FabSwingers.com forum: Not a couple

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Something that got my brain ticking over.

How do you feel about those in a relationship that don't live together.

Does it make them less of a couple than those that do?

We had a message that admittedly may have got somewhat lost in translation, but ultimately said it's a shame we don't live together as they thought we were a couple.

That kind of insinuated that we aren't a couple because we don't.

In your view does that make us not in a 'serious' relationship?

No right or wrong answers, just viewpoints.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I don’t think they’re less of a couple

What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only couples who voted Conservatives are real couples

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple

What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!

Could be many reasons I guess.

I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.

Maybe he's living a secret life.

Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.

Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.

Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.

Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple

What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!

Could be many reasons I guess.

I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.

Maybe he's living a secret life.

Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.

Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.

Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.

Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour

Bit sexist to assume its all his fault isn't it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple

What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!

Could be many reasons I guess.

I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.

Maybe he's living a secret life.

Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.

Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.

Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.

Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour

I think it’s the last option

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple

What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!

Could be many reasons I guess.

I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.

Maybe he's living a secret life.

Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.

Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.

Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.

Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour

Bit sexist to assume its all his fault isn't it?"

It’s always men’s fault

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've been together for almost seven years but we've not been able to live together as family commitments have meant we both need to stay where we are. Maybe one day we will but right now there's kids and grandkids and dogs and they all have to be put before what we want. We're together because we love each other, not because it's convenient. We're also both people who value our own space and also value our time together and never take it for granted. This is how it has to be and neither of us could bear any of the people that count on us being let down. The rest we cope with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course not. There are many reasons why couple don't live together.

It doesn't make you any less of a couple. If your in a loving relationship your a couple ( in our eyes anyway).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I think so long as you have someone that loves tou, cares for you, thinks your the bees knees and would walk over hot coals to dip antwig in tour shit, does it really matter?

So long as there is trust and communication and both parties are happy and it works then who cares.

My ideal relationship would be with someone who kept their own place. My homelife is chaotic, not many would be able to cope with that, but a bit of distance and a breather would make all the difference.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"I think so long as you have someone that loves tou, cares for you, thinks your the bees knees and would walk over hot coals to dip antwig in tour shit, does it really matter?

So long as there is trust and communication and both parties are happy and it works then who cares.

Apologies for spelling, my dog is sat on my arm and i’m holding and typing with the phone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No you’re definitely a couple... and one we’ve admire for sometime...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think so long as you have someone that loves tou, cares for you, thinks your the bees knees and would walk over hot coals to dip antwig in tour shit, does it really matter?

So long as there is trust and communication and both parties are happy and it works then who cares.

That's what he says. Coming here is his sanctuary, his port in a stormy sea. When we were first together and he was driving trucks he'd drive miles out of his way to spend ten minutes at the end of my road. I still feel as excited now waiting for him to get here as I did then and still feel the same pleasure getting ready. I guess it wouldn't work for everyone but it does for us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Origin of the word couple..

Middle English: from Old French cople (noun), copler (verb), from Latin copula (noun), copulare (verb), from co- ‘together’ + apere ‘fasten’.

I believe you are 'fastened' together by love not a location. Two of the kind. Love doesn't become void by not sharing a roof. Maybe just harder to nourish. Living together is seen as 'next inevitable step' by most, so maybe it comes from that belief of society?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well ive been with my partner nearly 14 years. We do all the normal stuff like parties, weddings nights out with friends. Short breaks,.holidays. He comes over every week sometimes he.stays sometimes he doesnt. But we both just love our own space. We never argue or get on each others nerves its like one long honeymoon. It works perfectly for us. Plus its only about 40years since its been common to live together before marriage

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some couples are kept apart most of the time by work. Sharing an address doesn't mean permanently living together.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some couples have issues within their own relationship and only want to meet married (to each other!) couples. They are afraid that anyone less than that will run away with their partner.

I don't think living together or apart denotes a 'serious' relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Sharing your lives with each other makes you a couple, not your mail.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

I think, as most of the comments above do, that living together does not make anyone more or less of a couple.

In fact I firmly believe (at the stage I've reached in my life), that that little bit of separation /distance removes some of the household management minutia that can be damaging. And keeps the feeling of dating, and excitement more alive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Denis Leary said the recipe for a good marriage was talk to each other, listen to each other, respect each other and stay the fuck away from each other. I related to that a lot. I know some people can spend almost all their time together and make it work and it's brilliant. I just don't think me and him are like that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think it would depend on the circumstances. If it was a loving couple who don't live together because they are happy as they are then no it doesn't make a couple any less of a couple. If they are a loving couple who don't live together because there are other partners in the mix then that might be different for some people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

(Lou) We dont live together as such as I still spend 2 nights a week at mine, we are planning to live together one day but in our own time when we feel it is right as there are kids to consider.

It doesn't mean we are any less of a couple than those who are living together or married or that we love each other any less.

As with anything, what works for one couple might not work for another x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 13/12/19 15:50:14]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its what ever they decide

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple

What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a load of bull!!!

MrD and I dont live together. We are both seperated with kids. But we are very much a couple. More so than some people living under the same roof!!!

MsD

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Some couples have issues within their own relationship and only want to meet married (to each other!) couples. They are afraid that anyone less than that will run away with their partner.

I suppose that could happen even with married couples. I think it is more an issue of thinking being married is a more stable relationship, which of course doesn't mean that at all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’ve had that accusation as well. We don’t live together, family circumstances mean we need to keep in our own homes but that doesn’t mean we’re not a couple x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best relationships have been those where we’ve lived apart.

In today’s world a couple/trouple is whatever the people involved want it to be. I know two people in Japan who are getting married online and they have never physically met each other. Another is marrying his pillow. Yes, you read correctly. He will be living with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What a load of bull!!!

MrD and I dont live together. We are both seperated with kids. But we are very much a couple. More so than some people living under the same roof!!!

MsD"

Couldn't of put it better myself. Why not judge them on what you see and hear rather assuming or jumping to conclusions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

What a pile of shite. Snobby bastards

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/12/19 16:04:37]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I think it would depend on the circumstances. If it was a loving couple who don't live together because they are happy as they are then no it doesn't make a couple any less of a couple. If they are a loving couple who don't live together because there are other partners in the mix then that might be different for some people.

PS having read your OP again I realise you are asking about you rather than a general question so I want to clarify I was giving a general answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

PS having read your OP again I realise you are asking about you rather than a general question so I want to clarify I was giving a general answer.

It was kinda both, ours or others that don't live together

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit of an odd way to look at it, I think. I am not in a "proper" relationship with the man I do live with, so we could meet them but you, who are actually a couple, couldn't because you have separate abodes?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses

We sleep in separate rooms because I'm a nightmare to sleep with. I spend ages fidgeting and when I finally fall asleep I snore like an elephant seal. It's not fair to him and it doesn't bother me at all. And I can have a hot water bottle, he hates them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses

Haha I think my fwb probably thinks that about me tbf

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No you’re definitely a couple... and one we’ve admire for sometime...

Oh, you guys...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses

Haha I think my fwb probably thinks that about me tbf

I never sleep well when someone stays. I much prefer the bed all to myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irestorm 500Couple
over a year ago

coventry

We don't live together but we are no less a couple x storm x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses

We sleep in separate rooms because I'm a nightmare to sleep with. I spend ages fidgeting and when I finally fall asleep I snore like an elephant seal.

Blimey, are you sure you are not Mr Ruggers? You sound just like him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some couples have issues within their own relationship and only want to meet married (to each other!) couples. They are afraid that anyone less than that will run away with their partner.

I suppose that could happen even with married couples. I think it is more an issue of thinking being married is a more stable relationship, which of course doesn't mean that at all."

I agree.

And yes, some married couples cheat too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think, as most of the comments above do, that living together does not make anyone more or less of a couple.

I think some people who live apart have better, more secure relationships (than some who live together) for this exact reason.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We've been together for almost seven years but we've not been able to live together as family commitments have meant we both need to stay where we are. Maybe one day we will but right now there's kids and grandkids and dogs and they all have to be put before what we want. We're together because we love each other, not because it's convenient. We're also both people who value our own space and also value our time together and never take it for granted. This is how it has to be and neither of us could bear any of the people that count on us being let down. The rest we cope with. "

See a lot of this reminds us so much of us. It's actually a relief in a way to know that we're not the only ones as P was feeling a bit isolated by our circumstances?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)

Living arrangements make no difference to us, we would be hypocrites if they did.

We've been together long enough and have been swinging together exclusively long enough that we would hope people thought we were a proper couple.

I think that there's quite a lot of couples profiles that pop up and only last a matter of days or weeks because they aren't really a couple outside fab but just have a couples profile together as a means to an end, when it doesn't work out for whatever reason they're back swinging as singles again in no time.

There's not necessarily anything wrong with doing that but it makes some couples who are couples in the more traditional sense a bit wary as there's legitimate reasons they may not wish to meet those people.

A crude way of ing those faux couples out is excluding those who don't live together, so I do understand it although don't think it's the best approach.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

We choose not to live together

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses

We sleep in separate rooms because I'm a nightmare to sleep with. I spend ages fidgeting and when I finally fall asleep I snore like an elephant seal.

)

Blimey, are you sure you are not Mr Ruggers? You sound just like him"

You wouldn't have put up with me that long

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See a lot of this reminds us so much of us. It's actually a relief in a way to know that we're not the only ones as P was feeling a bit isolated by our circumstances?

It's hard sometimes when you miss each other but I don't think anyone has it 100% easy. We met at a stage in life where we already had baggage and responsibilities. I fell for him partly because of his devotion to his children and he'd never allow me to put anything before my son. It's part of who we are and why we can't be happy without each other, and we've put that to the test. You're definitely not alone, I've known numerous people who live like this and make it work.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're a couple who don't live together. We both have children from our previous relationships and they will always come first for both of us. We try to spend at least 2 maybe 3 nights a week together, if we can. We both like our own space too. We would also agree that our relationship is strong because we don't spend all our time together and appreciate the time we have together more than we might if living together full time.

There is a saying that familiarity breeds contempt.

Lee

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread