FabSwingers.com forum: Sperm checking

By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

So tomorrow I have to go and give a sample of the little swimmers.

The conditions are,

You can not produce the sample in a public bathroom as it’s illegal. (They have no “collection” facilities on site apparently)

You have to abstain for between 2-5 days prior to producing said sample. (I have been and now I am horny at everything because I know I can’t do anything about it)

You must use the painfully small container to collect your sample.

Now my issue lies here.

My appointment is at 9:00 I drop the dog off at daycare at 8 and I have about a 40 min commute then have to find parking and somehow find somewhere private to produce this sample! Why do I feel it will be a challenge lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you not do it in the morning before you leave in the comfort of your own hone / bed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I used to go they had a private room and bed plenty of books and videos to watch bloody nhs cuts

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Can you not do it in the morning before you leave in the comfort of your own hone / bed? "

I forgot to put in that the sample cannot be more than an hour old. Sorry.

I guess I could but it’s Something to do with the way seamen breaks down? I honestly don’t have a clue to be fair

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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago

A box at end of your bed

Does this place your going for testing not have some small private rooms put aside for just this reason.

I would like to thank they do. Or are those days gone where you where ushered off to side room with a dirty magazine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you hoping for an attractive receptionist to take your sample?

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Does this place your going for testing not have some small private rooms put aside for just this reason.

I would like to thank they do. Or are those days gone where you where ushered off to side room with a dirty magazine. "

Apparently not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spoon it out of a girls bum hole

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Are you hoping for an attractive receptionist to take your sample?

Ha ha chance would be a fine thing right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a tricky one!

I’d phone today and explain the situation and ask if they do have any rooms.

If not, you’ll have to break the law. It won’t be the first time you’ve bent the rules of the land, I’m sure!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve done both. Used a room there and took some generous ladies used panties too help me out.

The second time I did it at home and drove down (30 mins drive). By the time I got to see the nurse it was dead on an hour and almost a waste.

Use a room there, or try and find a toilet in there if they don’t provide rooms

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"This is a tricky one!

I’d phone today and explain the situation and ask if they do have any rooms.

If not, you’ll have to break the law. It won’t be the first time you’ve bent the rules of the land, I’m sure!"

It wouldn’t be the first time no lol.

If the sample pot wasn’t so damn small it might be easier.

(That’s not a brag it is just a stupidly small pot)

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By *ornyone30Man
over a year ago

ABERDEEN

I had a similar situation when I had the snip. My 2 samples showed sperm still present so I had to drop a sample at the labs in the hospital. Same idea, had to be less than hour old and kept in a warm place. This made it impossible for me to do it at home due to travel time. I just went to a toilet in the hospital got fab on my phone and wanked off to some of the pictures lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sure when I had to give a sample ( to ensure that there were none of the little blighters there anymore) it was longer than 2 hours.

As stated above, I would explain. 1 hour is a little unreasonable. I’m sure I had 2 or 3.

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By *nnocentimesMan
over a year ago

over there by that tree

I used a toilet in the hospital for mine......The awkwardness is very very real

I think it was quite possibly the quickest I’ve ever knocked one out!

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Are you hoping for an attractive receptionist to take your sample?

That's BUPA

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By *exybecs777TV/TS
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I am sure when I had to give a sample ( to ensure that there were none of the little blighters there anymore) it was longer than 2 hours.

As stated above, I would explain. 1 hour is a little unreasonable. I’m sure I had 2 or 3."

1 hour is not unreasonable for fertility testing. After an hour you can get inaccurate results.

Post snip it isn’t as important as there should be any swimmers there.

As for sample collection make sure you fill the label on the pot in and just put the sample container at your head before you produce. Not the most fancy wank but very do able.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive had this same situ. And i had no choice but to break the law...

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Are you hoping for an attractive receptionist to take your sample?

That's BUPA

I laughed way to hard at that

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I am sure when I had to give a sample ( to ensure that there were none of the little blighters there anymore) it was longer than 2 hours.

As stated above, I would explain. 1 hour is a little unreasonable. I’m sure I had 2 or 3.

1 hour is not unreasonable for fertility testing. After an hour you can get inaccurate results.

Post snip it isn’t as important as there should be any swimmers there.

As for sample collection make sure you fill the label on the pot in and just put the sample container at your head before you produce. Not the most fancy wank but very do able."

I will be doing this method for sure. I just wish the pot was a bit bigger than a test tube you know

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've just read a book written by a doctor who worked in a fertility clinic. He said that the men used the staff toilets where he worked and knowing that he found it difficult to concentrate when he was in the loo knowing what was possibly going on in the next cubicle. He also mentioned the guy who overshot the pot and scooped his semen up off the carpet.

I'm not sure what they expect you to do in the circumstances but I'm guessing that the warning against using public loos is to cover their back because frankly I'd rather you did it in the loo than the hospital car park

As if it's not stressful enough already.

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I've just read a book written by a doctor who worked in a fertility clinic. He said that the men used the staff toilets where he worked and knowing that he found it difficult to concentrate when he was in the loo knowing what was possibly going on in the next cubicle. He also mentioned the guy who overshot the pot and scooped his semen up off the carpet.

As if it's not stressful enough already. "

Thanks. Your right about it being stressful. Lots of thoughts going through my mind. But being optimistic and hoping not to be arrested at the same time.

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By *exybecs777TV/TS
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I am sure when I had to give a sample ( to ensure that there were none of the little blighters there anymore) it was longer than 2 hours.

As stated above, I would explain. 1 hour is a little unreasonable. I’m sure I had 2 or 3.

1 hour is not unreasonable for fertility testing. After an hour you can get inaccurate results.

Post snip it isn’t as important as there should be any swimmers there.

As for sample collection make sure you fill the label on the pot in and just put the sample container at your head before you produce. Not the most fancy wank but very do able.

I will be doing this method for sure. I just wish the pot was a bit bigger than a test tube you know "

NHS cutbacks

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I am sure when I had to give a sample ( to ensure that there were none of the little blighters there anymore) it was longer than 2 hours.

As stated above, I would explain. 1 hour is a little unreasonable. I’m sure I had 2 or 3.

1 hour is not unreasonable for fertility testing. After an hour you can get inaccurate results.

Post snip it isn’t as important as there should be any swimmers there.

As for sample collection make sure you fill the label on the pot in and just put the sample container at your head before you produce. Not the most fancy wank but very do able.

I will be doing this method for sure. I just wish the pot was a bit bigger than a test tube you know

NHS cutbacks

Something like that ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get your Mrs to spit it into a pot while are driving up there

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Get your Mrs to spit it into a pot while are driving up there"

As good an idea as this is. Wouldn’t it affect the sample quality?

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Appreciate all the contributions thus far. Thanks for the support. X

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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago

A box at end of your bed

"Appreciate all the contributions thus far. Thanks for the support. X"

How did it go did you have to knock one out in the car park or was there a room set aside?

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

When we did this we just had to drop it off by 1pm and sample was taken at 5am and there were no problems. So just do it at home before you leave!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have just sent the forms away today to get this started actually... can you not just have a quick wank in the car before you go in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put out a meet request for someone local to the clinic or wherever it is to help you!

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Appreciate all the contributions thus far. Thanks for the support. X

How did it go did you have to knock one out in the car park or was there a room set aside?"

It’s tomorrow morning so I will let you know

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Put out a meet request for someone local to the clinic or wherever it is to help you!

Ha ha I will do that. Are you offering to travel lol?

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By *limBobStretchedPants OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Well for anyone who wanted the update. I ended up breaking the law and using a public bathroom to make the sample lol. What was super weird is I think the other cubicle was being used by someone else doing the same thing. Ha ha they guy who I followed out of the bathroom went to the same drop off point as me.

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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago

A box at end of your bed

Sounds like that public bathroom could be used for that quite a lot. Can't believe the clinic don't have a room set aside.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

So has anyone said which law it is that stops you using the toilet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's too late now but couldn't you have a posh wank and use a condom (a spermacide free one) then pour it into the pot. Park somewhere quiet and put a coat over your lap.

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

My ex did it at work and i very kindly transported the sample for him as he couldnt get the day off to go himself. Is there someone who could do that for you?

On another note he also had to give a poop sample (on a seperate occasion) and decided as he couldnt possibly do it into the tiny pot that he would rip a can in half and crap into that then tip it into the sample pot...i bet the testers had a field day with that sample swirling with coca cola!

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