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Can you love somebody and have fundamentally different views/values to them.

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By *iddlesticks OP   Man
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I personally think you can, I have heard love described as unconditional, but can it really be that way?

I know that I feel I will love my kids no matter what, but what if they did something truly awful.

Sorry to hit you guys with a thread like this, I can’t believe I’ve started one that has nothing to do with cocks, bums, fannies, tits or hot tubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to think so, but no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, they are your children who haven't quite grown up yet..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think you can, I have heard love described as unconditional, but can it really be that way?

I know that I feel I will love my kids no matter what, but what if they did something truly awful.

Sorry to hit you guys with a thread like this, I can’t believe I’ve started one that has nothing to do with cocks, bums, fannies, tits or hot tubs. "

Ah. I missed the done something truly awful bit. Knowing my kids as I do, they would choose to be held accountable for their actions, but I would never stop loving the part of them that I love now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've thought about this lots and read about other people's situations and think it really would depend if I'm truthful ... if one of my kids murdered someone it would depend but say they just went out and for no reason at all killed a person then probably not, if my son r***d and hideously killed a lady then no I couldn't forgive him sorry. Can people change? Yes they can so I would give anyone the benefit of doubt over time ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But in answer to the original question then I know you can! Two adults with opposing views can choose to be adult about it and get on perfectly ... it's only those that feel there is only one point of view that is right and need to preach or get annoyed that can't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on the views or values I suppose

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You can love your children without loving their beliefs and values.

I couldn't love a person who wasn't related to me who held deeply racist views or similar though

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Yes. I know I can and we found a middle ground without each other imposing our views at the cost of the relationship.

For my boy yes I'd love him still in whatever he did, but I wouldn't necessarily like him.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think it depends on how personal the differences are, and how close you get to someone.

I used to think yes. I'm increasingly leaning to no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we talking here about whether to buy de-caf or regular coffee?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, unless they are a liverpool FC fan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, unless they are a liverpool FC fan "

Never loved you anyway you big meanie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, unless they are a liverpool FC fan

Never loved you anyway you big meanie "

Haha its jealousy mate on my behalf, that's all

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Oh come on, the bromance isn't dead yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/01/20 10:50:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, unless they are a liverpool FC fan

Never loved you anyway you big meanie

Haha its jealousy mate on my behalf, that's all "
. . Funny I never felt jealous of United, City or Chelsea. Just kept believing that maybe next season would be our chance again. There were moments of disbelief though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on the views. I’m perfectly happy to vote for a different party than my husband. Leave or remain. When either viewpoint is valid but different then it’s ok. If it’s a really shitty thing like racism, extreme fascism, homophobia then no, I wouldn’t want to spend time with them let alone love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it would be hard to tolerate someone who violated my core values. My son is probably the best example of someone I love unconditionally but had moments when I didn’t like him. If he did do something horrendous then I would be very harsh on myself for creating the conditions where that were possible. If my parents for instance did something horrendous than I would probably find it difficult to love them unconditionally, I’m not sure I could forgive certain things. However both situations are thankfully something I don’t have to contemplate for real. I still love my sister unconditionally despite her behaving like a complete bitch to me and my family on a few occasions. I forgive her but find it difficult to have a close relationship with her. However if she ever needed my help I’d be there in a heartbeat.

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By *iddlesticks OP   Man
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

It’s a common thread running through the thread, but I’ve had those conversations with the kids at various times.

I will always love you, but right now I don’t like you very much.

But that becomes more difficult when it’s a partner, or if you can get through that phase is that showing the strength of the love.

Can love have different strengths, are there different levels of love or is it always in love or not in love

Yours sincerely

Confused from Cloud Cuckoo Land.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, unless they are a liverpool FC fan

Never loved you anyway you big meanie

Haha its jealousy mate on my behalf, that's all . . Funny I never felt jealous of United, City or Chelsea. Just kept believing that maybe next season would be our chance again. There were moments of disbelief though."

I'm definitely jealous of Liverpools current form, not that I wish I was a Liverpool supporter though lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to think so, but no"

Interesting. I used to think not, but yes.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I used to think so, but no

Interesting. I used to think not, but yes."

I've increasingly found that even small differences in otherwise nice people can be pernicious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This harks home with me at the moment. My son has done something I'm absolutely ashamed of and it's very very hard for me to come to terms with it. It's nothing illegal I might add. But it's more the lies he's been telling. I'm really struggling with this at the moment and what's been said and done can't be undone . So I do love him. But I'm not liking him very much at the moment. It's so difficult,I'm pretty cool about pretty much everything and I have always spoken to my kids about any issues etc. But this is just so out of character for him it's left us all reeling a bit.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Views yes, values no.

My core values are what I live by, how could I love someone who didn't believe in justice, fairness, kindness, truth, compassion etc?

I am a remainer through and through. One of my friends voted leave for very well thought through reasons. I think he's wrong, but the different views are in no way antithetical to my core values. I can respect his reasons and still love him.

Some of my family have treated me badly in the past, but they are doing what they believe is the right thing for them without really considering the fall-out. Again, I still love them, it doesn't go against the core of who I am.

My stepmum is horribly racist and I can't dredge up any love for her at all. Her entire core system of beliefs is so at odds with mine that there can be no possible mutual respect there.

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By *iddlesticks OP   Man
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.


"This harks home with me at the moment. My son has done something I'm absolutely ashamed of and it's very very hard for me to come to terms with it. It's nothing illegal I might add. But it's more the lies he's been telling. I'm really struggling with this at the moment and what's been said and done can't be undone . So I do love him. But I'm not liking him very much at the moment. It's so difficult,I'm pretty cool about pretty much everything and I have always spoken to my kids about any issues etc. But this is just so out of character for him it's left us all reeling a bit. "

This sounds like it must be a pretty horrible situation. Sometimes do you feel like you are just hoping it’s something that will just resolve itself and he will realise the error of his ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is really interesting and I actually I watched a documentary last night about two brothers who had totally different views about their religion.

They fell out and one died.

The documentary was about the surviving brother looking into what his brother stood for more.

The conclusion was that he wished he'd done this while his brother was alive as they could have found a middle path.

I think there is definitely a big lesson there.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

I’m quite happy to openly discuss opposing views with a woman, we can chat about each side of the argument and then both agree I am right

‘Ducks for cover’

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Views yes, values no.

My core values are what I live by, how could I love someone who didn't believe in justice, fairness, kindness, truth, compassion etc?

I am a remainer through and through. One of my friends voted leave for very well thought through reasons. I think he's wrong, but the different views are in no way antithetical to my core values. I can respect his reasons and still love him.

Some of my family have treated me badly in the past, but they are doing what they believe is the right thing for them without really considering the fall-out. Again, I still love them, it doesn't go against the core of who I am.

My stepmum is horribly racist and I can't dredge up any love for her at all. Her entire core system of beliefs is so at odds with mine that there can be no possible mutual respect there."

These are true.

I've also met people whose beliefs are destructive to immutable parts of me. They mean well, they're lovely, but as soon as this bit of me becomes relevant they become selfish, horrible, and unwilling to move a millimetre despite expecting me to tapdance to their tune. Those people can go in the bin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This harks home with me at the moment. My son has done something I'm absolutely ashamed of and it's very very hard for me to come to terms with it. It's nothing illegal I might add. But it's more the lies he's been telling. I'm really struggling with this at the moment and what's been said and done can't be undone . So I do love him. But I'm not liking him very much at the moment. It's so difficult,I'm pretty cool about pretty much everything and I have always spoken to my kids about any issues etc. But this is just so out of character for him it's left us all reeling a bit.

This sounds like it must be a pretty horrible situation. Sometimes do you feel like you are just hoping it’s something that will just resolve itself and he will realise the error of his ways. "

I do and in the past things have resolved themselves. Everyone tells little porkies occasionally which can be overlooked , he's gone above and beyond that though.

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