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“You’re lucky you don’t have kids”

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Does anyone think of what could potentially lie behind for the recipient of this seemingly fairly innocent comment?

Reason I ask is I’m dealing with something in my professional life and after scrutiny and being on the end of this comment myself it’s not as innocuous as it seems to some people.

Just a ramble

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Yeah well, in my experience kids spoil everything so I couldn't agree more.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If you take it literally it's just someone's opinion.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I think a lot of people need to learn to think before they speak when it comes to comments or questions around whether or why people have children or not. As a woman in my late 20s, myself and my friends get a lot of questions about it and for many it can be a very painful subject for a number of reasons. It's not just limited to women who don't have children. I have a friend who I really wish people would stop asking her if she was having more.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"I think a lot of people need to learn to think before they speak when it comes to comments or questions around whether or why people have children or not. As a woman in my late 20s, myself and my friends get a lot of questions about it and for many it can be a very painful subject for a number of reasons. It's not just limited to women who don't have children. I have a friend who I really wish people would stop asking her if she was having more."

My girlfriend gets it all the time. Pisses her right off.

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By *urvyandCurious999Woman
over a year ago

Hiding from twats

It's a thoughtless remark. You have no idea if someone's been trying for years to have a baby, or suffers infertility, or has had a miscarriage, stillbirth, etc.

I think people should keep their opinions of other people's childlessness to themselves. Same as comments like "when are you going to have another?", "are you going to try for a girl now you've got 3 boys?", etc with people who already have kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had it said to me often. Yep, years of miscarriages, agony, and heartbreak. But ain’t I lucky.

Now that I have a kid, it’s ‘bet you wish you didn’t have him!’

Erm

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By *urvyandCurious999Woman
over a year ago

Hiding from twats


"I had it said to me often. Yep, years of miscarriages, agony, and heartbreak. But ain’t I lucky.

Now that I have a kid, it’s ‘bet you wish you didn’t have him!’

Erm "

Jesus christ, people are just atrocious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are idiots.

I belle feel lucky to have my son as I had numerous miscarriages and a ectopic pregnancy and I'm basically not able to have more children which hurt for a lot of years. I often had the comment of oh you just have the one kid don't you want more isn't it lonely for him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a mum to 3 grown up intelligent and beautiful daughters, I particularly hate people saying "Do you wish you'd had a boy"

No, not really twat face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a mum to 3 grown up intelligent and beautiful daughters, I particularly hate people saying "Do you wish you'd had a boy"

No, not really twat face "

Yeah I get that too

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I’m super lucky to have kids. They’re ace. my little Bezzie Mates

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it's a thoughtless remark in some cases and in others it's designed to wound.

We were fairly late to have children and I had all sorts of remarks made to me, mostly at work. I remember one woman saying to me "you'd better hurry up or it'll be too late"

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

Yep kids can be hindrance when it comes to adult life but I wouldn't change it for anything.

It's just one person's opinion. Don't worry about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anyone think of what could potentially lie behind for the recipient of this seemingly fairly innocent comment?

Reason I ask is I’m dealing with something in my professional life and after scrutiny and being on the end of this comment myself it’s not as innocuous as it seems to some people.

Just a ramble "

Not here to make kids or have them if that's what you mean OP

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

People seriously need to think more before they open their mouths.

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

It’s only recently after some reflection and personal experience supporting a colleague. I realise what a crass statement it could potentially be.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"It's a thoughtless remark. You have no idea if someone's been trying for years to have a baby, or suffers infertility, or has had a miscarriage, stillbirth, etc.

I think people should keep their opinions of other people's childlessness to themselves. Same as comments like "when are you going to have another?", "are you going to try for a girl now you've got 3 boys?", etc with people who already have kids. "

I agree with this.

Some folk are just insensitive bellends.

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Does anyone think of what could potentially lie behind for the recipient of this seemingly fairly innocent comment?

Reason I ask is I’m dealing with something in my professional life and after scrutiny and being on the end of this comment myself it’s not as innocuous as it seems to some people.

Just a ramble

Not here to make kids or have them if that's what you mean OP"

Not what I mean. But understand I wasn’t really clear.

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By *2and3quartersWoman
over a year ago

Bumbletown

I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I have no desire to have kids and never have had that maternal urge.

That's nobody else's business though.

As it happens it would be incredibly difficult for me to conceive even if I did want to, and I probably wouldn't be able to carry to term.

Once again, that's nobody else's business.

I was pregnant in my 20s but lost the baby before I realised it, as the father was abusive and beat me to the point where I miscarried.

Nobody else's business.

My miscarriage was incomplete and I ended up going into hospital for a D&C and then developed Asherman syndrome.

Nobody else's business.

So sure, if someone wants to question me on my childless state I'm quite happy to discuss in great detail. Most of the time I brush it aside with the fact I've never wanted kids. For the terminally tactless, the incurably nosy, I will give chapter and verse, and I will guarantee they will regret their insistence on an explanation more than I regret the necessity of telling them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't imagine what anyone could mean by that. I don't think everyone should have children or that people who don't want to are deficient in some way. But it's the best thing that ever happened to me and the thing I'm proudest of. I feel unbelievably lucky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can have mine.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy "

I'm so sorry to hear that. I would consider punching them in the face a perfectly reasonable reaction. Surely in this day and age people are more aware of these heartbreaking issues. Ignorance isn't always an excuse for such extreme insensitivity in my opinion.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I have no desire to have kids and never have had that maternal urge.

That's nobody else's business though.

As it happens it would be incredibly difficult for me to conceive even if I did want to, and I probably wouldn't be able to carry to term.

Once again, that's nobody else's business.

I was pregnant in my 20s but lost the baby before I realised it, as the father was abusive and beat me to the point where I miscarried.

Nobody else's business.

My miscarriage was incomplete and I ended up going into hospital for a D&C and then developed Asherman syndrome.

Nobody else's business.

So sure, if someone wants to question me on my childless state I'm quite happy to discuss in great detail. Most of the time I brush it aside with the fact I've never wanted kids. For the terminally tactless, the incurably nosy, I will give chapter and verse, and I will guarantee they will regret their insistence on an explanation more than I regret the necessity of telling them."

What a strong lady you must be to have been through so much and still have the strength to teach these people a lesson in sensitivity. Big respect to you for being so open about these things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 years of trying, 10 miscarriages and 3 rounds of IVF before I had kids and had comments like this all the time. It can be upsetting but I don’t believe anyone makes comments like this with the intentions of upsetting someone.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

I'm so sorry to hear that. I would consider punching them in the face a perfectly reasonable reaction. Surely in this day and age people are more aware of these heartbreaking issues. Ignorance isn't always an excuse for such extreme insensitivity in my opinion."

I agree.

Sometimes a little thought goes a very long way.

Making any sort of comment on a person's situation can be deeply insensitive.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've started telling the persistently nosy (after several polite attempts to change the subject) that the state of my reproductive organs is between me and my doctor.

There is heartbreak and trauma in many of our pasts over the subject, and it really is never appropriate to press anyone on it.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Thinking you need to be careful it isn't always somebody's choice to have kids or not to have kids and to say that you're lucky not to have kids try saying that to somebody who couldn't have them for whatever reason .

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy "

While I don't have kids, nor do I really plan on having any, I know full well what it means for people to want kids and go through similar things as yourself.

My mum had 2 miscarriages before me. Even during her pregnancy with me she thought she had miscarried, even the doctors thought so. But there I was (turns out I'm a chimaera twin).

My brother and his fiancé had a stillbirth. Friends of mine struggled to conceive for a good number of years.

I have seen what such "minor" comments can do to people going through such things and while some will say don't be so sensitive, it most definitely is not as simple as that. People take for granted too much without thinking outside of a narrow view, and put too much of their own opinion out in to the world when it is not needed or wanted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont overthink it. People sometimes say stupid things.

It's not their opinion that matters....

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

While I don't have kids, nor do I really plan on having any, I know full well what it means for people to want kids and go through similar things as yourself.

My mum had 2 miscarriages before me. Even during her pregnancy with me she thought she had miscarried, even the doctors thought so. But there I was (turns out I'm a chimaera twin).

My brother and his fiancé had a stillbirth. Friends of mine struggled to conceive for a good number of years.

I have seen what such "minor" comments can do to people going through such things and while some will say don't be so sensitive, it most definitely is not as simple as that. People take for granted too much without thinking outside of a narrow view, and put too much of their own opinion out in to the world when it is not needed or wanted."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the contrary, who else am I going to be a burden to in my old age!!!!

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By *2and3quartersWoman
over a year ago

Bumbletown


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

I'm so sorry to hear that. I would consider punching them in the face a perfectly reasonable reaction. Surely in this day and age people are more aware of these heartbreaking issues. Ignorance isn't always an excuse for such extreme insensitivity in my opinion."

Thanks Lacey. Sometimes it just washes over me and I just ignore it but other times the ignorance gets right under my skin.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

While I don't have kids, nor do I really plan on having any, I know full well what it means for people to want kids and go through similar things as yourself.

My mum had 2 miscarriages before me. Even during her pregnancy with me she thought she had miscarried, even the doctors thought so. But there I was (turns out I'm a chimaera twin).

My brother and his fiancé had a stillbirth. Friends of mine struggled to conceive for a good number of years.

I have seen what such "minor" comments can do to people going through such things and while some will say don't be so sensitive, it most definitely is not as simple as that. People take for granted too much without thinking outside of a narrow view, and put too much of their own opinion out in to the world when it is not needed or wanted."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thoughtless remark.

In a work context I found it was often used to allocate extra work over a festive period.

As a woman without children often expected to pick up the slack around Christmas concerts, shopping general emergencies.

Then to add insult to injury to be told... You're so lucky not to have children!

One of my pet peeves x

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By *2and3quartersWoman
over a year ago

Bumbletown


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

While I don't have kids, nor do I really plan on having any, I know full well what it means for people to want kids and go through similar things as yourself.

My mum had 2 miscarriages before me. Even during her pregnancy with me she thought she had miscarried, even the doctors thought so. But there I was (turns out I'm a chimaera twin).

My brother and his fiancé had a stillbirth. Friends of mine struggled to conceive for a good number of years.

I have seen what such "minor" comments can do to people going through such things and while some will say don't be so sensitive, it most definitely is not as simple as that. People take for granted too much without thinking outside of a narrow view, and put too much of their own opinion out in to the world when it is not needed or wanted."

It's the 'dont be so sensitive' comments that push my buttons

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x "

My son had a disability and after he passed I was told by a family member that 'he was better off'.

I never spoke to her again.

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By *2and3quartersWoman
over a year ago

Bumbletown


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

My son had a disability and after he passed I was told by a family member that 'he was better off'.

I never spoke to her again."

Wow. What an insensitive and totally thoughtless thing to say!! I'm not surprised you didn't speak to her again. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

My son had a disability and after he passed I was told by a family member that 'he was better off'.

I never spoke to her again."

Family can be the worst, I’m sorry you had to hear that x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x "

People disgust me.

My lack of children apparently makes me an unnatural subhuman monster

... At least I had the manners to bite my tongue rather than respond (every time it's happened).

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

My son had a disability and after he passed I was told by a family member that 'he was better off'.

I never spoke to her again."

Not much shocks me but that statement does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what is f... is wrong with people why say something like that ?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

I'm so sorry to hear that. I would consider punching them in the face a perfectly reasonable reaction. Surely in this day and age people are more aware of these heartbreaking issues. Ignorance isn't always an excuse for such extreme insensitivity in my opinion.

Thanks Lacey. Sometimes it just washes over me and I just ignore it but other times the ignorance gets right under my skin. "

Of course it does, you're human. Big hugs!

And in response to what you said to Kietonel, I've personally never understood why the responsibility is on the person who has experienced so much pain to bury their feelings when the alternative of other people taking a second to think before they speak is surely much easier. Also people attempting to not be sensitive to it only means people continue to say the same things and hurt more people. Personally I don't think that the discomfort someone may feel knowing they have deeply upset someone when they may not have intended to trumps the pain of the person they have hurt and maybe that experience might lead them to have more thought in the future.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x "

I have no words. What is wrong with people!?

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford

Have four girls. My usual one is are you going to go again for the boy. Wouldnt it be nice for himself to have a son. As if i planned it that we only would have girls!! they can all get fucked. easy knowing people can say this when they arent the ones raising them with the sleepless nights etc. Also as people have pointed out above, there are many different reasons people do not have kids and people would want to shut their yap about other peoples private business.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

It’s an off the cuff comment that hurts a lot of people.

No one knows why someone hasn’t had children, or indeed a child is no longer around. People need to learn to think before they speak, as so many reasons.

Due to medical reasons I had my son late in life and got these comments from my early 20s. He is my little miracle and something I thought I’d never experience.

Now I get ‘I bet you wish you didn’t have him, imagine what you could be doing’....... really !!!

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By *rmrs1234Couple
over a year ago

Waterford


"It’s an off the cuff comment that hurts a lot of people.

No one knows why someone hasn’t had children, or indeed a child is no longer around. People need to learn to think before they speak, as so many reasons.

Due to medical reasons I had my son late in life and got these comments from my early 20s. He is my little miracle and something I thought I’d never experience.

Now I get ‘I bet you wish you didn’t have him, imagine what you could be doing’....... really !!! "

thats awful!!! what a thing to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

People disgust me.

My lack of children apparently makes me an unnatural subhuman monster

... At least I had the manners to bite my tongue rather than respond (every time it's happened). "

I never feel like there's anything I can say that's helpful but I really hate that you feel like that I'm sorry people can't be kinder xx

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"What a strong lady you must be to have been through so much and still have the strength to teach these people a lesson in sensitivity. Big respect to you for being so open about these things."

Thankyou. Like most of the women who have responded, I'd prefer not to be questioned about it but sometimes I am. If someone is genuinely just making conversation then it stops at "I've never wanted them", it's only if they make things awkward that I'll put them on the spot.

It doesn't matter what you do as a woman you're going to be judged for it. I'd just rather people let others live their lives without feeling the need to tell them they're doing it wrong.

My life, my choices, my situation. I'll deal with it my own way, no matter what interference or judgement I get from people who have no idea of the truth.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

My son had a disability and after he passed I was told by a family member that 'he was better off'.

I never spoke to her again.

Wow. What an insensitive and totally thoughtless thing to say!! I'm not surprised you didn't speak to her again. x"

I gave her a very public mouthful and I'm glad I did. Family or not, you never know what someone has or is going through.

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close By


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy "

ill hold them down for you!

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close By


"As a woman you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. People can be very insensitive. I have 2 sons with disabilities, my daughter is fine but, I’ve received comments that say aren’t you glad you’ve got one child that’s normal x

My son had a disability and after he passed I was told by a family member that 'he was better off'.

I never spoke to her again."

I'd have really had to restrain myself from Punching her lights out....

I've got 2 boys, we suffered for years with miscarriages etc and the 2nd one is my little miracle boy.... I'm Grateful for what I have and wouldn't ever ask anyone about whether they feel they're missing out or other such stupidness

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

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By *2and3quartersWoman
over a year ago

Bumbletown


"I haven't been lucky enough to have kids unfortunately. I've had loads of miscarriages, a couple of which nearly killed me. So when people make these types of comments I just want to punch them in the face.

Hmmm, maybe I need some more therapy

ill hold them down for you! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can be absolute arseholes, I’m so sorry to those of you who have had to put up with some of these comments.

I have kids, and I’d never change that, they’re awesome!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens "

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure some people walk around with big empty heads.

It's a comment I'd get often when I wasn't a mum. Oh you're lucky! Oh trust me you don't want any they are awful!

I was never too bothered by the comments but I did roll my eyes. It's such a careless statement to make when there are so many deep and painful reasons behind not having kids.

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By *hropsGuy69Man
over a year ago

telford


"As a mum to 3 grown up intelligent and beautiful daughters, I particularly hate people saying "Do you wish you'd had a boy"

No, not really twat face "

Ha ha totally understand that - I have x4 beautiful boys and get “trying for a girl were we”, errr no fuck face just children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a childless woman; many miscarriages and IVF that worked and then I lost twins. I can deal with people probing, I understand people want to know. But I do get very upset at people who complain about having them.

I have come a long way since realising it would never ever happen for me. I know now and accept that I don’t need a child to have a life of purpose, but the desire to have a child, that never goes away. And I’m not as ashamed of it as I used to be. I just ignore comments like "were you a career girl"!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a mum to 3 grown up intelligent and beautiful daughters, I particularly hate people saying "Do you wish you'd had a boy"

No, not really twat face

Ha ha totally understand that - I have x4 beautiful boys and get “trying for a girl were we”, errr no fuck face just children "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id love kids.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Yep four years, two ops for H, a round of IVF.... and all while people are saying

“Are you having kids then?”

“No, fuck off!!!” Grrrrrr.....

S

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Id love kids. "

I was in the position where I was going to try which took a lot of soul searching as I never thought I could be a good dad. It was then snatched away.

So whilst people in the office comment on my lifestyle sometimes the jibes can be too much as I dearly wanted it.

I know they probably mean nothing by it but wish people would think more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never, for one day, do I think I’d be lucky without my kids.

My heart breaks for people who can’t have kids.

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By *hebritukCouple
over a year ago

London

Remember! A kid is for life and not just for Christmas?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Thanks to my kids I got to play with Lego and action men all over again

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By *antasy Explorers 1313Couple
over a year ago

A place where others reside (nr Oxford)


"It's a thoughtless remark. You have no idea if someone's been trying for years to have a baby, or suffers infertility, or has had a miscarriage, stillbirth, etc.

I think people should keep their opinions of other people's childlessness to themselves. Same as comments like "when are you going to have another?", "are you going to try for a girl now you've got 3 boys?", etc with people who already have kids. "

Exactly this! The sympathetic sidewards head tilt followed by 'oh but I bet the boys would love a little sister to dote on and protect'

Sure, maybe, but they'll never get to find out!

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Thanks to my kids I got to play with Lego and action men all over again "

I would love an excuse to play with a scalextric

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Thanks to my kids I got to play with Lego and action men all over again

I would love an excuse to play with a scalextric "

Do you need one?

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I tend to get questions like 'don't you wish you had one of each?', 'but don't you think you're depriving her by not giving her siblings?'

No I bloody well don't, I had one child and that was my choice, people need to learn to keep some opinions to themselves.

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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago

A little village


"I tend to get questions like 'don't you wish you had one of each?', 'but don't you think you're depriving her by not giving her siblings?'

No I bloody well don't, I had one child and that was my choice, people need to learn to keep some opinions to themselves. "

Well said. I have just the one as well and don’t want anymore!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tend to get questions like 'don't you wish you had one of each?', 'but don't you think you're depriving her by not giving her siblings?'

No I bloody well don't, I had one child and that was my choice, people need to learn to keep some opinions to themselves. "

There's an Aesop's fable about all the mother animals boasting about how many young they have. Eventually someone asks the mother lion how many cubs she has. She replies "I've got one, but that one is a lion."

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By *ocbigMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Does anyone think of what could potentially lie behind for the recipient of this seemingly fairly innocent comment?

Reason I ask is I’m dealing with something in my professional life and after scrutiny and being on the end of this comment myself it’s not as innocuous as it seems to some people.

Just a ramble "

Not lucky...was premeditated.

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Thanks to my kids I got to play with Lego and action men all over again

I would love an excuse to play with a scalextric

Do you need one? "

Yes. Bit soul destroying racing yourself.

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Does anyone think of what could potentially lie behind for the recipient of this seemingly fairly innocent comment?

Reason I ask is I’m dealing with something in my professional life and after scrutiny and being on the end of this comment myself it’s not as innocuous as it seems to some people.

Just a ramble

Not lucky...was premeditated."

What was?

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By *ocbigMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

No children

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

The two comments that stand out for me are:

1. The one from a female work colleague who was miffed that company policy allowed me time off for hospital IVF appointments and said “Why should you get time off? Wanting a kid is no different to wanting a boob job.”

2. The comment from a male boss during a return-to-work interview following another failed IVF attempt “How much! You’d be better off getting yourself a decent car.”

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

I've had many a remark about my childless status, from your lucky to your a lonely old cow!

I personally think, a lot of people get trapped in relationships by kids, so many people I know are with their other half 'for the kids' both men and women have said this too me. Therefore they see you kiddies free and are jealous of the 'freedom'

On one occasion of the many I've been asked why I don't have kids and I replied with 'I never meet the right person' I was greeted with laughing of the two ladies asking the question and one snapped "I've never meet the right man either" She had three kids... I was tempted to ask why did you have kids then, but didn't want to go there.

People are scared of the unknown, scared that I've not gone out got 'married' had kids, not got a partner/boyfriend. My close friends will leave me with their hubby's knowing they are safe, ladies who I do not know will come running grab their partner and run away as if I am going to pounce on them! Funniest being at a family gathering I saw my distant cousin we was chatting away catching up, then like a chess piece across the room his girlfriend appeared, then she started answering the questions I was directing to my cousin. I made my excuses then move away. At next family do I did not approach nor speak to him

When asked if I have kids I have an array of responses from oh god no to I am barron (what is it to do with them why I have no kids, to the heart felt I never meet the right man.

In short people are afraid of those who do not conform Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of people just dont want kids. Their life their choice .

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"No children"

Ok then.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you. "

Due to having cancer I can't have kids, so dogs suit me just fine. The show emotions, they communicate in their own way, they show more compassion than some humans.

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you. "

Equally, you can't punt your child out of a flap in the door when they're getting on your tits (well you can, but the bloody do-gooders like to whinge about it)....also, you don't seem to be allowed to put your child in a kennel for two weeks while you jet off to the caribbean, without people complaining

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not lucky. I'd have loved to have been a mum. How can not having children be lucky really.. its painful at times seeing new born babies.

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By *ent_couple2019Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

It's a completely idiotic and thoughtless comment.

I always perceive it as if kids are deemed as a burden. Which is awful to imply especially when many of us have had painful child experiences

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"How can not having children be lucky really.. "

cos if you don't want any and have managed not to slip up, then you're lucky that you're not lumbered with a dependant you don't really want around

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How can not having children be lucky really..

cos if you don't want any and have managed not to slip up, then you're lucky that you're not lumbered with a dependant you don't really want around"
true. Theres always that I guess.

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

Equally, you can't punt your child out of a flap in the door when they're getting on your tits (well you can, but the bloody do-gooders like to whinge about it)....also, you don't seem to be allowed to put your child in a kennel for two weeks while you jet off to the caribbean, without people complaining

"

Believe me, they do. My wife and I were Foster carers for about 20 years (well actually she still us).

It's saddening the number of people that don't want the kids they have. Treating them poorly, neglecting them or abusing them.

Especially when you read posts like those above.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think a lot of people need to learn to think before they speak when it comes to comments or questions around whether or why people have children or not. As a woman in my late 20s, myself and my friends get a lot of questions about it and for many it can be a very painful subject for a number of reasons. It's not just limited to women who don't have children. I have a friend who I really wish people would stop asking her if she was having more."

Wait till you get into your 30's.

Iv been under pressure for years, people get so opinionated about women who don't have children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

Due to having cancer I can't have kids, so dogs suit me just fine. The show emotions, they communicate in their own way, they show more compassion than some humans. "

Dogs are amazing and owning a dog is on my list of things to do, once I know I'll be able to do it and not let one down. I'm glad yours bring you comfort.

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By *wisted999 OP   Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

Due to having cancer I can't have kids, so dogs suit me just fine. The show emotions, they communicate in their own way, they show more compassion than some humans.

Dogs are amazing and owning a dog is on my list of things to do, once I know I'll be able to do it and not let one down. I'm glad yours bring you comfort. "

I have three. They are expensive as they eat tons and get into scrapes that mean vet bills. They also cover my house in muddy prints so I have to chase them round with a mop. The oldest also barks at me 04:00 in the morning as he needs letting out as his bladder won’t hold. They also impact on my plans to go away all the time.

But I wouldn’t swap them for the world. They helped me through some tough times and they are always pleased to see me. The thump thump of the tail on the floor when I got up in the night with PTSD kept me going.

Love them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I think a lot of people need to learn to think before they speak when it comes to comments or questions around whether or why people have children or not. As a woman in my late 20s, myself and my friends get a lot of questions about it and for many it can be a very painful subject for a number of reasons. It's not just limited to women who don't have children. I have a friend who I really wish people would stop asking her if she was having more.

Wait till you get into your 30's.

Iv been under pressure for years, people get so opinionated about women who don't have children. "

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

Due to having cancer I can't have kids, so dogs suit me just fine. The show emotions, they communicate in their own way, they show more compassion than some humans.

Dogs are amazing and owning a dog is on my list of things to do, once I know I'll be able to do it and not let one down. I'm glad yours bring you comfort.

I have three. They are expensive as they eat tons and get into scrapes that mean vet bills. They also cover my house in muddy prints so I have to chase them round with a mop. The oldest also barks at me 04:00 in the morning as he needs letting out as his bladder won’t hold. They also impact on my plans to go away all the time.

But I wouldn’t swap them for the world. They helped me through some tough times and they are always pleased to see me. The thump thump of the tail on the floor when I got up in the night with PTSD kept me going.

Love them. "

this brought a lump to my throat

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

Due to having cancer I can't have kids, so dogs suit me just fine. The show emotions, they communicate in their own way, they show more compassion than some humans.

Dogs are amazing and owning a dog is on my list of things to do, once I know I'll be able to do it and not let one down. I'm glad yours bring you comfort.

I have three. They are expensive as they eat tons and get into scrapes that mean vet bills. They also cover my house in muddy prints so I have to chase them round with a mop. The oldest also barks at me 04:00 in the morning as he needs letting out as his bladder won’t hold. They also impact on my plans to go away all the time.

But I wouldn’t swap them for the world. They helped me through some tough times and they are always pleased to see me. The thump thump of the tail on the floor when I got up in the night with PTSD kept me going.

Love them. "

That's lovely

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"Who needs kids, just get a dog.

Far easier to look after, cheaper and most of them are more compassionate and loving than kids when they reach the teens

Cos you can't look into your dog's eyes and see your own looking back at you. Your dog won't grow up to remind you of treasured family members you've lost. You won't see your dog using your gifts that you've passed on. And while your dog may be a credit to you he's not part of you.

Due to having cancer I can't have kids, so dogs suit me just fine. The show emotions, they communicate in their own way, they show more compassion than some humans.

Dogs are amazing and owning a dog is on my list of things to do, once I know I'll be able to do it and not let one down. I'm glad yours bring you comfort.

I have three. They are expensive as they eat tons and get into scrapes that mean vet bills. They also cover my house in muddy prints so I have to chase them round with a mop. The oldest also barks at me 04:00 in the morning as he needs letting out as his bladder won’t hold. They also impact on my plans to go away all the time.

But I wouldn’t swap them for the world. They helped me through some tough times and they are always pleased to see me. The thump thump of the tail on the floor when I got up in the night with PTSD kept me going.

Love them. "

My mums last border collie helped her through a violent divorce, the loss of her parents, me moving out of the house. Not to mention me going through radiotherapy, she never left myside when I was at home recovering from the operation, the treatment.

Dogs have been known to save people mentally as well.

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