FabSwingers.com forum: Mood Swings

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you deal with someone who blows hot and cold?

Do you just accept it's how they are or do you walk away and stick to people who are consistent?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore it and walk away. Their inability to manage their emotions is not my problem

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Stick with people who are consistent. This is true of everyone in my life. I struggle with going from one extreme to the other. Maybe it's my own insecurities, but I don't like feeling like I'm something that can be picked up when it suits the other person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors"

I guess there are some people you have no choice with.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with. "

Yes, but also those you want to help, those who are doing the best they can, etc. Also ok to dip in and out when things are tough.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ignore it and walk away. Their inability to manage their emotions is not my problem

That's the thing, if you're being consistent with yours then why take on the responsibility?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Stick with people who are consistent. This is true of everyone in my life. I struggle with going from one extreme to the other. Maybe it's my own insecurities, but I don't like feeling like I'm something that can be picked up when it suits the other person."

That's it, the feeling used part is what hurts.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with. "

I walked away from my father at the age of 16. Think we always have a choice it just depends if we want to take it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with.

Yes, but also those you want to help, those who are doing the best they can, etc. Also ok to dip in and out when things are tough."

But what if you offer emotional support then get nothing back? You want to help them but then they shut you out which then affects your own emotions?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with.

Yes, but also those you want to help, those who are doing the best they can, etc. Also ok to dip in and out when things are tough.

But what if you offer emotional support then get nothing back? You want to help them but then they shut you out which then affects your own emotions? "

Then that's a factor against sticking it out. But mood swings per se aren't necessarily an indictment of character or relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's it, the feeling used part is what hurts. "

There is your answer . If sometime blows hot and cold and makes you feel this then walk away.They just are not worth this horrible feeling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with.

I walked away from my father at the age of 16. Think we always have a choice it just depends if we want to take it"

I'm sorry you had to face that but it shows strength to recognise and do what is best for you.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Depends on who and why.

A fb, boyfriend doing it I'd cut ties.

My best friend doing it I'd find out why, what's happening to make her act that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like a player and a lot of women seem to like the challenge to change a player.... do leopards change their spots....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ignore it and walk away. Their inability to manage their emotions is not my problem

That's the thing, if you're being consistent with yours then why take on the responsibility? "

You’re not a rehabilitation centre for badly behaved people. None of us are

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

That's it, the feeling used part is what hurts.

There is your answer . If sometime blows hot and cold and makes you feel this then walk away.They just are not worth this horrible feeling. "

Yes, this. I've been through it and it's bloody draining and hurtful. When I've called it out I've been told it was in my head only to find out a few days later if wasn't. I think that yes, everyone has different moods but someone draining yours and constantly wanting you there for their problems,when it suits them and then throwing it back in your face is too exhausting.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

If they have mental health or general life struggles I'll support them but not if it infringes on my own mental health.

If they're just dippy or selfish or playing mind games I've learnt the hard way you're best walking away early.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's it, the feeling used part is what hurts.

There is your answer . If sometime blows hot and cold and makes you feel this then walk away.They just are not worth this horrible feeling. "

True. It's about putting yourself first.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

That's it, the feeling used part is what hurts.

There is your answer . If sometime blows hot and cold and makes you feel this then walk away.They just are not worth this horrible feeling.

True. It's about putting yourself first. "

And learning to put yourself first isn't selfish or cold. You're feelings are as important as the other person's

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on who and why.

A fb, boyfriend doing it I'd cut ties.

My best friend doing it I'd find out why, what's happening to make her act that way."

So the type of relationship matters to you. The behaviour you'd accept from one isn't the same as everyone.

I'm the same. Sisters before misters!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As you said sometimes you don't have a choice but if you do then don't put yourself through it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds like a player and a lot of women seem to like the challenge to change a player.... do leopards change their spots...."

I'm not sure, I think for some people it's not intentional game play. I think they get caught up in their own thoughts or emotions which can skew their judgement.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I prefer people who are consistent. Everyone can suffer an occasional mood swing but when this is constant and often irrational, I avoid. Don't need the grief or hassle.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

You just got to leave them to it. My step-dad was like that and he was a sulker. Just carry on doing you and they’ll come round when they’re ready. Don’t make any special allowances for them.

I’m quite moody but i’m consistently moody if that makes sense

folk know where they are with me, no second guessing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ignore it and walk away. Their inability to manage their emotions is not my problem

That's the thing, if you're being consistent with yours then why take on the responsibility?

You’re not a rehabilitation centre for badly behaved people. None of us are"

I think that's part of my problem, I'm a bit of a people pleaser and I always want to see the best in them.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

I was hot and cold with everyone. Very few stood by me. Within just 2 weeks I had arranged my sons funeral and was lying down ready for the tablets to kick in. I was found choking and seizing. Luckily just in time for me to recover.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's it, the feeling used part is what hurts.

There is your answer . If sometime blows hot and cold and makes you feel this then walk away.They just are not worth this horrible feeling.

That's it, they don't realise that leaning on you effects you emotionally too, especially to then have them act like you did nothing and dismiss you like you're unimportant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If they have mental health or general life struggles I'll support them but not if it infringes on my own mental health.

If they're just dippy or selfish or playing mind games I've learnt the hard way you're best walking away early.

Sometimes it's hard to see the difference too, you try to support them only to find out it's all just a game.

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

As an Aspie I find it extremely hard. But I know my wife will be fine in a few hours / days depending on the reason so I'm getting better and riding it out and taking her words with a pinch of salt!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you deal with someone who blows hot and cold?

Do you just accept it's how they are or do you walk away and stick to people who are consistent? "

Casual acquaintance? No time for that shit.

Long term partner or loved one? Try and get to the bottom of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As you said sometimes you don't have a choice but if you do then don't put yourself through it."

I agree. Stick to those who give as much as they take.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

It depends on the level of communication and the closeness of which they are to me, I know I blow hot and cold to my friends but I am open and honest about what is going on in my life to them, as they are to me.

Fab acquaintances I distance myself away from regardless as they blow in and out of my life like the wind anyway.

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

What's that phrase... "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you deserve better and I need to work on myself before blaming others." Yeah, that's it, right?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Depending on the context I might not totally walk away but I'll definitely keep them at arms length. I try to fill my life mostly with people who make it more positive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d walk away , you don’t need that drama in your life xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer people who are consistent. Everyone can suffer an occasional mood swing but when this is constant and often irrational, I avoid. Don't need the grief or hassle."

Especially when it comes to fab! It's supposed to be fun not a drama!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer people who are consistent. Everyone can suffer an occasional mood swing but when this is constant and often irrational, I avoid. Don't need the grief or hassle.

Especially when it comes to fab! It's supposed to be fun not a drama!

It seems to be a regular occurrence on fab judging by various posts. People think just because its fab then its ok .

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I prefer people who are consistent. Everyone can suffer an occasional mood swing but when this is constant and often irrational, I avoid. Don't need the grief or hassle.

Especially when it comes to fab! It's supposed to be fun not a drama!

Absolutely!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You just got to leave them to it. My step-dad was like that and he was a sulker. Just carry on doing you and they’ll come round when they’re ready. Don’t make any special allowances for them.

I’m quite moody but i’m consistently moody if that makes sense

folk know where they are with me, no second guessing."

I have a friend who is the same, we've come to accept and love her harshness.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them."

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm so glad you're not in that place now.

I guess this reiterates the part about it depending on the person. I'd like to think if someone I loved was struggling then I'd recognise it and at least try to help. I wouldn't just walk away because I'd want them to lean on me and I'd accept the good and the bad days because I'd know that one day it might be me leaning on them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As an Aspie I find it extremely hard. But I know my wife will be fine in a few hours / days depending on the reason so I'm getting better and riding it out and taking her words with a pinch of salt!"

Knowing how to react to them is definitely a learning curve, if it's someone you love and want to support I guess you need to work out what works for them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you deal with someone who blows hot and cold?

Do you just accept it's how they are or do you walk away and stick to people who are consistent?

Casual acquaintance? No time for that shit.

Long term partner or loved one? Try and get to the bottom of it."

That seems to be the general consensus. If they're not part of your inner circle then don't let them be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends on the level of communication and the closeness of which they are to me, I know I blow hot and cold to my friends but I am open and honest about what is going on in my life to them, as they are to me.

Fab acquaintances I distance myself away from regardless as they blow in and out of my life like the wind anyway."

I think this is a bit I struggle with because I am quite closed off with casual acquaintances so if I do share it's because I think our friendship is at that level whereas they might just share with anyone who will listen and I just happen to be there at the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What's that phrase... "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you deserve better and I need to work on myself before blaming others." Yeah, that's it, right?"

Close enough

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depending on the context I might not totally walk away but I'll definitely keep them at arms length. I try to fill my life mostly with people who make it more positive."

Conserving your own energy really, if you give too much to them they drain you, you definitely need positive people to keep you topped up!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d walk away , you don’t need that drama in your life xx "

No. I plan to stay as drama free as possible!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I prefer people who are consistent. Everyone can suffer an occasional mood swing but when this is constant and often irrational, I avoid. Don't need the grief or hassle.

Especially when it comes to fab! It's supposed to be fun not a drama!

It seems to be a regular occurrence on fab judging by various posts. People think just because its fab then its ok . "

I think the online thing doesn't help when it comes to fab. Some can read too much into things or be upset by assumptions they've made.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm so glad you're not in that place now.

Absolutely but sadly some people arent as caring. I lost many *friends when I went through that, and I admit I was very bad but that was when I needed people to be there for me.

Instead I did it with 1 solitary friend. And boy did I come back fighting

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

There's certainly a balance to be had between self preservation and accommodating normal human frailty. Depends on any number of factors.

Some people are difficult to manage and have emotional problems. Others aren't. Sometimes, in some cases, issues can arise from a lack of communication or empathy despite suffering emotional distress doing their utmost.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm so glad you're not in that place now.

Absolutely but sadly some people arent as caring. I lost many *friends when I went through that, and I admit I was very bad but that was when I needed people to be there for me.

Instead I did it with 1 solitary friend. And boy did I come back fighting

Good on you. That one person was the one you needed, the rest just proved themselves unworthy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was someone from here, I'd probably return the favour.

My best friend blows hot and cold but I understand why and it's fine by me. I dont need her support although an ear would be good sometimes but I'm always here for her.

I think some times it's down to self esteem and if you can rise above it then you dont need to feel "used".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There's certainly a balance to be had between self preservation and accommodating normal human frailty. Depends on any number of factors.

I was just thinking it also depends on the stage of the relationship, we can recognise and manage these things in people we know well, I think my issue is recognising when I need to distance myself from those I don't know that well and not be sucked in to their drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just call them Wilson.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's that phrase... "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you deserve better and I need to work on myself before blaming others." Yeah, that's it, right?"

"If you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best". I prefer that one myself

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If it was someone from here, I'd probably return the favour.

My best friend blows hot and cold but I understand why and it's fine by me. I dont need her support although an ear would be good sometimes but I'm always here for her.

I think some times it's down to self esteem and if you can rise above it then you dont need to feel "used"."

That's true, I think it feels good to be there for someone but when they treat you bad after that's the time to realise you deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just call them Wilson."

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

I pray for them, they are sick.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"There's certainly a balance to be had between self preservation and accommodating normal human frailty. Depends on any number of factors.

Yes, but also the nature of help you've offered. It all runs both ways. I definitely understand that these issues can be toxic, but it's rarely utterly black and white.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with.

Yes, but also those you want to help, those who are doing the best they can, etc. Also ok to dip in and out when things are tough.

But what if you offer emotional support then get nothing back? You want to help them but then they shut you out which then affects your own emotions? "

I had this at the weekend. I had a day of feeling utterly used and stupid. I then thought fuck this, did some self reiki, met friends and felt so much better the ne t day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There's certainly a balance to be had between self preservation and accommodating normal human frailty. Depends on any number of factors.

Yes, but also the nature of help you've offered. It all runs both ways. I definitely understand that these issues can be toxic, but it's rarely utterly black and white."

No, nothing ever is when it comes to people. We can be quite complicated at times!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I pray for them, they are sick."

Does it help?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"There's certainly a balance to be had between self preservation and accommodating normal human frailty. Depends on any number of factors.

Yes, but also the nature of help you've offered. It all runs both ways. I definitely understand that these issues can be toxic, but it's rarely utterly black and white.

No, nothing ever is when it comes to people. We can be quite complicated at times! "

Absolutely. Wish it weren't so!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on why, how close I am to them, and other factors

I guess there are some people you have no choice with.

Yes, but also those you want to help, those who are doing the best they can, etc. Also ok to dip in and out when things are tough.

But what if you offer emotional support then get nothing back? You want to help them but then they shut you out which then affects your own emotions?

I had this at the weekend. I had a day of feeling utterly used and stupid. I then thought fuck this, did some self reiki, met friends and felt so much better the ne t day."

That's what we need to do, put ourselves first and offer support on our own terms.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

"I pray for them, they are sick.

Does it help? "

Not them, because god does not exist, but I find it very relaxing, and I'm not a fan of using my psychic powers to fix people, often it turns people into super villians by accident from my experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think everyone is capable of "blowing hot and cold".

I think we need to understand why they are exhibiting this behaviour. There could be a myriad of reasons for it. Often people blow hot and cold in a response to the others behaviour. Often people blow hot and cold because they cannot handle their own emotions.

A "friend" recently described me as "volatile" and i was genuinely upset and shocked they perceived me to be like this. I reflected on this and I had to agree I can be moody, and I often withdraw from people because I need time alone and it can be in response to feeling confused and hurt by others. I need to be able to communicate better i need time away from people.

However "mood swings" are not merely blowing hot and cold. They can be a manifestation of mental heath issues, and are not merely being moody and can be a serious problem. f

for the record I'm just avmoody cow!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I think everyone is capable of "blowing hot and cold".

Yes, we're all capable of blowing hot and cold to varying degrees. I don't think a person should feel guilt because they can't handle someone else's inability to manage their own emotions though.

Life is/can be tough for us all - you can understand, empathise why someone is the way they are but I think that sometimes there's nothing wrong with putting yourself and your own mental health first.

If a person doesn't acknowledge or manipulates the other with what they do, why should the onus be on the one who is on the receiving end to put up with it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if i like them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NO ONE should ever put up with behaviours they don't feel comfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them."

Sweetheart. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but wow, you’re so amazing, you must be so strong. Xxx

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them.

Sweetheart. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but wow, you’re so amazing, you must be so strong. Xxx"

Absolutely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Others lives can often be far more complex than our own, and how they may react to life and its difficulties will almost always be expressed in a different way to ourselves.

I can't change that, it's for them to change, but apart from the players and charlatans who do exist, those whose moods etc reflect their lives sometimes just need help to see them through.

With my friends I accept that, will do what I can to help them, even if it doesn't feel like it's working.

We are all human, all at times need another, a place to feel safe to talk, vent, even howl at the moon.

Sometimes we just have to try a little tenderness...

Sometimes it might even work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that there is always a reason, and we rarely know what it is. You never know what is going on for someone else, I try (and don’t always succeed) to feel compassion.

You can be kind and compassionate without putting yourself in the firing line if that makes sense?

For me, it’s much healthier to be like that than letting it affect me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on who and why.

A fb, boyfriend doing it I'd cut ties.

My best friend doing it I'd find out why, what's happening to make her act that way."

Absolutley all of the above .

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I think that there is always a reason, and we rarely know what it is. You never know what is going on for someone else, I try (and don’t always succeed) to feel compassion.

You can be kind and compassionate without putting yourself in the firing line if that makes sense?

For me, it’s much healthier to be like that than letting it affect me. "

This really chimes with me. I can be guilty of spreading myself too thinly, trying to be supportive of people who wouldn't do the same for me. I've learned to let it go unless it's someone close to me - everything has stuff going on, and I can't know what it is most of the time. No point tying myself in knots.

Mrs TMN x

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

"How do you deal with someone who blows hot and cold?

Do you just accept it's how they are or do you walk away and stick to people who are consistent? "

Too many people in this world to worry about the ones that are like that.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm fairly flexible, so can tolerate some swinging

. But it's going to depend on my relationship, their ability to communicate well and what the effects are overall.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/01/20 17:36:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 14/01/20 17:36:38]"

He’s back!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who's this about? It is that against the rules

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I feel mental health here may well play a part. Having been on the other side it can be difficult for others to understand.

Looking back now I cant remember certain days, I've no idea what I did or said, and I'm devastated I put my family through it but it was not my fault. Grief, ptsd, depression were to blame.

People are always fighting battles that we may not know about. Theres good people that fuck up, the secret is to put your effort and time into them.

Sweetheart. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but wow, you’re so amazing, you must be so strong. Xxx

Absolutely."

I just know how it feels when your world is destroyed and you feel alone. Being that 1 person who says why rather than bye can be life changing xxx

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I'm not very tolerant with people like that if I'm honest, I don't have the patience to deal with them and will walk away.

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