FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Self worth

Jump to newest
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What's your self worth like? How do you build it? How do you guard it against outside factors (people, events) and make it about you?

(Don't need to reveal anything too deep here, obviously this could be very personal. Worth thinking about and discussing. Always relevant on Fab!)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *epsonWoman
over a year ago

Biddulph

I don't have self worth issues luckily.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After the shit that happened last year my self worth was very low. But now it's on an all time high.

It'll take someone a long time and a lot of effort to change that again

Lessons have been learned

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think reasonably highly of myself but more realist I suppose. I’m quite self aware and know my good and bad points. No one is better than me, they may think they are but opinions opinions.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

After a lot of rough years I know my self worth now. I'd never let anybody ever crush that again x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In some respects it's high, career and my resilience. In other respects it's very low. I'm trying hard to resolve that though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's pretty bad, but I'm working on it =)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

The most important relationship is with yourself.

If you have low self worth avoid the stimulants that might give you short term quick fixes that cause more long term damage. Go to the root of the problem and find your solution. Each has their own.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

99% of the time it's very high. When It's not I just rude it out.

I don't consciously guard it against outside factors I'm just very lucky that I genuinely only care what my loved ones think of me. My father is the same, although he has taken it to extremes in his old age.

I don't know if you meant this for people who don't have issues with self worth though and I'm sorry if you didn't.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"After the shit that happened last year my self worth was very low. But now it's on an all time high.

It'll take someone a long time and a lot of effort to change that again

Lessons have been learned "

Very very very similar!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

Once you realise the world has an awful lot of total cockwombles, with many of these in positions of authority- you soon begin to realise you're not actually that bad at all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*ride it out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self worth is never validated by anyone else,

Confidence might have been crushed a few times but not my self worth

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"99% of the time it's very high. When It's not I just rude it out.

I don't consciously guard it against outside factors I'm just very lucky that I genuinely only care what my loved ones think of me. My father is the same, although he has taken it to extremes in his old age.

I don't know if you meant this for people who don't have issues with self worth though and I'm sorry if you didn't."

I think it's for everybody! Those who struggle and those who don't. Because not struggling might be a temporary state.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just have to be your own biggest fan!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Currently in a bit of a head fuck on this one!

I know worth more than being lied to that's for sure.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

Quite good and I’m very quick to leave folk who don’t treat me how I believe I should be treated.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 12/01/20 16:25:43]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

I don't have any self worth issues but I do think carefully about inserting myself into situations though, I walk away quite a lot rather than engage in dramatics or negativity that could potentially damage myself mentally.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've had a lot of therapy. A lot of therapy. Learned to tolerate, accept, and love myself.

I have big ups and downs. Unfortunately I'm prone to it. But I've become quite defensive and have learned to channel my anger as a defensive mechanism.

I try to step outside myself and ask about the worth of another person in my position. Helps me calibrate.

My work has been around self-compassion, mindfulness, and reparenting myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Its very high. I erased all negative people out my life and apart from family and friends dont care less what anyone else thinks of me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

You can’t just switch that on, you have to get to know yourself over a long period and build it up by executing well and being a good person. Only then are you emotionally strong enough to self assess your bad points and change them. Anyone who says you can look in the mirror and just say your gorgeous / perfect etc is not self aware at all, just arrogant or deluded and they will crash out later, seen it so many times with self help crap

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork

Mine goes up and down a lot. I find it takes ages to build it up and something small can knock it back down again pretty quick. Thankfully at the moment things are good.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always a struggle with my own self worth if I’m honest

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Quite good and I’m very quick to leave folk who don’t treat me how I believe I should be treated. "
,

I think that's key.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think self worth and self love are very different.

Also depending on your experience with relationships (even friends and family) can have a huge influence on your self worth.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I am me, some like and some dislike but i am me and will not change for anyone as i am happy

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Self worth, esteem are both values and beliefs oriented, so are linked into a personal identity.

It can be one of the most difficult areas to change, yet rewarding when you do.

There is a hierarchy model from Robert Dilts that shows how impacting in lower areas will effect the higher ones (values and beliefs being next to the top).

Bit like Maslows hierarchy.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never have these issues luckily but my advice is don't give a fuck about relationships until you know for a fact that they are in the same head space as you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier


"Its very high. I erased all negative people out my life and apart from family and friends dont care less what anyone else thinks of me"

That is a key step removing the negative people even if they are family. That is tough for me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think self worth and self love are very different.

Also depending on your experience with relationships (even friends and family) can have a huge influence on your self worth. "

Absolutely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am happy and comfortable with myself , and feel good about who I am x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier


"Mine goes up and down a lot. I find it takes ages to build it up and something small can knock it back down again pretty quick. Thankfully at the moment things are good. "

There is an app Arkeo that helps you track it. It is developing so more functionality to come from the little I know.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count. "

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general)."
I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork


"Mine goes up and down a lot. I find it takes ages to build it up and something small can knock it back down again pretty quick. Thankfully at the moment things are good.

There is an app Arkeo that helps you track it. It is developing so more functionality to come from the little I know."

I’ll check it out, thank you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Self-worth has never been an issue for me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder? "

Neutral. Depends on how they interact with you, at least for me. Do they drag you up or bring you down? Do they support or criticise you for your issues ("you should just be more like me!" yeah, can't, cheers)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder? "

I find it can do both, you compare yourself to family and friends in their life positions and you can feel yours doesn’t match up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"My self worth is never validated by anyone else,

Confidence might have been crushed a few times but not my self worth

"

This.

There are few people whose opinion of me actually matters to me. I could count them on one hand and not run out of fingers.

My self-worth is high although my confidence fluctuates wildly in different areas of my life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've recently had a big confidence wobble and I found the background work of building my self worth really helped. I didn't slide into a depression like I might once have done. I felt my feelings, went through the process, and rebounded quite hard. The wobble is still ongoing but I'm on my way out of it, with a damn vengeance.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder?

I find it can do both, you compare yourself to family and friends in their life positions and you can feel yours doesn’t match up. "

As with anything in life; comparison is the thief of joy, it's why social media can have such a detrimental effect on mental health. I do my absolute best to never compare my journey with anyone else's as you never, ever know the full story.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Took a long to to get there but I know my worth, next chapter starting to finalise it.

Learn those lessons and remember you are who you are and don’t let others change you, but you can let people help you come out the other side

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count. "

It's the how do we guard against it hardening us up to others I struggle with.

And what if one person can can devalue you but also build up at the same time. Suck a conflict!

I fear I've already stopped letting people in and created a protective bubble that's hard to come out of.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just want it all thats what im worth

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's the how do we guard against it hardening us up to others I struggle with.

And what if one person can can devalue you but also build up at the same time. Suck a conflict!

I fear I've already stopped letting people in and created a protective bubble that's hard to come out of. "

Cynicism is bloody tempting and probably unhelpful

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder?

Neutral. Depends on how they interact with you, at least for me. Do they drag you up or bring you down? Do they support or criticise you for your issues ("you should just be more like me!" yeah, can't, cheers)"

Ah yes. I understand that. There's a fine line between encouragement and lack of understanding or empathy.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have had to learn to prioritise myself over others. Build up my worth and self esteem, never ever get fooled again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I am me and I am only me and that’s how it is. If you don’t like the laughter and sarcasm.

If you don’t like that then you can move on but if I can make you smile a little then mission accomplished. Simple as that because in life there’s too much things going on and we forget about the simple things

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder?

I find it can do both, you compare yourself to family and friends in their life positions and you can feel yours doesn’t match up. "

So for you self worth depends on life position?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"

It's the how do we guard against it hardening us up to others I struggle with.

And what if one person can can devalue you but also build up at the same time. Suck a conflict!

I fear I've already stopped letting people in and created a protective bubble that's hard to come out of. "

I know exactly what you mean. It's safe and you can't get hurt in the bubble but at the same point, it limits you from having a meaningful connection with anyone. I made the conscious decision to not let the shitty behaviour of others limit my life.

I think that it's important to remember that others treating you badly is a reflection of them, not you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I’ve got to work on me a bit, but it’s better than it used to be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Virtually nonexistent. It's a hard fight trying to rebuild when so many people let you know you're worth nothing to them. They can't all be wrong... can they?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's the how do we guard against it hardening us up to others I struggle with.

And what if one person can can devalue you but also build up at the same time. Suck a conflict!

I fear I've already stopped letting people in and created a protective bubble that's hard to come out of.

Cynicism is bloody tempting and probably unhelpful "

It's desperately unhelpful. Cynicism is the side effect of being on fab though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I don't ascribe my self worth to external things, such as career, or needing others to find me attractive but on what the reality is of me , what I know. Keeping myself active and enjoying what I like, help to keep me in good spirits too. If I'm alive, I have good self worth.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

‘For what it’s worth’ - Buffalo Springfield

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's the how do we guard against it hardening us up to others I struggle with.

And what if one person can can devalue you but also build up at the same time. Suck a conflict!

I fear I've already stopped letting people in and created a protective bubble that's hard to come out of.

Cynicism is bloody tempting and probably unhelpful

It's desperately unhelpful. Cynicism is the side effect of being on fab though. "

Not just Fab for me. Hey ho.

My experience would lend itself to making me cynical. I'm not wired like that and wish I were.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *merald Eyes XWoman
over a year ago

Can you find me….

It’s taken some time to find my self worth and now I’ve found it.. I’ll never be treated like that again...

And if that makes me hard work, guarded and difficult well that’s tough... the people who matter will stick with me!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eralt80Man
over a year ago

cork


"I think it's hard. Self worth is obviously based on your own value of yourself but it's hard not to let outside influences/other people affect that.

We're naturally social creatures and the actions of those close to us can hurt our personal value. How do we guard against that without becoming hardened to others? It's a balance I think.

I'm sure there's a line here about being fluid like water or like a tree in the wind; bending but not breaking.

After a tough few years, Im very careful about the people that I let close to me and who's opinion I allow to count.

It's incredibly hard, and I know this all too well. It's taken me a very long time to build a base line. There's fluctuation around that depending on external factors but the core remains.

Knowing who to trust is particularly key in a place like this (and in general).I

Does being around people with good self worth help or hinder?

I find it can do both, you compare yourself to family and friends in their life positions and you can feel yours doesn’t match up.

So for you self worth depends on life position?"

It’s not the only thing but it is part of it health, family, friends, career, it all comes into it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central


"Virtually nonexistent. It's a hard fight trying to rebuild when so many people let you know you're worth nothing to them. They can't all be wrong... can they?"

Large groups of people are known to have made very poor decisions, throughout history. Maybe consider those who you are listening or paying attention to

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"What's your self worth like? How do you build it? How do you guard it against outside factors (people, events) and make it about you?

(Don't need to reveal anything too deep here, obviously this could be very personal. Worth thinking about and discussing. Always relevant on Fab!)"

I have an extremely low opinion of myself, worthless and unnecessary is how I see myself.

Mr

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

My self worth is a lot better than it once was but I'm still working on it. I don't think I need to "protect" myself from external factors as such but I've become a lot better at expressing when situations/relationships aren't working for me and why.

I'm too much of a people person to become cynical - they are brilliant and flawed like myself but I do find it easier to say no, I don't like x, y and z about something and gently remove myself from that situatiom.

I'm probably a bit too trusting at times but I'd much rather that than the other extreme.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

*situation.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Virtually nonexistent. It's a hard fight trying to rebuild when so many people let you know you're worth nothing to them. They can't all be wrong... can they?

Large groups of people are known to have made very poor decisions, throughout history. Maybe consider those who you are listening or paying attention to "

Ultimately your strongest ally is you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South


"Virtually nonexistent. It's a hard fight trying to rebuild when so many people let you know you're worth nothing to them. They can't all be wrong... can they?"

Of course they can.

If people don’t take the time to get to know you and how you tick then they never get to see the real you.

If they don’t get to see the real you (when you’ve let your guard down and let people in) then they’re not going to appreciate you and all your quirks.

You have to believe you’re a bloke worth knowing. You have a lot to give, you have a lot to offer. You have to learn to love yourself first. Realise what an interestingly unique person you are.

Easier said than done I know.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no self worth whatsoever.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's your self worth like? How do you build it? How do you guard it against outside factors (people, events) and make it about you?

(Don't need to reveal anything too deep here, obviously this could be very personal. Worth thinking about and discussing. Always relevant on Fab!)

I have an extremely low opinion of myself, worthless and unnecessary is how I see myself.

Mr"

You aren’t worthless or unnecessary but until you believe that, I don’t know if you’ll believe it from a stranger on the internet.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *candiumWoman
over a year ago

oban

Don't understand the concept.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wise words. I will bear them in mind the next time my boss tells me or makes me feel uncomfortable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"wise words. I will bear them in mind the next time my boss tells me or makes me feel uncomfortable. "

You have the power to tell your boss that he has no right to say things that he may be saying or to make you feel uncomfortable, of course, I don't know what's being said or what that person's attitude to you is, but if it's unacceptable, don't accept it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I have my own view of my self worth, it is currently low, but rising.

Having been dropped, abandoned, let down, pushed away (you get the idea) by friends old and new I no longer let people close enough for me to care what their opinion of me is. There are people that only value you for as long as they gain from it. As soon as they no longer see a gain, you no longer have a value (to them). If enough people do that you start to see the pattern.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have my own view of my self worth, it is currently low, but rising.

Having been dropped, abandoned, let down, pushed away (you get the idea) by friends old and new I no longer let people close enough for me to care what their opinion of me is. There are people that only value you for as long as they gain from it. As soon as they no longer see a gain, you no longer have a value (to them). If enough people do that you start to see the pattern. "

That's a problem with them, not a problem with you, I've gone through similair as yourself, I believed it was me, but it wasn't and isn't, I now appreciate and focus on those who stay and continue to value me, that's the positive I hold onto, you can do it also.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I have my own view of my self worth, it is currently low, but rising.

Having been dropped, abandoned, let down, pushed away (you get the idea) by friends old and new I no longer let people close enough for me to care what their opinion of me is. There are people that only value you for as long as they gain from it. As soon as they no longer see a gain, you no longer have a value (to them). If enough people do that you start to see the pattern.

That's a problem with them, not a problem with you, I've gone through similair as yourself, I believed it was me, but it wasn't and isn't, I now appreciate and focus on those who stay and continue to value me, that's the positive I hold onto, you can do it also. "

Absolutely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's been shit. I've been feeling really low.

But something changed yesterday and total I feel like I've got more self worth than I've had in a long time. It's made me re-evaluate things and realise that if something isn't helping my self worth then it's maybe not worth fighting for

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve worked very hard on rebuilding myself after a multitude of events changed everything, so yes I’m extremely proud of the person I’ve become.

I keep my circle small and value the relationships I have dearly. But won’t let others outside of that affect my soul. Judgement can affect us greatly if we let it. But if those judging have no value and don’t have a bigger understanding of the whole person then they won’t get close enough to hurt.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It's been shit. I've been feeling really low.

But something changed yesterday and total I feel like I've got more self worth than I've had in a long time. It's made me re-evaluate things and realise that if something isn't helping my self worth then it's maybe not worth fighting for "

That's so bloody true x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close

Up and Down.... But that's my stupid head over thinking things, or just putting them off....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m working hard in rebuilding mine. I fluctuate up and down daily. I know ultimately I’m worth more than what I was led to believe but it’s hard to retrain my mind. As for outside influences I try not to let people get close enough to put me down, I’m more of an enemy to myself than them x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have my own view of my self worth, it is currently low, but rising.

Having been dropped, abandoned, let down, pushed away (you get the idea) by friends old and new I no longer let people close enough for me to care what their opinion of me is. There are people that only value you for as long as they gain from it. As soon as they no longer see a gain, you no longer have a value (to them). If enough people do that you start to see the pattern.

That's a problem with them, not a problem with you, I've gone through similair as yourself, I believed it was me, but it wasn't and isn't, I now appreciate and focus on those who stay and continue to value me, that's the positive I hold onto, you can do it also.

Absolutely."

Thanks. Yes that is the stance I have now taken. However it is currently the uphill battle of regaining the worth that was lost because of them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have my own view of my self worth, it is currently low, but rising.

Having been dropped, abandoned, let down, pushed away (you get the idea) by friends old and new I no longer let people close enough for me to care what their opinion of me is. There are people that only value you for as long as they gain from it. As soon as they no longer see a gain, you no longer have a value (to them). If enough people do that you start to see the pattern.

That's a problem with them, not a problem with you, I've gone through similair as yourself, I believed it was me, but it wasn't and isn't, I now appreciate and focus on those who stay and continue to value me, that's the positive I hold onto, you can do it also.

Absolutely.

Thanks. Yes that is the stance I have now taken. However it is currently the uphill battle of regaining the worth that was lost because of them. "

You've got this

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

"

How lovely

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I'm fortunate to have very good self esteem / self worth, on the whole.

I have had the occasional dip in the past but have learnt how to deal with negative influences.

Some people are just not healthy to be around and the way you manage their impact is important.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ineMan
over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

I know what I'm worth.....

About £1.37.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'm fortunate to have very good self esteem / self worth, on the whole.

I have had the occasional dip in the past but have learnt how to deal with negative influences.

Some people are just not healthy to be around and the way you manage their impact is important."

Yes. And some people are good, but not good for you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *epsonWoman
over a year ago

Biddulph


"I know what I'm worth.....

About £1.37."

With or without pocket fluff ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

"

It's a nice idea, but it's just not true. People are only ok with you not being ok if they don't have to see it. Anyone who can't fake happiness to an acceptable standard on demand is required to fuck off and stop spoiling the mood for everyone else.

That's why I've run out of socials I can go to, I can't deal with people who only stop ignoring me to tell me to cheer up, or walk over and shout "SMILE!" in my face.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've lived, loved and lost. Lots of people have died around me and my hearts been broken because of it all. Its hardened me as a person but i feel more empathy for others too. I just like lots of laughter around me. Too see people happy. We alk have a story to tell so i guess i listen more now. I think as a person and as a friend and lover... I'm alright.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Two quotes I had stuck to my wall at work...

Learn to be in love with the person in the mirror, who has been through so much and is still standing

and

Self worth is vital to your HAPPINESS, if you don’t feel good about YOU, you can’t feel good about anything else

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really think about it, I'm happy with who I am, and don't really care or get offended by what people think of me. Why let yourself get so worked up about it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Two quotes I had stuck to my wall at work...

Learn to be in love with the person in the mirror, who has been through so much and is still standing

and

Self worth is vital to your HAPPINESS, if you don’t feel good about YOU, you can’t feel good about anything else "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

It's a nice idea, but it's just not true. People are only ok with you not being ok if they don't have to see it. Anyone who can't fake happiness to an acceptable standard on demand is required to fuck off and stop spoiling the mood for everyone else.

That's why I've run out of socials I can go to, I can't deal with people who only stop ignoring me to tell me to cheer up, or walk over and shout "SMILE!" in my face."

It's not about others acceptance, it's about your own, coming to understand why you aren't OK and finding what will change that, because only you can change that, it is possible but if you arent there yet, don't look to those that run when you need them, seek the support you need from the right person's or groups. Seek the help you need if you feel you do need it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think my sense of self-worth fluctuates to be honest, I know deep down I'm a decent guy, who is thoughtful and considerate of others most of the time, capable of being sympathetic and empathetic etc and all the other values that people place good store in - but there are times when I doubt myself, or how I am perceived - usually when I am reminded of things I've done that have belied those values in some way.

For the most part though I like the person that I am, there are things I wish were better, and things I wish hadn't happened but part of them are what has shaped me to be the person I am now and mostly I like him.

How I built my level of self-worth has been more a gradual and lifelong process than something I have made a conscious effort to address, although a major factor in how I see myself now was taking the decision to lose weight a few years ago, which ultimately made me feel better about my physical self, and led to a better sense of self overall

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self worth is actually quite huge believe it or not.

I know I'm valuable, I know I'm a pretty fucking decent human with a massive heart.

I do struggle with insecurities about whether others will see it in me, but moreso I worry about whether they'll care. By care I mean will they give enough of a shit not to do stuff that's out of order, will they respect me and my relationship with B? I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but I know what I mean

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *xycpl699Couple
over a year ago

kilmarnock

I quite like myself don't really care if outsiders don't.hollie

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is realistically high is all areas. Nobody should ever sell themselves short... ever.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a work in progress

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

It's a nice idea, but it's just not true. People are only ok with you not being ok if they don't have to see it. Anyone who can't fake happiness to an acceptable standard on demand is required to fuck off and stop spoiling the mood for everyone else.

That's why I've run out of socials I can go to, I can't deal with people who only stop ignoring me to tell me to cheer up, or walk over and shout "SMILE!" in my face.

It's not about others acceptance, it's about your own, coming to understand why you aren't OK and finding what will change that, because only you can change that, it is possible but if you arent there yet, don't look to those that run when you need them, seek the support you need from the right person's or groups. Seek the help you need if you feel you do need it. "

One of the central issues causing my depression is loneliness and isolation, and the depression apparently makes me intolerable to be around.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South


"Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

It's a nice idea, but it's just not true. People are only ok with you not being ok if they don't have to see it. Anyone who can't fake happiness to an acceptable standard on demand is required to fuck off and stop spoiling the mood for everyone else.

That's why I've run out of socials I can go to, I can't deal with people who only stop ignoring me to tell me to cheer up, or walk over and shout "SMILE!" in my face.

It's not about others acceptance, it's about your own, coming to understand why you aren't OK and finding what will change that, because only you can change that, it is possible but if you arent there yet, don't look to those that run when you need them, seek the support you need from the right person's or groups. Seek the help you need if you feel you do need it.

One of the central issues causing my depression is loneliness and isolation, and the depression apparently makes me intolerable to be around."

Have you maybe tried group therapy/support groups in your area? Being with people who feel the same as you do and getting together and talking? They’ll be aware of how you feel because they feel that way too.

The trouble with normal socials is that they are full of people who are probably (usually) not depressed. People who are happy and out enjoying themselves just see someone sat not smiling and not joining in as someone who is being miserable, because they’re not aware of the bigger picture. That just makes you feel worse.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I know my self worth and don't doubt it for a second.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ineMan
over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill


"I know what I'm worth.....

About £1.37.

With or without pocket fluff ?"

Rendered down

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Every one needs to remember, it's OK to not be OK, how you feel today isn't how you might feel tomorrow, next week or next month etc

No matter how you might feel, always reach it if you need to, don't ever be afraid to speak to someone.

How others treat you is a reflection of thier worth, not your own, don't let anyone treat you any less that what you feel you deserve and keep in mind, when you reach your lowest, the only way is up.

It's a nice idea, but it's just not true. People are only ok with you not being ok if they don't have to see it. Anyone who can't fake happiness to an acceptable standard on demand is required to fuck off and stop spoiling the mood for everyone else.

That's why I've run out of socials I can go to, I can't deal with people who only stop ignoring me to tell me to cheer up, or walk over and shout "SMILE!" in my face.

It's not about others acceptance, it's about your own, coming to understand why you aren't OK and finding what will change that, because only you can change that, it is possible but if you arent there yet, don't look to those that run when you need them, seek the support you need from the right person's or groups. Seek the help you need if you feel you do need it.

One of the central issues causing my depression is loneliness and isolation, and the depression apparently makes me intolerable to be around.

Have you maybe tried group therapy/support groups in your area? Being with people who feel the same as you do and getting together and talking? They’ll be aware of how you feel because they feel that way too.

The trouble with normal socials is that they are full of people who are probably (usually) not depressed. People who are happy and out enjoying themselves just see someone sat not smiling and not joining in as someone who is being miserable, because they’re not aware of the bigger picture. That just makes you feel worse. "

I've done the therapy, can't find a support group in the area. There are just too many skills I never developed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top