FabSwingers.com forum: Middle aged men with no friends

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I totally agree with an article I saw. Men just dont seem to able to have true friends like women seem easy able to do and when life gets tough you have no one to turn to. No wonder suicide in middle aged men has gone up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find this quite sad. Why do you think it is?

Him has a good friend who he can talk to at any time. He's obviously one of the lucky ones.

Her x

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

I've nit seen the article, but can see how this might be true.

I wonder if the 'man up' culture is ingrained from such a young age, that it deters many men from forming those close friendships. Or possibly it being seen as 'gay'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree op but always keep ones self open to friendship as every one you meet is a friend you have not made yet says the man wife only one friend but to be fair she does have nice norks!!!!

Stay happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any friends but o don't mind I like my own company, Bit boring but no headache can't upset anyone and no one can upset me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose that 9 times out of 10, men aren't worth it

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

I deal with them a lot on samaritans

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By *nnocentimesMan
over a year ago

over there by that tree

I think a lot of industries that men tend to work in contributes to this - office workers seem more close nit and able to form friendship bonds easier/quicker than those doing skilled manual work, as there just isn’t the time or desire to lose 10-15mins chatting away - I certainly have never seen a birthday cake or a card go round for my engineers birthday/baby/leaving do.

The close friends that I do have also have kids so we certainly don’t meet up/go out as much as we used to & in the same breath don’t tend to make new school gate friends as it’s normally partners doing the drop off / pick ups.

We don’t help ourselves either tbh... blokes in general are quite happy in our own company to begin with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah I like my own company to but the problem arises when you need someone to talk to plus it's a masculine thing we just can't open up to men

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London

Men don't connect in the same way as women, just don't enjoy or feel the urge to share their feelings like women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree I had a group of about 40 good friends and 4 great best mates and had known each other since nappies and had always been there for them through break ups and parents deaths etc but 2 years ago I lost my dad and all my friends run a mile and my closest were completely out of order . I would never forgive or give them the time of day but now I'm a single 37 yr old male new swinger that's shy with no one to talk too .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I don't have friends to socialize with, go shopping, go for a drink or to the cinema with or just to pop around for a cup of tea. But I do have a friend who I can talk to about anything I like, no matter how personal and who I can reach out to if I need help. Husband on the other hand has a fair few friends for any occasion except discussing the most personal things with.

Mrs

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"Men don't connect in the same way as women, just don't enjoy or feel the urge to share their feelings like women.

I disagree, so many of my male friends just need a prompt of are you ok and then they are able to say no I'm not ok today, men are sensitive and it's ok to need a cuddle rather than have to give all the cuddles

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

That would be me. Middle aged and no close friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (Mr) have friends that I could talk to if I needed to. But I don’t have such a close circle of friends that I did in my 20s. For myself, seeing my friends would always be about a night out drinking. As we all get older most of my friends have children and have less inclination to have nights out. I wouldn’t spend a night just going around a friends house or meeting for a natter in the way Mrs Nuru would with her friends

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Three of my closest friends are men. (They're not friends of each other)

We talk about all kinds of stuff. Maybe if you can't talk to a bloke you need a platonic female friend.

I do think it's the patriarchy that tells our little boys that emotions aren't OK and that friendships with men should be about lager and sex instead of emotions and laughing.

I hope it's changing with the little boys growing up now.

Big love to all the men who feel a little bit isolated xxxx

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Same here.

If it wasn't for my family I would be pretty much alone.

Been this way for many years.

Moved around alot when I was younger never had the chance to make any lifelong friends.

The building trade also doesn't lend itself to being sociable as contract's tend to be quite short until you move onto the next project.

I have been a m_mber of various clubs (running, cycling, swimming) over the years but always found I feel like an intruder when trying to get into friend groups.

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Women go around each other’s houses and talk more on phones

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"Men don't connect in the same way as women, just don't enjoy or feel the urge to share their feelings like women.

Most men I think would love to have a friend like you but it just isn't there that often at all.

I'd love a female friend, nothing sexual needed at all as men really dont open up to each other the way the can with a women.

'Man up' is a shit thing at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have true male friends but I do have very close girl friends and no its not sexual. For me it's ego..can't be doing with it...girls just have a laugh and talk everything and anything and rarely do they bother with seeking the limelight..I ve rarely been amongst guys when there's not one trying to be alpha..that's my opinion and that's from experience..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men don't connect in the same way as women, just don't enjoy or feel the urge to share their feelings like women.

Most men I think would love to have a friend like you but it just isn't there that often at all.

I'd love a female friend, nothing sexual needed at all as men really dont open up to each other the way the can with a women.

'Man up' is a shit thing at times.

Agree...I'm very open after all the shit I ve gone thru and guys generally aren't that way inclined chat wise and I find often everything becomes a darned contest

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By *illy999TV/TS
over a year ago

Taunton

"Men don't connect in the same way as women, just don't enjoy or feel the urge to share their feelings like women.

Most men I think would love to have a friend like you but it just isn't there that often at all.

I'd love a female friend, nothing sexual needed at all as men really dont open up to each other the way the can with a women.

'Man up' is a shit thing at times.

Agree...I'm very open after all the shit I ve gone thru and guys generally aren't that way inclined chat wise and I find often everything becomes a darned contest

Maybe too much alpha maleness going on ???

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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago

Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands

Interesting one this, Sadly at my age the telephone calls are not "Are you coming out for a drink?" but " Sorry to tell you so and so has passed away".

Thirty years working on construction sites away from home, never in one place for more than a year made it difficult to make friends, and when you did manage to get home for a long weekend you find all your friends have family commitments.

In a similar vein I have had a few meets with a lady on here and the last couple of times she has asked if I had a friend who could come along to make it a MMF meet, sadly the few friends I have are not FAB material and would run a mile at such the suggestion of fucking a stunning 65 yr old woman,Quite what they would think of me is another thing

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I don’t think I have had a male friend since I was in my late teens and we all dispersed across the country. A lifetime of working overseas and numerous job changes when I came back to the UK, a quiet part of the UK, has not seen a new cadre of friends be generated.

However I have about 6 or 7 close female friends who I adore the company of and most weekends I will see at least one of them, wine, laughter and then off to the spare bedroom, purely platonic.

I guess that’s what suits me best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, I've no brothers and a handful of mates, but nobody close enough to turn to, it's quite sad really

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By *ad steMan
over a year ago

Southport

After reading this thread I realise how lucky I am the word friend to me is some one I would trust with my life deepist darkest secrets and can and do talk to them whenever same for them I would say I only have a few but the rest of peeps are acquaintances or randoms in this respect I am blessed with friends that have and will support me through whatever comes along and it has come and gone for me and them I know the won't be reading this but love and respect to them few in my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no siblings work in the construction industry which has a man up culture so lots of banter but no real friendship i class myself as having no friends at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women go around each other’s houses and talk more on phones "

Everyone thinks this. I don't, I don't have any female friends. I don't know how to make friendships with women. I want to but I've been hurt so many times I'm just too scared to. My friends are all men. There's stuff they don't get but they won't fuck me over and rejoice when things go wrong for me.

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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago

Stockport

I just talk to people (if I want to), and to be honest I can be a bit "twatish"

So find somwthing that will involve male company and do that.

Gym, if your willing to just join in on conversations, then whilst sat in the sauna etc, take it from there.

Find a sport/hobby that is very social, force your way in.

Like on here, make an effort and see what happens.

(He says having no pics showing and a poor profile, but you get what I mean)

I have a number of friends, we spend alot of time chatting and have man hugs etc

Just need to find a social group to jump in on.

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

"Women go around each other’s houses and talk more on phones

I get what u are saying ... and I agree, men and men can be bitches and women and women can also ... but in general, women are more socialsble with each other than guys, even if it’s all plastic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have friends, but those that I feel I can confide in most and know the most intimate information about me are on here.

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By *ustfulmusingCouple
over a year ago

ilpseich

Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women go around each other’s houses and talk more on phones

I get what u are saying ... and I agree, men and men can be bitches and women and women can also ... but in general, women are more socialsble with each other than guys, even if it’s all plastic "

My partner is part of a zuckerbook private group of local ish guys who check in on each other and ask for help if they need it. I hope its not the only one because I'm really not downplaying the theme of the thread. I know the suicide rate in men is unacceptably high and I lost a friend to suicide because he was struggling and couldn't admit it and ask for help. I read a heartbreaking article about loneliness recently, about people who dread weekends and long for Monday mornings. It's one of the reasons I hate the ugliness I see online because I know it's a lifeline for some people.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock."

Not necessarily true. My best mate's wife tried it on with me, and I resisted. But, he found out and blamed me anyway. The amount of grief he gave me, I might as well have shagged her. But, that's in the past. We're still mates, but at a distance.

There were three guys who were my all time best friends, who I could talk to about absolutely anything, and they could to me, but they're all dead now - 1 to cancer and 2 had brain aneurysms, so now I have no close male friends, but I do have a platonic friendship with a lady, who we share our problems with each other. She lives just the right distance from me so we are not under each other's feet all the time - 250 miles!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha! You think women wouldn't fuck your man behind your back? The difference is they're more likely to do it out of spite and enjoy causing the pain. Men just want a fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have, I would say, probably 4 or 5 close male friends in my life. I find it harder now as I live on the other side of the country to them!

There are days I feel completely alone, with nowhere to turn, if I need help so totally understand the OP's post!!

I suppose us guys are more predisposed in to not letting how we feel out, until it's to late most of the time, as in my job it's 90% woman who call us due to depression etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have good family and an inner circle of friends (that you can probably count on 1 hand) which I do,you're laughing! I always had tonnes of friends;football teams etc but injury stopped football,rows and emigration decimated the big group of friends but I'm very grateful for what I have now.

Ring your close friends/family more instead of texting,make that bit more effort to be social and you'll be fine!

If you're looking to be more social OP try the "meet up" app,great app for meeting like minded people to do anything from going for walks,book clubs to single dating,all the best!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression doesn't make you weak. Winston Churchill suffered from terrible depression, in fact didn't he actually coin the phrase "black dog"? The man was a symbol of strength and resilience. I think it's not dissimilar to the bisexual thing, men feel it somehow impinges on their character or masculinity. It's understandable given how society is but it's completely untrue. Alexander the Great conquered the known world by his early thirties. Your sexuality and your emotional stability are nothing at all to do with your macsulinity. Never have been, never will be. None of it makes you less of a man. Being a dick, in whatever form is the only thing that does that.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I can see how it happens for some blokes, I've had a few good friends over the years who have completely disregarded all their mates, hobbies and interests when they got into a relationship. Years pass by in this very insular life, then it all goes wrong, the relationship breaks up for whatever reason and they are suddenly very lonely. I've always remained very sociable regardless of whether I'm in a relationship plus I've made a lot of solid friendships since joining the military so I'd like to think I won't end up lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I totally agree with an article I saw. Men just dont seem to able to have true friends like women seem easy able to do and when life gets tough you have no one to turn to. No wonder suicide in middle aged men has gone up. "

I think that's a very sweeping statement.

Yes there are many lonely middle aged men,but there are also many that aren't,and yes there are many ladies with a close circle of friends,but there are also many that don't.

Loneliness isn't defined by sex or age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this would have to be the minority although could be wrong.

But most mates I see always meet up at our local for a beer or two,

and those into motorcycles always keep a close knit of friends

its difficult to believe that some middle age men dont even have 2 or 3 close mates

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

This is so relatable.

I have a handful of mates , but they arent the type to talk about your feelings with .

Tbh theres a select few friends on here I have that I chat to more who help me a lot .

Women are far better to talk to about ones feelings

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I'll read this thread in detail later, having just read the first few entries.

I've certainly found recently the lack of friends a problem, as I've needed distraction more than anything and have found that I'm quite isolated in that respect. But then I am quite guarded a lot of the time anyway....

I guess I need to learn to be more sociable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never really had close friends even when I was younger. I've always known lots of people always been part of a crowd, never really been lonely but that changed when I got sober and realised the only way that was happening was to put a huge gap between me and the people I socialised with. Now at times I am lonely, replacing those friends, however casual they were is really difficult. That's not helped by sobriety bringing a whole heap of social anxiety and that I'm generally guarded around new people anyway...

I've actually found this research increasingly reassuring that it's not just me.

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By *ot kevinMan
over a year ago

Suffolk / Essex border

I moved to a new area 6 years ago, before that i lived and worked in Nottingham and had a few close friends. But moving away changed that, these days I have workmates but no close friends. I think making friends gets harder as you get older. New areas also mean people are generally wary of outsiders. Living where I do in Suffolk also means it's not as racially mixed as Nottingham so there is no where that I would meet people of a similar ethnicity, which is generally a good starting point in a city.

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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago

Stockport

"Ha! You think women wouldn't fuck your man behind your back? The difference is they're more likely to do it out of spite and enjoy causing the pain. Men just want a fuck. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost track of all my mates from my growing up years cos i refused to get facebook

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ha! You think women wouldn't fuck your man behind your back? The difference is they're more likely to do it out of spite and enjoy causing the pain. Men just want a fuck.

Ha! Got ya

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock."

Wow. I couldn't disagree more. It also makes me sad that this on a thread thst is in the main so open, so positive and so supportive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't got any friends either and I'm young mate it's not an age thing I just find it hard.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think it's a major issue with how our culture has indoctrinated men to be. Couple this with people who are more mobile now thaan previous generations, which helps to isolate them more.

Young men who switch from same gender groupings to dating and dropping their friends, from late teens on, expecting everything from their romantic partners. Serial relationships with them starve other friendships.

Our high pressure lifestyles including long working hours etc today make it tougher.

Most young guys wouldn't listen but perhaps the best thing they can do is to divide their time generously with friends and dates.

For older men, they'll likely need to create new social spaces in their lives. Getting involved in new groups, activities etc, if their current groupings aren't fruitful. Volunteering is a great opportunity for meeting people in a less pressured way than work. You'll often meet really generous minded people, who are there because they think well of others. I've volunteered all of my adult life and recognise hundreds of fantastic people that I've engaged with. Away from that, pursue your interests, so that you come into contact with people who share similar interests.

Be open to being friends with any types of people too, whatever their gender or sexuality as well as age.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock.

Wow. I couldn't disagree more. It also makes me sad that this on a thread thst is in the main so open, so positive and so supportive "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock."

There's a story behind every comment.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock."

That's just shit mates, most stick to the bro's before hoes code! Blokes who are good mates in my experience usually know all about each others infidelities but mates partners are out of bounds when playing around.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I have four Male friends who I would regard as close friends who I can rely on. Men who got me through some tough times and they can expect the same from me.

Known them for years and will hopefully know them to the day I die. I used to have quite a big social group through work Uni school and the area I lived. But gradually over time they all drifted. The lads however no matter where they live we meet up when we are able or when needed.

I’m lucky to have close friends and consider myself blessed to have support like it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we please not say bros before hos

like I get it, male friendships are important, I'm on board but... Please? Is that OK?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Can we please not say bros before hos

like I get it, male friendships are important, I'm on board but... Please? Is that OK?

Yup. Misters before sisters works.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think a lot of the culture around strong, independent masculinity lets men down. I've certainly seen it in my life.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"I've nit seen the article, but can see how this might be true.

I wonder if the 'man up' culture is ingrained from such a young age, that it deters many men from forming those close friendships. Or possibly it being seen as 'gay'?"

This comment reminded me when I went to my GP to arrange a vasectomy; I was (understandably) nervous about the procedure, but my Doctor actually said “Just be a man”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock.

I'm not sure that is any more supportive or reflective of most men than the post you are replying to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never really had close friends even when I was younger. I've always known lots of people always been part of a crowd, never really been lonely but that changed when I got sober and realised the only way that was happening was to put a huge gap between me and the people I socialised with. Now at times I am lonely, replacing those friends, however casual they were is really difficult. That's not helped by sobriety bringing a whole heap of social anxiety and that I'm generally guarded around new people anyway...

I've actually found this research increasingly reassuring that it's not just me. "

Certainly is interesting to read..I'm totally whacky for my age as some would say and thought it was just me..it's been an eye opener..best wishes to ya bud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's a major issue with how our culture has indoctrinated men to be. Couple this with people who are more mobile now thaan previous generations, which helps to isolate them more.

Our high pressure lifestyles including long working hours etc today make it tougher.

Most young guys wouldn't listen but perhaps the best thing they can do is to divide their time generously with friends and dates.

Be open to being friends with any types of people too, whatever their gender or sexuality as well as age. "

Definately..especially the final paragraph

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By *ad steMan
over a year ago

Southport

"Easy why men have no friends, because every man given the right circumstances will try it on with you wife/gf no man can be trusted at times not to think with their cock."

Sorry I have to disagree with that statement personally I won't sleep or look to sleep with a women that has a partner in a monogamous relationship not even Shaw how I'd feel about meeting a lady who is in a open relationship it's just a

personal respect thing every one is different tho

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