FabSwingers.com forum: Perfectionism

By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Are you prone to perfectionism?

I've noticed the more I get into weight lifting the less satisfied I am with what I've got. (Not woe is me, look at me. Prompt for discussion) I'm in the best shape of my life, I feel great physically... And I'm nitpicking my appearance more and more. It does my bloody head in.

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

"Are you prone to perfectionism?

First. BOOM

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Just do the best you can x

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I’m not perfect in anyway and to be honest I don’t care. I am who I am and I really don’t care what other people think.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Just do the best you can x"

I do! But I should be happy with what I have

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Just do the best you can x

I do! But I should be happy with what I have

Yes no ones perfect don't push your self too hard x

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Are you prone to perfectionism?

If it's any consolation, you know I think you're wonderful

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

This isn't a woe is me thread

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm not a perfectionist which can be annoying for those who are.

I'm probably ready to accept less than perfect as long as it's perfect for me.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm not a perfectionist which can be annoying for those who are.

I'm probably ready to accept less than perfect as long as it's perfect for me. "

I need to remember that perfect is the enemy of good. It can be an anxiety thing.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm not a perfectionist which can be annoying for those who are.

I'm probably ready to accept less than perfect as long as it's perfect for me.

I need to remember that perfect is the enemy of good. It can be an anxiety thing."

Yes I think it can.

I come from a family where anxiety is a theme and it's noticeable that the ones who suffer from anxiety are also the perfectionists. Those of us who aren't don't half get on their nerves. I think that trying not to be a perfectionist will make you anxious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know what I think?

Years and years of having it drummed into you that you're not enough, good enough, smart enough, driven enough, pretty enough, talented enough, slim enough, curvy enough, lovable enough, outspoken enough, quiet enough, pale enough, dark enough and every other motherfucking enoughness any cunt can think of leads to this point.

Chasing.

Chasing being enough.

Chasing being enough without even realising that's what's happening.

Once the bigger things about you that you want to change are being tackled then we focus on the smaller things.

If it's stuff like "my nails are gross they need doing" then NO! If it's "hmmm, my nails would look great with a manicure, I'll treat myself when I can" then yes, that's sound

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

For me it depends.

There are some things I'm just bad at. I don't have a natural talent, I'll never s_ine at it, and it's not important to me to excel at it.

There are other things I do very well, and minor errors in those areas do make me really annoyed with myself. I hate to feel like I could do better and sloppiness really annoys me (especially when it's my own).

So if it's an area of expertise or talent then yes, I have highly perfectionist tendencies.

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

In myself - way too much.

Other people, other stuff. Totally accepting

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I think it's pretty normal in many areas. For example, I (Luke) am an avid pianist. The more I play and the better I get, the more I am aware of what I can't do and want to do something about it. It's quite a good motivator.

I can think of other areas in my life that has applied to in the past. I think it's just a sign of being into something and wanting to achieve. It's quite a natural human thing.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"You know what I think?

Chasing.

Chasing being enough.

Chasing being enough without even realising that's what's happening.

Once the bigger things about you that you want to change are being tackled then we focus on the smaller things.

If it's stuff like "my nails are gross they need doing" then NO! If it's "hmmm, my nails would look great with a manicure, I'll treat myself when I can" then yes, that's sound

You're so wise. This is exactly it.

I'm part way there. I'm past "all those gym goers will laugh at me/ the weights room isn't for women." I stopped giving a shit, started doing these things for my own satisfaction, and it got easier. I just wish the daft nit picking about stupid shit that doesn't matter would go away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you celebrate your small triumphs/achievements?

It’s important to recognise when you’ve achieved something and to congratulate yourself for it?

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Do you celebrate your small triumphs/achievements?

It’s important to recognise when you’ve achieved something and to congratulate yourself for it?"

It's all a continuum, haha. I need to go back to taking progress shots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The older you get the more you'll realise people will like you and love you for the things you see as flaws. That shit lasts, looking at a so called perfect body doesn't. It doesn't last, whether it's natural or you've paid for it but those little things that make you you... They last forever.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The older you get the more you'll realise people will like you and love you for the things you see as flaws. That shit lasts, looking at a so called perfect body doesn't. It doesn't last, whether it's natural or you've paid for it but those little things that make you you... They last forever. "

I'm getting there! I'm not worried about a perfect body. Just trying to do well at my hobby.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm getting there! I'm not worried about a perfect body. Just trying to do well at my hobby."

It sounds like you are already x

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I love this!!

Jo.Xx

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I can be a perfectionist, and it has derailed me at times. For me, it's not other people telling me I'm not up to scratch. It's always me, having unrealistic expectations.

As I have got older I have got better at sporting the signs (thanks, CBT!) and catching myself before it spirals out of control. Being content with being enough. Because you are enough. No such thing as perfect.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You know what I think?

Chasing.

Chasing being enough.

Chasing being enough without even realising that's what's happening.

Once the bigger things about you that you want to change are being tackled then we focus on the smaller things.

If it's stuff like "my nails are gross they need doing" then NO! If it's "hmmm, my nails would look great with a manicure, I'll treat myself when I can" then yes, that's sound

You're so wise. This is exactly it.

Lived it ain't I, and still revisit more often than I care to admit.

Here's something that I kick myself in the arse with when I go back there. Game changer I tell ya.

When we get into that way of thinking, we aren't doing only ourselves a disjustice but other people too. We're being judgemental arseholes. Those people that 'inspired' mindset in us were pricks, plain and simple. Putter downers, people so disgusted with themselves that they projected onto us.

Now, do you look at someone with a wonky nose who's clearly had it broken and think "ewwwwww" or do you think "Quirky, I wonder what the story is behind it?" Do you even notice it?

Exactly.

We need to give other people the credit that they'll think "quirky, different, individual, distinguished" when they see things about us, not jump to the conclusion that they'll think we're spawn of Quasimodo who could REALLY use some work.

Don't get me wrong, enhancing what you already have I think is fine. Boosts confidence and gives you a buzz, but don't be afraid to walk down the street or be seen in public with no make up and bed head, wearing trackies covered in paint!

I'm sure there are people that look at my mole on my face and think "grim, guacamole moley moley... many many more wont even notice it, and some will look and think "beauty spot... cute"

Be a good human. That's where true beauty s_ines through.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Oh I've lived a lot of it too!

But brain gremlins are sneaky fuckers.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"Are you prone to perfectionism?

I tend to follow the taoist philosophy

Short version

It's only when one just does without thoughts of perfection that ones true potential can be realised xxxx

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

And let's be objective

So called perfection is almost certainly a, a moving target and b, highly subjective

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I used to be to a rediculous extent. It definitely contributed to my breakdown in my early 20s. I have it more under wraps now but I have to fight it from creeping back in.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"And let's be objective

So called perfection is almost certainly a, a moving target and b, highly subjective

Definitely!

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I used to be to a rediculous extent. It definitely contributed to my breakdown in my early 20s. I have it more under wraps now but I have to fight it from creeping back in."

I tamed my flat out anxiety/panic, have got most of my crippling obsessive perfectionism. I think it's just... Over the line of optimal optimising.

Stupid brain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I always aim for perfection of whatever I do and the same goes for weight lifting to train for the perfect body plus with the feel good factor you get out of it is a bonus

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"Yes I always aim for perfection of whatever I do and the same goes for weight lifting to train for the perfect body plus with the feel good factor you get out of it is a bonus

Surely shag fab has taught you the perfect body is only subjective

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I always aim for perfection of whatever I do and the same goes for weight lifting to train for the perfect body plus with the feel good factor you get out of it is a bonus

Surely shag fab has taught you the perfect body is only subjective "

Exactly, what's perfect for one isn't perfect for the next.

To be happy in ourselves is far more beautiful than obsessing over things about us that we don't like.

Making an effort is dandy, it's helps ya feel good about yourself, but more often than not when you're happy on the inside .... it really translates to the external.

I find the more I do my make up and hair to the degree I think I look great, the less special it becomes and that's when I find myself dissatisfied with my appearance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you prone to perfectionism?

Definitely, it shows in my dissatisfaction with my weight and my academic performance. It's one of the things that made my ED recovery so difficult, I really struggled (and still struggle) to come to terms with living in a body that I see as less than perfect. Though no matter how much weight I lost it was never enough, and it came to a point when I realized I was killing myself in the pursuit of perfection I could never achieve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes i drove myself into a spiral of depressive state of OCD... everything from perfect almost unrealistic finish to my home (i had the hallway replastered 11 times to get it to perfection) my classic car i had restored numerous times to chase that perfection and hooverd my house twice a day to keep 'hoover lines' in my carpet. It drove me to a breakdown and marriage breakup.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I always aim for perfection of whatever I do and the same goes for weight lifting to train for the perfect body plus with the feel good factor you get out of it is a bonus

Surely shag fab has taught you the perfect body is only subjective "
Yes it have but everyone have their own version of what it is and I am training towards my vision of it.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

90% of the time I'm like, my body is amazing, look what it can do!

10% of the time... Ooh I have a belly, I fucked up that workout, blah blah loser.

The 10% needs to fuck off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No such thing as perfect I find it’s best to try different hobbies takes the focus off the ocd people get. It can be keeping fit but like go to rock climbing gym something enjoyable where the pressure isn’t there.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Yes I always aim for perfection of whatever I do and the same goes for weight lifting to train for the perfect body plus with the feel good factor you get out of it is a bonus

Surely shag fab has taught you the perfect body is only subjective "

True that. In the height of my dancing days I was a toned size 8 with big boobs and had many call me a bitch for managing to be both slim and curvy but I was still hopelessly self conscious and envied my smaller breasted friends for their ability to go braless. You always want what you don't have. It also turns out I'm much happier now as a size 12 though being out of the dancing world with the pressure that brings may well be a contributing factor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"90% of the time I'm like, my body is amazing, look what it can do!

10% of the time... Ooh I have a belly, I fucked up that workout, blah blah loser.

The 10% needs to fuck off

But is it not the 10% that drives you on?

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"90% of the time I'm like, my body is amazing, look what it can do!

10% of the time... Ooh I have a belly, I fucked up that workout, blah blah loser.

The 10% needs to fuck off

But is it not the 10% that drives you on?"

No. It's demotivating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that why my uncle was described as a practising homosexual - because practice makes perfect?

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Perhaps the only advantage of getting older is that you cease to give a fuck.

I'm 53, so if I live to the average age for a man I'm going to be dead in thirty years or so. Clearly I'm on the downward spiral re my physical powers and theres nothing I can do about it.

So facing relatively imminent death and the slow decline of my power it's really difficult to care much about anything else

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By *ineMan
over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

In others, No.

If I ever become perfect hope I manage to stay that way....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I realised long ago that nothing/ nobody is perfect. Why strive for something you're never going to achieve and then beat yourself up over it? Life's too short for that shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I realised long ago that nothing/ nobody is perfect. Why strive for something you're never going to achieve and then beat yourself up over it? Life's too short for that shit. "

Apart from my perfect husband of course!

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By *omesticflightMan
over a year ago

Burton-on-Trent

Much like the deeper you go/higher up you get with academic subjects, the more you know (or feel) you don't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I realised long ago that nothing/ nobody is perfect. Why strive for something you're never going to achieve and then beat yourself up over it? Life's too short for that shit.

Apart from my perfect husband of course!

Clem!!!! *shakes angry fist*

Get off my profile!!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

No one is perfect, just be happy in your own skin

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im a perfectionist when i organize events apart from that no. Im far from perfect and i have no plans to change it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im a perfectionist when i organize events apart from that no. Im far from perfect and i have no plans to change it"

I hope you don't mind me asking but is your name a reference to a song by the boomtown rats?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Im a perfectionist when i organize events apart from that no. Im far from perfect and i have no plans to change it

I hope you don't mind me asking but is your name a reference to a song by the boomtown rats? "
yes it is. Congratulations only a few people get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah I’m imperfectly perfect as I am. I like to improve, but gone are the days of beating myself up over my flaws and imperfections. Sure if I screw up badly I’ll feel shit for a while I try to sort things out, but I’m pretty good at forgiving myself and accepting and liking myself as I am. The self-protection mechanism of self-deprecation was a hard habit to shake and I still enjoy a bit of self-deprecating humour. I’m also pretty open about my flaws but that’s not because I feel bad about them, it’s just the way I am and the way it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not any more. I used to be over work, but very few colleagues really care and you just end up banging your head against a brick wall..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a self proclaimed perfectionists (not my with body unfortunately lol) but let's get one thing straight... perfection is not achievable! I understand that...However, I see no harm in trying! Effort is the achievement!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im a perfectionist when i organize events apart from that no. Im far from perfect and i have no plans to change it

I hope you don't mind me asking but is your name a reference to a song by the boomtown rats? yes it is. Congratulations only a few people get it

I LOVE that song, awesome choice

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Im a perfectionist when i organize events apart from that no. Im far from perfect and i have no plans to change it

I hope you don't mind me asking but is your name a reference to a song by the boomtown rats? yes it is. Congratulations only a few people get it

I LOVE that song, awesome choice

"
Thankyou xx

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