FabSwingers.com forum: Is it rude

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When you browse to make new friends and you find someone who on the face of it meets all your criteria and you theirs. You then send a message saying hello and introducing youself but don't get a reply, is this rude or just annoying or perhaps both x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

neither

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people would perceive it as rude others won't. Myself I don't. I just take it as a sign that the person isn't interested and move on.

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By *ewels74Woman
over a year ago

Dundee/Angus/Blackpool

Are they online at the time?

Sometimes people are maybe busy, or thinking on a reply back at the time....sometimes they can also be on through a phone and may not be seeing there message....or maybe a lot of messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont think its either...its just the way it is....for whatever reason they decided you werent for them....no explanation necessary

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"When you browse to make new friends and you find someone who on the face of it meets all your criteria and you theirs. You then send a message saying hello and introducing youself but don't get a reply, is this rude or just annoying or perhaps both x"

why would it be either... just because some people may seem to be compatible on the surface it doesn't mean they don't look at other things, how people come across for example?

classic example.. all those people looking for "black cock" probably send as many of the people they are trying to attract away with the way they do it... as they get....

some for how people approach single bi fems.....

ect ect ect...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes understand that but wouldn't a sorry not for me or similar be beter than no reply?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is different in how they deal with messages, but for us the ones we're not interested in get a no thanks. The ones we are get a chatty message back. It's the ones we're on the fence about that end up getting ignored. We don't mean to but i'll keep the message for a while to come back to once we've both had a look, then half the time we forget.

The lad we meet with regularly told us on our first meet that he had actually messaged us twice before we replied to him. I'm glad he messaged back because we could have missed out on a great guy. So sometimes a little persistence pays off in these cases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes understand that but wouldn't a sorry not for me or similar be beter than no reply?"

Some people get loads of messages so replying to all of them would take too long.

Besides their is no olbligation to reply to someones message

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But isn't a swingers site about good communication x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But isn't a swingers site about good communication x"

Some people (and I don't include myself in this) are not interested in communication unless an attraction exists and/or a meet could be on the cards.

Fair play to them. It tells me all I need to know.

As hobbies go, flogging dead horses is way down the list.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"But isn't a swingers site about good communication x"

Not everyone will think the same way as you do regarding saying thanks but no thanks,people have varying expectaions of how other people should behave

Some take the time to reply and others don't,if you let it cloud your fun then you'll have a miserable time getting huffy at those that don't respond when really you should just forget about them and concentrate on those that do reply

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"But isn't a swingers site about good communication x"

Q. how is someone not communicating with you any different to you not communicating with single guys

A. None it's just their preference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just ignore it.This site is fun but not life and death x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mmm thought we said peeps who meet your criteria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/04/12 13:44:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mmm thought we said peeps who meet your criteria"

doesn't mean you meet theirs

or if a couple, 1 may like, 1 may not so answer still likely to be 'no' which may translate into no response

also people put things in their profile that are 'general' not specific

there could 1 be part of your profile, 1 pic of yours etc that prevents them from messaging you back

the best advice really is to not let it bother you

concentrate on those that DO message back, not those that don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes understand that but wouldn't a sorry not for me or similar be beter than no reply?

Some people get loads of messages so replying to all of them would take too long.

Besides their is no olbligation to reply to someones message

you have mahoosive boobZ!

....right what was the question again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You meet their criteria or they meet yours? If its a single female you've messaged, chances are she's either inundated, not in the mood, or doesn't fancy either one or both of you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Point taken but it is nice to make new friends x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course it is, but you can't expect to make friends with everyone you message. You can't take rejection to heart on here or you'd go mad with paranoia!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Agreed nice boobie x

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"Point taken but it is nice to make new friends x

I think a lot of people actually never get round to answering all their messages and just bulk delete every now and again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

More so the ladies i think as they will get more replies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i know exactly what the op means about compatible! i regularly send out msgs to single fems/couples who look compatible on their profile, (ie, looking for a single guy) but my msgs are nearly always read then deleted without a reply! it would be nice sometimes to get a reply saying thanks but no thanks,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And it would put yer faith back in swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And it would put yer faith back in swinging"

it would at least let me know where iv gone wrong in my profile! lol,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have found that 90% of the time, if we reply back to a cpl, etc and say:

Thanks for your message but we feel you are not for us. They email us, abuse us and block us. We find it easier not to reply now. So we don't think its rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We started off on here by replying to every single message even with a no thanks if the couple or guy wasn't right for us .

After a while we realised a lot of time spent doing this was futile as some would ask why or get a bit arsey so we stopped replying if we were not interested .

So it's not rude , just less hassle !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And we can all do without hassle

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By *erseypairCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

we'd wink first and see if we get a wink back then take it from there

s&t xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lots of different approaches

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting winks are good. If we like the people who have winked at us then we will send them an email, simples.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

and effective by the sound of it

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

some people just dont answer because by saying no you open up a dialogue...

i bet a lot of people, who has written back to say "no thanks" have then had people asking "why?" or have been abuse! or try to change there minds!.....

what i don't get is this... if someone says no thanks, or if people don't write back... then it is still the same answer.....

and if rejection eats at people this much, then i wonder how they cope with the "Biggies" in life...

they said no.. move on...

they didn't answer back... move on...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

moving quicley on lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

packs my bag n gets my trainers on!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i get loads of mail, as not to be rude the ones that fit what im looking for i message back, even if its a no thanks! the ones that clearly have not read my profile i just delete if they keep sending messages then i block...I do find some guys will just persist in sending messages and can get nasty.. then i report them.. its clear what im looking for on my profile x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well that approach won't stop people having fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"some people just dont answer because by saying no you open up a dialogue...

i bet a lot of people, who has written back to say "no thanks" have then had people asking "why?" or have been abuse! or try to change there minds!.....

what i don't get is this... if someone says no thanks, or if people don't write back... then it is still the same answer.....

and if rejection eats at people this much, then i wonder how they cope with the "Biggies" in life...

they said no.. move on...

they didn't answer back... move on..."
i bet a lot of people, who has written back to say "no thanks" have then had people asking "why?" or have been abuse! or try to change there minds. Not in our case most reply saying thanks for replying but we only reply to ppl we know have read our profile in full.

Manner cost nothing.

* cReEpS rOunD cRypT * -l-

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Totally agree and it gives the site credibility

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends I guess...either way as a single bloke I know chances are few and far between, so any reply and meet arranged is a bonus!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Been on here as a single i know how hard it is mate

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

I'll ask the same question I always ask when this comes up! Do you reply to all the junk mail you get at home? Do you reply to all the junk email you get?

We get junk mail addressed to us by name and they may have things that we want or even need, but I still wouldn't answer them!

So why would someone reply to a chance email from someone they don't know if they decide that they are not for them? Why should anyone use valuable time replying to emails that are of no interest to them...

I suspect that those who say they reply to all are of either guilty stretching the truth or only get a few mails at a time! We do reply to most of ours if they have read the profile, but then, we don't get many at all...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because people read a profile and believe they would meet someones criteria, does not mean they are entitled in any way to a message back or a meet.

Its not like some job applications whereby you automatically get an interview if you meet specific criteria.

If people don't want to message they won't. You cannot make others do what you expect them to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd have to agree. Half the time I say no thanks, i get thank you, the other half I get abuse/why?

Just easier to not reply.

I get too much mail to reply to everyone. I'm also relieved someone let's the ones that are on fence slip through the crack! I always half about 30 emails from people I can't make my mind up about, till its a bit late to reply.

Half the single guys that email, delete their profiles a day later anyway, so no time to reply!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

with the amount of messages i get a day (not being big headed) but i just don't get time to reply to all. if im not interested i wont reply as my profile states.

im nt here to chase email and chase people etc in here to let loose have some fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

message people who are online at the time, if they not online and you never spoke to them before then i'd wait unti they are and keep them out of mind, that way you give your message a chance of not getting lost with the rest of the spam! x

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

and even more than that, does the op reply to every message you guys receive??

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"neither "

they meet your requirements, you do not necessarily meet theirs, so why should they reply to unsolicited mail? Do you reply to every piece of junk mail you get through the letter box?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

well it certainly generated debate

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"i know exactly what the op means about compatible! i regularly send out msgs to single fems/couples who look compatible on their profile, (ie, looking for a single guy) but my msgs are nearly always read then deleted without a reply! it would be nice sometimes to get a reply saying thanks but no thanks,

why...if they do not reply they dont want you...what difference would them telling you twice over they dont want you mean?

i always think nice guy syndrome is at the root of this. Cant put up the links but basically...

i am a nice guy therefore a no doesnt really mean no.If it is a no it must be bacause either bad guys do well or the person in question has problems...cos all i need to do is be nice.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"well it certainly generated debate"

not really, its the same answers the same people give to this thread when it comes up every week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well it certainly generated debate

not really, its the same answers the same people give to this thread when it comes up every week

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does manners maketh the man woman or couple?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does manners maketh the man woman or couple? "

well does if you meet, but not replying to messages isnt really bad manners if they dont have the time to read or reply to them all.

sometimes they started like that and replied to everyone, but someone might of stopped that by being pushy, asking why or generally being a nucesance and spoiling it for the others so some people think its better that way so they dont end up getting abuse / grief

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

"Does manners maketh the man woman or couple? "

It does in my book, but it is not bad manners to ignore unsolicited mail and messages!

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"I'll ask the same question I always ask when this comes up! Do you reply to all the junk mail you get at home? Do you reply to all the junk email you get?

We get junk mail addressed to us by name and they may have things that we want or even need, but I still wouldn't answer them!

You could equelly argue that if you were sat on a train or standing in a queue and they said hello would you just ignore them - but it's everyones choice how they choose to respond

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Hmmm...a sense of entitlement...nice!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"Does manners maketh the man woman or couple? "

But not replying isnt rude.Rumour stole my junk mail analogy, though i stole it too so i forgive him...but lets just reiterate it...

You arrive home from work, there is a leaflet from a pizza ahop you regularly use. Thing is tonight you don't fancy pizza, you may want pizza tomorrow, but not right now.

Do you ...

A. Bin the leaflet

B. Phone and explain you are grateful fot the leaflet and should you require pizza you will sure to be in touch.

Get our point?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"I'll ask the same question I always ask when this comes up! Do you reply to all the junk mail you get at home? Do you reply to all the junk email you get?

We get junk mail addressed to us by name and they may have things that we want or even need, but I still wouldn't answer them!

You could equelly argue that if you were sat on a train or standing in a queue and they said hello would you just ignore them - but it's everyones choice how they choose to respond"

Having lived in london i know the response you would get, the internet is a city ,not a small village.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple we are not always home at the same time, often in different parts of the house when we are home and very seldom online at the same time.

So if a message is of no interest I often just reply No Thanks, we don't get many so it doesn't take much time... if we had a load I would probably ignore them!

If it's from someone I know I will often answer and copy J in by cutting and pasting to Email...

if it's someone J may be interested in I will generally ignore it until we are in the same room as the internet together then say have a look, or if that doesn't occur then I may cut and paste it to an Email... but will almost never answer until she has seen it and said what the answer should be... so if it takes a while thats our reason!

Hmmm seldom in the mood for Pizza though so bin them almost immediatly...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

though sometimes if I happen to be pre-approved for a credit card or loan etc. I send the Pizza leaflet to them in the reply envelope in case they are hungry after approving me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"neither

they meet your requirements, you do not necessarily meet theirs, so why should they reply to unsolicited mail? Do you reply to every piece of junk mail you get through the letter box?"

my junk mail will go to with ever is the last one that fills the envelope up !

then it all goes to the address with no stamp a tad immature but great fun!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

People don't like one liners so if some one takes the time and effort to send a decent email the worst they should get is a reply

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"And it would put yer faith back in swinging"

I don't need anyone to put faith back into my swinging....doing fine thanks very much.

And further to your initial post, just because someone meets your criteria it doesn't automatically mean that you meet theirs....or doesn't that matter to you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Jane of course it does and thats what the first post said!!!

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"Jane of course it does and thats what the first post said!!!"

Yu assume you meet their criteria....their reluctance to reply might suggest otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jane of course it does and thats what the first post said!!!

Yu assume you meet their criteria....their reluctance to reply might suggest otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Rejection yer can live with lol sloth no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes i feel for the blokes

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"sometimes i feel for the blokes

Sometimes I just feel blokes up.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Know what yer mean lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sometimes i feel for the blokes

Sometimes I just feel blokes up....."

this does not surprise me chick x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well it would bring a smile to someones face lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people would perceive it as rude others won't. Myself I don't. I just take it as a sign that the person isn't interested and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We all move on very quickley

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all move on very quickley"

some dont lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Theres always 1

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"sometimes i feel for the blokes

Don't!

This place is great and I say that as someone who's not had a meet in a while.

Not replying to messages is 100% NOT rude and that needs to be repeated until men stop whining about it. Messages are not gifts or treasured invitations. They're a few minutes of key tapping (at most) and should be sent with zero expectations.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If people want to get annoyed because they don't get a reply and to make themselves feel better about call it rudeness.... be prepared to be annoyed a lot because you are on a site which doesn't think it is rude not to reply.

Taken from Fabswingers FAQ's:

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you can safely assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?

So there you have it... on this site it is not rude to not reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not rude, it's just someone exercising their right not to reply to you ...

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"sometimes i feel for the blokes

Don't!

This place is great and I say that as someone who's not had a meet in a while.

Men? it's not only men that complain or have you noyt noticed that the OP is a couple

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Probably annoying to some.

We don't send initial mails out, but do think it would be rude of us not to answer the ones we do get, so we do normally answer all mails.

Obviously people don't always answer, so it is something you have to get used to if you send mails out.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

^ the vast majority are men.

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"^ the vast majority are men. "

Percentage wise it's probably about the same

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are for and against with this topic

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are for and against with this topic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are for and against with this topic

hmmm u think :P x

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Yorkshire area

it sounds like your mind is already made up wether its rude or not, many people have given valid reasons for people not responding and yet you keep throwing "but's" in there.

The simple fact is it is down do each individual wether they respond or not, we personally dont see it as rude or ignorant, would rather them ignore us than send a message saying no thanks.

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