FabSwingers.com forum: Can people change from bad to good?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was watching a christmas carol scrooge with the actor patric and I like the christmas message they gave that you can change yourself if you are bad to good, whats your view? I belive you can do it if the person really wants too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure. I like to think people can change. But I think people are either themselves, or faking being someone else

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You definitely can if you want to. The new Christmas Carol was lethal and scrooge did his best to rationalise his actions until the last ghost. I think those that don't want to change or dont see why they have to probably rationalise their attitude and behaviour and give themselves what they believe to be a valid reason for remaining bad. I dont believe there is a valid reason though, everyone should want to be good.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, rarely happens though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes, very rarely you can.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny. An ex lover just contacted me this morning and says he’s changed. Do I believe him? Do I fuck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london

Everyone is a percentage good and a percentage bad. Obviously some evil people are probably 99% evil

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes if they really want to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You definitely can if you want to. The new Christmas Carol was lethal and scrooge did his best to rationalise his actions until the last ghost. I think those that don't want to change or dont see why they have to probably rationalise their attitude and behaviour and give themselves what they believe to be a valid reason for remaining bad. I dont believe there is a valid reason though, everyone should want to be good. "

I don’t think he was bad, the point of the story was that he became that person because of what happened to him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Yes, kind of. But I don't think many people are all bad or all good anyway. There's a balance, and maybe you've just got to find the people that fit your balance.

I think people can work on and get rid of negative traits though, yes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Yes. I think so.

But you have to want to change and be prepared to lose a few people along the way in order to do so.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Yes of course, through forgiveness and love unless someone is mentally unstable then I believe bad people can be good.

However some people are just bad just as some people are just good.

But I genuinely believe that it's possible to change.

There's an interesting film on prime about the American neo nazi who went on a killing spree post 911 attacking anyone who he thought was Muslim.

Hatred and ignorance and anger.

Although he's still in jail one of his victims has managed to completely change his views and opinions through forgiveness and compassion, education and love.

He's now a completely changed man.

So yes it's possible.

Peace and love xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensual mMan
over a year ago

conwy

Yes . Ive seen it happen in a few people but theres always something major that happens in their life to trigger the change. But unfortunately people can go from good to bad depending what it is that triggers the change.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We've all read the stories of people who committed terrible crimes becoming reformed characters but for every one of them there are many who die unrepentant.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes, but it takes a lot of work that many don't do.

Just because someone who's hurt me has changed, doesn't mean I have to put up with them, though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes the support of people around them too.

I guess you have to want to change. That's hard sometimes when people only remember the actions that were bad and never the positives. Becomes a vicious cycle.

Everyone wants to be loved

If not loved, liked.

If not liked accepted.

If not accepted, they'd rather loved to be hated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were born with the same ass hole and die with the same ass hole doesn't ever change.. Its still an ass hole.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london

"We were born with the same ass hole and die with the same ass hole doesn't ever change.. Its still an ass hole. "

Interesting lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

"Yes, but it takes a lot of work that many don't do.

Just because someone who's hurt me has changed, doesn't mean I have to put up with them, though. "

Yes, that's a tough one. Especially as you forgiving them may help that journey.

Personally I think most of us are "set" quite early on, and the older we get the more difficult that change.

But we are also responsible (in part) for others, love and support can make that change easier. However, the person must truly want to change, which means confronting their own faults.

Most of us would rather avoid looking at ourselves in too much detail.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

If a person is bad then they always have the capacity to be bad and experience tells me they can’t change ... has the old saying goes “a leopard never changes its spots” .. so if they are a cunt whilst they are alive then they are a cunt when old and dead

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Yes, but it takes a lot of work that many don't do.

Just because someone who's hurt me has changed, doesn't mean I have to put up with them, though.

Yes, that's a tough one. Especially as you forgiving them may help that journey.

Personally I think most of us are "set" quite early on, and the older we get the more difficult that change.

But we are also responsible (in part) for others, love and support can make that change easier. However, the person must truly want to change, which means confronting their own faults.

Most of us would rather avoid looking at ourselves in too much detail.

If someone has hurt me, it's not up to me to take them back so they can hurt me more. Or help them manage their feelings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do bad people see themselves as bad thats the problem good and bad is subjective according to some bible bashers man love is bad

Terrorists want those virgins but we all know virgin girls are a pain to train so bad

there is no good or bad just what is saying that i like to be bad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look at lucifer hes not really that bad a guy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Yes, but it takes a lot of work that many don't do.

Just because someone who's hurt me has changed, doesn't mean I have to put up with them, though. "

That's the beauty of forgiveness.

You tell that person you forgive them, you unburden yourself from all the hatred and anger then the problem they caused is also theirs to deal and live with.

Meanwhile you can get on with living your life.xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Yes, but it takes a lot of work that many don't do.

Just because someone who's hurt me has changed, doesn't mean I have to put up with them, though.

That's the beauty of forgiveness.

You tell that person you forgive them, you unburden yourself from all the hatred and anger then the problem they caused is also theirs to deal and live with.

Meanwhile you can get on with living your life.xx"

Or just forgive, forget, and cut them out.

The fact that someone has hurt me and has to deal with their shit about it is only my problem if I choose to make it so. After a certain point, I'm not interested in repairing things or helping them. If you don't want to feel bad about hurting me... Maybe don't hurt me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all change, all the time. If we discount our own or anothers ability to change then where is our own humility. Are we judge jury and executioner, should we ever be.

Bad and good, subjective terms to describe another based on our own experiences perhaps? Is any one of us either wholly good or bad, or are these just labels based on a lazy view of others? Do good people do bad things sometimes, of course they do, and vice versa.

Good and bad are descriptions of actions, not people. Very few are entirely evil, though they do exist. Most of us can do good or bad, and often live our lives in ways that others might see us as one or the other dependent upon the situation as it may be at any one point in time.

People generally not binary at extreme ends of any spectrum. We are all human all frail at times all have the capacity to screw up our own and others lives.

Yet we all have the capacity for redemption too. Perhaps that's what makes us human?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In some cases yes it possible.

In the case of narcissist and sociapath I would say very unlikely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if there was no chance of anyone changing then that means if people are being a tw*t it's not their fault, it's just who they are.

We have to believe people can change otherwise nobody is responsible for their actions, for example it's not a murderer's fault they killed someone, it's who they are and can't change it.

It also means there no point in rewarding good behaviour because it's just who they are and didn't have a choice to do something good.

This is also why the concept of fate or destiny doesn't hold up to scrutiny, it disregards free will of humans and takes away any responsibility we may have.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtyLondonGuyMan
over a year ago

london

[Removed by poster at 30/12/19 10:56:11]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. People don’t change. Only opinions change.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to have an amazing amount of self awareness and control to change by any drastic amount.

However, there there are lots of smaller things we all want to improve and often can with effort +time ..

But we tend to fall back in our natural tenancies.. Like which leg you step forward on first ... Its natural and therefore harder to change

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Yes, Darth Vader did

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I think some people can change, learn, grow but do they want to that's the thing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all evolve as people. I'm a far better and far nicer person than I was 20 years ago. Was I a bad person? Not sure but i certainly wasnt a good one and I like to think I am now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"We all evolve as people. I'm a far better and far nicer person than I was 20 years ago. Was I a bad person? Not sure but i certainly wasnt a good one and I like to think I am now "

Plus our circumstances shape our reactions, we learn better coping skills, we gain perspective, etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bad because ignorant or nieve, yeah.

Bad because sociopathic, no.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/12/19 19:20:09]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erge3Man
over a year ago

Aspatria

Nope. if you've done bad to people you've done it through choice, change if you want too but you still can not change what you've done,

once a tory always as tory lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iker boy 69Man
over a year ago

midlands

"I was watching a christmas carol scrooge with the actor patric and I like the christmas message they gave that you can change yourself if you are bad to good, whats your view? I belive you can do it if the person really wants too

Yes. I was a horrible bastard years ago when i got in with a bad crowd. Got myself away from them, cut out booze binges and now im mr chilled, relaxed, laid back and loving life. See youths like how i was i cant believe what a bellend i was

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to think so. Mostly because I need to believe that I can become a better person. I wasn't always the best fiancée I could have been and it's something that has eaten me up inside these past few years.

There's a part of me that wants to be more forgiving of people who have hurt me, but at the same time if they can't acknowledge what they did and apologise without me saying something, then I'm not sure they deserve forgiveness. If you have to prompt someone to apologise, they probably don't mean it.

But like Rocky said ''If I can change and you can change, then everybody can change!''

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only constant in the universe is change. I think you can apply that to all things...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" It takes the support of people around them too.

I guess you have to want to change. That's hard sometimes when people only remember the actions that were bad and never the positives. Becomes a vicious cycle.

Everyone wants to be loved

If not loved, liked.

If not liked accepted.

If not accepted, they'd rather loved to be hated."

I think this is the issue I have. I want to be a better person, I really do want to become the best version of myself, but when people treat me like shit, I just don't see the point in changing.

If my current self is always going to be compared to my past self and I'm treat in the same manner as I've always been, it just makes me think I might as well stay the same because no one is willing to give me a chance to be better. I probably haven't explained this very well.

I don't think I was an irredeemable piece of shit, I had my good side and bad side, and I've made mistakes I deeply regret, but as you said people only remember the bad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've known some bad people turn their lives around. Actual criminals, so yes it can be done but it's rare.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interesting points everyone and yes anyone can change if they want too but it will not be easy the good will always win in the end

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Jimmy boyle did

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread