FabSwingers.com forum: Child maintaince

By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

Hi,

Quick query and need a quick answer if anybody can help. My daughter is 17 and doing a HNC I am told by her mum as we don't have contact. (Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

I have looked and think child maintaince should stop as HNC isn't on the approved further education remit on the government website. I informed my ex today who has gone right off on one. I just asked for clarification and her understanding as with no contact and private agreement it's impossible to know exactly what is going on.

Has anybody else been through anything similar?

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Provide for your daughter, she will knock on your door one day and you need to look her in the eye and tell her your truth,

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I think it's HND or above that is classed as higher education, anything below that you still need to provide? I may be wrong. What do you think is the right thing to do?

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

I have no issue putting some money into my daughters account every month. I have given over £45,000 over the past 16 years so I have no issue with my financial contribution to her life.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"I think it's HND or above that is classed as higher education, anything below that you still need to provide? I may be wrong. What do you think is the right thing to do? "

HNC is higher, equivalent to 1st year of a degree ... clue in the H =higher

However, it really depends what your financial settlement says

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give money direct to your daughter. Not the mother

That's what I would do anyway

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Higher education ie uni degree child maintenance stops as does child benefit and tax credits

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

It's a private agreement, the response was that my ex will go to CSA or whatever they are called any dispute me stopping her payments. When you can't even get a photo it hurts, I could walk past her and not even know. I hope one day I get the call, even then I'd not bad mouth her mum to her.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

My dad paid my mum maintenance until I left home to go to uni at 19. He then sent me the same value every month until I graduated. When I graduated I moved back in with my mum but I started paying her keep as I was working full time. I have so much respect for my dad for how he always supported my mum with raising me and my brother as much as he could.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"It's a private agreement, the response was that my ex will go to CSA or whatever they are called any dispute me stopping her payments. When you can't even get a photo it hurts, I could walk past her and not even know. I hope one day I get the call, even then I'd not bad mouth her mum to her. "

How old is she? Your daughter that is?

If she's in higher education you can support her directly .... don't quote me on it but CSA may struggle to enforce anything if she's an adult

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

How old is your daughter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Give money direct to your daughter. Not the mother

That's what I would do anyway"

This

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

That is good to hear, my situation is they want me as the silent partner. No photo, email address.. Nothing.... To be told if I take her to court she'd go against any order and I'd have to take her back to sort it. Then I had to consider would I drag my daughter through court to sort this. Maybe I was wrong but I couldn't do it.

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Give money direct to your daughter. Not the mother

That's what I would do anyway

This

Agreed ... this

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By *uzukiNo1Woman
over a year ago

Rhyl

Put money straight into her account with maybe a little msg attached......I do it with my daughter, you can add a ref....I always put "love you"...

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

You can continue to receive child maintenance payments through the Child Maintenance Service up until your child turns 20 as long as your child remains in full-time non-advanced education. You can continue to receive maintenance for 16/17 year olds if they are registered for work or training.

If a young person goes directly on to higher education, a non-resident parent is still liable to pay child maintenance but this will no longer be done through the Child Maintenance Service. Any maintenance would be paid directly to the young person. If a non-resident parent refuses to pay maintenance, the young person would have to pursue payment through the courts.

A Higher National Certificate (HNC) is a higher education/further education qualification in the United Kingdom

(Googled.....)

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I have no issue putting some money into my daughters account every month. I have given over £45,000 over the past 16 years so I have no issue with my financial contribution to her life.

You’ve not given anything, you’ve done what all parents have to do and that’s pay the bills associated with bringing a child up, 45k is a bargain.

Either continue to pay her mother or pay her.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

17 is a child. Provide for her.

It may even last til she's 25, but at least you'll still be able to say you're her dad (unlike those who cut off their "kids" at a certain age).

Says more about you for supporting her than anything else.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Put money straight into her account with maybe a little msg attached......I do it with my daughter, you can add a ref....I always put "love you"..."

This too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no issue putting some money into my daughters account every month. I have given over £45,000 over the past 16 years so I have no issue with my financial contribution to her life.

Do you know how much it costs to bring up children, these days?

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

I understand that but no contact in 10 years.. No nothing despite asking and asking then asking a little more.

My question is am I due to pay it to my ex, I do like the idea of giving it straight to my daughter or maybe giving her the usual £50 then a lump sum for her 18th.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I have no issue putting some money into my daughters account every month. I have given over £45,000 over the past 16 years so I have no issue with my financial contribution to her life.

You’ve not given anything, you’ve done what all parents have to do and that’s pay the bills associated with bringing a child up, 45k is a bargain.

Either continue to pay her mother or pay her."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My dad paid my mum maintenance until I left home to go to uni at 19. He then sent me the same value every month until I graduated. When I graduated I moved back in with my mum but I started paying her keep as I was working full time. I have so much respect for my dad for how he always supported my mum with raising me and my brother as much as he could."

This is your answer there, OP. Tom was in exactly the same situation a year ago. He stopped paying the money to his child's mum, as he was not obliged to, but transfers the money directly to his child now. I hope you do the right thing. I can understand how hard it is, from a divorced mum's perspective that gets nothing from my child's dad. Not a penny. I didn't take him to CSA because we "co-parent" - and would never poison his dad in his eyes. But you do the right thing, and never mind what she does, and walk with your head held high.

Good luck.

xx Niki

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"I have no issue putting some money into my daughters account every month. I have given over £45,000 over the past 16 years so I have no issue with my financial contribution to her life.

Do you know how much it costs to bring up children, these days?"

To be fair to him he is paying yet he as no contact alot more than others would do in this situation give him a break

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"I understand that but no contact in 10 years.. No nothing despite asking and asking then asking a little more.

My question is am I due to pay it to my ex, I do like the idea of giving it straight to my daughter or maybe giving her the usual £50 then a lump sum for her 18th. "

If your daughter is in higher education (HNC is classed as higher education) you are no longer subjected to the CSA but you are RESPONSIBLE to pay her directly (legally) until she is 20 or takes a full time job. If you refuse to pay she CAN take you to court

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

Says the man who starts a thread about not wanting to financially support his 17 year old daughter in education...

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"(Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

Says the man who starts a thread about not wanting to financially support his 17 year old daughter in education..."

I don't think he said that, he was just unsure who to pay and how, which is why he asked I think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

Says the man who starts a thread about not wanting to financially support his 17 year old daughter in education..."

I think that’s a bit harsh. Nobody knows the situation and why he can’t see her. I read it that he didn’t want to give the money to the mother, not the daughter.

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"(Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

Says the man who starts a thread about not wanting to financially support his 17 year old daughter in education...

I think that’s a bit harsh. Nobody knows the situation and why he can’t see her. I read it that he didn’t want to give the money to the mother, not the daughter. "

I read it the same as u it is abit harsh

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

Thank you..

I am ok to ask when it comes to new iPhones, when she passed her driving test for a new car but all I want is a little communication, not be dad of the year just see how she is doing and see what she looks like.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"(Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

Says the man who starts a thread about not wanting to financially support his 17 year old daughter in education...

I think that’s a bit harsh. Nobody knows the situation and why he can’t see her. I read it that he didn’t want to give the money to the mother, not the daughter. "

Quite so, I think a collective solution is give money direct to the child ... traceable in case he did get pursued

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi,

Quick query and need a quick answer if anybody can help. My daughter is 17 and doing a HNC I am told by her mum as we don't have contact. (Mum done a fine job in laying loads of rubbish)

Has anybody else been through anything similar? "

Whatever about the financial support you provide for her ,l do Sincerely hope that your daughter who you say is 17 ,will take it on herself to meet you ,as a father you deserve to have time with her..it's not one bit right or fair that you don't or are not let to

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

"I have no issue putting some money into my daughters account every month. I have given over £45,000 over the past 16 years so I have no issue with my financial contribution to her life.

You’ve not given anything, you’ve done what all parents have to do and that’s pay the bills associated with bringing a child up, 45k is a bargain.

Either continue to pay her mother or pay her."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/19 21:40:52]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Child maintenance stops at the end of the school year your child turns 18. University level education is not included. I've just gone through mediation and had to go through this. My ex has already said he'll give any financial support to our children direct to them when they reach this point.

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

Thank you

As for all the other comments I do thank most of you and some of them should have read the original post. I wanted clarification, I'm taking her mums word she is doing this course. Who I paid was the issue, if my ex isn't entitled to the money anymore and the way she has treated me the past 12 years or so why would I want her to have it.

Rules are set in place by the government for a reason for both parents. It's for both to play fair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had simular issues, you can contact CMS and see if she has registered the child still for child tax credits, if shes claiming that you have to pay. My eldest started a NVQ apprenticeship and started to work at 17 so it all stopped. You may also be able to contact child tax office to see. But i am sure the CMS can assist, if not just go through them, then she has to declare, just have proof you have paid in the past, hope it all gets sorted out.

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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago

notts

It doesn't sound like you are sure she is doing a hnc (google says min age for that is 18, but that's just google). Might be worth starting there. I'm surprised your first response was to see if that meant you still needed to pay maintenance. It's not like you were just told she had started a full time job on 30k a year. One more year til she is 18. Why fuck things up now by refusing to pay? Is she not living with her mum any more? (That could be more relevant I guess in terms of who you pay)

I would hope you would support her thro uni as well, but til adulthood isn't too much of an ask.

What happened with residence/shared care when she was younger? Didn't the courts grant you the right to see her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may be wrong in saying this. You've not seen her for 10 years, why haven't you taken the mother to court to gain access?

Fair play to you for continuing to financially support the mother though.

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By *ungle_king OP Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

She said she would go against any court order, so then I'd have to pay to take her back to court. Then she got to an age where she would be dragged into it, wrongly or not I decided I didn't want to put her through court. I hoped at a stage I'd get the call, people kept saying she'll ask and be in touch.. it never happened.

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

Ray

My daughter has lived with me (not mum) since she was 18 months old she sees the "egg donor" every other weekend but now she's 12 it's getting harder for her to spend time with her mum

The best thing you can spend on your daughter is time and don't bad mouth your ex.

I fought every inch for my daughter and I'm not proud to say pulled a few dirty tricks (something I'm not proud of) and got the best lawyers I could to ensure she stayed with me but looking at the bigger picture I did what I had to do I ensured she was safe protected and loved.

Give the money to her direct it may raise a few questions in your daughters mind and may answer a few questions

If you want to chat drop me a message pal always happy to discuss

Ray

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Unless there is an order preventing you from seeing your daughter you could have gained fair access.

Estranged parents don't 'give' they fulfill their responsibility to PAY for the child they brought into the world.

If your daughter chooses to seek you out there is now nothing your ex can do about it.

I hope it all turns out well for everyone.

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