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Let’s open up a debate?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Now play nice all, this is just a post to see your own opinions and what’s worked and what hasn’t for you.

As a single guy, on an app absolutely saturated by men who sometimes ‘struggle’ to get what they want and then resort to abuse. I genuinely feel sorry for all of you women and couples out there. Even some men get that abuse.

Now I want to know, what kind of message would make you stop what you’re doing and actually read what’s been wrote?

A long, thoughtful message, a short probably copy and paste message who’s being used on everyone?

Personally, I’ve noticed what works for me best is including a couple of recent photos, reading the profile and commenting about one thing and then asking how their day is.

It’s all different for everybody though isn’t it, it’s a crazy playground out here and it’s genuinely like finding a needle in the haystack.

C

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I read every message I get.

What would make me reply was how I responded to the pics

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

Try not to follow a particular type of formula maybe?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

As a couple a message that actually acknowledges that fact. The content varies but essentially a message where they speak to me as a grown woman not an object

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always try to avoid asking how their day is/how they are/what they’re up to because it’s soooooo tedious having that conversation loads of times. I usually just send a joke.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I read then all. Whether or not they get a reply depends on what’s written.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I just look at the pics in same way I read the Sunday Sport

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I don't have a formula for what I would write, it would be and is unique to every person that I initiate conversation with, the same as in real life.

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By *epsonWoman
over a year ago

Biddulph

This isn't a 'debate', you are fishing for best approaches

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always make sure to read the profile before messaging, seems to work ok.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I always try to avoid asking how their day is/how they are/what they’re up to because it’s soooooo tedious having that conversation loads of times. I usually just send a joke. "

This is a tricky one.

I fully agree with you, but also on the flip to that I as a person am just like thst. If I'm talking to somebody I'd like to get to know I am genuinely interested in how their day is. On one hand it is a polite question (that can be genuine) but on the other it pretty much is basic small talk.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I read all of my messages thoroughly anyway, as I get them so seldomly.

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By *alcon404Man
over a year ago

London

I’m not a woman so can’t answer but surely women answer messages from guys they fancy?

So even if you write the nicest messages if she don’t wanna rip your clothes off she’s not gonna waste her time.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I’m not a woman so can’t answer but surely women answer messages from guys they fancy?

So even if you write the nicest messages if she don’t wanna rip your clothes off she’s not gonna waste her time. "

If someone has taken the bother to write a decent message I always reply even if it's a thank you for the message but no thank you. Think it's the polite thing to do if someone has gone to all that effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Now play nice all, this is just a post to see your own opinions and what’s worked and what hasn’t for you.

As a single guy, on an app absolutely saturated by men who sometimes ‘struggle’ to get what they want and then resort to abuse. I genuinely feel sorry for all of you women and couples out there. Even some men get that abuse.

Now I want to know, what kind of message would make you stop what you’re doing and actually read what’s been wrote?

A long, thoughtful message, a short probably copy and paste message who’s being used on everyone?

Personally, I’ve noticed what works for me best is including a couple of recent photos, reading the profile and commenting about one thing and then asking how their day is.

It’s all different for everybody though isn’t it, it’s a crazy playground out here and it’s genuinely like finding a needle in the haystack.

C"

You have it spot on, read a profile and send a message in relation to what is said

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By *alcon404Man
over a year ago

London


"I’m not a woman so can’t answer but surely women answer messages from guys they fancy?

So even if you write the nicest messages if she don’t wanna rip your clothes off she’s not gonna waste her time.

If someone has taken the bother to write a decent message I always reply even if it's a thank you for the message but no thank you. Think it's the polite thing to do if someone has gone to all that effort"

I’m sure that works for some of you on here.

I understand from reading and speaking to many women that not all reply for fear of abuse, or trying to initiate conversation when it’s not wanted etc.

Personally it doesn’t bother me, if a woman deletes my message without a response I know where I stand and I move on. It actually doesn’t take that long to write a message. Especially when some chaps copy & paste.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Now play nice all, this is just a post to see your own opinions and what’s worked and what hasn’t for you.

As a single guy, on an app absolutely saturated by men who sometimes ‘struggle’ to get what they want and then resort to abuse. I genuinely feel sorry for all of you women and couples out there. Even some men get that abuse.

Now I want to know, what kind of message would make you stop what you’re doing and actually read what’s been wrote?

A long, thoughtful message, a short probably copy and paste message who’s being used on everyone?

Personally, I’ve noticed what works for me best is including a couple of recent photos, reading the profile and commenting about one thing and then asking how their day is.

It’s all different for everybody though isn’t it, it’s a crazy playground out here and it’s genuinely like finding a needle in the haystack.

C"

See heres my perspective

I dont need to know what the forum ladies want in looks , first message or profile . I dont want to appeal to as many women as I can manipulate . I know who I am and who I quest and oddly enough that tiny proportion of special ladies like that about me

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Now play nice all, this is just a post to see your own opinions and what’s worked and what hasn’t for you.

As a single guy, on an app absolutely saturated by men who sometimes ‘struggle’ to get what they want and then resort to abuse. I genuinely feel sorry for all of you women and couples out there. Even some men get that abuse.

Now I want to know, what kind of message would make you stop what you’re doing and actually read what’s been wrote?

A long, thoughtful message, a short probably copy and paste message who’s being used on everyone?

Personally, I’ve noticed what works for me best is including a couple of recent photos, reading the profile and commenting about one thing and then asking how their day is.

It’s all different for everybody though isn’t it, it’s a crazy playground out here and it’s genuinely like finding a needle in the haystack.

C

See heres my perspective

I dont need to know what the forum ladies want in looks , first message or profile . I dont want to appeal to as many women as I can manipulate . I know who I am and who I quest and oddly enough that tiny proportion of special ladies like that about me

"

Ps

I loath people asking me how I am or how my day is

Other day a guy pops up

Hey mate hows things ?

I thought to myself , hmm things ,what are things ?

So philosophically I replied

Some things are good and other things most tragic

Do I win a prize ?

Still no reply or prize

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say a woman gets 50 messages a day, some might get more and some might get less but let's say 50. Let's also say she works all day so doesnt reply to the messages as and when they arrive. So she comes home, gets fed and watered and does whatever else and then sits down for a couple of hours for Fab. So opens her message box and theres 50 there to be read. I would guess that the ones with the attachment icon on them might grab her attention first as she gets to see a pic along with the message. So she gets through those, maybe half of the total, let's say 25. To get through them she has had to evaluate the pics for attractiveness, read the message big or small, decipher the thing as a lot of people will have written in their own style which when written down doesnt translate as well as spoken, decide whether she's interested or not and then delete or keep. She's not gonna reply right away as she has another 25 to get through, plus she doesnt want to seem too keen and when she came online in the first place she was hoping to chat a bit with her current friends or on the forum, and also perv at new men or old favourites. By the time she gets through the 50 messages it's late on, other guys have seen her online and have been messaging her too flat out, she's done a bit of flirting too on the forum so she's spent a bit of time checking out profiles and thinking of witty but playful replies. It's now nearly bedtime but she has time to reply to 1 or 2 of the messages she liked but the others will have to wait, it's ok though because the guys are secure enough to realize that read but not deleted means dont give up hope(nothing more), you might still hear from me. She goes to bed and does the life thing the next day and when she goes onto Fab she has 50 new messages to get through, today isn't just as bad though as some of the messages are from impatient and insecure guys and are either rude or downright abusive, quick delete and block. This gives her more time which she spends feeling disillusioned about the men on Fab and she adds another level to her wall.

That dragged on but say this scenario, give or take a few changes, is typically average. The best advice I could then give is send a pic and a personal message, not too long but not too short, and hope for the best. If she does delete you're in with a chance

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As a couple a message that actually acknowledges that fact. The content varies but essentially a message where they speak to me as a grown woman not an object"

Thank you, fantastic reply. I think that’s what we’re missing on this app. People forgetting how to speak to somebody like a real human

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This isn't a 'debate', you are fishing for best approaches "

Fishing

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m not a woman so can’t answer but surely women answer messages from guys they fancy?

So even if you write the nicest messages if she don’t wanna rip your clothes off she’s not gonna waste her time.

If someone has taken the bother to write a decent message I always reply even if it's a thank you for the message but no thank you. Think it's the polite thing to do if someone has gone to all that effort"

Absolutely, I couldn’t agree more. There’s so many arrogant people on this app that think the sun shines out their ass lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Now play nice all, this is just a post to see your own opinions and what’s worked and what hasn’t for you.

As a single guy, on an app absolutely saturated by men who sometimes ‘struggle’ to get what they want and then resort to abuse. I genuinely feel sorry for all of you women and couples out there. Even some men get that abuse.

Now I want to know, what kind of message would make you stop what you’re doing and actually read what’s been wrote?

A long, thoughtful message, a short probably copy and paste message who’s being used on everyone?

Personally, I’ve noticed what works for me best is including a couple of recent photos, reading the profile and commenting about one thing and then asking how their day is.

It’s all different for everybody though isn’t it, it’s a crazy playground out here and it’s genuinely like finding a needle in the haystack.

C

See heres my perspective

I dont need to know what the forum ladies want in looks , first message or profile . I dont want to appeal to as many women as I can manipulate . I know who I am and who I quest and oddly enough that tiny proportion of special ladies like that about me

"

Yeah mate, absolutely amazing way of approaching it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Say a woman gets 50 messages a day, some might get more and some might get less but let's say 50. Let's also say she works all day so doesnt reply to the messages as and when they arrive. So she comes home, gets fed and watered and does whatever else and then sits down for a couple of hours for Fab. So opens her message box and theres 50 there to be read. I would guess that the ones with the attachment icon on them might grab her attention first as she gets to see a pic along with the message. So she gets through those, maybe half of the total, let's say 25. To get through them she has had to evaluate the pics for attractiveness, read the message big or small, decipher the thing as a lot of people will have written in their own style which when written down doesnt translate as well as spoken, decide whether she's interested or not and then delete or keep. She's not gonna reply right away as she has another 25 to get through, plus she doesnt want to seem too keen and when she came online in the first place she was hoping to chat a bit with her current friends or on the forum, and also perv at new men or old favourites. By the time she gets through the 50 messages it's late on, other guys have seen her online and have been messaging her too flat out, she's done a bit of flirting too on the forum so she's spent a bit of time checking out profiles and thinking of witty but playful replies. It's now nearly bedtime but she has time to reply to 1 or 2 of the messages she liked but the others will have to wait, it's ok though because the guys are secure enough to realize that read but not deleted means dont give up hope(nothing more), you might still hear from me. She goes to bed and does the life thing the next day and when she goes onto Fab she has 50 new messages to get through, today isn't just as bad though as some of the messages are from impatient and insecure guys and are either rude or downright abusive, quick delete and block. This gives her more time which she spends feeling disillusioned about the men on Fab and she adds another level to her wall.

That dragged on but say this scenario, give or take a few changes, is typically average. The best advice I could then give is send a pic and a personal message, not too long but not too short, and hope for the best. If she does delete you're in with a chance "

That’s exactly how it is. I’m flabbergasted a man actually gets what it’s like for us women here

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Say a woman gets 50 messages a day, some might get more and some might get less but let's say 50. Let's also say she works all day so doesnt reply to the messages as and when they arrive. So she comes home, gets fed and watered and does whatever else and then sits down for a couple of hours for Fab. So opens her message box and theres 50 there to be read. I would guess that the ones with the attachment icon on them might grab her attention first as she gets to see a pic along with the message. So she gets through those, maybe half of the total, let's say 25. To get through them she has had to evaluate the pics for attractiveness, read the message big or small, decipher the thing as a lot of people will have written in their own style which when written down doesnt translate as well as spoken, decide whether she's interested or not and then delete or keep. She's not gonna reply right away as she has another 25 to get through, plus she doesnt want to seem too keen and when she came online in the first place she was hoping to chat a bit with her current friends or on the forum, and also perv at new men or old favourites. By the time she gets through the 50 messages it's late on, other guys have seen her online and have been messaging her too flat out, she's done a bit of flirting too on the forum so she's spent a bit of time checking out profiles and thinking of witty but playful replies. It's now nearly bedtime but she has time to reply to 1 or 2 of the messages she liked but the others will have to wait, it's ok though because the guys are secure enough to realize that read but not deleted means dont give up hope(nothing more), you might still hear from me. She goes to bed and does the life thing the next day and when she goes onto Fab she has 50 new messages to get through, today isn't just as bad though as some of the messages are from impatient and insecure guys and are either rude or downright abusive, quick delete and block. This gives her more time which she spends feeling disillusioned about the men on Fab and she adds another level to her wall.

That dragged on but say this scenario, give or take a few changes, is typically average. The best advice I could then give is send a pic and a personal message, not too long but not too short, and hope for the best. If she does delete you're in with a chance

That’s exactly how it is. I’m flabbergasted a man actually gets what it’s like for us women here "

Oh quite a few of us get it. Just % wise it is low

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Say a woman gets 50 messages a day, some might get more and some might get less but let's say 50. Let's also say she works all day so doesnt reply to the messages as and when they arrive. So she comes home, gets fed and watered and does whatever else and then sits down for a couple of hours for Fab. So opens her message box and theres 50 there to be read. I would guess that the ones with the attachment icon on them might grab her attention first as she gets to see a pic along with the message. So she gets through those, maybe half of the total, let's say 25. To get through them she has had to evaluate the pics for attractiveness, read the message big or small, decipher the thing as a lot of people will have written in their own style which when written down doesnt translate as well as spoken, decide whether she's interested or not and then delete or keep. She's not gonna reply right away as she has another 25 to get through, plus she doesnt want to seem too keen and when she came online in the first place she was hoping to chat a bit with her current friends or on the forum, and also perv at new men or old favourites. By the time she gets through the 50 messages it's late on, other guys have seen her online and have been messaging her too flat out, she's done a bit of flirting too on the forum so she's spent a bit of time checking out profiles and thinking of witty but playful replies. It's now nearly bedtime but she has time to reply to 1 or 2 of the messages she liked but the others will have to wait, it's ok though because the guys are secure enough to realize that read but not deleted means dont give up hope(nothing more), you might still hear from me. She goes to bed and does the life thing the next day and when she goes onto Fab she has 50 new messages to get through, today isn't just as bad though as some of the messages are from impatient and insecure guys and are either rude or downright abusive, quick delete and block. This gives her more time which she spends feeling disillusioned about the men on Fab and she adds another level to her wall.

That dragged on but say this scenario, give or take a few changes, is typically average. The best advice I could then give is send a pic and a personal message, not too long but not too short, and hope for the best. If she does delete you're in with a chance "

Absolutely spot on. I’m not being big headed at all (as actually quite insecure!) but I had over 150 messages on Saturday, it’s great. And I try my best to get back to as many as possible but life does happen and as much as I am enjoying Fab I do need to sleep sometimes

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By *alcon404Man
over a year ago

London


"I’m not a woman so can’t answer but surely women answer messages from guys they fancy?

So even if you write the nicest messages if she don’t wanna rip your clothes off she’s not gonna waste her time.

If someone has taken the bother to write a decent message I always reply even if it's a thank you for the message but no thank you. Think it's the polite thing to do if someone has gone to all that effort

Absolutely, I couldn’t agree more. There’s so many arrogant people on this app that think the sun shines out their ass lol "

I don’t think not responding means the sun shines out of their ass.

No doubt they only want to respond to those they are attracted to & tbh I’d be the same. There’s no value to having a response from someone that says “No thanks not interested” in my opinion. Deleting the message already gives that impression.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always try to avoid asking how their day is/how they are/what they’re up to because it’s soooooo tedious having that conversation loads of times. I usually just send a joke. "

What’s brown and sticky? A stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always try to avoid asking how their day is/how they are/what they’re up to because it’s soooooo tedious having that conversation loads of times. I usually just send a joke.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick"

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all go to a nightclub ..................................

The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m not a woman so can’t answer but surely women answer messages from guys they fancy?

So even if you write the nicest messages if she don’t wanna rip your clothes off she’s not gonna waste her time.

If someone has taken the bother to write a decent message I always reply even if it's a thank you for the message but no thank you. Think it's the polite thing to do if someone has gone to all that effort

Absolutely, I couldn’t agree more. There’s so many arrogant people on this app that think the sun shines out their ass lol

I don’t think not responding means the sun shines out of their ass.

No doubt they only want to respond to those they are attracted to & tbh I’d be the same. There’s no value to having a response from someone that says “No thanks not interested” in my opinion. Deleting the message already gives that impression. "

A no thanks either gets you abuse or they ask why expecting you to justify yourself and try to instigate a conversation. Some are polite and say ok no problem but that’s rare from my experience.

Even a read and deleted or unread deleted they keep messaging sometimes.

Thank goodness for the block button.

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By *uesdaysfundayCouple
over a year ago

Sandbach

Read what the person is looking for. On my single profile I have it for females and bi female couples. Even though this is the case fifty percent of my messages that came through before I turned my filters on were male, some getting quite aggressive that I wouldn't respond to them. I know I could have taken time out of my day to be nice and respond to these emails, but I don't really ring domino's and that them for another menu being pushed through my door.

That sounds really really bad and naughty. If I were advertising for single males then it would be OK.

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