheater invariably blames the partner, portraying themselves as blameless.

My ex-husband and I were insatiable. We just couldn't get enough of each other, then I had our first child. Six weeks after giving birth my husband said you should be okay for sex now. I tore during birth, my breast were the size of watermelons and the squirted milk like water canons at the slightest touch...I didn't want him near me.

He got it. Did everything, made my life easier and stress free. In no time we were at it and he maintained doing the majority of the chores bar ironing.

No matter what the situation, putting pressure on and giving ultimatums seldom work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

Hope you've got a crash helmet, or maybe an underground bunker - prepare to be battered by judgemental haters. Many simply refuse to see, but I understand your position.

Oh please! No one dragged the op in here and tortured him to divulge his business. Using his own volition he set out his stall knowing he would take some flack, so what's your problem?

In these situations the cheater invariably blames the partner, portraying themselves as blameless.

He got it. Did everything, made my life easier and stress free. In no time we were at it and he maintained doing the majority of the chores bar ironing.

No matter what the situation, putting pressure on and giving ultimatums seldom work."

I wasn't suggesting pressure or ultimatums.

Just saying that a thread like this will always attract vociferous anti-cheating comments. Was I wrong?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

Hope you've got a crash helmet, or maybe an underground bunker - prepare to be battered by judgemental haters. Many simply refuse to see, but I understand your position.

Oh please! No one dragged the op in here and tortured him to divulge his business. Using his own volition he set out his stall knowing he would take some flack, so what's your problem?

In these situations the cheater invariably blames the partner, portraying themselves as blameless.

He got it. Did everything, made my life easier and stress free. In no time we were at it and he maintained doing the majority of the chores bar ironing.

No matter what the situation, putting pressure on and giving ultimatums seldom work."
I

If people refuse to discuss a situation that's making one partner unhappy sometimes an ultimatum is the only thing that will cause them to open up. I'm not saying anyone should say "unless you have sex I'm leaving" but saying "unless we can talk about this I'm going to.find my own solutions". Refusing to discuss is not a nice thing to do in any situation and gives all the power to that person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every relationship is different so no OP I’m not judgemental enough to say that cheating is always wrong. Your life, your relationship, your guilt or maybe not, your responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think sleeping with or makeing efforts to talk to someone with the intention of it leading to sex whilst in a relationship that is t open is always wrong... Can't stay mano then find a partner into swinging or happy to be in an open relationship... With somone who doesn't make you happy or leaves you sexually wanting then tima to asses if the relationship is worth your time and consider ending it... It is never the right thing to disrespect someone you 'love' (in my opinion)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well there more to a relationship than sex, somthing is wrong but keep asking her you will push her further away. Try have a happy life without the pressure of demanding sex, grass is never greener. You just need to work out to get the spark back. I divorced 5 years ago and regretted it. Yes I’ve had a ball and a few partners sex brilliant but I wish I was still married looking back it was better than being single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in similar position to you. I tried various different things and nothing worked. I personally think that the other person had issues that they didn't want to accept and as such didn't think there was a problem or were more comfortable going through the motions of everything being fine. The bottom line being that it won't change until they want to change it themselves and you can't force anyone to do that. It then is a case of asking yourself how happy you are in the situation. If it's making you seriously unhappy then you need to tell them that at the very least. Sometimes things need a make or break situation but you risk everything. Are you willing to risk it? Will you be happier if you leave the situation? Or would it break you? Cheating isn't the answer or the fix.

I walked away from mine as it stripped me of my confidence and made me really unhappy but there were two other factors that majorly contributed to my decision. But I know for a fact that I tried bloody hard to communicate how I was feeling and I went to therapy with them and more. I feel better knowing I tried like hell before I walked away.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Moving away from the op and just talking generally here. Is it ever ok to refuse to discuss things within a relationship? If your partner approaches you and wants to discuss something that makes you uncomfortable and you know will upset you or lead to further problems that might eventually be resolved or not, does refusing to acknowledge the problem jointly ever help?

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Moving away from the op and just talking generally here. Is it ever ok to refuse to discuss things within a relationship? If your partner approaches you and wants to discuss something that makes you uncomfortable and you know will upset you or lead to further problems that might eventually be resolved or not, does refusing to acknowledge the problem jointly ever help?

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?"

A corollary to that, is it kind, or sensible, to try to discuss something that you know perfectly well that your spouse is no longer able to do anything about, and the very mention would only cause distress?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?"

If your not willing to be open and have difficult discussions with your partner then in my opinion you have no right entering into a partnership in the first place... I think if someone in a one sided relationship really needs to talk things out and they are unable to do that at home then they should be able to talk it through with somone els... Talking is good for the mind where as bottling emotions is bad for mental health

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Is one person's distress more important than anothers? Would discussing it lead to greater understanding on both sides and eventually to resolution?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Interestingly there have been many threads recently encouraging people, especially men, to open up about their problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?"

Yes, in my eyes they should take some responsibility if they refuse to discuss.

Talking can be hard, some people forget how to, or at least how to respectfully and end up arguing, feeling defensive, attacked and a whole host of other things

Talking to someone else, couples counselling perhaps to teach them how to undo the habits of not talking, to show them a different approach may help.

If you've tried all you can then at least you can hold your head high and know you did your damndest to rectify the situation.

Both parties need to admit their real thoughts and understand they ain't perfect and could probably do things differently even if those things are uncomfortable to begin with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Most responses here tend to assume that the discussion is only about relationships that are forming, or still have decades to run. There are some otherwise loving couples comprising one partner who is significantly closer to end of life than the other. This is not as black and white as many here seem to think.

Good luck to you all if you can keep your lives that simple.

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By *andCberksCouple
over a year ago

Newbury

Cheating is always a bad thing.. chat to her buy her flowers all women love them. Take her out to dinner.dont pressure her just chat

and when she ready to take she will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try and talk to her about how she is feeling generally, not just about sex, and how she is feeling about herself. I’ve had 3 children (all 3 c-sections) and after my youngest I suffered with postnatal depression, hubby would try to touch me and I would push him away and make excuses all the time, it wasn’t that I didn’t fancy him it was that I felt so bad about how I looked after pregnancy that I hated being touched, at one point he thought I didn’t love him because I didn’t come near him but that was so far from the truth and it took a while for me to start feeling better myself and accepting that my body has changed and that I’m not a slim toned size 8 I once was and to realise that he still fancies the pants off me regardless of stretch marks,lumps and bumps and everything heading south lol.

It’s hard after having a baby your body changes so much, your hormones are all over the place and you can feel drained and sex is the last thing on your mind.

Have you noticed any changes with her like did she used to be confident and now not so? Just try and have a proper chat without it turning into a conversation about sex. Also make sure you spend time together, give her a nice massage (with no expectations of anything else), run her a nice hot bath and look after little one so she can have some time to herself, all these things can make a massive difference

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's difficult and I understand why people do it, but it is never ok. I know you've tried speaking to her but if you've got to the point where you're getting nowhere and she refuses to talk when you have been as open and honest with her as possible then you need to make your mind up. Are you going to stay and try your best to make it work or call it quits, end on loyalty and move forward knowing you won't be adding more damage into your relationship that is already fragile?

It's such a shit situation and this is already hard enough for you, so why would you want to cheat and make this even more complicated?

You've been together for two and a half years and you've had an account on here for four months... if you've managed to create an account on here to message women and look for sex, look at women etc, you've already gone too far and maybe she is closed off as her gut is telling her something isn't right.

It isn't easy giving advice when we know so little about your relationship, but one thing is for sure, cheating on your partner is not going to fix anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Parents who stay with each other just for the kids make it worse than if they would break up.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Yes, in my eyes they should take some responsibility if they refuse to discuss.

Talking can be hard, some people forget how to, or at least how to respectfully and end up arguing, feeling defensive, attacked and a whole host of other things

Talking to someone else, couples counselling perhaps to teach them how to undo the habits of not talking, to show them a different approach may help.

If you've tried all you can then at least you can hold your head high and know you did your damndest to rectify the situation.

Both parties need to admit their real thoughts and understand they ain't perfect and could probably do things differently even if those things are uncomfortable to begin with.

I agree.

I've seen people really struggling to understand what's going on in their relationship and ending up making assumptions about how their partner feels because they simply refuse to talk.

I have direct experience of this in my first marriage. His inability/refusal to discuss any issues led me to believe he didn't care. After I left him (for many reasons not just that) he was suddenly able to open up...too late.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no right and wrong there is only zooooooooool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Parents who stay with each other just for the kids make it worse than if they would break up."

100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Yes, in my eyes they should take some responsibility if they refuse to discuss.

Talking can be hard, some people forget how to, or at least how to respectfully and end up arguing, feeling defensive, attacked and a whole host of other things

Talking to someone else, couples counselling perhaps to teach them how to undo the habits of not talking, to show them a different approach may help.

If you've tried all you can then at least you can hold your head high and know you did your damndest to rectify the situation.

Both parties need to admit their real thoughts and understand they ain't perfect and could probably do things differently even if those things are uncomfortable to begin with.

I agree.

I've seen people really struggling to understand what's going on in their relationship and ending up making assumptions about how their partner feels because they simply refuse to talk.

Absolutely, they also need to listen to hear, not just to reply.

And when you have nothing to work on you DO make assumptions, because you're trying to make sense of things. You look for answers. It's natural, though at times leads you completely down the wrong path and with answers that couldn't be further from the truth. You piece things together from the "evidence" you're presented with.

Those who refuse to talk don't always realise they're silently saying "you're insignificant"

Even if they were to explain they don't know the words, they don't know how they feel but are willing to try to find out and work on things, then that can mean so much and offer hope. It makes the other person feel validated rather than unworthy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Yes, in my eyes they should take some responsibility if they refuse to discuss.

Talking can be hard, some people forget how to, or at least how to respectfully and end up arguing, feeling defensive, attacked and a whole host of other things

Talking to someone else, couples counselling perhaps to teach them how to undo the habits of not talking, to show them a different approach may help.

If you've tried all you can then at least you can hold your head high and know you did your damndest to rectify the situation.

Both parties need to admit their real thoughts and understand they ain't perfect and could probably do things differently even if those things are uncomfortable to begin with.

I agree.

I've seen people really struggling to understand what's going on in their relationship and ending up making assumptions about how their partner feels because they simply refuse to talk.

Absolutely, they also need to listen to hear, not just to reply.

Those who refuse to talk don't always realise they're silently saying "you're insignificant"

P"
,

Yes! So few seem to understand that.

As you know I rarely reference my own personal situations but I was shocked to discover how my first husband felt about me because his actions genuinely didn't reflect his feelings. Actions speak louder than words, especially if there are no words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Yes, in my eyes they should take some responsibility if they refuse to discuss.

Talking can be hard, some people forget how to, or at least how to respectfully and end up arguing, feeling defensive, attacked and a whole host of other things

Talking to someone else, couples counselling perhaps to teach them how to undo the habits of not talking, to show them a different approach may help.

If you've tried all you can then at least you can hold your head high and know you did your damndest to rectify the situation.

Both parties need to admit their real thoughts and understand they ain't perfect and could probably do things differently even if those things are uncomfortable to begin with.

I agree.

I've seen people really struggling to understand what's going on in their relationship and ending up making assumptions about how their partner feels because they simply refuse to talk.

Absolutely, they also need to listen to hear, not just to reply.

Those who refuse to talk don't always realise they're silently saying "you're insignificant"

Yes! So few seem to understand that.

Wholeheartedly agree.

If people were to explain even why they didn't want to talk it would be something, expose a vulnerability and humanize them a bit more.

I've admitted I've been scared to talk about certain things, because the worst case scenario frightened the absolute shit out of me. Why? Because it means holding a mirror up to myself and addressing certain parts of my thinking that I don't know if I could change. I need to do that though, because anything else is burying my head in the sand and could lead to possible resentment/others feeling like I'm not bothered. That's not me, that's not what I want. I'm very bothered and will do what I can to show it. I do take things personally and am learning how to cope with it better, especially when things are situational rather than personal.

Something is better than nothing.

Acknowledgement matters.

Acceptance of a problem matters.

I've seen so many people talk to everyone else apart from the person they should be talking to. I think they're searching for validation from others, they need to know they matter. That was certainly the case with me in regards to my ex. He was a nasty piece of work though, and wanted me to feel like I was worthless. He told me I was often enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is not ok, u need to end the relationship

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

I honestly have never cheated as it goes against my honour even though others think that I have but I’m not able I don’t have the stomach for it. So cheating is always bad and ends relationships even if you are accused of doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As advice from a woman who's been cheated on (many years ago) DONT DO IT . If your not happy , end it. If your partners not confident ect, this will make her feel worse and so many issues spiral.

You need to express your feelings and thoughts TOGETHER and go from there. I wish you luck OP

Nikki

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If the unacknowledged partner then turns to someone outside of the relationship for help and advice (not sex) is that wrong?

Is the partner refusing to communicate responsible in any way for that?

Yes, in my eyes they should take some responsibility if they refuse to discuss.

Talking can be hard, some people forget how to, or at least how to respectfully and end up arguing, feeling defensive, attacked and a whole host of other things

Talking to someone else, couples counselling perhaps to teach them how to undo the habits of not talking, to show them a different approach may help.

If you've tried all you can then at least you can hold your head high and know you did your damndest to rectify the situation.

Both parties need to admit their real thoughts and understand they ain't perfect and could probably do things differently even if those things are uncomfortable to begin with.

I agree.

I've seen people really struggling to understand what's going on in their relationship and ending up making assumptions about how their partner feels because they simply refuse to talk.

Absolutely, they also need to listen to hear, not just to reply.

Those who refuse to talk don't always realise they're silently saying "you're insignificant"

Yes! So few seem to understand that.

Wholeheartedly agree.

If people were to explain even why they didn't want to talk it would be something, expose a vulnerability and humanize them a bit more.

Something is better than nothing.

Acknowledgement matters.

Acceptance of a problem matters.

"
,

I'm sorry about that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow. Some really great comments from you all. I really appreciate the time you guys have put in.

I will definitely take it on board when figuring out what option to take.

Oh also, yes I do my fair share of chores and I cook every evening.

I will probably try to speak to her again. And again try to get across that it is getting me down. Im not expecting much in return but its worth a final shot.

Again, thank you everyone x

What's most important to you

Are you really expecting her to come onboard and swing .. will you subject her to sex with men she knows even less than you

Will that make her more palatable

And will it give you more reason to hang about your kid

No, I dont expect her to swing at all, I am fully committed to her but wish she would take my feelings into consideration also thats all. I have not mentioned her being ‘more palatable’.

And yes the reason we have a child together is what makes it more difficult.

As I said I need to weigh it up. I understand all points of view expressed on here."

You are definately not fully commited to her, otherwise you would not be on here telling the swinging forums all of your problems...and yes asking for validation.

You are commited it would seem to cheating on your wife..imagine her distress if she discovers what you have been up to behind her back...and that a bunch of strangers know more about your relationship than she does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is alwais rong no matter what...theres no excuse to cheat if your not happy move one..theres no reason to cheat att all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cheating is alwais rong no matter what...theres no excuse to cheat if your not happy move one..theres no reason to cheat att all."

I would have loved to comment further and add to some interesting posts, but on a quick note to answer the question:

Is cheating always wrong?

Just as the above poster has said...

Yes. None of those if's and but's, this and that business. Always wrong no matter what. Deception is the ultimate betrayal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes well with the exception of when its right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yes well with the exception of when its right

Pffft allow it G! Way too early for that kind of cheeky post

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By *ob longMan
over a year ago

Swansea

I'm going through the same thing it's hell

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

Sooo. After all that... she cheated on me.

What a plot twist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sooo. After all that... she cheated on me.

What a plot twist"

And are you still gonna stay for the childs sake?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sooo. After all that... she cheated on me.

What a plot twist"

So what happened?

Sorry to hear this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

So our relationship continued as it was. Ok sometimes but not great a lot of the time. Still no sex (I havent had sex this whole year

)

And then 3 days ago I saw messages to her ex about them meeting up, and talk of the snaps they had been sending each other.

Some people will say I deserve it for being on this forum in the first place, and you are entitled to your opinion. I can personally see both sides of the Coin.

But to those who said dont cheat as it will be hard for the other person in the relationship... you were right.

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"So our relationship continued as it was. Ok sometimes but not great a lot of the time. Still no sex (I havent had sex this whole year

)

And then 3 days ago I saw messages to her ex about them meeting up, and talk of the snaps they had been sending each other.

Some people will say I deserve it for being on this forum in the first place, and you are entitled to your opinion. I can personally see both sides of the Coin.

But to those who said dont cheat as it will be hard for the other person in the relationship... you were right."

So have you confronted her? Pr just let it be,?

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Or,*

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

We agreed that even though its a shit time for us considering the circumstances, we would live apart but still work together for our child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Yes it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We agreed that even though its a shit time for us considering the circumstances, we would live apart but still work together for our child. "

I think that's the sensible thing to do.

Kids pick up on negativity and hostility within the home. Too many people stay for the kids thinking it's the best thing for them, when all it does is give them twisted views or what a relationship looks like.

Parents sitting in silence, the kids notice.

Parents then breaking the silence (or stopping arguing) when the child walks in the room and start laughing with then kid, playing with the kid etc, all that does is teach the child they're the peacekeeper and bringer of laughter and joy. That's a huge pressure to put on young shoulders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

"
It's wrong if a guy does it but if a woman does then she must have her reasons

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"So our relationship continued as it was. Ok sometimes but not great a lot of the time. Still no sex (I havent had sex this whole year

)

And then 3 days ago I saw messages to her ex about them meeting up, and talk of the snaps they had been sending each other.

Some people will say I deserve it for being on this forum in the first place, and you are entitled to your opinion. I can personally see both sides of the Coin.

But to those who said dont cheat as it will be hard for the other person in the relationship... you were right."

Sorry to hear, OP.

It's hard when a relationship breaks up, even a shit one.

But as you've found out you can only paper over the cracks for so long.

Here's hoping for happier times ahead, with someone who is on the same wave length as you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

at cards....... no

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

So true!

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

Thanks. I appreciate that.

And thanks everyone who posted. Even those giving their opinion on me being a dickhead. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's wrong. If something is amiss. Fix it or move on.

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. It's a shit thing to do. Most who do, would not accept it from thier partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sooo. After all that... she cheated on me.

What a plot twist"

Theres always strong opinions on such subjects.

People do many things in their lives which on reflection they may decide they could have done differently. It doesnt define,you unless it's a continuous pattern.

I think though, that once you've made that step, it's likely to be very difficult to return to normality and love with your partner?

We're all work in progress.

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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

Before I got to the 'plot twist' I was going to offer the advice I was given.

Write a letter explaining your needs and that you still find her attractive.

The being neglected point earlier above from a poster did resonate. Yes I am in the same boat. So from one point of view here I am a scumbag too. It is never possible to put all the past, circumstances and fears down that it makes sense to others. I do appreciate all the posts and tips. Also helped me. Like a glacier melting this will go on in my case.

Be strong All and live up to the better standards of behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think cheating can keep relationships together sometimes, so long as the other party doesn’t find out anyway!

Not when you see the fallout when young children are involved...

Agreed but I did say if the other party doesn’t find out

How do they keep relationships together?

Because cheating gives you the sexual needs you desire and don’t get at home, but everything else can stay the same, the house, holidays, family etc

"
Then there’s the guilt the lies and living a fake life and someone who loves and trusts you and your shagging someone else behind their back is bad in my books. I’ll rather sit down and have it out and either work it out or work a way out to leave that would suit both parties be a adult and get on with life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At Monopoly Yes... On your other half No...

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

Have you tried to write her a letter? If you really want to open up to her because it’s bothering you , it might be an option?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you tried to write her a letter? If you really want to open up to her because it’s bothering you , it might be an option?

x "

She cheated on him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow. Some really great comments from you all. I really appreciate the time you guys have put in.

I will definitely take it on board when figuring out what option to take.

Oh also, yes I do my fair share of chores and I cook every evening.

I will probably try to speak to her again. And again try to get across that it is getting me down. Im not expecting much in return but its worth a final shot.

Again, thank you everyone x

What's most important to you

Are you really expecting her to come onboard and swing .. will you subject her to sex with men she knows even less than you

Will that make her more palatable

And will it give you more reason to hang about your kid

No, I dont expect her to swing at all, I am fully committed to her but wish she would take my feelings into consideration also thats all. I have not mentioned her being ‘more palatable’.

And yes the reason we have a child together is what makes it more difficult.

As I said I need to weigh it up. I understand all points of view expressed on here."

Man this is so tough.

For what it’s worth I don’t think cheating is the answer.- it will end up hurting you as much as her.

Try to stay strong.

Try couples counselling. Then at least that way if it does end, at least you can hold your head up and say to yourself and your kid that you did all you could.

Best of luck buddy.

It can’t be easy especially in lock down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

"
if you love the mother of your child you shouldn't be on here end of and asking us for advice really cmon man thats even more questionable, if you truly have spoken to your wife and shes not doing anything to consider your feelings on its thats grounds for separation not grounds for cheating......... i personally don't care one way or the other but you said you love her, so why you here if she finds out you're here you'll be separated anyway, deal with your marriage and partner first if you can't then do the honourable thing, thats my advice anyways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is never right, never

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Cheating sounds so exciting, so forgiveable .......... so much fun.

Lying really ...... isn't it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Fuck me ...... 'recently single '

Lies lies and more lies.

My guess is that SHE has a baby ...... and is fucking knackered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im in a bit of a predicament with this one. Obviously this is a site to meet up with other couples but it was ‘originally’ set up when I was single.

I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now but as you can probably tell, me being on here is not a good sign that the relationship is going well.

I guess I dont know what im asking for, maybe validation, or maybe I just need to get it out in the open. But any advice, comments (probably the odd insult which I am expecting) would be welcome.

Thank you guys x

if you love the mother of your child you shouldn't be on here end of and asking us for advice really cmon man thats even more questionable, if you truly have spoken to your wife and shes not doing anything to consider your feelings on its thats grounds for separation not grounds for cheating......... i personally don't care one way or the other but you said you love her, so why you here if she finds out you're here you'll be separated anyway, deal with your marriage and partner first if you can't then do the honourable thing, thats my advice anyways

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

It's not right but often there are both parties to blame. People don't cheat if the relationship they are in is happy, content and fulfilling.

People often forget that and solely blame the one who did the cheating.

It is never black and white and we try to look at the bigger picture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In a 15 year relationship.... it ended a month ago. No sex in 10 months.... maybe twice a year for past 3 or 4 years..... she wouldnt talk.... she'd be chatting to guys pn tinder, had an affair while i was working nights, i thought an open relationship would help. Just made her more distant. So no judgement. We have 2 kids, just ended up as friends, lodgers, not lovers.

It's not cheating if you are being neglected. "

Yes it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're lying to your partner and being deceitful.. no matter the circumstances..you're cheating!!

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By *orningGrind OP Man
over a year ago

south wales

Try reading my comment roughly 15above yours. I am recently single. There are no lies thank you.

If you dont agree with my original post that is 100% ok with me. If you think Im an asshole for going on this forum I would have to agree with you, I shouldnt have done it.

But I have not lied about a thing thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well then it's not cheating...??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But I was replying to the 15yr comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sooo. After all that... she cheated on me.

What a plot twist"

That is shit x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Try reading my comment roughly 15above yours. I am recently single. There are no lies thank you.

If you dont agree with my original post that is 100% ok with me. If you think Im an asshole for going on this forum I would have to agree with you, I shouldnt have done it.

But I have not lied about a thing thanks"

You're welcome.

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

What a judgemental world will live in eh

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What a judgemental world will live in eh

Yeah. Specially if you ask people what they think.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

I’ve just read this thread from beginning to end (so far), and with every see-saw of opinion I’ve agreed with all the points of view. One or two differing viewpoints, but mostly honestly and eloquently explained.

Sorry this comment isn’t much help, I too have been in similar situations, but it’s meant as a genuine salute to the contributors (above)

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

So is it my understanding that in order to keep you, she had to give you awesome and frequent sex.

That by not doing so, you would be looking elsewhere, thereby putting the whole problem at her, making her feel like total shit, whilst you're on here building your ego.

Cheating - always wrong

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By *quaman87Man
over a year ago

Colchester

100%!!! anyone here played monopoly????

Exactly!

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