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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lads how much effort do you put in with women in general (not just fab)?.

Do you think you should always be the one to initiate contact and constantly try to get their attention and so on?, Or do you think that woman should make majority of the effort ?.

I've never really been involved where it's been somewhere in between where both seem to go back and forth evenly.

My thinking is if they like you they'll make the effort

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

No idea, I'm too shy irl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not much just stay clean

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lads how much effort do you put in with women in general (not just fab)?.

Do you think you should always be the one to initiate contact and constantly try to get their attention and so on?, Or do you think that woman should make majority of the effort ?.

I've never really been involved where it's been somewhere in between where both seem to go back and forth evenly.

My thinking is if they like you they'll make the effort "

I think the same. I was dating someone for a couple of weeks about a month back, but if I didnt message her first she never got in touch.

I thought the same as you, if she was bothered she would make a move.

Relationships should be give and take. Even in the early stages

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No idea, I'm too shy irl."

I suppose that counts as letting them come to you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lads how much effort do you put in with women in general (not just fab)?.

Do you think you should always be the one to initiate contact and constantly try to get their attention and so on?, Or do you think that woman should make majority of the effort ?.

I've never really been involved where it's been somewhere in between where both seem to go back and forth evenly.

My thinking is if they like you they'll make the effort

I think the same. I was dating someone for a couple of weeks about a month back, but if I didnt message her first she never got in touch.

I thought the same as you, if she was bothered she would make a move.

Relationships should be give and take. Even in the early stages"

Agree with this, can't stand messaging people first tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I’m interested, I will mail first for the start. Then I expect an equal amount of effort.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury


"No idea, I'm too shy irl.

I suppose that counts as letting them come to you "

Yeah I guess so, and its clearly working well for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing "

Defo agree with this I've often completed lost touch with good friends cause I never bother, now I think about how it'd make me feel I can see why !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I’m interested, I will mail first for the start. Then I expect an equal amount of effort. "

Shame you're a shit flirter then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I’m interested, I will mail first for the start. Then I expect an equal amount of effort.

Shame you're a shit flirter then "

Ha! Depends on the guy

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing

Defo agree with this I've often completed lost touch with good friends cause I never bother, now I think about how it'd make me feel I can see why !"

Yeah. I have a "friend" who recently moved away. She told me time and again that it was important we stay in touch. It's become clear that what she actually meant was "it's important that you stay in touch with me because I'm never, ever going to contact you". She's the same with our mutual friends too. To me it means she either doesn't actually want to stay in touch and was just saying it to be polite or she thinks she's way too important to contact anyone and we must go to her or she's playing some sort of" let's see how much they like me by making them ask for my attention repeatedly " game. Whatever the reason I'm out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I’m interested, I will mail first for the start. Then I expect an equal amount of effort.

Shame you're a shit flirter then

Ha! Depends on the guy "

That cuts deep

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I only ever approach platonically. I wouldn't dare presume that my non platonic interest would be welcome. But apart from that, all effort in communication is equal or I do a bit more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing

Defo agree with this I've often completed lost touch with good friends cause I never bother, now I think about how it'd make me feel I can see why !

Yeah. I have a "friend" who recently moved away. She told me time and again that it was important we stay in touch. It's become clear that what she actually meant was "it's important that you stay in touch with me because I'm never, ever going to contact you". She's the same with our mutual friends too. To me it means she either doesn't actually want to stay in touch and was just saying it to be polite or she thinks she's way too important to contact anyone and we must go to her or she's playing some sort of" let's see how much they like me by making them ask for my attention repeatedly " game. Whatever the reason I'm out. "

Yeah I feel like you're describing me there tbh lol. I think it's more the let's see how much people actually like me in my case not I'm too good for my friends or just being polite.

I need to be more like you !!

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Fingers in too many pies comes to mine here and that's how most of the time you are left feeling.

If I'm into you, I'm into you and you get back from me how you treat me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I only ever approach platonically. I wouldn't dare presume that my non platonic interest would be welcome. But apart from that, all effort in communication is equal or I do a bit more. "

What does platonic mean ?. Yes I think that's the best way to be give abit and take abit

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I only ever approach platonically. I wouldn't dare presume that my non platonic interest would be welcome. But apart from that, all effort in communication is equal or I do a bit more.

What does platonic mean ?. Yes I think that's the best way to be give abit and take abit "

Not romantically or sexually.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

In the very early days you're making the running so I'd expect to do more effort wise but I'd hope that it would slowly ease off and end up somewhere around 50:50

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I only ever approach platonically. I wouldn't dare presume that my non platonic interest would be welcome. But apart from that, all effort in communication is equal or I do a bit more.

What does platonic mean ?. Yes I think that's the best way to be give abit and take abit

Not romantically or sexually. "

Yea I never talk "platonically" privately it's cringey. I just do it publicly on forums to incandescent which is prob more cringe tbf

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fingers in too many pies comes to mine here and that's how most of the time you are left feeling.

If I'm into you, I'm into you and you get back from me how you treat me."

What do you mean by fingers too many pies ? I think that's a good way to go

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I like to make an effort in the fact I want a message to be as personal as possible to the people I'm writing to.

But I tend to be nice and kind - if not too nice at times.

Oh and humorous. Laughter is a must.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally men are crap at taking hints that someone likes them, I know I am, so ladies drop the hint with a brick attached then the gentleman should IMO do all the chasing knowing it isn't fruitless

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I like to make an effort in the fact I want a message to be as personal as possible to the people I'm writing to.

But I tend to be nice and kind - if not too nice at times.

Oh and humorous. Laughter is a must. "

Everyone loves you cg whatever your doing you're doing it right . My humour goes over most people's head on here unfortunately

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Ha ha the lady the other night didn't - for some reason.

But I appreciate your compliment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ha ha the lady the other night didn't - for some reason.

But I appreciate your compliment. "

Player meets a meet big man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fingers in too many pies comes to mine here and that's how most of the time you are left feeling.

If I'm into you, I'm into you and you get back from me how you treat me.

What do you mean by fingers too many pies ? I think that's a good way to go "

Because if women feel like they are plan c,d or e then we lose interest. Simples

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing

Defo agree with this I've often completed lost touch with good friends cause I never bother, now I think about how it'd make me feel I can see why !

Yeah. I have a "friend" who recently moved away. She told me time and again that it was important we stay in touch. It's become clear that what she actually meant was "it's important that you stay in touch with me because I'm never, ever going to contact you". She's the same with our mutual friends too. To me it means she either doesn't actually want to stay in touch and was just saying it to be polite or she thinks she's way too important to contact anyone and we must go to her or she's playing some sort of" let's see how much they like me by making them ask for my attention repeatedly " game. Whatever the reason I'm out.

Yeah I feel like you're describing me there tbh lol. I think it's more the let's see how much people actually like me in my case not I'm too good for my friends or just being polite.

I need to be more like you !!"

so its a confidence thing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fingers in too many pies comes to mine here and that's how most of the time you are left feeling.

If I'm into you, I'm into you and you get back from me how you treat me.

What do you mean by fingers too many pies ? I think that's a good way to go

Because if women feel like they are plan c,d or e then we lose interest. Simples "

Awh right yeah. The reason I don't really message first is I just hate looking desperate lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing

Defo agree with this I've often completed lost touch with good friends cause I never bother, now I think about how it'd make me feel I can see why !

Yeah. I have a "friend" who recently moved away. She told me time and again that it was important we stay in touch. It's become clear that what she actually meant was "it's important that you stay in touch with me because I'm never, ever going to contact you". She's the same with our mutual friends too. To me it means she either doesn't actually want to stay in touch and was just saying it to be polite or she thinks she's way too important to contact anyone and we must go to her or she's playing some sort of" let's see how much they like me by making them ask for my attention repeatedly " game. Whatever the reason I'm out.

Yeah I feel like you're describing me there tbh lol. I think it's more the let's see how much people actually like me in my case not I'm too good for my friends or just being polite.

I need to be more like you !!

so its a confidence thing?"

Yes I'd say so and attention seeking to, it's not a good quality I know !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fingers in too many pies comes to mine here and that's how most of the time you are left feeling.

If I'm into you, I'm into you and you get back from me how you treat me.

What do you mean by fingers too many pies ? I think that's a good way to go

Because if women feel like they are plan c,d or e then we lose interest. Simples

Awh right yeah. The reason I don't really message first is I just hate looking desperate lol "

Messaging makes you desperate does it? Haha oh dear... well good luck with that then

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fingers in too many pies comes to mine here and that's how most of the time you are left feeling.

If I'm into you, I'm into you and you get back from me how you treat me.

What do you mean by fingers too many pies ? I think that's a good way to go

Because if women feel like they are plan c,d or e then we lose interest. Simples

Awh right yeah. The reason I don't really message first is I just hate looking desperate lol

Messaging makes you desperate does it? Haha oh dear... well good luck with that then "

Maybe desperate is a bit strong, just like feeling wanted I suppose lol. Luck's for fools

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’m old fashioned in that i was brought up with the “if they like you they will move mountains to let you know”, and in my most successful relationships this has been true.

I’m rubbish at knowing whether someone is interested in me so i like the direct approach, i just cannot pick up on male interest. And I’m far too shy to make the first move, i can’t even look at a man if I find him good looking. I go all coy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best to make sure you’re at least compatible with their profile before even thinking about sending a message then try and find a common ground. There’s no point in flaccid attempts at hey and Hello, a reply to a status update with an attached picture is a better way to get a conversation going

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think it should be equal effort even in platonic friendships (with allowances made when someone is having a rough time). If a friend never makes first contact I tend to assume they're not interested and walk away. I can't be doing with game playing

Defo agree with this I've often completed lost touch with good friends cause I never bother, now I think about how it'd make me feel I can see why !

Yeah. I have a "friend" who recently moved away. She told me time and again that it was important we stay in touch. It's become clear that what she actually meant was "it's important that you stay in touch with me because I'm never, ever going to contact you". She's the same with our mutual friends too. To me it means she either doesn't actually want to stay in touch and was just saying it to be polite or she thinks she's way too important to contact anyone and we must go to her or she's playing some sort of" let's see how much they like me by making them ask for my attention repeatedly " game. Whatever the reason I'm out.

Yeah I feel like you're describing me there tbh lol. I think it's more the let's see how much people actually like me in my case not I'm too good for my friends or just being polite.

I need to be more like you !!

so its a confidence thing?

Yes I'd say so and attention seeking to, it's not a good quality I know !"

well I'm not here to criticise your personality traits . You be you and it'll all work out one way or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m old fashioned in that i was brought up with the “if they like you they will move mountains to let you know”, and in my most successful relationships this has been true.

I’m rubbish at knowing whether someone is interested in me so i like the direct approach, i just cannot pick up on male interest. And I’m far too shy to make the first move, i can’t even look at a man if I find him good looking. I go all coy.

"

I agree if they are interested they will make an effort and it should go both ways. If you click you click and it is effortless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/12/19 16:13:34]

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Lads how much effort do you put in with women in general (not just fab)?.

Do you think you should always be the one to initiate contact and constantly try to get their attention and so on?, Or do you think that woman should make majority of the effort ?.

I've never really been involved where it's been somewhere in between where both seem to go back and forth evenly.

My thinking is if they like you they'll make the effort

I think the same. I was dating someone for a couple of weeks about a month back, but if I didnt message her first she never got in touch.

I thought the same as you, if she was bothered she would make a move.

Relationships should be give and take. Even in the early stages"

Fully agree with this. I've often found myself at the one sided effort side of things. It's a two way thing, unless it's equal effort (specific circumstances must be taken in to account though) then my effort starts to reduce too.

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