FabSwingers.com forum: First Message

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I find this *such* a stress.

I make an effort to say more than a single sentence and try not to lead with aggressively sexual stuff. On the other hand, I don’t want to sound like I’m making conversation over tea and scones. It’s a hard balance to strike!

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

There are no guarantees, you can just increase your chances a bit and it sounds like you’re doing the right things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't message first it looks needy/thirsty

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find this *such* a stress.

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

"
if its a stranger how can you initiate sexual innuendo, use humour and target profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find this *such* a stress.

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

First off I need to know they've read my profile in full, there's an easy way to show that.

I also want to know what makes the person want me specifically, what have we got in common, what are they looking for that makes us compatible. Also what they're offering that makes them different than the other people getting in touch (apart from their ability to read a profile).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is no matter how good a message is or how tailored it is to me personally if I don't fancy the sender then that's it.

There's no magic formula, there's no convincing me with words.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"The thing is no matter how good a message is or how tailored it is to me personally if I don't fancy the sender then that's it.

There's no magic formula, there's no convincing me with words. "

Not even cake?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"The thing is no matter how good a message is or how tailored it is to me personally if I don't fancy the sender then that's it.

There's no magic formula, there's no convincing me with words.

Not even cake? "

Cheesecake is for the really tough cases

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I can't speak for everybody of course, but here is what works for us.

Use our names (which are on our profile) immediately sets you above the others. I'm amazed at how few people ever bother to do this simple thing.

The most important thing is have something to say. It could be something a response to something on our profile or the forum, but it needs to be something you couldn't just copy and paste to a thousand people.

It helps to be completely non-sexual. We are looking for friends, not people to have sex with. It may be we end up having sex with friends, but if you aren't a friend first you won't be getting into bed with us. If you come over as somebody who wants us for sex then you won't get anywhere with us.

Any polite message will get a polite response from us. However, no effort in, no effort in return.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Don’t stress about it. Keep it short and simple.

They’ll either reply or they won’t - that is out of your hands.

They may not reply because they’re having a shit day, not necessarily because your message didn’t spark an interest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"I find this *such* a stress.

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

I always reply to compliments to say thank you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uesdaysfundayCouple
over a year ago

Sandbach

I had a wtf opening statement of an email yesterday. It opened quite flattering so I carried on. The next paragraph detailed specifically in detail how this person was going to dominate me etc. etc.

The only hint I can give you is if you are speaking to a couple then speak to the couple, both parties.

My picture is in the profile but that is because I don't like the ones of us together and we really need to sort that out lol.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

"I had a wtf opening statement of an email yesterday. It opened quite flattering so I carried on. The next paragraph detailed specifically in detail how this person was going to dominate me etc. etc.

The only hint I can give you is if you are speaking to a couple then speak to the couple, both parties.

My picture is in the profile but that is because I don't like the ones of us together and we really need to sort that out lol. "

The amount of messages we get where they only aim the message at one person is ridiculously.

"Misses is fit. does she fuck other lads?"

And recently had something like "not gonna lie, you're hot. Dtf?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sSforfunCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I find this *such* a stress.

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

First off I need to know they've read my profile in full, there's an easy way to show that.

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think lucky timing might have something to do with it. Sometimes I sit and go through messages and reply to all, other times if I have a silly amount I tend to delete without reading- I’m sure others must do this as well.

A reply doesn't mean we ‘click’ though, if a conversation cannot keep a nice flow then it doesn’t matter how good the first message is because it becomes irrelevant after the second

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Some people you click straight away. Others grow on you (in a nice way) .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people you click straight away. Others grow on you (in a nice way) . "

Like a fungus?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London

"The thing is no matter how good a message is or how tailored it is to me personally if I don't fancy the sender then that's it.

There's no magic formula, there's no convincing me with words. "

I'm convinced this is 90% of the answer!

You may be fanciable to someone after chatting, once they start to see your personality but when a woman is skimming through hundreds of messages the main factor is whether they like the look of you at first glance.

There is luck as Jamie says, plus other factors but this is the main one.

The way through this is engaging in forum threads, no number of brilliantly composed messages will help you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Some people you click straight away. Others grow on you (in a nice way) .

Like a fungus? "

Depends if you like mushrooms.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people you click straight away. Others grow on you (in a nice way) .

Like a fungus?

Depends if you like mushrooms.

I’m quite the fungi

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"I find this *such* a stress.

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

First off I need to know they've read my profile in full, there's an easy way to show that.

I know people want to know what makes us tick/compatible etc. However We are not doing all that in a first message which lets be honest (we only meet single ladies now) has more chance of going straight in the bin unread as it has of gleaning a good response. Basically if there's no attraction to begin with little of anything else matters.

So our first message will be fairly short maybe one paragraph pointing out what we see as matching areas & asking the person to check out our profile & see if they think along the same lines & then if they respond we will delve deeper. Obviously with this goes a face pic or two.

It's not just the single guys that get disheartened at messages going unread straight to trash after all...& it's why we've probably sent three first messages in the last six months!

Perhaps if more where honest with their profiles & what they were looking for it wouldn't happen so much?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

"The thing is no matter how good a message is or how tailored it is to me personally if I don't fancy the sender then that's it.

There's no magic formula, there's no convincing me with words. "

Exactly this, so why would you send war & piece telling a complete stranger everything that you match on & about yourselves & how you tick if all they are going to do is go "No thanks" & delete your message??

Pretty much all you need to start is "We like you & what you say on the forums (if a forumite) we seem to fit so take a look & perhaps we can chat, that with a few face pics is all you should need to start at least a conversation.

A pretty regular response to us used to be "I'm not looking to play with couples at the moment", sometimes attached "I have a regular couple"...Hmm is it too hard to remove them from your profile then until your are looking??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Guys, as ever - many thanks! So much useful advice.

I feel like I do a lot of this already. Can only conclude I’m approaching lots of folks who just aren’t digging me ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thing is no matter how good a message is or how tailored it is to me personally if I don't fancy the sender then that's it.

There's no magic formula, there's no convincing me with words.

Not even cake?

Cheesecake is for the really tough cases

I’m tough but hate cheesecake

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day, if

1. You are devastatingly handsome

2. Got a 8inch cock

3. Fabulous 6 pack and arms

4. Can hold a conversation

Amy 2 of the 4 will get you a reply.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eventually you will get a reply just don’t take it to heart

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find this *such* a stress.

I always read a profile with care, but sometimes it gives you nothing to go on.

What do you like to read?

What guarantees a reply?

I really wouldn’t stress, there’s no hard and fast answer which will garner you a response.

Sometimes it’s not your message which isn’t being responded to but maybe your profile, or your photos, or a mixture of the three.

Who knows. All you can do is be yourself, do what you feel comfortable and have confidence in yourself and your photos / profile.

I’m no yoda Jedi who will get you responses but maybe you’re putting too much thought in to it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread