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cheating partners....

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By *ovedupstill OP   Couple
over a year ago

mullinwire

could you ever feel totally and utterly trustful of someone you had got into a relationship with, behind thier spouses back?

male or female (no singling anyone out here)

i am of the belief that if they did it on their partner with me, then they could do it to me with someone else. there would always be that element of doubt in the back of my mind, and for me, trust is the biggest thing in a relationship that, if its missing, the relationship is gone

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"could you ever feel totally and utterly trustful of someone you had got into a relationship with, behind thier spouses back?

male or female (no singling anyone out here)

i am of the belief that if they did it on their partner with me, then they could do it to me with someone else. there would always be that element of doubt in the back of my mind, and for me, trust is the biggest thing in a relationship that, if its missing, the relationship is gone"

Am i missing something? You got into a relationship with an already partnered person and then wonder if they may do it again? Boggled here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once a cheat...always a cheat

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

short answer,yes they will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No chance, im not going to be the twat sat at home while they out shagging someone else

If they can do it with you they can do it on you

But as they say, what goes around comes around

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just ask him/her if his/her husband/wife totally trusts him/her! pretty convoluted but u get my point!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once a cheat...always a cheat"

No, have to disagree with that.

It is a much more complex question. So many people I know in vanilla town are in "dead" relationships, waiting for kids to grow up, can't quite find enough reason to split, or more and more these days can't sell the house (or general financial)!

If you are the final straw that causes the relationship to end and they then form one with you, then you would hope to not be in the same situation of a dead relationship, so no cause to cheat again.

However some people are just serial cheats and will do it again just because the grass is always greaner etc.

So to the OP Yes, and No.... depends

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"Once a cheat...always a cheat

No, have to disagree with that.

It is a much more complex question. So many people I know in vanilla town are in "dead" relationships, waiting for kids to grow up, can't quite find enough reason to split, or more and more these days can't sell the house (or general financial)!

If you are the final straw that causes the relationship to end and they then form one with you, then you would hope to not be in the same situation of a dead relationship, so no cause to cheat again.

However some people are just serial cheats and will do it again just because the grass is always greaner etc.

So to the OP Yes, and No.... depends "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once a cheat...always a cheat

No, have to disagree with that.

It is a much more complex question. So many people I know in vanilla town are in "dead" relationships, waiting for kids to grow up, can't quite find enough reason to split, or more and more these days can't sell the house (or general financial)!

If you are the final straw that causes the relationship to end and they then form one with you, then you would hope to not be in the same situation of a dead relationship, so no cause to cheat again.

However some people are just serial cheats and will do it again just because the grass is always greaner etc.

So to the OP Yes, and No.... depends "

for once a sensible non judgemental answer xxx

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"

for once a sensible non judgemental answer xxx"

You don't read many forum posts do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im sorry, but i totally disagree, if the partner doesnt know his/her husband/wife is playing away from home then thats classed as cheating no matter the circumstances! and the questin was, 'could u EVER totally trust them! well, the short answer is no! because how do u know they wont get bored again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no i would feel that about any man anyway, i never trust anyone completly however nice they are. would prefer it if they dont cheat, but what you dont know wont hurt you.

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By *ovedupstill OP   Couple
over a year ago

mullinwire


"could you ever feel totally and utterly trustful of someone you had got into a relationship with, behind thier spouses back?

male or female (no singling anyone out here)

i am of the belief that if they did it on their partner with me, then they could do it to me with someone else. there would always be that element of doubt in the back of my mind, and for me, trust is the biggest thing in a relationship that, if its missing, the relationship is gone

Am i missing something? You got into a relationship with an already partnered person and then wonder if they may do it again? Boggled here. "

no i havent.

purely hypothetical question here, fella.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

People cheat for mumerous reasons. The partners sex drive might of gone because of ill health or having kids. Some because they are just so bogged down with life that sex is the last thing on a persons mind. It does not mean that the cheater will go on to keep cheating but as stated in a previous post some assume the grass is greener..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

for once a sensible non judgemental answer xxx

You don't read many forum posts do you?"

yes i do and on this subject its nothing in my opnion but judgement x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/04/12 18:18:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"could u EVER totally trust them! well, the short answer is no! because how do u know they wont get bored again?"

Take that logic a small amount further. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship and became single can't be trusted as they have failed in a previous relationship. Would be an unhappy world if there was no forgivness and trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Oh my word if we were all judged by one single act in our lifetime and were never forgiven or given the chance to grow or change it would be awful

No-one is perfect,I expect we have all done things that we're not proud of at some point

People can change,some people of course don't

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

KELSO RACECOURSE

ahhh the old once a cheat always a cheat.

My honest opinion is that if a person cheats in a relationship, it can be for many many reasons. If that said person then establishes another relationship that fullfills all his/her needs then why would they cheat?

The other reason its a load of old twaddle is an 18yr old might cheat on his bird with her fit mate, but could you see a 55yr old doing it?

Life circumstances dictate cheaters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"could u EVER totally trust them! well, the short answer is no! because how do u know they wont get bored again?

Take that logic a small amount further. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship and became single can't be trusted as they have failed in a previous relationship. Would be an unhappy world if there was no forgivness and trust."

how is that a logical step? failing a relationship is just a wee bit different from cheating whilst being in a relationship! there i a multitude of reasons for a failed relationship! no reason for cheating!

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By *eaboMan
over a year ago

marden

could never trust a(nother) cheat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"could u EVER totally trust them! well, the short answer is no! because how do u know they wont get bored again?

Take that logic a small amount further. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship and became single can't be trusted as they have failed in a previous relationship. Would be an unhappy world if there was no forgivness and trust.

how is that a logical step? failing a relationship is just a wee bit different from cheating whilst being in a relationship! there i a multitude of reasons for a failed relationship! no reason for cheating! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People cheat for mumerous reasons. The partners sex drive might of gone because of ill health or having kids. Some because they are just so bogged down with life that sex is the last thing on a persons mind. It does not mean that the cheater will go on to keep cheating but as stated in a previous post some assume the grass is greener.. "
HMmm inclined to agree.Bogged down and unable to change things describes things for a lot I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it must be wonderful to be so perfect as to never have made a mistake in a relationship, just because a person didn't cheat they r good even if they r horrible to the point the other person feels unloved, uncared for with a lot less confidence than at the start of the relationship. but they r good because no cheating would i trust them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"how is that a logical step? failing a relationship is just a wee bit different from cheating whilst being in a relationship! there i a multitude of reasons for a failed relationship! no reason for cheating! "

Sorry my logic was assuming that the OP's question was refering to the cheater being a suitable long term partner. as 99% of relationship breakdowns are not 100% one sided then even the "innocent" partner has shown they are unable to maintain a stable relationship....

Ludicrous statement I know, but so is once a cheat always a cheat...

For the record, neither of us have cheated on prevoious partners so have no vested interest in the question, I just strongly feel that generalisations are bad for all.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Leopards too.

Do they ever change their spots?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"how is that a logical step? failing a relationship is just a wee bit different from cheating whilst being in a relationship! there i a multitude of reasons for a failed relationship! no reason for cheating!

Sorry my logic was assuming that the OP's question was refering to the cheater being a suitable long term partner. as 99% of relationship breakdowns are not 100% one sided then even the "innocent" partner has shown they are unable to maintain a stable relationship....

Ludicrous statement I know, but so is once a cheat always a cheat...

For the record, neither of us have cheated on prevoious partners so have no vested interest in the question, I just strongly feel that generalisations are bad for all."

so, couple live together for 7yrs, no children as they find out that the man cant have them! the female wants kids and it eventually causes a rift! they split up amicably as friends! does tggat mean neither can be trusted in future relationship as they are both single!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"how is that a logical step? failing a relationship is just a wee bit different from cheating whilst being in a relationship! there i a multitude of reasons for a failed relationship! no reason for cheating!

Sorry my logic was assuming that the OP's question was refering to the cheater being a suitable long term partner. as 99% of relationship breakdowns are not 100% one sided then even the "innocent" partner has shown they are unable to maintain a stable relationship....

Ludicrous statement I know, but so is once a cheat always a cheat...

For the record, neither of us have cheated on prevoious partners so have no vested interest in the question, I just strongly feel that generalisations are bad for all.

so, couple live together for 7yrs, no children as they find out that the man cant have them! the female wants kids and it eventually causes a rift! they split up amicably as friends! does tggat mean neither can be trusted in future relationship as they are both single! "

as I said:

"Ludicrous statement I know, but so is once a cheat always a cheat...

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats true! now, am away for a bit crumpet b4 the missus gets back!

joke!! lol,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes of course you could.. just because they cheat on one person, doesnt mean they will cheat on another.

I was a serial cheat.. couldnt help myself but I realise now it was always because there was something missing in my previous relationships..

Now there are times even with permission I check and double check

As far as I am concerned if you dont trust the person your with, there is no point being with them

cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I find it hard to trust anyone fully becauseI was cheated on by my baby's mom, she was advertising for intimate encounters on PlentyOfFish and meeting men for casual whilst our baby was at school and I was at work. I had'nt been with anyone else in nearly 8 years but I was diagnosed with chlamydia when I was tested. When someone cheats, there is usually someone somewhere who suffers.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Oh my word if we were all judged by one single act in our lifetime and were never forgiven or given the chance to grow or change it would be awful

No-one is perfect,I expect we have all done things that we're not proud of at some point

People can change,some people of course don't "

Im pondering my perfection .... get back to you soon.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Personally if I lie with a snake I expect to be bitten.

It's not IF they will lie to you. It's when.

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By *ovedupstill OP   Couple
over a year ago

mullinwire


"Yes of course you could.. just because they cheat on one person, doesnt mean they will cheat on another.

I was a serial cheat.. couldnt help myself but I realise now it was always because there was something missing in my previous relationships..

Now there are times even with permission I check and double check

As far as I am concerned if you dont trust the person your with, there is no point being with them

cali "

can you compare them, though, as the relationship you have now hasnt the constraints of monogomy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally if I lie with a snake I expect to be bitten.

It's not IF they will lie to you. It's when.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally if I lie with a snake I expect to be bitten.

It's not IF they will lie to you. It's when.

"

You must have terribly low self esteem if you presume someone is going to treat you badly from the start.

People surprisingly do change if they choose to but if you expect them to walk all over you and cheat on you they probably will.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Personally if I lie with a snake I expect to be bitten.

It's not IF they will lie to you. It's when.

You must have terribly low self esteem if you presume someone is going to treat you badly from the start.

People surprisingly do change if they choose to but if you expect them to walk all over you and cheat on you they probably will. "
I agree with everything you have said here

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"could you ever feel totally and utterly trustful of someone you had got into a relationship with, behind thier spouses back?

male or female (no singling anyone out here)

i am of the belief that if they did it on their partner with me, then they could do it to me with someone else. there would always be that element of doubt in the back of my mind, and for me, trust is the biggest thing in a relationship that, if its missing, the relationship is gone"

Well there is one solution. Don't get into a relationship with them!

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I did get into a relationship years ago with someone who had a partner when we met (I didnt know initially)..

Sure enough a couple of years later he was cheating on me, and split with me to be with her...

Another year down the line .. you've guessed it, he did the same to her and left for someone else he'd been seeing behind her back

I'd never do it again.. And I choose not to even meet attached / married people who are playing away for fun.

Just a shame that many feel the need to lie and claim to be single when they're not..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

can you compare them, though, as the relationship you have now hasnt the constraints of monogomy?"

I had an open relationship with several partners.. Didnt stop me cheating though.. as there is a difference.

Cali

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Personally if I lie with a snake I expect to be bitten.

It's not IF they will lie to you. It's when.

You must have terribly low self esteem if you presume someone is going to treat you badly from the start.

People surprisingly do change if they choose to but if you expect them to walk all over you and cheat on you they probably will. "

Do you mean people in general or me?

It could follow that someone who expects to be cheated on has low self esteem but that isn't what i said.

I said if the person is a cheater. Expect to be cheated on. It's not the same thing.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Some people make errors, learn from it and do not repeat the mistake.

Some people use the terms mistake/error/accident to do anything they want and then try and justify it if caught.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cheated on a partner and never realised the devastation it caused until I was cheated on ,never again would I put anyone thru that pain I got my karma for my mistake and would never ever ever cheat again if my marriage goes too ruins then we split as cheating ain't an option for me

so a leopard never changes its spots is bull in my opinion as I certainly changed mine .

Luckily me and my husband have total trust in each other cos without that we would have nothing ,and certainly couldn't be on a site like fab xx

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I would not get into a relationship with someone who cheated to be with me as I'd never meet an attached person in the first place.

I've met single men who've blithely told me they've had affairs in the past, enabling me to give them a wide berth. I wouldn't assume he wouldn't do it to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cheated on a partner and never realised the devastation it caused until I was cheated on ,never again would I put anyone thru that pain I got my karma for my mistake and would never ever ever cheat again if my marriage goes too ruins then we split as cheating ain't an option for me

so a leopard never changes its spots is bull in my opinion as I certainly changed mine .

Luckily me and my husband have total trust in each other cos without that we would have nothing ,and certainly couldn't be on a site like fab xx "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once a cheat...always a cheat

No, have to disagree with that.

It is a much more complex question. So many people I know in vanilla town are in "dead" relationships, waiting for kids to grow up, can't quite find enough reason to split, or more and more these days can't sell the house (or general financial)!

If you are the final straw that causes the relationship to end and they then form one with you, then you would hope to not be in the same situation of a dead relationship, so no cause to cheat again.

However some people are just serial cheats and will do it again just because the grass is always greaner etc.

So to the OP Yes, and No.... depends "

totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes, i could trust them, no problem.

the relationship wouldn't start behind anyones back... it would be right under their nose! (her)

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