FabSwingers.com forum: Good person?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'll start by saying in no way am I trying to define what a good person is or isn't but....

Would you consider yourself to be a good person?

I often have these morality debates with myself about whether objectively I would be considered as a good person or not in someone else's eyes. It's not something I care too much about but because of my inquisitive nature and drive to better myself, I started to notice how I and others convince myself/themselves that they are a good without actively doing anything that would be considered good. I'm not talking about reactive situations where you would help an old lady who had fallen over in front of you etc. I'm talking about selflessly going out to help others without knowing them prior or having an agenda. Religion gets a hell a lot of stick but religious people are one of the very few going out there in the community to help.

I'm not saying I am a saint but I do my best and I am constantly working on being better. My question is more one looking at the human condition: Do we convince ourselves that we are good because we know it is the right thing to be? Is it because being a good person is glorified in films and media? Do you actually need to do anything good to consider yourself to be good?

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I am a good person. I love people and see good in everyone. I care for people for a living and i am also a big animal lover. I would always put soneone elses safety before mine

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By *oved Up 2Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

Yes I'm a good person. I see the good in people before the bad, I care about those around me and happily give my time to help people

Mrs x

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Nope, I don't think I am.

I am fundamentally selfish. Yes if I'm in a situation where someone needs help I will try to help them, but that's more so I am happy with my self-perception than because it's the objectively good thing to do.

I try to do no harm but I don't spend all my time trying to do good either. I just live my life as best I can without putting massive amounts of energy into it.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Yes, I spend too much time trying to do the right thing and help others, but get taken advantage of as a result. I'm not planning on being anything other than me this year, but I do plan on taking care of me a bit more.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I hope so. I like to be kind and will go out of my way to help and support someone.

I do however have a dark side which haunts me and probably (at least in my mind) overrides the bad.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

Honestly, I don't think I'm a good person. There's nothing in my life to suggest I'm not, it's just my feeling about myself.

I constantly try to help people, I foster animals, I open my home to any one who needs a place to stay, a meal, or help in any way I can provide.

I financially assist those I can.

I do as much as I can, but still--I don't think I'm a good person, deep down inside.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I can be good, I can be bad, I think that's the same with most people. I do try to be good though, my halo just slips occasionally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In general I think I am a good person.

Perhaps my actions at times are not good in the eyes of others but it's all about perspective

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I like to think there is enough goodness within to counter the occasional evil.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not 100% good, I have evil thoughts I can't lie.

I don't forgive easily.

However I don't think I'm a bad person, far from it but I am aware I'm no saint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes."

Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not really sure tbh sometimes i am sometimes not more times good than not these days im quite old fashioned i believe in loyalty honor family if you are a friend i will defend you an enemy i will destroy you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Nope, I don't think I am.

I try to do no harm but I don't spend all my time trying to do good either. I just live my life as best I can without putting massive amounts of energy into it."

Love your honesty here! I am fundamentally selfish at times as well! Constant battle to not let it be what defines me.

Do you think that the good feeling you get from helping others for self-perception would me magnified if you were doing it selflessly on the regular? Or do you think other's opinions of you in that situation is what drives you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not 100% good, I have evil thoughts I can't lie.

I don't forgive easily.

However I don't think I'm a bad person, far from it but I am aware I'm no saint.

Try forgiving easier: It's a lot less stressful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In general I think I am a good person.

Perhaps my actions at times are not good in the eyes of others but it's all about perspective "

No I think there's a general moral compass we can all use to decide whether our actions are good or bad.... Or view other people's reactions to the things you do. I bet for at least every 3 good things you do at least 1 person will be overly grateful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Honestly, I don't think I'm a good person. There's nothing in my life to suggest I'm not, it's just my feeling about myself.

I constantly try to help people, I foster animals, I open my home to any one who needs a place to stay, a meal, or help in any way I can provide.

I financially assist those I can.

I do as much as I can, but still--I don't think I'm a good person, deep down inside."

You sound like a good person to me. As one of my wiser friends said to me "All people have is what you give them". By the sounds of it you are giving a lot so objectively I'm saying you are good. Don't sweat whether you see it, or whether other people notice. Good actions should just be motivated by the beholder

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Interesting subject and one that ultimately comes down to self-perception vs the perception of others - I think we'd all like to "think" of ourselves as basically good people, with decent values etc but at the same time being aware of our own individual flaws - I know that's how I see myself anyway.

I *know* at heart I'm a decent chap, but am also acutely aware that there are things I've done in my life that I'm ashamed of, and thoughts I have or stupid acts that I'm not proud of.

And I think therein lies the difference between self-perception and that of others - for the most part, unless you're a complete arse around others, they won't be aware of your flaws and failings in life so their perception will be based on what they see alone and sometimes that will go against the grain of self-perception that is aware of the whole picture.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Do you think that the good feeling you get from helping others for self-perception would me magnified if you were doing it selflessly on the regular? Or do you think other's opinions of you in that situation is what drives you?"

Isn't the point that I'm never really helping others selflessly? I'm doing it to maintain ego integrity/self-perception, or to be seen to be doing it, or to feel good about doing good, or to attempt to expiate my sins with the doing of good deeds.

If doing good for others did me harm, I wouldn't do it. If paying for someone else's shopping meant I couldn't pay my rent, I wouldn't do it. If I can do it with relatively little inconvenience to me then sure, I'll do it, but I wouldn't class that as being an objectively good person per se.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a good, friendly person. You got a problem with that

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By *orthantsblueeyesMan
over a year ago

Northampton

I'm a good nice lovely person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not actively trying to be be bad-that's me and in my book that qualifies as good.

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

I think a few have touched on it here. To be good I really think you should do good things.

Not doing bad things isn't enough. Unless you consciously go out and do good acts on a daily basis, you might not be bad, but are you really good?

What's that saying? All evil needs to succeed, is for good people to do nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'm not

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

Yeah I think I have a reasonable moral compass, I think most people do.

I have always thought that if you were to spin a globe and somehow teleport yourself to any place it stopped, the first person you came across would be much more likely to help you than harm you. Humans are naturally altruistic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Interesting subject and one that ultimately comes down to self-perception vs the perception of others - I think we'd all like to "think" of ourselves as basically good people, with decent values etc but at the same time being aware of our own individual flaws - I know that's how I see myself anyway.

I *know* at heart I'm a decent chap, but am also acutely aware that there are things I've done in my life that I'm ashamed of, and thoughts I have or stupid acts that I'm not proud of.

Very interesting points!

I think a lot of the time people don't care about how others perceive them because of their own self perception. Like I treated this person badly because of the way they made me feel. Like a way of justifying it. Like I know what I did was horrible but because the person I am doing it to is just as horrible it is ok.

I think looking back and not being proud of yourself is how we grow. To me, the moments that I regret or am not proud of are the ones that have shaped me more than most others. Even though I cringe when I think about them I know they have shaped me into the person I am today... So in a weird way, I'm kinda thankful that they happened

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yeah I think I have a reasonable moral compass, I think most people do.

Mr"

Yeah it was a real eye opener for me travelling. Even when folk didn't speak the same language or have any reason to help me they would. I have always maintained that we are as good as we are evil

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think a few have touched on it here. To be good I really think you should do good things.

Not doing bad things isn't enough. Unless you consciously go out and do good acts on a daily basis, you might not be bad, but are you really good?

What's that saying? All evil needs to succeed, is for good people to do nothing. "

I agree with you fully here mate! I don't think it even has to be on a daily basis but to try and do good deeds as much as you can is the way forward.

We have this society where everyone is always preaching about the best way to act but not sure the preachers practice what they say.

Heard a great saying on Rick and Morty of all shows the other day.

Beth: Do you want homeless people to have homes?

Jerry: yes.

Beth: are you going to build them? Jerry: no

Beth: Then what good was the “yes”?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a good, friendly person. You got a problem with that

Ha! On another forum I might do.... Not on this one though

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I see myself as an empathic humanitarian, I will always help to the best of my abilities or find someone who can, that has resulted in me being hard headed with so called friends, now I always forgive but never forget when people try to walk all over me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m good at being bad

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I found out a friend had level two skin cancer after battling thyroid. I gave up a fab date to see her and gave up a nye party to br with her and her kids

Accordingly I am either good or bad depending who believes me.

So I am a bad person for cancelling my date or a.good person for being with a friend in needora liar

You decide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First rule.

Be good to yourself first!

This is important or you'll be carrying everyone else and getting nothing done yourself.youll be a dumping ground for failures (can you do this and that etc).

2. Never give anything you will miss or need back.

Good people lend things and then deal with the frustration of not getting that thing back and it becomes uncomfortable asking for it's return.

As a rule never lend money. You earnt it the hard way!

3. Good people will always make excuses for someone bad behaviour and put up with abuse.

Don't be that person. If your too nice no one will respect you, and those you think so, will only when they want something.

4. The 3 strike policy.

Good people give numerous chances to people in hope that person will change behaviour in some way. Leopards never change their spots so you need to protect yourself from them.

Give reasonable chances then your done with them. 3 strikes and your out forever!

5.good people are always there to be that shoulder to cry on. But where is the 24/7 friend you can talk to about anything?

Think about this.. its not uncommon good people get used and are left standing alone when they hit hard times.

So. You have to protect yourself First. Be more selfish or you will always be worrying thinking about others when you matter above all!

Say no to people more and if that doesn't work tell them to get fucked.

Humans are animals and will jump all over you at a sign of weakness.

Am I cold possibly bitter person?

Maybe. But life experiences have shown me good people are bullied and controlled by others for their gains, to get what they want without thought for you.

So don't be the one always helping out. Fuck em. They will find someone else to manipulate and you'll gain more respect for not being a pushover and better off.

Good people finish last. That's why successful business men/women and people who stay at the very top in sports have a determined nasty streak to not be pushed around and call the shots.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Yes I'm a good person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I found out a friend had level two skin cancer after battling thyroid. I gave up a fab date to see her and gave up a nye party to br with her and her kids

Accordingly I am either good or bad depending who believes me.

So I am a bad person for cancelling my date or a.good person for being with a friend in needora liar

You decide"

Yes I see your point but it's not about what others think it's about you. I think you did the right thing and if the other parties involved think you're lying then it says more about them than it does you.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I am a good person , i don't try convincing people about that i just need to be myself

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Sometimes I'm good.

Sometimes I'm gooder

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"First rule.

Be good to yourself first!

This is important or you'll be carrying everyone else and getting nothing done yourself.youll be a dumping ground for failures (can you do this and that etc).

2. Never give anything you will miss or need back.

Good people lend things and then deal with the frustration of not getting that thing back and it becomes uncomfortable asking for it's return.

As a rule never lend money. You earnt it the hard way!

3. Good people will always make excuses for someone bad behaviour and put up with abuse.

Don't be that person. If your too nice no one will respect you, and those you think so, will only when they want something.

4. The 3 strike policy.

Good people give numerous chances to people in hope that person will change behaviour in some way. Leopards never change their spots so you need to protect yourself from them.

Give reasonable chances then your done with them. 3 strikes and your out forever!

5.good people are always there to be that shoulder to cry on. But where is the 24/7 friend you can talk to about anything?

Think about this.. its not uncommon good people get used and are left standing alone when they hit hard times.

So. You have to protect yourself First. Be more selfish or you will always be worrying thinking about others when you matter above all!

Say no to people more and if that doesn't work tell them to get fucked.

Humans are animals and will jump all over you at a sign of weakness.

Am I cold possibly bitter person?

Maybe. But life experiences have shown me good people are bullied and controlled by others for their gains, to get what they want without thought for you.

So don't be the one always helping out. Fuck em. They will find someone else to manipulate and you'll gain more respect for not being a pushover and better off.

Good people finish last. That's why successful business men/women and people who stay at the very top in sports have a determined nasty streak to not be pushed around and call the shots.

Got to say there's not one point I agree with. I don't believe kindness and generousness should be seen as weakness. Just because you are good does not mean you are a pushover or any of the things you say. You could be someone who defends others who are being mistreated which is brave. Being good also doesn't mean you're easily manipulated either.

I think if you are really nice to everyone your existence will be better. That's just logic, more people you are nice to will higher the percentage of people who are nice back. Making you happier. I learn from my experiences and choose not to have certain people in my life but that doesn't mean I am nasty or hateful towards them. I've learnt that we are different so I'd be stupid to put my trust in them. Got better things to do then hold grudges and be bitter towards people. We can all change and if you focus on the bad in everyone or on the times where you've been wronged it can consume you.

You should be making excuses to be good not the other way round

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sometimes I'm good.

Sometimes I'm gooder

You sound like the goodist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes good person...

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