FabSwingers.com forum: Getting out of loneliness in 2020

By *ilentnoise OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

I’ve decided that my main focus for 2020 is to build some decent friendships and wanted to ask how you have gone about this and what successes you have had?

I’ve probably spent the past 10 years devoted to my work and for much of that time I’ve been in a relationship. I’ve realised that many of my ‘friends’ are really better considered as acquaintances (the only Christmas card I received this year was from my boss which says it all).

So ladies and gents, if you’ve been in a similar predicament and managed to get yourself out of the pit of loneliness and despair how have you done it?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Good luck merry Xmas and sending you love xxx

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Try some adult education courses you might like and you might build into a connection with someone, but generally just get yourself out about instead of hiding behind a laptop and social media

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I've been in a very similar position to you OP, without going too deeply into it now, it's not an easy road but being alone isn't a bad thing, quite the opposite.

I'm a firm believer that it's very difficult for men to make friends after in adulthood (look at 'men of a certain age'). Being alone is a choice, lonely isn't but it can be resolved. Find clubs, groups with shared interests, take an evening course...

In short, you can look at it as an opportunity. Either spend time with yourself and find why you find alone so hard or get out and meet others, both are just as valid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to every one every where you go!!

It’s so un British but talking opens doors and breaks down boundary’s .

People that you don’t know are just friends you have not made yet.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have found meet me a great way to make friends. I enjoy walking and there are groups on mmet me specifically for that. Often between 10-20 people on a guided walk in your area or a bit further afield. That's the easy part the second and most important part is to enjoy the company and make the friends. I wish you well and hope you find the friends you're looking for.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Talk to every one every where you go!!

It’s so un British but talking opens doors and breaks down boundary’s .

People that you don’t know are just friends you have not made yet.

Good luck.

Maybe it’s unbritish for southerners. You can’t even put your bin out up here without hearing your neighbours life story! Lol

OP - try that meet-up app xx

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I don't have the answers, but I really wish you the best xx

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Follow some passions and interests, that bring you together with others.

Exercise, such as in classes.

Volunteering is something I've done since school days and I've always met great people as well as benefitted from helping others. Many charities are always looking for help and possibly you have work skills that could be useful to them too.

A lot of this will force you to focus away from your employment arena and introduce you to very different people.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Good luck OP! Definitely think about what hobbies and interests you have that you can explore with others. The website MeetUp has all kinds of get togethers. Reddit and even Facebook can lead to this too.

Maybe think about some volunteering as well? That way, even if you don't make any amazing friends you get a self esteem boost from doing something good for other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve decided that my main focus for 2020 is to build some decent friendships and wanted to ask how you have gone about this and what successes you have had?

So ladies and gents, if you’ve been in a similar predicament and managed to get yourself out of the pit of loneliness and despair how have you done it? "

Merry Christmas

OP...

Find inner peace and happiness.

Learn to not judge others

Love yourself first

Join clubs

Talk to people only way to make friends

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

This is something I need to work on, too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is something I need to work on, too. "

And me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me too,

I feel like Billy no mates sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can relate to this and it is definitely something I need to work on in 2020.

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By *unningFoxWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I find work and gym great place to meet people and be friends. Think of what you like and enjoy and try to find like minded people. If you like running, art, hiking there is plenty groups on Facebook and you can join them and try to find more friends.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

When you find new friends.... be loyal to them..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Small friendly gym. Running/cycling/other hobby based clubs.

good luck

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By *iggyStarjumpsMan
over a year ago

Stockport

Meetup is a great website with loads of groups doing social things. I think walking is one of the best activities as you've got time to have proper chats during the day with several people. Dancing classes are also pretty sociable. Its got to be something you're interested in though. What do you like doing?

The most difficult thing, in my experience, is getting from seeing people at a weekly event to doing things outside that so they become friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I grew up in what for want of a better word can best be described as a cult and when I left lost all the friends I'd grown up with. I went many years without having proper male friends before meeting a guy through my hobby (rock climbing) who over the years had become more of a brother to me than my real life brother. Hard to explain exactly why - I guess like any good relationship there's all the usual compatability and compromise etc but I also believe our hobby has helped. When you have literally saved each others lives, routinely rely on each other to make sounds judgments and then trust your life on those judgments plus have seen each other go through every emotion from pure joy to debilitating fear, shared cramped ledges on cliffs, slept in a car boot together etc you can't help but either end up very close or hating each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Smile, be kind, talk to everyone especially people that are different to you, be yourself and relax.

Good luck.

Ps it's not a numbers games, a few good friends are enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Following. My nearest friend is an hour drive away. I love living rural but for friends it sucks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just tried that Meetup app, nearest group is an hour and a half drive!!

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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

There is an app called Arkeo

Yes it is a Startup.

Yes it is an improved Beta version. Better version to come in 2020 apparently.

Easy and quick daily fill in how you are Memtal Health tracker.

Suggestion for those that might want it.

Your most important relationship is with yourself. Get that right folks...

Happy swinging in 2020

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I have 2dogs who are my soulmates. Without them i would be very lonely. I walk my dogs 3x daily and meet lots of lovely folk when out and about with them.

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By *apiosexual gymfitMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm in a similar situation. But I've learned to embrace loneliness. I've lived on my own for years now and my family and school friends aren't in the town I live. I go out and do lots and talk to so many like-minded people because we're doing the same thing, like a hobby. Lots of them become friends that I speak to all the time.

Being on your own is fine, time to concentrate on yourself. Get out and do some hobbies and you'll meet people with the same interests and form friendships. You'll never make friends being stuck in your house all day.

I don't make much plans I literally just get up and think fuck it I'll go 'here' today.

Pets are a good idea too

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By *iggyStarjumpsMan
over a year ago

Stockport

"Just tried that Meetup app, nearest group is an hour and a half drive!!

Start a group, there must be other people near you feeling the same way

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By *ilentnoise OP Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Genuinely appreciate all your responses and suggestions. I’ll check out the suggestions. It’s comforting to know others have experienced similar feelings before because sometimes loneliness makes me feel I’m the only person going through this. Best wishes to you all for 2020 and beyond.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"I have 2dogs who are my soulmates. Without them i would be very lonely. I walk my dogs 3x daily and meet lots of lovely folk when out and about with them. "

It's astonishing the difference dogs make. I walked my dad's two greyhounds when he was too ill to get out, and any number of people came and spoke to me, some recognised the dogs but some just wanted a chat.

I was invited to a retired greyhound event, I was invited to a sighthound social, it was the most incredible thing!

OP I would check out meetup, but local Facebook groups sometimes also have events advertised. Hobbies will help as you're starting with something in common.

My closest friends have come from work, just because you're in close proximity for a lot of time. I have recently made a friend from a dance class I go to, but I've not really made lasting friendships from any of the courses I've taken.

I know someone who swears by singles holidays through the likes of friendship travel - not to hook up, but to make new friends who are also solo for whatever reason. It's unlikely they'd be local to you in the UK though, so it depends what you're looking for.

Voluntary work is a brilliant idea if you're able to commit time.

I hope you find what you're looking for OP.

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