FabSwingers.com forum: Being abused

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Has anyone been the victim of domestic abuse and or violence, and how did they get away from it

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I'd suggest contacting the Men's Advice Line

https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Inform the relevant authorities x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I'd suggest contacting the Men's Advice Line

https://mensadviceline.org.uk/"

This get professional help

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By *eovilcouple76Couple
over a year ago

yeovil

Yes for years, previous marriage, I went to police in the end, then moved into a refuge, with kids, started a new life

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

"Has anyone been the victim of domestic abuse and or violence, and how did they get away from it "

Seriously I deal with this a lot. Always happy to give advice if needed

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By *iss Penny TrationWoman
over a year ago

Yes and I’m still suffering even though I’m not with him. He won’t disappear. Reporting someone is easier said than done. And I’m too embarrassed to speak to my friends to ask for help to get it to stop. DV isn’t all black and white, just like the answers and solutions aren’t. Everyone’s stories and circumstances are different. I genuinely hope you find a way to escape xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The worst part is that there seams to be no end of organisations that are for women but when was the last time you saw a advert aimed at men, this is something iv struggled with for years, I still have nightmares and flash backs 7 years on

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

You are right but there are things in place. Depends a lot on where you live pal

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A lot of it is being ambarsed by it all, it went on for years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are right but there are things in place. Depends a lot on where you live pal"

You're so cool

you made me weep laughing this morning. And this is such a hidden and horrible thing that men so often struggle with alone. I'm so glad there are guys like you to help xxx

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By *iss Penny TrationWoman
over a year ago

"The worst part is that there seams to be no end of organisations that are for women but when was the last time you saw a advert aimed at men, this is something iv struggled with for years, I still have nightmares and flash backs 7 years on "

I agree and as a woman, I hate this too.

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By *averockrockMan
over a year ago

swindon

Yep..got out that’s the end of it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of it is being ambarsed by it all, it went on for years "

You should never feel embarrassed because of someone else's bad behaviour. And this is much more common than people think, I've known several men who've been through this. This isn't your fault, it isn't your fuck up, it's not anything you did or failed at. It's someone else's fuck up. You've got nothing to feel bad about.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

Waited and waited for her to leave as if I had left, the repercussions of that would have been worse than the hell I went through for years of staying.

The danger if i left wasnt just for me but for my parents and siblings too.

Hardest time of my life but it makes me appreciate that I lived through it and for all I have in front of me now.

You never know who else is living in hell and only those who have been through similar can ever really know how you feel.

Beat wishes for your futures all of you follow survivors x

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

https://mensadviceline.org.uk

0808 801 0327

https://www.mankind.org.uk

01823 334 244 (10am to 4pm)

Emergency first response via 999

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes survived domestic abuse and domestic violence. 3 court orders in place

Still thru courts 5 yrs on.

Police useless.. Proven.

Social lies.. Proven

Best advice. Get safe. Get your most personal papers etc.. Together and get safe.

Speak to domestic abuse team via police.

Record all phones calls.

Autocall recorder.

Keep a diary

Log every incident with police.. Even though they refuse! Insist

Never met any professional on your own always have support (witness) with you.

2 incidents of unwanted behaviour logged with police in 6m can be harrassment.. But only know of 1 case!

Good luck

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

"A lot of it is being ambarsed by it all, it went on for years "

100% nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Not your fault.

Plenty of understanding support out there, it's a really difficult thing to deal with and can take years to address or move on from.

It is normal to have a very long recovery or escape time frame in domestic abuse situations. Yes some are fortunate to rapidly escape but it is a very long tough road for many others.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

For anyone going through this you can work it out.

Don't struggle on alone, there are people, places out there that can help.

It's the loneliest place pn earth being isolated or feeling trapped. There is akways a way out, don't lose the faith x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I was.....

Slightly different though in I was emotionally abused for about 10 years.

Started with silly things but back then I didn’t notice to over the years the stuff that’s shaped my future.

We separated I tried to take my own life.

I had help my gp was amazing he sought out resources for me.

I’ve been divorced 10 years this year, it’s taken all that time to realise it wasn’t my fault, but the stupidest things trigger me......being ignored trips me out big time, being told I will speak to you later! crumples me to pieces.

However........it’s the best thing that could have happened I’m living a better life and my mental health isn’t shot.

I only wish I could trust enough to meet someone and when I do I mess it up oh well I’ve got my friends.

If your in an abusive relationship get out it’s not healthy and the longer it lasts longer you will suffer. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the advice ppl

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Yes I was.....

Slightly different though in I was emotionally abused for about 10 years.

Started with silly things but back then I didn’t notice to over the years the stuff that’s shaped my future.

We separated I tried to take my own life.

I had help my gp was amazing he sought out resources for me.

However........it’s the best thing that could have happened I’m living a better life and my mental health isn’t shot.

I only wish I could trust enough to meet someone and when I do I mess it up oh well I’ve got my friends.

If your in an abusive relationship get out it’s not healthy and the longer it lasts longer you will suffer. X "

I wish I had some words to make it better

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

And controlling coercive behaviour is often not seen by the victim until much later, it’s not all about violence

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

When it comes to violence and abuse towards men even if you can show proof, almost without fail the police do not want to know and will only get involved if you retaliate in any way shape or form.

A few cases have been picked up thankfully and its becoming more of an issue where the police will act but it's a rarity.

Keep your wits about you, any of you and if you can and it wont make the situation worse, get the hell out of dodge at any cost.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'll have to agree, a lot of mine was mental abuse, where are you, what you doing there, who you with, why you 5 minutes late home from work, now your home do the house work, why didn't you answer your phone within 10 seconds, this is all the while Im driving a fucking truck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional abuse is as heinous and as damaging as physical abuse. Those scars run very very deep.

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

Be on your guard for alternative abuse situations. Unfortunately the unscrupulous and devious can look for tiny signs to bully, degrade, or sap your will.

This can take the form of toxic friends, bad employers or work colleagues.

Peer to peer support groups work well for some as you can look out for each other, build trust via shared understanding and mutual self help. Holding each other to account with open honest discussions.

Your are your own healer at your own pace, and your own best friend look after yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Emotional abuse is as heinous and as damaging as physical abuse. Those scars run very very deep. "

Your right the scars are deep and hard....

I sometimes wish he had been physical least those scars people would see with emotional abuse they see nothing and have no understanding of triggers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Emotional abuse is as heinous and as damaging as physical abuse. Those scars run very very deep.

Your right the scars are deep and hard....

I sometimes wish he had been physical least those scars people would see with emotional abuse they see nothing and have no understanding of triggers. "

Bless you

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

The emotional scars run deepest and longest of all.

5 years on mine are still doing me a lot of damage and have caused me more loss and hurt recently than all of the torture she put me through back then.

Time does heal but it takes a hell of a long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally believe Emotional abuse is so much more damaging because sometime its really hard to explain what your going throw that can lead to so much more which I have personally experience.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

"I personally believe Emotional abuse is so much more damaging because sometime its really hard to explain what your going throw that can lead to so much more which I have personally experience. "

It’s far better policed with the Controlling and coercive behaviour law came into effect

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Best of all, went to Iraq when I was 19, but it took a evil woman to give me ptsd

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By *rghYeTimbersMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Best of all, went to Iraq when I was 19, but it took a evil woman to give me ptsd "

Then combat stress and lots of other mens help services are open to you as well. PTSD can come from many sources so can help and understanding.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"The emotional scars run deepest and longest of all.

5 years on mine are still doing me a lot of damage and have caused me more loss and hurt recently than all of the torture she put me through back then.

Time does heal but it takes a hell of a long time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Don't get me wrong, I'm slowly getting back to normal but it's a long twisted road

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well ppl, thanks again for all your help, bed time now, work in the morning

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Yes I was.....

Slightly different though in I was emotionally abused for about 10 years.

Started with silly things but back then I didn’t notice to over the years the stuff that’s shaped my future.

We separated I tried to take my own life.

I had help my gp was amazing he sought out resources for me.

However........it’s the best thing that could have happened I’m living a better life and my mental health isn’t shot.

I only wish I could trust enough to meet someone and when I do I mess it up oh well I’ve got my friends.

If your in an abusive relationship get out it’s not healthy and the longer it lasts longer you will suffer. X "

That's very sad to hear

I'd agree that sometimes emotional abuse can leave scars and damage as deep as physical abuse. No one should have to put up with that kind of situation and should flee from it as soon as they can

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Being committed to a partner is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It's a positive, to have wanted the best outcome for you both, even if you were in pain and struggling. Often it means accepting that our dreams may be over and that we've made errors in our judgement. I made a mistake with a guy and it knocked my confidence a lot.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"Yes I was.....

Slightly different though in I was emotionally abused for about 10 years.

Started with silly things but back then I didn’t notice to over the years the stuff that’s shaped my future.

We separated I tried to take my own life.

I had help my gp was amazing he sought out resources for me.

However........it’s the best thing that could have happened I’m living a better life and my mental health isn’t shot.

I only wish I could trust enough to meet someone and when I do I mess it up oh well I’ve got my friends.

If your in an abusive relationship get out it’s not healthy and the longer it lasts longer you will suffer. X

That's very sad to hear

I'd agree that sometimes emotional abuse can leave scars and damage as deep as physical abuse. No one should have to put up with that kind of situation and should flee from it as soon as they can

Broken bones will heal in months, shredded skin too but your head, if you're lucky it may only take years if it ever heals at all.

Its those who have to try and deal with some of my triggers now that I feel for even though I am working on them as best I can.

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"I'll have to agree, a lot of mine was mental abuse, where are you, what you doing there, who you with, why you 5 minutes late home from work, now your home do the house work, why didn't you answer your phone within 10 seconds, this is all the while Im driving a fucking truck "

Isn't that just what a lot of modern young women are like, or am I being deceived?

My ex would be kicking off daily; shouting, complaining, demanding, commanding, tantrums, etc. The one before her was the same too, always being critical, always looking for some sort of fight, etc.

Pretty much all of my male friend's partners are like that too, although to different extents. Sometimes, it's a "once a month" thing, sometimes it's every day. Just have a heart to heart with your male friends about it and you'll see how common it is.

I phoned the police about it a few times when she was acting like this; The operator would hear her going nuts in the background. One time, police come round and the officer said his partner was exactly the same.

It's just one of those things. Basically though, being practical; I just learnt to stand up to her. Towards the end, I couldn't care less about her kickoffs. I'd just totally ignore her.

About physical abuse, remember that you have a right to self defense, and you're probably bigger than this woman.

The bottom line, if she's a nightmare, and won't be mature, won't go to the doctors, etc... Leave. As hard as it may be, leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leaving isn't always possible with kids, financial situations and fear. It's not always black and white. If it was that easy to leave we would do it asap.

Mental and emotional abuse doesnt help the situation of "just leaving".

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Yes I was.....

Slightly different though in I was emotionally abused for about 10 years.

Started with silly things but back then I didn’t notice to over the years the stuff that’s shaped my future.

We separated I tried to take my own life.

I had help my gp was amazing he sought out resources for me.

However........it’s the best thing that could have happened I’m living a better life and my mental health isn’t shot.

I only wish I could trust enough to meet someone and when I do I mess it up oh well I’ve got my friends.

If your in an abusive relationship get out it’s not healthy and the longer it lasts longer you will suffer. X "

Very similar to me. I hate myself for wasting 25yrs of my life because i was too weak to leave. To the outside world we were the perfect couple but nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors and i was too ashamed to say. I still can not beleve its over and that i was strong enough to leave but i do know that i will never trust or let anyone get close to me again. Much happier now that i am in control of my life once more, it's a great feeling.

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