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Kids say the funniest things

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just heard my 14 yr old on his ps4 say to someone an absolute perl of an insult so so proud

I was gonna fuck ya mum but i chucked her back in the sea cos she stunk of fish funny guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He sounds lovely

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"He sounds lovely"
hes the nice one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son once asked me when he was about 2 if I liked willies lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My son once asked me when he was about 2 if I liked willies lol "
well do ya

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so glad I don't have children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son once asked me when he was about 2 if I liked willies lol well do ya "

I’m mean they’re alright I like some more than others tho

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By *aughtyhotlipsWoman
over a year ago

belfast

[Removed by poster at 01/02/20 20:56:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was wearing a new dress today my 9 year old chirped up with what the hell is that you are wearing

Another from same child mum when are you going to wear makeup again you remind me of a clown you looked so funny

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'd be mortified just a little if my 14 year old said that out loud!

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials


"Just heard my 14 yr old on his ps4 say to someone an absolute perl of an insult so so proud

I was gonna fuck ya mum but i chucked her back in the sea cos she stunk of fish funny guy"

To be fair, that’s the the sort of comment I’d expect from a 14 yr old boy who didn’t know they were being overheard.

J x

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Our son came home from school when he was about 4 or 5 yr old asking why we can't have pet giraffes. "Daddy, we could just take the roof off the sheds so they can live in there" he said.

I miss our children being little and cute.

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By *aughtyhotlipsWoman
over a year ago

belfast

My wee lad told me one day he was becoming a virgin couldn't stop laughing he meant vegan lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Standing in a queue in a shop years ago when he was about 3 he said very loudly "Mum! I like girls!!"

Last week he told me he was walking home from school and passed some kids in an underpass and said there was a strong smell of "the devil's lettuce". I don't think I stopped giggling for about half an hour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just heard my 14 yr old on his ps4 say to someone an absolute perl of an insult so so proud

I was gonna fuck ya mum but i chucked her back in the sea cos she stunk of fish funny guy

To be fair, that’s the the sort of comment I’d expect from a 14 yr old boy who didn’t know they were being overheard.

J x"

My son's father discovered that our beloved child had created an email account called Wilyu Suckmeov to use in gaming. We discussed this in a three way Zuck book message, his father commented "most amusing" and I confessed I was only just recovering from the hilarity of the gag myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was wearing a new dress today my 9 year old chirped up with what the hell is that you are wearing

Another from same child mum when are you going to wear makeup again you remind me of a clown you looked so funny "

When he was little my jewellery was called "mummy's decorations". I think I'm gonna go have a little cry...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'm so glad I don't have children "

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

Walking through the underwear section once my then 3 year old was pretending to be a dog, crawling the floor I asked what are you doing "I'm sniffing out knickers" was his reply

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

years ago my MIL brought my eldest shopping i think she was only about 3. anyway she tripped and stumbled on something and my little one shouted out the top of her voice in the middle of the shop silly d*unk nanny. she was mortified. it became a running joke in the family then if she ever tripped over something

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

My eldest, now 9, once came home from School and asked me when I was going to get them another Dad like his friends in School.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

During the Toilet Training stage my wee boy said “Dada, why does your wink wink not have a beard anymore? Just a wee tinkle atasche, aye?” When I left him home to his Mum’s he then proceeded to tell her Daddy’s tinkle has no beard Mortified.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

When I was in primary school I asked my parents when I was getting my grown up name

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

When my youngest started school he said I reminded him of his teacher, I was thinking caring and nurturing until he said “ her arms wobble too”

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials


"Just heard my 14 yr old on his ps4 say to someone an absolute perl of an insult so so proud

I was gonna fuck ya mum but i chucked her back in the sea cos she stunk of fish funny guy

To be fair, that’s the the sort of comment I’d expect from a 14 yr old boy who didn’t know they were being overheard.

J x

My son's father discovered that our beloved child had created an email account called Wilyu Suckmeov to use in gaming. We discussed this in a three way Zuck book message, his father commented "most amusing" and I confessed I was only just recovering from the hilarity of the gag myself. "

There’s a fine line between feeling proud & horrified

I overheard my son gaming with his best friend & told him off for having a sewer mouth & that his lovely friend wouldn’t speak like that. Then heard his friend talking back

He knows to be angel in public!!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I was in b&q with my daughter she was probably about 10, down the paint aisle. She says crown, crown, crown, crown, crown, durex, durex, durex, durex, durex. I was embarrassed but trying so hard not to laugh!

Waiting for a bus my 5ish year old says about the woman in front of us 'mummy, does that lady need to go on a diet?' I really did want the ground to open up.

We used to bath the children together as you do when you can fit 3 in the bath. My daughter stands up and says 'look at my willy' She was about 3 and we occasionally tease her about that!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

My lad is 4 and every time he bursts through the door he says ‘Hello farty pants’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just heard my 14 yr old on his ps4 say to someone an absolute perl of an insult so so proud

I was gonna fuck ya mum but i chucked her back in the sea cos she stunk of fish funny guy

To be fair, that’s the the sort of comment I’d expect from a 14 yr old boy who didn’t know they were being overheard.

J x

My son's father discovered that our beloved child had created an email account called Wilyu Suckmeov to use in gaming. We discussed this in a three way Zuck book message, his father commented "most amusing" and I confessed I was only just recovering from the hilarity of the gag myself.

There’s a fine line between feeling proud & horrified

I overheard my son gaming with his best friend & told him off for having a sewer mouth & that his lovely friend wouldn’t speak like that. Then heard his friend talking back

He knows to be angel in public!!

"

Ain't there just. In a restaurant when he was about seven he burped, not really loudly but it was possible they might have heard at the next table. I opened my mouth to tell him off and he declared "my compliments to the chef!" There's nothing in the books about how your kids will make you laugh until you can hardly breathe

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

These are funny as hell peeps keep em coming

My 4 year old said to his teacher and school friends im a boy cos i got a willy your a girl so u have a hole to wee and poo out of cracked me up as i was taking his coat off at school

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Earlier today my wee boy thought Peanut Butter was called Peanut Daughter and told his Mum “Daddy shared his peanut daughter with me and we put raisins inside” 3 and a half and leaves me either speechless, in awe or baffled already. Usually all 3 at once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other evening I was trying to get my 6 year old to do his homework and we’d had the usual whinging and whining followed by a very exasperated, “Mummy do you know all I have done today is work, work, work, work I haven’t stopped all day!!”. Proper pmsl laughing welcome to the real world kiddo!!

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

When my kind were small, we left them with my parents for a few hours whilst we went shopping. My eldest was about 5 at the time. She asked grandad to read to her, and gave him her Peter Pan book.

When we returned to collect them, mum and dad were in stitches as my eldest stopped dad reading to ask, "Grandad, what was Captain Hook called before the crocodile bit his hand off?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North


"My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage. "

Is he on Fab?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage.

Is he on Fab? "

He'd have a field day on here!

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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)


"My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage. "

Mummy?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

My daughter is now 14 and she's sometimes a bit spotty. I stupidly mentioned it the other day and I got 'have you looked in the mirror recently?' So much sass!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My baby niece after I forgot to buy her a toy.

"I only love you small one"

Awe lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage.

Mummy?"

Get to bed! I've already told you it's late!

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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)


"My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage.

Mummy?

Get to bed! I've already told you it's late! "

Tuck me in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son is currently boob obsessed and likes to point and shout "big fat boobies" at ladies with ample cleavage.

Mummy?

Get to bed! I've already told you it's late!

Tuck me in?"

Not after last time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it’s just me .... that’s pretty horrible

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By *inateaseWoman
over a year ago

ANTRIM


"When my kind were small, we left them with my parents for a few hours whilst we went shopping. My eldest was about 5 at the time. She asked grandad to read to her, and gave him her Peter Pan book.

When we returned to collect them, mum and dad were in stitches as my eldest stopped dad reading to ask, "Grandad, what was Captain Hook called before the crocodile bit his hand off?" "

It’s a valid question. Lol

My oldest boy now 34, asked me when he was about 4, “mum, if you call a girl dog a bitch, do you call a boy dog a bastard?” I like his thinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out for famiy drive today. My dad was driving and me and my daughter in back. A maniac over took us on a bend with oncoming traffic. My daughter (9) shouts" grandad, he is naughty, give him the W sign".

We laughter so hard, one because she has obviously picked up my bad habits and 2 that she picked the nicest way to swear.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Apparently when I was a wean I put my hand on my Mum’s face and turned her head towards me and said so innocently and sincerely “Mammy, a Drannie says a Fuck and a Dranda says a Bastard!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not just the kids.

My 85 MIL watched a program on telly which we missed and she raced about. Telling me not to worry as we could watch it on ketchup tv

Must have been one hell of a saucy programme

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s not just the kids.

My 85 MIL watched a program on telly which we missed and she raced about. Telling me not to worry as we could watch it on ketchup tv

Must have been one hell of a saucy programme "

That band One Direction? I kept calling them First Direct. And your mother has 35 years on me

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By *MNJCouple
over a year ago

Nuneaton

Mrs came downstairs from 9 year old sons bedroom the other day with a piece of paper saying "february 12th, pimp girlfriend ??? Money" we were a bit concerned about this until I remembered asking him a few weeks before what he was going to get his girlfriend for valentines day and remembered him writing a reminder for himself to "dump girlfriend save money"

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By *opilotMan
over a year ago

Heathrow

Lining up at nursery with my 3 year old waiting to go in, I was the only dad amongst 20 mums. my sister in law opened the door, looked straight at my daughter and said What has your Dad got and my daughter replied My Dad's got a little willy. I was so embarrassed and then she said, no he hasn't he's got a big willy. I didn't know where to look

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim


"It’s not just the kids.

My 85 MIL watched a program on telly which we missed and she raced about. Telling me not to worry as we could watch it on ketchup tv

Must have been one hell of a saucy programme "

My Granny got a new phone and wanted to know if it was one of those phones she could get “Snaptwat” and all those other things on

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim


"Lining up at nursery with my 3 year old waiting to go in, I was the only dad amongst 20 mums. my sister in law opened the door, looked straight at my daughter and said What has your Dad got and my daughter replied My Dad's got a little willy. I was so embarrassed and then she said, no he hasn't he's got a big willy. I didn't know where to look "

I’m sure you were affronted and mortified! My 3 year olds Mum told me they were in ASDA one night and my Son asked the Female Cashier did she know that his Mummy used to have a Willy but not anymore ????

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

My youngest grandson now 3. At age of 2 the dreaded why stage... so 1 day after contant why i said why so you keep saying why.. i looked at the sky thought long and hard and said.....coz people keep talking !!!. The mind of a toddler is an amazing one .k

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