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40 years in the making. Merry Christmas

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This is a bit of a read folks, if you dont have 10 minutes or cant be assed dont worry you aren't missing anything important lol

I was thinking about how we partnered off back in my youth, how important it was and what you looked for in the opposite sex. I remember my mum telling me that it was important to find a girl around my age to fall in love with and get married to and we'd start a family. The girl would be "nice", not cheeky or wild, but well mannered and polite instead. I felt because my mum was telling me this that it was really important and society, schooling and even TV and movies around that time all still kind of agreed. It was the done thing. This way of thinking kept the majority of men and women in my country acting the same right through my earliest years as a child. In the early 80's the men in families were still for the most part seen as the providers who protected the family and went out to work all day to put food on the table. The women were still mostly dutiful wives who would look after the children, the home and their men. Womens attitude had changed however over the years and was continuing to change, which was only natural from fighting to be seen as equal in every way to men where society had once seen them as the second class gender in certain aspects of living.

The old way of thinking and living had all but come to an end by the time I was 10 and during the next 10 years the girls that I knew became more outspoken, confident and feisty. By the time I hit 20 it was this confident nature, feistiness and attitude that attracted me and I looked for a woman that would challenge my mind and keep me on my toes. I no longer wanted a woman who was "nice" but I still wanted to meet my significant other. I had fun in my 20's but never got serious with anyone and this had again become the attitude of many of those around me. If you hadn't found love and paired off then not to worry, as a guy you were encouraged to enjoy yourself and "put yourself about" and perhaps one of the women I had fun with would turn out to be the right one and we would settle down. When I turned 30 my attitude had changed again and I thought that my chance of a "happy life" spent with a significant other was slipping away and I wouldn't settle down , that a relationship might not even be something I wanted anymore. Almost 10 years later and I do truly believe I'm a better version of myself when I'm single and I no longer feel like settling holds any real importance for me. It's no longer something that my friends and family want for me either because they know I'll do what's right for me. It's no longer pushed upon me via TV and media either. Yes people still promote love and happiness, but the aspects of an expected family life, a wife, a home and 2.4 children are no longer expected for everyone as their route to happiness. I've had a few relationships in the last 9 years, none of which lasting more than a couple of months. While they were great while they lasted they ultimately ended for one reason or another but I have no regrets and I havent been happier in myself than I am now. I'll be 40 next year and 4 decades will have passed, and with them a change in attitude every 10 years or so. I'm now on a swingers site and wanting to enjoy sex and physical closeness with a few women, without the emotional closeness or dependencies that come with a relationship. Where emotional desires were at the forefront of my mind and what I thought I wanted most in the past, they have been pushed to the back and replaced by carnal desires and wants for physical pleasures.

I'm not sure my reasoning behind this post other than I thought it was interesting how what people and society in general see as important can change over the course of time and I think It will be interesting in 10 years time to see how attitudes and beliefs will have changed again towards relationships and dating. Perhaps less and less people will marry than those who remain single out of want, or perhaps those old values will become important again. Whatever the outcome, I feel confident that going into 2020 as a single male on a swinging site is exactly where I want to be and whatever the future brings I'm happy to take it one day at a time, or one bed at a time lol

Merry Christmas and best of luck in 2020 Fabbers, enjoy all that you do and do it all because it makes you happy and not because it's expected of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a bit of a read folks, if you dont have 10 minutes or cant be assed dont worry you aren't missing anything important lol

I was thinking about how we partnered off back in my youth, how important it was and what you looked for in the opposite sex. I remember my mum telling me that it was important to find a girl around my age to fall in love with and get married to and we'd start a family. The girl would be "nice", not cheeky or wild, but well mannered and polite instead. I felt because my mum was telling me this that it was really important and society, schooling and even TV and movies around that time all still kind of agreed. It was the done thing. This way of thinking kept the majority of men and women in my country acting the same right through my earliest years as a child. In the early 80's the men in families were still for the most part seen as the providers who protected the family and went out to work all day to put food on the table. The women were still mostly dutiful wives who would look after the children, the home and their men. Womens attitude had changed however over the years and was continuing to change, which was only natural from fighting to be seen as equal in every way to men where society had once seen them as the second class gender in certain aspects of living.

The old way of thinking and living had all but come to an end by the time I was 10 and during the next 10 years the girls that I knew became more outspoken, confident and feisty. By the time I hit 20 it was this confident nature, feistiness and attitude that attracted me and I looked for a woman that would challenge my mind and keep me on my toes. I no longer wanted a woman who was "nice" but I still wanted to meet my significant other. I had fun in my 20's but never got serious with anyone and this had again become the attitude of many of those around me. If you hadn't found love and paired off then not to worry, as a guy you were encouraged to enjoy yourself and "put yourself about" and perhaps one of the women I had fun with would turn out to be the right one and we would settle down. When I turned 30 my attitude had changed again and I thought that my chance of a "happy life" spent with a significant other was slipping away and I wouldn't settle down , that a relationship might not even be something I wanted anymore. Almost 10 years later and I do truly believe I'm a better version of myself when I'm single and I no longer feel like settling holds any real importance for me. It's no longer something that my friends and family want for me either because they know I'll do what's right for me. It's no longer pushed upon me via TV and media either. Yes people still promote love and happiness, but the aspects of an expected family life, a wife, a home and 2.4 children are no longer expected for everyone as their route to happiness. I've had a few relationships in the last 9 years, none of which lasting more than a couple of months. While they were great while they lasted they ultimately ended for one reason or another but I have no regrets and I havent been happier in myself than I am now. I'll be 40 next year and 4 decades will have passed, and with them a change in attitude every 10 years or so. I'm now on a swingers site and wanting to enjoy sex and physical closeness with a few women, without the emotional closeness or dependencies that come with a relationship. Where emotional desires were at the forefront of my mind and what I thought I wanted most in the past, they have been pushed to the back and replaced by carnal desires and wants for physical pleasures.

I'm not sure my reasoning behind this post other than I thought it was interesting how what people and society in general see as important can change over the course of time and I think It will be interesting in 10 years time to see how attitudes and beliefs will have changed again towards relationships and dating. Perhaps less and less people will marry than those who remain single out of want, or perhaps those old values will become important again. Whatever the outcome, I feel confident that going into 2020 as a single male on a swinging site is exactly where I want to be and whatever the future brings I'm happy to take it one day at a time, or one bed at a time lol

Merry Christmas and best of luck in 2020 Fabbers, enjoy all that you do and do it all because it makes you happy and not because it's expected of you."

I used to fancy a boy at school

One in the choir

No one at work

A customer I served at the bar

Went to clubs to date but most clubs people were together.

I suppose I liked everything about them.

Dated security

Met older

It was fun.

Now it's tiresome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a bit of a read folks, if you dont have 10 minutes or cant be assed dont worry you aren't missing anything important lol

I was thinking about how we partnered off back in my youth, how important it was and what you looked for in the opposite sex. I remember my mum telling me that it was important to find a girl around my age to fall in love with and get married to and we'd start a family. The girl would be "nice", not cheeky or wild, but well mannered and polite instead. I felt because my mum was telling me this that it was really important and society, schooling and even TV and movies around that time all still kind of agreed. It was the done thing. This way of thinking kept the majority of men and women in my country acting the same right through my earliest years as a child. In the early 80's the men in families were still for the most part seen as the providers who protected the family and went out to work all day to put food on the table. The women were still mostly dutiful wives who would look after the children, the home and their men. Womens attitude had changed however over the years and was continuing to change, which was only natural from fighting to be seen as equal in every way to men where society had once seen them as the second class gender in certain aspects of living.

The old way of thinking and living had all but come to an end by the time I was 10 and during the next 10 years the girls that I knew became more outspoken, confident and feisty. By the time I hit 20 it was this confident nature, feistiness and attitude that attracted me and I looked for a woman that would challenge my mind and keep me on my toes. I no longer wanted a woman who was "nice" but I still wanted to meet my significant other. I had fun in my 20's but never got serious with anyone and this had again become the attitude of many of those around me. If you hadn't found love and paired off then not to worry, as a guy you were encouraged to enjoy yourself and "put yourself about" and perhaps one of the women I had fun with would turn out to be the right one and we would settle down. When I turned 30 my attitude had changed again and I thought that my chance of a "happy life" spent with a significant other was slipping away and I wouldn't settle down , that a relationship might not even be something I wanted anymore. Almost 10 years later and I do truly believe I'm a better version of myself when I'm single and I no longer feel like settling holds any real importance for me. It's no longer something that my friends and family want for me either because they know I'll do what's right for me. It's no longer pushed upon me via TV and media either. Yes people still promote love and happiness, but the aspects of an expected family life, a wife, a home and 2.4 children are no longer expected for everyone as their route to happiness. I've had a few relationships in the last 9 years, none of which lasting more than a couple of months. While they were great while they lasted they ultimately ended for one reason or another but I have no regrets and I havent been happier in myself than I am now. I'll be 40 next year and 4 decades will have passed, and with them a change in attitude every 10 years or so. I'm now on a swingers site and wanting to enjoy sex and physical closeness with a few women, without the emotional closeness or dependencies that come with a relationship. Where emotional desires were at the forefront of my mind and what I thought I wanted most in the past, they have been pushed to the back and replaced by carnal desires and wants for physical pleasures.

I'm not sure my reasoning behind this post other than I thought it was interesting how what people and society in general see as important can change over the course of time and I think It will be interesting in 10 years time to see how attitudes and beliefs will have changed again towards relationships and dating. Perhaps less and less people will marry than those who remain single out of want, or perhaps those old values will become important again. Whatever the outcome, I feel confident that going into 2020 as a single male on a swinging site is exactly where I want to be and whatever the future brings I'm happy to take it one day at a time, or one bed at a time lol

Merry Christmas and best of luck in 2020 Fabbers, enjoy all that you do and do it all because it makes you happy and not because it's expected of you.

I used to fancy a boy at school

One in the choir

No one at work

A customer I served at the bar

Went to clubs to date but most clubs people were together.

I suppose I liked everything about them.

Dated security

Met older

It was fun.

Now it's tiresome "

My family said all women were good for was having kids

I went to work.

Went to college

Had boyfriends

Mum would say don't like him tough Id say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read it all Zipper and loved it. Good luck to you and your future happiness. The universe has a way of giving us what we want when w least expect it so let's see how your story develops next year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great Post and I like your thinking.

I think it's a transition a lot of people go through in life.

For me though I seem to almost be regressing. My need for emotional connection even stronger than it was before. My sadness for not having it is also greater.

I've worked hard to beat many stereotypes that could have been thrown at me. Teenage mum, high school drop out, divorced single mum, child of a pair of alcoholics who have both now died, only child. I'm not usually what anyone expects which I'm glad of.

I went a bit wild when I got divorced as I was only 26, however now I can no longer convince myself that its enough.

In some ways I feel a bit of a traitor to my life, my beliefs and my own principles because I genuinely do want someone in my life to complete me. In turn though that's a lot of pressure to put on someone, so it likely won't happen.

Sorry no idea why I vented all that or if it's even relevant.

Everyone does life differently and that's the beauty of it

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