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selfish ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

On TV this morning they are discussing whether or not it is selfish to choose to only have one child. As an only child I dearly wanted siblings. But is it selfish ?

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

I too am an only child. My Mum had something called Childbirth fever when I was born, I couldn't go near here for days after I was born.

And she was advised not to have children for another 10 years. So I never had the chance.

Not sure if I missed having a sibling, just never occured to me

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

I am one of five and must say I love big families. There is always someone there if you need help or a ear to talk too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes but would you call someone selfish for only wanting one child ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only had one son, i think he might have prefered to have a brother or sister, but i didnt want any more for lots of reasons, i dont think its selfish, anyway its not always a bad thing to be selfish, you have only got one life and you have to look after number one, the more kids you have the more time you spend in the kitchen. :-

With my son being an only child meant he got more attention and we could afford to spend more on him, things like computers which helped him get a job.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people desperately want another and never manage to get pregnant again, it's just unlucky

It's called freedom of choice And not selfish

Then theres the cost, kids r expensive these days u can't afford to have a massive brood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nah i don't think its being selfish..

i currently only have one child and am not planning for anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a sister, and i only have one child. I got pregnant at 17 and it was a very stressful time. I suffered from severe post natal depression that started 12 weeks after my daughter was born. It took me many months/maybe years to recover completely and my personal desision was to not risk becoming so poorly again just ,to have another child. I need to be as well and strong as I can be, for the child I already have. People have their reasons for having only one child, just saying

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley


"Yes but would you call someone selfish for only wanting one child ?"

No I only have one child by choice, but alot of people can not afford more than one and decide to focus everything on one child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on circumstances and noone should judge i dont think. I came from a big family, dad worked round the clock where mum looked after house and home and also for a short time worked nights. It was hard bless them. I myself have one son, had 3 miscarrages so only had one. Its not selfish. Hes happy and not abit botheted about brothers and sisters. I feel you can have ten or one, if there well loved, cared for and can afford them it does not matter in the slightest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am one of five and must say I love big families. There is always someone there if you need help or a ear to talk too"

Your lucky then because a lot of people dont get on with their brothers and sisters that well. Sometimes think that could be the parents fault though.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I am one of five and must say I love big families. There is always someone there if you need help or a ear to talk too

Your lucky then because a lot of people dont get on with their brothers and sisters that well. Sometimes think that could be the parents fault though."

My parents have always been great with all of us and instilled that family first everything else after that. My sisters are always there for me and my daughter. My brother makes sure that all the practical things happen so things run smoothly. We have our arguments over the years but always have been a strong family unit no matter what happens.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley


"Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford."

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford.

Totally agree"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford.

Totally agree

"

and a +1 from me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford.

Totally agree"

I agree also

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think children need brothers and sisters to feel part of a 'family'

I do think it's important however that they learn from an early age to play and socialise with other kids around their own age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With step families becoming more popular i don't think its a bad thing to have one child as other siblings might be involved later on..

Having one child means i do not have to divide my time or my finances up to smaller sections. Its personal choice

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I only had one child, when i was at school i had a friend who was an only child and it was a rariety. Think there where 4 children in my sons class that where only children.

I id loose one after i had him and then made the decision not to have anymore.

Ive never regretted my decision.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I don't think children need brothers and sisters to feel part of a 'family'

I do think it's important however that they learn from an early age to play and socialise with other kids around their own age.

"

I agree i took callum to every group going right from being a tiny baby

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By *ubbliciousWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

Actually, I would say having just one child is decidedly selfLESS! The fact is the planet is over populated as it is. We need fewer babies in the world. I have read that in my lifetime it is likely that food as we know it will run out and we will have to resort to eating insects. VOM!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On TV this morning they are discussing whether or not it is selfish to choose to only have one child. As an only child I dearly wanted siblings. But is it selfish ?"

Strange as population experts say that people who have 3, 4 5 or more children selfish too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not selfish at all in fact quite the opposite in my opinion

i was an only child and i craved a sibling but when i got a step sister i craved to be an only child again

i wanted a large ish family of about 3 or 4 but we stopped at 2 as hubby only wanted 1 really so we comprimised and as he very rightly pointed out we could not afford to have more than 2 comfortably, you have to be sensible in you choice of family size, if you have the luxury of choice when it comes to pregnancies, deciding what you can comfortably afford to give them in both money and time and i feel that not to take this into consideration in your choice is actually the selfish act

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford."

That and the fact that parts of the planet are full up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but would you call someone selfish for only wanting one child ?"

That was the catalyst for the breakdown of my first marriage. I always wanted 3 or 4 children and my first wife knew that. She refused to have children before marriage so we got married (at the time I wasn't too fussed about being married or not), and she fell pregnant six months after we married.

A year after our child was born I came home from work and she announced that she wasn't having anymore children. I asked her how she could make such a decision for all of us without talking about it first and she replied that there was nothing to discuss because she wasn't having anymore babies. Our relationship nosed-dived almost immediately after that as I felt as though I'd been cheated and deceived out of a family I had always wanted.

Perversely, when Siren & I met 10 years later, she hadn't had any children of her own and I'd resigned myself to the fact that I'd only ever have the one child, so when she asked about having children I didn't think it would be fair to deny her the chance to experience motherhood, so we had two children over the last three years. She has the children she's always wanted and I have the larger family that I always wanted.

The most poignant part of this story is what my daughter from my first marriage said the moment she held her little brother for the first time. She said, "I'll never be alone now."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn;t answer your question. No I don;t think it is selfish, sometimes I think it's selfish if you keep having children that you can't afford.

That and the fact that parts of the planet are full up."

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no it's not, it's a choice as whether to have children or not as it's a choice as to how many you have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex-wife and i had to go through IVF to have our daughter but we were told afterwards that because she had complications throughout the pregnancy and the birth she would never be able to conceive again.That in itself is a big blow. We would have loved to have had another child, but it wasnt to be so we are and always will be grateful for the wonderful daughter that we have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

of course it's not selfish, why on earth would someone think, that someone choice is selfish...

it's selfish to have more than you can afford

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