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"You have the length of time it takes me to get from Cheltenham to Doooodlaaaaaay to get your woes in. Train signal permitting of course. Me giving advice.... What's the worst that could happen?" How do I get a reply off someone whos supposed to be my best friend but ignores my messages to create advice threads instead? | |||
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"How do I ensure I’m always first to reply to forum posts?"  | |||
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"How do I ensure I’m always first to reply to forum posts?" get gud | |||
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"How do I ensure I’m always first to reply to forum posts? get gud" My friends gud | |||
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"How do I ensure I’m always first to reply to forum posts? get gud My friends gud" I bet shes hot | |||
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"How do I ensure I’m always first to reply to forum posts? get gud My friends gud I bet shes hot" She is  | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?!" You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day" I hate you | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day" I’m gonna cry | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day I hate you" Theyre stuck in my head now, but it was so worth it | |||
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"You have the length of time it takes me to get from Cheltenham to Doooodlaaaaaay to get your woes in. Train signal permitting of course. Me giving advice.... What's the worst that could happen? How do I get a reply off someone whos supposed to be my best friend but ignores my messages to create advice threads instead?" I'm proper laughing. I been a busy bumble getting my vagina filled and performing top quality wifing duties. I'm all ears. | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day I’m gonna cry " Dont worry , my heart is set on you | |||
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"How do I ensure I’m always first to reply to forum posts?" Set up the new thread radar fanny zapper. It alerts you instantly giving you the heads up | |||
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"Luckily my office is in Cheltenham. I'll grab my car keys. Set the stopwatch "I can see beautiful rolling hills and sheep. It's stunning | |||
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"Dear Auntie P ... I'm incredibly cold at work at work presently and would like some tips on staying warm in a small cold shop , Thanks in advance "Fireworks up yer bum? Will defo warm the cockles. | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?!" You sing a song of sixpence instead | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day"
If I wasnt already taken, I'd be hopelessly devoted to you | |||
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"Dear Auntie P ... I'm incredibly cold at work at work presently and would like some tips on staying warm in a small cold shop , Thanks in advance
Fireworks up yer bum? Will defo warm the cockles."My shop only has a pack of sparklers in stock , will they suffice , I am afraid the sparks my cause irreparable damage to my anus ?? | |||
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"Ah the juxtaposition of weight lifting and intelligence, and pursuing people to communicate in more than one sentence. Fab doesn't doca short message filter so your left with the pot luck distribution of the standard deviation bell curve. That brings me an excuse to bypass your question and move on to how can we define the difference between fab deviation standard distribution and Vanilla deviation standard distribution?" Deviation from a mathematical average, perceived normal sexuality, or both? | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day
If I wasnt already taken, I'd be hopelessly devoted to you "You could listen to Grease 2 instead...the songs are better anyway  | |||
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"I need help with gym goals. Should I aim to be able to squat onto someone's cock, as my messages so often suggest? Second question. How do I attract more original messages rather than that boring shite? "Use a language translator and revamp your profile into mandarin. You may not understand a fucking word of what lands in your box but it'll surely be different from the norm. Aim to be able to suck a £50 note off the floor with your axe wound | |||
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"I need help with gym goals. Should I aim to be able to squat onto someone's cock, as my messages so often suggest? Second question. How do I attract more original messages rather than that boring shite?
Use a language translator and revamp your profile into mandarin. You may not understand a fucking word of what lands in your box but it'll surely be different from the norm.
Aim to be able to suck a £50 note off the floor with your axe wound "I think nudity is frowned upon in the gym | |||
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"I need help with gym goals. Should I aim to be able to squat onto someone's cock, as my messages so often suggest? Second question. How do I attract more original messages rather than that boring shite?
Use a language translator and revamp your profile into mandarin. You may not understand a fucking word of what lands in your box but it'll surely be different from the norm.
Aim to be able to suck a £50 note off the floor with your axe wound "Omg I've just chortled uncontrollably | |||
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"Auntie. I’ve a lady friend and she wants to shove large amounts of ginger and cous cous up my bum She keeps saying it’s both therapeutic and erotic but I’m afraid she might want to tie me up and keep me as her own pet iguana Should I allow her to use cous cous as I think it’s evil stuff. Thanks. Auntie and happy New Years to you "Go for it with the ginger, bit of figging never hurt a soul (apart from horses and those with ginger allergies) cous cous on the other hand. What in the blue fuck of fucksville is this fecking fecknugget thinking. Make her eat the whole packet upside down. Nice to see you too juicester *blows kiss* | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, I’m so glad you’re here - I need some rather urgent advice..... I was, er.....doing up my shoelaces earlier when I felt a sudden burning sensation and a ‘ping’ing’ noise centred in my groin region. Upon closer inspection, I was somewhat alarmed to discern that my banjo string had broken. I tried to imagine how Bear Grylls would handle this situation so got a needle and thread out the cupboard and commenced a self surgical operation Rambo style. Unfortunately I have now somehow managed to attach my mouth to my penis and have slipped a shit load of discs in my back. My question is: What the hell am I going to tell the ambulance staff when they turn up in about five minutes time to stop them assuming that I’m some sort of pervert? " I imagine you'll say something like mmmmf hmmmp iffffmftp if your mouth is stitched round your cheb | |||
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"Ah the juxtaposition of weight lifting and intelligence, and pursuing people to communicate in more than one sentence. Fab doesn't doca short message filter so your left with the pot luck distribution of the standard deviation bell curve. That brings me an excuse to bypass your question and move on to how can we define the difference between fab deviation standard distribution and Vanilla deviation standard distribution?" Tacos. | |||
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"Auntie. I’ve a lady friend and she wants to shove large amounts of ginger and cous cous up my bum She keeps saying it’s both therapeutic and erotic but I’m afraid she might want to tie me up and keep me as her own pet iguana Should I allow her to use cous cous as I think it’s evil stuff. Thanks. Auntie and happy New Years to you
Go for it with the ginger, bit of figging never hurt a soul (apart from horses and those with ginger allergies) cous cous on the other hand. What in the blue fuck of fucksville is this fecking fecknugget thinking. Make her eat the whole packet upside down.
Nice to see you too juicester *blows kiss*"He's lying I said spaghetti Raw | |||
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"Dear Auntie P ... I'm incredibly cold at work at work presently and would like some tips on staying warm in a small cold shop , Thanks in advance
Fireworks up yer bum? Will defo warm the cockles.
My shop only has a pack of sparklers in stock , will they suffice , I am afraid the sparks my cause irreparable damage to my anus ??"Cover them in lighter fluid. I'm sure you'll be fine | |||
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"Ah the juxtaposition of weight lifting and intelligence, and pursuing people to communicate in more than one sentence. Fab doesn't doca short message filter so your left with the pot luck distribution of the standard deviation bell curve. That brings me an excuse to bypass your question and move on to how can we define the difference between fab deviation standard distribution and Vanilla deviation standard distribution? Tacos." Unacceptable macros. | |||
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"How the fuck do I get Grease lyrics out my head?! You better shape up or they'll be stuck there all day
If I wasnt already taken, I'd be hopelessly devoted to you
You could listen to Grease 2 instead...the songs are better anyway"Hey come on let's get this show on the road | |||
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"Dear Auntie P ... I'm incredibly cold at work at work presently and would like some tips on staying warm in a small cold shop , Thanks in advance
Fireworks up yer bum? Will defo warm the cockles.
My shop only has a pack of sparklers in stock , will they suffice , I am afraid the sparks my cause irreparable damage to my anus ??
Cover them in lighter fluid. I'm sure you'll be fine "Good idea , then the next poop I have will resemble the one I had last week the morning after a particularly hot Vindaloo, cheers | |||
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"I need help with gym goals. Should I aim to be able to squat onto someone's cock, as my messages so often suggest? Second question. How do I attract more original messages rather than that boring shite?
Use a language translator and revamp your profile into mandarin. You may not understand a fucking word of what lands in your box but it'll surely be different from the norm.
Aim to be able to suck a £50 note off the floor with your axe wound
I think nudity is frowned upon in the gym "Tell them it's topsy turvy day and they have to walk round doing handstands. That'll turn their frowns upside down | |||
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"I need help with gym goals. Should I aim to be able to squat onto someone's cock, as my messages so often suggest? Second question. How do I attract more original messages rather than that boring shite?
Use a language translator and revamp your profile into mandarin. You may not understand a fucking word of what lands in your box but it'll surely be different from the norm.
Aim to be able to suck a £50 note off the floor with your axe wound
I think nudity is frowned upon in the gym
Tell them it's topsy turvy day and they have to walk round doing handstands. That'll turn their frowns upside down" | |||
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"I need help with gym goals. Should I aim to be able to squat onto someone's cock, as my messages so often suggest? Second question. How do I attract more original messages rather than that boring shite?
Use a language translator and revamp your profile into mandarin. You may not understand a fucking word of what lands in your box but it'll surely be different from the norm.
Aim to be able to suck a £50 note off the floor with your axe wound Omg I've just chortled uncontrollably "And I've just seen a horse wearing a coat ..... and neckerchief. Posh twat | |||
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"Auntie. I’ve a lady friend and she wants to shove large amounts of ginger and cous cous up my bum She keeps saying it’s both therapeutic and erotic but I’m afraid she might want to tie me up and keep me as her own pet iguana Should I allow her to use cous cous as I think it’s evil stuff. Thanks. Auntie and happy New Years to you
Go for it with the ginger, bit of figging never hurt a soul (apart from horses and those with ginger allergies) cous cous on the other hand. What in the blue fuck of fucksville is this fecking fecknugget thinking. Make her eat the whole packet upside down.
Nice to see you too juicester *blows kiss*
He's lying
I said spaghetti
Raw"In that case, whip me up a spag bol and call me Gino | |||
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"Auntie. I’ve a lady friend and she wants to shove large amounts of ginger and cous cous up my bum She keeps saying it’s both therapeutic and erotic but I’m afraid she might want to tie me up and keep me as her own pet iguana Should I allow her to use cous cous as I think it’s evil stuff. Thanks. Auntie and happy New Years to you
Go for it with the ginger, bit of figging never hurt a soul (apart from horses and those with ginger allergies) cous cous on the other hand. What in the blue fuck of fucksville is this fecking fecknugget thinking. Make her eat the whole packet upside down.
Nice to see you too juicester *blows kiss*
He's lying
I said spaghetti
Raw"Lier. You first say tagliatelle then you said cous cous Is could have dealt with the tagliatelle  | |||
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"Ah the juxtaposition of weight lifting and intelligence, and pursuing people to communicate in more than one sentence. Fab doesn't doca short message filter so your left with the pot luck distribution of the standard deviation bell curve. That brings me an excuse to bypass your question and move on to how can we define the difference between fab deviation standard distribution and Vanilla deviation standard distribution? Tacos. Unacceptable macros. " I think so too, the staff there are ignorant and they make you join an inner circle to use the shop | |||
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"How do you tidy a kids room when it’s just overwhelming and don’t know where to start. Every single thing she had for Xmas is assembled or in various stages of assembly the entire length of her room. Vanity table is just chaos, clothes all off the hangers and strewn all over the floor. " Delegate. | |||
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"How do you tidy a kids room when it’s just overwhelming and don’t know where to start. Every single thing she had for Xmas is assembled or in various stages of assembly the entire length of her room. Vanity table is just chaos, clothes all off the hangers and strewn all over the floor. " One thing you don't do is steal an elephant from to zoo to trample it. You end up with a ton more shit. | |||
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"How do you tidy a kids room when it’s just overwhelming and don’t know where to start. Every single thing she had for Xmas is assembled or in various stages of assembly the entire length of her room. Vanity table is just chaos, clothes all off the hangers and strewn all over the floor. " I don't know if it's still out there, but Unfuck Your Habitat really helped me figure out how to clean when it was just all too much | |||
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"If you try to fail and succeed, then which have you done?" Hedged your bets and come up trumps. Choo choo, almost at New Street. Just passed Northfield | |||
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"Who puts a golf course next to a train line? Some cunt with a bad swing could have had my eye out if he'd curve balled his wallop into the window " It's those country folk , strange lot them | |||
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"If you try to fail and succeed, then which have you done? Hedged your bets and come up trumps. Choo choo, almost at New Street. Just passed Northfield " Ooh, used to live there. Soon be passing the chocolate factory | |||
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"If you try to fail and succeed, then which have you done? Hedged your bets and come up trumps. Choo choo, almost at New Street. Just passed Northfield Ooh, used to live there. Soon be passing the chocolate factory "Already on my next train. Under an hour. No messing | |||
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"Taking in the delightful views of the scrapyards of smethwick "Fair few satellite dishes, a building that looked like a set of portaloos lined up in a row, a playground that didn't look like it has been vandalised, some high class graffiti and even a bird. It's on the up | |||
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"Taking in the delightful views of the scrapyards of smethwick
Fair few satellite dishes, a building that looked like a set of portaloos lined up in a row, a playground that didn't look like it has been vandalised, some high class graffiti and even a bird. It's on the up "Blimey that's impressive, next you'll be saying your train seat doesnt have a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of it !! | |||
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"How do you tidy a kids room when it’s just overwhelming and don’t know where to start. Every single thing she had for Xmas is assembled or in various stages of assembly the entire length of her room. Vanity table is just chaos, clothes all off the hangers and strewn all over the floor. " hire a JCB | |||
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"How do you tidy a kids room when it’s just overwhelming and don’t know where to start. Every single thing she had for Xmas is assembled or in various stages of assembly the entire length of her room. Vanity table is just chaos, clothes all off the hangers and strewn all over the floor. hire a JCB " I can get one , I'm Luke I'm 5 and my dad's Bruce Lee | |||
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" hire a JCB I can get one , I'm Luke I'm 5 and my dad's Bruce Lee "Excellent reference | |||
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"How are you ever going to make it up to me for being in my manor and not making me buy you coffee and a bun? That's twice now P. It hurts, hurts I tell you..." Oh ffs, you should have said! I'm back in the land where they talk funny and am waiting for my taxi home. I'll be home in 5 mins. I do like a coffee and a bun. | |||
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"Do you have any secrets to soreness after the gym?" I do | |||
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"How are you ever going to make it up to me for being in my manor and not making me buy you coffee and a bun? That's twice now P. It hurts, hurts I tell you... Oh ffs, you should have said! I'm back in the land where they talk funny and am waiting for my taxi home. I'll be home in 5 mins. I do like a coffee and a bun." Well it's weak tea and a dry crust for you now young lady.. (walks off in manly huff!) | |||
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"Do you have any secrets to soreness after the gym?" Yes, don't go to the gym | |||
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"How are you ever going to make it up to me for being in my manor and not making me buy you coffee and a bun? That's twice now P. It hurts, hurts I tell you... Oh ffs, you should have said! I'm back in the land where they talk funny and am waiting for my taxi home. I'll be home in 5 mins. I do like a coffee and a bun. Well it's weak tea and a dry crust for you now young lady.. (walks off in manly huff!)"  I don't even like normal tea | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, Are D Cell batteries toxic if inserted in one’s derrière? (Obviously asking for some random bloke who completely out of the blue just asked me this....)" Not if ya fire them out like a bullet from a gun in the length of time it takes for a slice of dropped bread to hit the floor butter side down | |||
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"How are you ever going to make it up to me for being in my manor and not making me buy you coffee and a bun? That's twice now P. It hurts, hurts I tell you... Oh ffs, you should have said! I'm back in the land where they talk funny and am waiting for my taxi home. I'll be home in 5 mins. I do like a coffee and a bun. Well it's weak tea and a dry crust for you now young lady.. (walks off in manly huff!) I don't even like normal tea"Dammit.Stop it with the waterworks, you're forgiven. Next time copy me into the memo... | |||
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"How are you ever going to make it up to me for being in my manor and not making me buy you coffee and a bun? That's twice now P. It hurts, hurts I tell you... Oh ffs, you should have said! I'm back in the land where they talk funny and am waiting for my taxi home. I'll be home in 5 mins. I do like a coffee and a bun. Well it's weak tea and a dry crust for you now young lady.. (walks off in manly huff!) I don't even like normal tea
Dammit.Stop it with the waterworks, you're forgiven. Next time copy me into the memo..."Tis a promise | |||
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"Do you have any secrets to soreness after the gym? Yes, don't go to the gym " | |||
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"You have the length of time it takes me to get from Cheltenham to Doooodlaaaaaay to get your woes in. Train signal permitting of course. Me giving advice.... What's the worst that could happen?" How do you get a liar to tell the truth?  | |||
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"You have the length of time it takes me to get from Cheltenham to Doooodlaaaaaay to get your woes in. Train signal permitting of course. Me giving advice.... What's the worst that could happen? How do you get a liar to tell the truth? "Fuck me if I knew the answer to that one I'd be rich. So I'll go with electrodes hooked up to a car battery to the nutsack for a man and table leg to the pinkie toe for a woman | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, Are D Cell batteries toxic if inserted in one’s derrière? (Obviously asking for some random bloke who completely out of the blue just asked me this....) Not if ya fire them out like a bullet from a gun in the length of time it takes for a slice of dropped bread to hit the floor butter side down " Thank you Auntie P x Update: Thanks to your sagacious advice (and my subsequent practice of of it) the Ministry Of Defence has just contacted me in view of utilising my new found skill as a wondrous new means of surface to air missile launching. I’ll keep you posted on my progress (I’ve already managed to fire one over the English Channel)  | |||
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"You have the length of time it takes me to get from Cheltenham to Doooodlaaaaaay to get your woes in. Train signal permitting of course. Me giving advice.... What's the worst that could happen? How do you get a liar to tell the truth?
Fuck me if I knew the answer to that one I'd be rich.
So I'll go with electrodes hooked up to a car battery to the nutsack for a man and table leg to the pinkie toe for a woman"Off to go get a car battery! If it works ill let you know. X | |||
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"Dear Auntie P, Are D Cell batteries toxic if inserted in one’s derrière? (Obviously asking for some random bloke who completely out of the blue just asked me this....) Not if ya fire them out like a bullet from a gun in the length of time it takes for a slice of dropped bread to hit the floor butter side down Thank you Auntie P x Update: Thanks to your sagacious advice (and my subsequent practice of of it) the Ministry Of Defence has just contacted me in view of utilising my new found skill as a wondrous new means of surface to air missile launching. I’ll keep you posted on my progress (I’ve already managed to fire one over the English Channel) "I'm so proud right now  | |||
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