FabSwingers.com forum: Confidence

By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I think people think I'm more confident than I am.

I mostly fake it until I make it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "

I think im a great pretender. Can easily make people believe im bolder and more self assured than I truly am, but sometimes its just enough to light up the fuse of self esteem. At least temporarily. Fake it till you make it? And then it just starts to set in. If conditions become unfavourable...the whole confidence goes wobbly jelly like again, but surrounding myself with people who understand my goals and the core of my bottom beliefs can be helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alcohol makes me more confident but I also get a floppy willy if I drink too much haha

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I used to be very unconfident. I decided to do something about it and moved to Brighton for a new start. That helped.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think people think I'm more confident than I am.

I mostly fake it until I make it."

Ditto. I can be a mess of insecurity if I let myself be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only area of my life I struggle to feel confident is sexually. I think that’s simply a lack of practice, so I aim to fix it in 2020 with lots more practice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m definitely fake it until you make it. X

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

I've mentored a lot of people in my life and it's something you cannot achieve quickly it takes time and effort and stepping out of your comfort zone in baby steps

I'm happy to speak to anyone one on one as everyone has differing needs and levels and what suits one doesn't suit all

There are many factors to considerate and what one perceives as confidence another wouldn't

Ray

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confident in my morals and values and I'm confident that I make decisions and choices based on coming from a good place, even if those decisions end up being bad ones.

Im not body confident but I've accept I've got the one I got, and acceptance helps.

I'm confident in the "who" I am, but not in how to change things about the way my brain works. I'm not confident I can trust in people and that's something I'd like to be able to change, but trust is a feeling not a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "

depends on what the situation is

normally a bag of nerves at most things

like interviews, starting new job, confidence though can be knocked and that is why I left my last job because my colleagues were knocking my confidence so I could not do my job properly

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

On here, there are multiple levels of "confidence"..

But it overlaps with insecurity, trust, anxiety, and a bucket full of mental health statuses...

So I think it's more situation-specific...

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I think my profile probably show i am not very confident what is true but my fault of confidence comes from me be shy reserved and never having the courage to take the first step

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

My confidence has grown massively since finding this community and I thank you all for that

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"The only area of my life I struggle to feel confident is sexually. I think that’s simply a lack of practice, so I aim to fix it in 2020 with lots more practice

Snap. In other areas of my life I'm hugely confident. In work I'm confident to the point of arrogance.

Sexually it's a completely different story. I understand the why, but I think I will always struggle with my sexual confidence.

Like others have said, I do a good job of faking it though.

Confidence, that is. I've never needed to fake anything else sexually

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"My confidence has grown massively since finding this community and I thank you all for that

"
same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confident that I can fart and not follow through.... 99% of the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watching cautiously from afar within my introvert sanctum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people think I'm more confident than I am.

I mostly fake it until I make it."

Same

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I take the piss out of myself because of a lack of confidence.

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

(Lou) I'm not a confident person, though Ray is trying to help me with that.

25 years of being put down, called names, talked down to, all by people who are meant to love me unconditionally has left me with a very low opinion of myself and very low confidence.

Then I met Ray and although I'm still not a confident person I am starting to feel better about myself, it will take a long time but I will get back to fully being me x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Confidence may seem like a single entity, a huge one if someone perceives that they don't have it but is probably better thought of in ways that can support you to experience life better.

Self esteem is connected, as are other facets of ourselves, not that there's a start and end point to where these things are.

Often confidence is contextual. We have more of it in some situations than others, for example. Developing it one step at a time is useful too.

I'd encourage you to be supportive of yourself and drop any self imposed pressure. When you relax, you'll probably find it easier for your natural confidence levels to sustain themselves. Improving your skills for relaxation are thus a great stepping stone too. Yoga, being in nature, whatever helps you to improve it is good. Achieving that state of mind is a skill and doing it regularly gains you a habit. Like most habits, it can become automatic and fast to kick in or easy to bring to mind.

Other steps to consider are to experiment with small changes to your life. If some things are holding you back, or if there's a rut, adjust things - even if you agree to do it temporarily. Not everything at once, as overwhelming can be too much.

On the flip side of that, is to practice pretending to be confident for short periods too. Behaving as if you are confident. You'll not have anything to lose if you do this where criticism doesn't come from important people. It doesn't matter if you trial it for a minute or 10. Use your body as if you are confident.

Visualisation is a great tool too. Picture yourself doing the things that are different, at points where you have more confidence. Athletes do this as they know it changes their automatic behaviour in future. At the points where they may be stressed and under pressure, they transition to a more confident, smooth performance.

If you need to let go of any aspects of you or others that are critical, allowing yourself to pause things is fine. Trying things out and exploring is good for you. It's a new playtime and you're under no obligations, is a reasonable way to consider it.

A few thoughts and ideas.

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

Wise words

above

Ray

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Brilliant post sophie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Confidence may seem like a single entity, a huge one if someone perceives that they don't have it but is probably better thought of in ways that can support you to experience life better.

Self esteem is connected, as are other facets of ourselves, not that there's a start and end point to where these things are.

Often confidence is contextual. We have more of it in some situations than others, for example. Developing it one step at a time is useful too.

A few thoughts and ideas. "

Excellent practical advice

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By *ady23Woman
over a year ago

Coventry

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "

I am shy. My man showered me with complinents and showed he was not afraid to show me off. Over time I felt better and now confidence has grown and continues to grow. It all depends who ur with and how they treat u. Clubs helped me. They made me feel sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is completely unique, everyone in the world is 100% different. So, how can we not be perfect! We are completely uniquely ourselves and therefore perfectly ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone is completely unique, everyone in the world is 100% different. So, how can we not be perfect! We are completely uniquely ourselves and therefore perfectly ourselves.

Perfectly imperfect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ever listened to your own voice? Does it sound different to how you hear it?

The same applies to confidence and how others see yours.

Connect with your inner self and you’ll discover all the self confidence you’ll ever need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

AGREE

"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "

I don't get better. My confidence has been in the tank for decades. People seem to interpret my lack of confidence as rudeness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone is completely unique, everyone in the world is 100% different. So, how can we not be perfect! We are completely uniquely ourselves and therefore perfectly ourselves.

Perfectly imperfect

Or as I say.... I'm far from perfect, but I'm perfectly fucking me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perfectly said!

"Everyone is completely unique, everyone in the world is 100% different. So, how can we not be perfect! We are completely uniquely ourselves and therefore perfectly ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone is completely unique, everyone in the world is 100% different. So, how can we not be perfect! We are completely uniquely ourselves and therefore perfectly ourselves.

Perfectly imperfect

Or as I say.... I'm far from perfect, but I'm perfectly fucking me.

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "
I think people sense these things and it effects how they react to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "

What works for me now is giving zero fucks what other people think.

I wave in and out of emotions like most people - some days I feel more confident than others.

But it's taken me a long time to understand and accept myself.

I wouldn't call it confidence- because I have so many insecurities and worries about myself.

But other peoples opinions of me rarely matter anymore x

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Confidence is a very strange thing. All I can say is in the strange world these days.

Is be yourself doesn’t matter what shape or size as long as you can say I am me and this is just all me.

Then no one can do anything about it because you are truly being yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever listened to your own voice? Does it sound different to how you hear it?

The same applies to confidence and how others see yours.

Connect with your inner self and you’ll discover all the self confidence you’ll ever need. "

I’ll often say sometimes “ I can hear you but I’m not listening “. Just noise

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I'm fat, deaf and have a speech impediment but I think I got this confidence thing down most of the time. For me the key is never comparing myself to others - that will never be a self esteem boost. Instead I focus on what I can do and always believe in my ability to look on the bright side of whatever sinkhole I got myself into. Lots of leaps of faith involved but it gets shit done with a smile.

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I post this because people talk to me about my confidence and I have to... Not laugh...

I've done some things, I'm OK in some situations, but my confidence is miniscule.

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By *homo027Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)? "

I think I'm expected to be confident being on here but people soon realise I'm not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)?

What works for me now is giving zero fucks what other people think.

I wave in and out of emotions like most people - some days I feel more confident than others.

But it's taken me a long time to understand and accept myself.

I wouldn't call it confidence- because I have so many insecurities and worries about myself.

But other peoples opinions of me rarely matter anymore x"

You know what I find strange, but it's not strange. I see you as confident, because you own it. You ain't afraid to shout about where you are in the emotion department and that my sweet takes guts.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I'm fat, deaf and have a speech impediment but I think I got this confidence thing down most of the time. For me the key is never comparing myself to others - that will never be a self esteem boost. Instead I focus on what I can do and always believe in my ability to look on the bright side of whatever sinkhole I got myself into. Lots of leaps of faith involved but it gets shit done with a smile.

You, my lovely, are a beautiful human that radiates warmth and light. Totally in awe.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

[Removed by poster at 27/12/19 22:52:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hide behind humour or just don't take yourself too seriously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people think I'm more confident than I am.

I mostly fake it until I make it.

Ditto. I can be a mess of insecurity if I let myself be. "

This

I'm a worrier if I let it take control. Then start doubting myself and thats never good

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By *uciferLingerieMan
over a year ago

Leeds

I mostly think people are confident because they look amazing though deep down I also know just a picture doesn't let you know a persons mind.

On here I feel a lot more confident talking/introducing myself to people as I feel I am less likely to be judged because of my particular kink for lingerie..

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Fake it too and works, as long as I don't look in the mirror and reality kicks back in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be your self and if the people don’t like it then they are not good enough for you. Surround your self with positive people and you will start to feel the person you want and inspire to be.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Odd confidence isn’t a problem, inspiring sensual confidence in other can be a trial, however very rewarding.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"I think people think I'm more confident than I am.

I mostly fake it until I make it."

Same, I even sometimes get arrogant or aloof, I'm just a bit shy and it takes me a minute to warm up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m always frowned upon by some as why I struggle to meet people “ in the real world “

To them they see a woman who is confident, independent, looks after herself and is relatively happy.

On my side I’m stubborn I’m self conscious to the point I’ll pretend I’m not, I’m anxious and suffer with depression, I self harm. But people must look at me from outside and think, she’s good looking she has her own house, car, job, but reality isn’t like that. Far from it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people think I'm more confident than I am.

I mostly fake it until I make it."

I was about to post this, Lacey Red.

Very very true and my go to. I always fake it till I make it. And people always think I'm the most confident person in the world for walking into a room and being able to chat to anyone. I still doubt myself, but I'm getting better. It takes time.

We'll get there.

PS: Haven't read the rest of the thread, so I'm sorry If I've repeated what someone else posted further down.

xx Niki

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

I've got bags of confidence in my personality but very little about my body. I was 10st heavier & have had 3 major skin removal surgeries this year, with another in 2 months. This has helped, but find it really hard to accept that people find me acceptable to look at or to choose to have sex with! I've had to just decide that I can't get in people's heads to see what they see..if I'm ok for them, I will just accept it..I'm also happy to accept that I won't be everyone's cup of tea. Not basing my worth on the approval of others has helped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(Lou) I'm not a confident person, though Ray is trying to help me with that.

25 years of being put down, called names, talked down to, all by people who are meant to love me unconditionally has left me with a very low opinion of myself and very low confidence.

Then I met Ray and although I'm still not a confident person I am starting to feel better about myself, it will take a long time but I will get back to fully being me x"

Yeah, your story mirrors mine. Apart from Ray lol. Went through school getting the piss ripped out of me and it really affected my confidence. Family and friends weren't exactly the nicest people to be around.

My confidence was boosted when I was with my ex, but it's now back to how it was before then. It's funny but on our first date she even noted how confident I was. I wasn't, I was shitting a brick and constantly wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, I only came across as confident because I got to know her beforehand online.

I can be a bit of a loudmouthed twat when I'm talking to my friends, but the truth is I'm actually quite shy and unsure of myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've got bags of confidence in my personality but very little about my body. I was 10st heavier & have had 3 major skin removal surgeries this year, with another in 2 months. This has helped, but find it really hard to accept that people find me acceptable to look at or to choose to have sex with! I've had to just decide that I can't get in people's heads to see what they see..if I'm ok for them, I will just accept it..I'm also happy to accept that I won't be everyone's cup of tea. Not basing my worth on the approval of others has helped."

Hey don’t you worry, your healthier now and look better. I know you don’t feel comfortable or confident naked but that will or won’t come in time. Just be confident in who you are now and be proud mainly!! Well done you be proud. !’

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

Thank you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you xxx"

Your welcome. Be true to you and you look amazing. X

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Mmm confidence is in flux in all of us.

The key for me has been to accept all that I am, even when it feels challenging.

Observe my natural state with huge amounts of self compassion. Being able to laugh at myself, get over myself,being mirrored by others succeeding and failing and simply being human.

Getting perspective and moving out of the way of what is unfolding and go easy or take giant leaps accordingly!

In times in life when I have felt tiny, unworthy, broken .. I took small steps, surrounding myself only with the things and people I love until I was nourished enough to go beyond the breakwaters.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I'm very confident about the things i know I'm good at.

Talking about science, literature (well books generally), comics - check.

Being trans - check.

Being trans lesbian - check.

Doing anything about being trans lesbian - not got a clue.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

My confidence is split a number of ways.

In some facets I'm great, nothing fazes me, in others I'm building. This new job has been good for me rebuilding that side.

Bodywise I know I'm not everyone's cuppa, but I'm confident in myself that I'm a good bloke and would make an attentive partner. I know that I am loyal to people and have so many good points, while also sometimes having the very battle to step through the door - although thankfully that particular battle is one i'm on the best side of currently.

Sometimes I need to believe and have others believe in me. Other times I have ran away from situations, not faced up to them and not accepted, while others I have been too accepting and not challenged

So all in all, a mixed picture. I'm getting much better at moving on and leaving things in the past than I ever was

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a fairly confident person, dont take things to seriously helps and fk other peoples opinions even though they are entitled to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll maybe post something when there's no one here to read it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll maybe post something when there's no one here to read it...."

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

I go through waves! Some days I feel confident other days like now I feel like a worthless ugly potato. It's difficult. Usually I change my hair or do some dramatic make up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I go through waves! Some days I feel confident other days like now I feel like a worthless ugly potato. It's difficult. Usually I change my hair or do some dramatic make up.

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By *idan31Man
over a year ago

ashby

I have a meet today.... after lots of flirting and talking on the phone .. yes I’m confident .. and she’s too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I definitely come across confident but I'm not really and I'm not seen as either lol

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By *ambsguynextdoorMan
over a year ago

Ely

I find confidence a really strange thing. I can have all the confidence in the world when I'm working even more so when its someone ive worked with before but in a social setting sit an attractive female next to me and I'll fall apart even if they make the conversion. But if I break through it and get to know them I end up with the same confidence I have at work. Its bloody odd I must say and something I need to break out of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some good posts on this.

I think it's very contextual and related to life experience. I find I learn the most about myself when I'm in a situation I don't desire to be in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confidence is something that I’ve always had but being comfortable in my own skin is something that took time, we are all different but everyone has insecurities x

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"My confidence has grown massively since finding this community and I thank you all for that

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By *uciferLingerieMan
over a year ago

Leeds

"My confidence has grown massively since finding this community and I thank you all for that

Mine has too and i feel especially more at ease with particular kind of fetish! x

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

"(Lou) I'm not a confident person, though Ray is trying to help me with that.

25 years of being put down, called names, talked down to, all by people who are meant to love me unconditionally has left me with a very low opinion of myself and very low confidence.

Then I met Ray and although I'm still not a confident person I am starting to feel better about myself, it will take a long time but I will get back to fully being me x

I can be a bit of a loudmouthed twat when I'm talking to my friends, but the truth is I'm actually quite shy and unsure of myself. "

Mine started after having my 1st son, and it was my family and my partners who caused all my issues.

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

"(Lou) I'm not a confident person, though Ray is trying to help me with that.

25 years of being put down, called names, talked down to, all by people who are meant to love me unconditionally has left me with a very low opinion of myself and very low confidence.

Then I met Ray and although I'm still not a confident person I am starting to feel better about myself, it will take a long time but I will get back to fully being me x

I can be a bit of a loudmouthed twat when I'm talking to my friends, but the truth is I'm actually quite shy and unsure of myself.

Mine started after having my 1st son, and it was my family and my partners who caused all my issues."

My story is similar but years of constant bullying by my dad and by bullies at school wrecked me self confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girl fake it til you make it.

Surround yourself with positivity. Listen to Lizzo. Watch RuPaul's Drag Race. And just generally don't give a shit what anyone thinks

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By *lanPartridgeMan
over a year ago

nottingham

I think you have to remember that just about everyone's winging it: only some are better at pretending they aren't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't give a shit what other people think

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By *naswingdress OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

We almost never see ourselves as others do x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We almost never see ourselves as others do x"

Good point see yourself as the best person on the planet. That's what I do anyway x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)?

What works for me now is giving zero fucks what other people think.

I wave in and out of emotions like most people - some days I feel more confident than others.

But it's taken me a long time to understand and accept myself.

I wouldn't call it confidence- because I have so many insecurities and worries about myself.

But other peoples opinions of me rarely matter anymore x

You know what I find strange, but it's not strange. I see you as confident, because you own it. You ain't afraid to shout about where you are in the emotion department and that my sweet takes guts.

Thanks P - guts are what I have plenty of in all senses of the word

I'm emotionally open but most people run a mile from it - they want fakery and bullshit.

I cant be arsed - if people dont like me I just don't care anymore.

But it means I'm mostly alone - but that's OK.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"My confidence has grown massively since finding this community and I thank you all for that

Mine has too and i feel especially more at ease with particular kind of fetish! x"

That's good to hear. We should own, love us and what makes us..kinks and all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great thread! Particularly liked Sophie’s post. I’d add:

Recognise people who won’t support your confidence and distance yourself from them. Most of us have had ‘frenemies’ at some point. People who use us to make themselves feel better.

Sleep lots.

Drink less.

Don’t overdose on Fab.

Accept compliments even if you don’t quite believe them. Sometimes they are genuine.

I struggle to follow my own advice mind.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

A lot of people who come across as confident actually aren't.

They just fake it well.

I've got a lovely mate who gigs up and down the country. Does the big festivals and also little pub gigs. Anyone who saw him would think he's uber confident. Hes actually plagued with self doubt and feels sick before every gig.

You'd never know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who struggle with confidence, how do you get better?

Do you think other people know how confident you are (or aren't)?

What works for me now is giving zero fucks what other people think.

I wave in and out of emotions like most people - some days I feel more confident than others.

But it's taken me a long time to understand and accept myself.

I wouldn't call it confidence- because I have so many insecurities and worries about myself.

But other peoples opinions of me rarely matter anymore x

You know what I find strange, but it's not strange. I see you as confident, because you own it. You ain't afraid to shout about where you are in the emotion department and that my sweet takes guts.

Thanks P - guts are what I have plenty of in all senses of the word

I'm emotionally open but most people run a mile from it - they want fakery and bullshit.

I cant be arsed - if people dont like me I just don't care anymore.

But it means I'm mostly alone - but that's OK.

ya plank

That's it tho ain't it, why waste time and effort on fakery and bullturds when you can be honest and open? I don't fucking understand it myself. That's basing good food stuff on a picnic blanket of red ants from the get go surely? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I like it. Sometimes I find you an abrasive cunt, but not in a horrid way, just in a "this is me" way, and I think it works! At least you're true to yourself and that's something I respect massively. I'd go for a pizza with ya as long as it wasn't off a red ant infested picnic blanket and you shared the dough balls!

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