FabSwingers.com forum: Should everyone win?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Should there not be winners at sports day and instead everyone gets a medal and is classed as a winner?

Should there be a prize in every pass the parcel?

Should we “let” our children win games?

This seems to be how things are done a lot these days.

Your thoughts?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No.

Life requires fighters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not a fan of this “it’s not the winning that counts mentality”

No one wants to come second place, you’re just the first loser

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No.

Life requires fighters."
this

fight to win or die trying

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By *omesticated_VixenWoman
over a year ago

sw London

No when we were younger these things never applied

What happens when they grow up and join in with the big bar world and employment and they get told no, or don’t get a promotion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I think the whole non-competitive stuff isn’t helpful although I think that things that just encourage participation, cooperation and build everyone’s self esteem should be balanced with activities that build competitive spirit and the will to win. It can be done having been involved in this area, it just needs a bit of creative thought and awareness to do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think competition brings about development. If children got a prize no matter how well they did then some would be encouraged not to make any effort. I do think all children need to be praised for making the effort wether or not they win the competition and this should be rewarding in itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. If everyone wins then it's not a competition, and there's no incentive to try harder or prepare more for next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Children need to learn resilience, to win all the time doesn’t reflect life therefore you are setting them up for failure. They should learn just because you take part and try your best doesn’t always mean you’ll win, but if you keep trying eventually you will win, and that feeling is quite unrivalled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Children need to learn resilience, to win all the time doesn’t reflect life therefore you are setting them up for failure. They should learn just because you take part and try your best doesn’t always mean you’ll win, but if you keep trying eventually you will win, and that feeling is quite unrivalled. "

Spot on

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No, they shouldn't it doesn't prepare you for life if you don't understand the concept of success and failure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I meant every layer of pass the parcel btw. Even I’m not that mean!

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

No, where is the incentive to put in the effort to improve and be the best if you can still "win" by being shite? I think it's healthy for kids to feel the sadness and disappointment of losing so they can work hard to be better next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The competition is the fun, take it away and there is no fun for anyone.

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By *ants cockWoman
over a year ago

lincoln

"Should there not be winners at sports day and instead everyone gets a medal and is classed as a winner?

Should there be a prize in every pass the parcel?

Should we “let” our children win games?

This seems to be how things are done a lot these days.

No! An parce the parcel don’t you get a sweet under each paper before the prize?

Not everyone wins in the class room sometimes sports is their only time to shine. I’ve never let my kids win. They love beating me now they are older.

Your thoughts?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I like this

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I agree with Kriss.

It is learning to win and lose with grace and get up and fight harder that counts.

I believe in everyone being praised when they are tiddly.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 28/12/19 10:16:57]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

No!

We'd never progress/advance without the drive to be the best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think competition brings about development. If children got a prize no matter how well they did then some would be encouraged not to make any effort. I do think all children need to be praised for making the effort wether or not they win the competition and this should be rewarding in itself. "

Yes totally agree with this

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Someone praise me please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids compete naturally anyway this is where interfearing with that fucks it up i coached kids rugby league for years it was made none competitive but the kids knew when they won or lost but not just that u get my bikes better or i can run faster every day in the playground to me its humanity's natural state to take thag away is foolish

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Even on fab it's necessary to recognise that there are winners and losers in some respects. The popularity threads are evidence of that. Being picked last for the sports team prepared you for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit of both, participants should be congratulated for taking part, giving it a go and encouraged to improve.

The winners celebrated for their achievement.

Picking yourself up and giving it another go after a defeat, is a big life lesson to learn

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I think that kids have to start to develope coping mechanisms early in life so they can deal with both successes and disappointments, or when they get to adulthood they find they can’t cope with failures. Shielding them from this as kids does not help them. Equally teaching them that when you’ve been successful, or a ‘winner’, you don’t need to be an arse about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Even on fab it's necessary to recognise that there are winners and losers in some respects. The popularity threads are evidence of that. Being picked last for the sports team prepared you for that"

It was a fab thread that got me thinking about this. One of the “favourite” ones. I wonder if the people who get upset or take offence at not being named are the ones who were told they won at everything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that kids have to start to develope coping mechanisms early in life so they can deal with both successes and disappointments, or when they get to adulthood they find they can’t cope with failures. Shielding them from this as kids does not help them. Equally teaching them that when you’ve been successful, or a ‘winner’, you don’t need to be an arse about it. "

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

My lads school every child, no matter the finishing position, earn points for their team. So although competitive it was also inclusive and no pressure on those that weren’t sportie, heart warming seeing all the kids cheering on each other irrespective of team.

I loved sport but had friends who despised it. I much prefer seeing this inclusive, working as a team, cheering on everyone despite their ability, than what some of my friends went through at school. Those that weren’t sporty dreading having to compete as it was all about the best and those that weren’t up to scratch getting called out and told so.

If a child is really into a sport then it’s done as an extra in private time in a club, that’s where they will earn their competitor edge to succeed if they wish

Pass the parcel, always had a small present in each layer and enough for all kids involved. As a kid at my parties I was never allowed to win, even if I did, as it was birthday and that was enough for me.

In a nutshell I’d rather teach inclusion and acceptance of others no matter their ability, rather than only the best succeed no matter who they hurt to get there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without losing you can't appreciate winning. When kids grow up now they expect to get something just for doing. So when they turn up for job Interviews A, for example, they tank the interview then her hurt when they aren't given the job.

I think it's this kind of mentality that has raised the anxiety and depression levels in our young as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really like the work of Alfie Kohn in this area his books Punished By Reward, No Contest, Unconditional Parenting are well worth a read. He is quite prolific in this field and significantly influenced how I thought about it.

If done well like SC was talking about we can nurture all children with the necessary values, underpinning the life skills development they undergo.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

From what I've heard from teachers, all this "participation trophy" malarkey was born out of parents being unable to accept their children not being winners rather than anything to do with the children themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From what I've heard from teachers, all this "participation trophy" malarkey was born out of parents being unable to accept their children not being winners rather than anything to do with the children themselves."

Yes this is true

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Even on fab it's necessary to recognise that there are winners and losers in some respects. The popularity threads are evidence of that. Being picked last for the sports team prepared you for that

Could be but I think it goes a bit deeper than that. Its a self esteem thing, a please pick me thing and an elaborate fishing exercise on both sides of that fence in my personal opinion only. I couldn't be doing with popularity contests as a kid and I can't as an adult either but that could be because I learned very early on that life is about losing sometimes and it doesn't make you a worse person if you do.

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By *ueen of sleezeWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

This is so true

If they learn that they get rewarded for just turning hiw is this preparing them for life

Do they think they will turn up for a job interview and get it because they turn up.

Children need to be taught that effort and hard work is rewarded not just turning up.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Yes this is true "

My oldest friend runs a stage school and has this issue too. Kids parents kicking off about their kid not getting main parts with lots of lines when the kid themselves is too shy and doesn't want lots of lines but is perfectly happy having all dancing roles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes this is true

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

We can't all be the best at everything we do in life that's a fact. So the quicker we learn this life lesson the better.

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

Oh dear god no !!!!!

People need to learn that second place is the biggest losers asap

Competition drives desire if we as humans didn't have that basic function we'd all still be in caves wearing animal skins and dead by the time were 20 !

Ray

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Definitely not. Competition is healthy and should start at a young age. It prepares you for life. There are so many challenges in life and loosing/failing/not achieving is part of lifes rollercoaster. Competition st a young age teaches you determination and drive, and to keep on trying to be your best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Even on fab it's necessary to recognise that there are winners and losers in some respects. The popularity threads are evidence of that. Being picked last for the sports team prepared you for that"

Oh god the horror of being last for the sports team

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

In the army it's "If you're not first, you're last"

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By *hilliandspiceMan
over a year ago

Wimborne

Praise for trying.

Prize for winning.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Even on fab it's necessary to recognise that there are winners and losers in some respects. The popularity threads are evidence of that. Being picked last for the sports team prepared you for that

Oh god the horror of being last for the sports team"

. I was useless at all sports but I knew it and I knew I was good at other things unfortunately there was no competitive history team

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends whether you view sport at school as a competitive arena to create hierarchies or teaching children the benefits and wellbeing of a healthy lifestyle. Personally I think there is a place for both. And anyone that found themselves being picked last fircteam sports will tell you that its pretty fucking horrible

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I always laugh at this. I'm of an age where we got participation prizes and I get people older than me saying that I'm soft because of it.

I knew they were crap when I was a kid, and it was people older than me who decided it was a good idea to do!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"It was a fab thread that got me thinking about this. One of the “favourite” ones. I wonder if the people who get upset or take offence at not being named are the ones who were told they won at everything.

I really don't like those threads. Not because I don't get named or because I win at most things (I'm so amazing I know) but because for me inclusion is far more important. And I don't see the fora in terms of who is my favourite, who is the best x, y and z.

I really like Spurs post on the thread but it's a faff quoting two in one post when you're lazing.

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

"Praise for trying.

Prize for winning.

Agree 100% with that

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"It depends whether you view sport at school as a competitive arena to create hierarchies or teaching children the benefits and wellbeing of a healthy lifestyle. Personally I think there is a place for both. And anyone that found themselves being picked last fircteam sports will tell you that its pretty fucking horrible "

I used to have the bizarre situation of actually being pretty good at sports but I was always picked one of the last for teams as it was more of a popularity contest than about the sport. And I was the "posh kid" in a northern school (I.e. I had a southern accent) so I didn't have many friends until I was a teenager. It didn't stop me getting on the school sports teams though, much to the popular kid's dismay

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Definitely not. Competition is healthy and should start at a young age. It prepares you for life. There are so many challenges in life and loosing/failing/not achieving is part of lifes rollercoaster. Competition st a young age teaches you determination and drive, and to keep on trying to be your best."

Yes definitely starts at an early age and being taught you won’t always win and how to deal with it, should start at home way before starting school. That way the tears and confusion are dealt with in private and the right way to behave if you don’t win is already embedded.

Along with everyone is different and some will be better at sone tasks/subjects than you, but you might be better at other things.

Everyone is unique and different in their own way, there is no right or wrong to that

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I always laugh at this. I'm of an age where we got participation prizes and I get people older than me saying that I'm soft because of it.

I knew they were crap when I was a kid, and it was people older than me who decided it was a good idea to do! "

Exactly this! The kids never asked for them yet get all the stick for getting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When little you got to let children win every now and then or they get bored..

Taught my kids to play chess from early age.. every so often let them win...great encouragement...

Kids football when it's trophy time always have participation medals...great for encouragement.

But when it comes to competitive situations...only the winner ..wins.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Even on fab it's necessary to recognise that there are winners and losers in some respects. The popularity threads are evidence of that. Being picked last for the sports team prepared you for that

Oh god the horror of being last for the sports team"

I was always last. Every single time, but I am a strong minded determined person and being last will of been a part of formimg that personality trait.

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

Growing up is a time for learning and part of that is learning about success and failure. It’s important for children to accept that if ten people run in a race for example, only one will win and the rest will fail to win. Encouragement and praise for their effort counts for so much and so is the realisation that the child who won the race won’t be winning at everything else, sporting, academic, pass the parcel or otherwise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me too! I was an excellent runner and could actually catch a roundes ball but because I was a bit weird and quiet I wasnt wanted. More fool them

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

If losers are winners, I might have a bit of luck on here, as I am now a winner

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think there's much to be said for teaching people how to win and lose well, the value in playing. Not, everyone gets a prize. But deeper.

Despite the shiny participation trophies I got, which I knew were crap, there was still a mentality of win or nothing. Win or be a loser. And no. There can only be one winner, and that should be applauded. But so should working hard, doing your best, contributing. Not with a plastic crap trophy. But by understanding the importance of working hard, having your effort seen and praised. And having a gloating winner told to shut up after awhile.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Me too! I was an excellent runner and could actually catch a roundes ball but because I was a bit weird and quiet I wasnt wanted. More fool them

Yep! I was on our school hockey and netball teams yet come P.E. I was one of the last to be picked for either. Funny old world.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"We can't all be the best at everything we do in life that's a fact. So the quicker we learn this life lesson the better.

Praise the effort not the result.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No competition is needed to push yourselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No.

Life requires fighters."

I'm trying to interpret that.

Life needs lessons? People need to learn you're not always the best at everything. They also need to be taught that it's about personal progress. Not all sport teaches that.

You dont always win!

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

No... not winning is a great way of becoming stronger ... I always said, when u can accept losing, then yr a winner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is almost a proxy for Capitalism vs Socialism

Individual effort snd reward vs everyone in community needs to have same wealth.

History shows us, uk et al prospered

Soviet union, venezuela, cuba, old china almost ruined their country and people trying to foist that ideology. China renewed itself with a version of singaporean enlightened despotic capitalism(cue those tough charismatic headteachers, a la alex ferguson)

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"This is almost a proxy for Capitalism vs Socialism

Individual effort snd reward vs everyone in community needs to have same wealth.

History shows us, uk et al prospered

Socialism isn't everyone having the same wealth, that's communism.

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By *uHorny1Man
over a year ago

Cannock

It's a huge myth that schools don't do competition. I've worked as a teacher and a supply teacher in numerous primary schools in the West Midlands.

They all had proper sports days, play sports matches against other schools, operate house point systems for doing things well. It really annoys me when people think that non- competitive activities are the norm.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Should there not be winners at sports day and instead everyone gets a medal and is classed as a winner?

Should there be a prize in every pass the parcel?

Should we “let” our children win games?

This seems to be how things are done a lot these days.

Your thoughts?"

Competition is healthy, even for children - learning to share, personal goals and achievements. It’s a platform for life skills in later life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No definitely not. A winners a winner... a looser needs to try better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Competition is about winning and losing, it teaches many things at many levels but it biggest advantage is it teaches how to lose we can't all win all the time.

Every living thing on this planet competes in one way our another, it's nature.

As humans we can make a choice in which things we want to complete in, be it daily life, jobs, sport, etc etc.

Someone who is crap at physical sport could be a genius at Chess or a downhill Skier everyone has a niche.

Some people are naturally competitive, I am one that can't except failure I will go away and work my arse of come back stronger better than before, doesn't matter if I win or not the positive is improving myself. My choice is that I can pick what I want too or be inclined to complete in.

Reward is only carrot at the end of the stick.

Just my take on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope,

Welcome to the real world kids, not everyone can be a winner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I guess throwing the losers to the alligators is not a popular option then

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By *ueen of sleezeWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Praise for trying.

Prize for winning.

Spot on x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Noone ever wins everything! It's more able being able to handle the losing and using those feelings for motivation. If we live in a world of no winners and losers then it would be filled with very boring people unable to be able to cope with much in life! What happens in life is 10%, how you react is 90%!

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