FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Am I right to feel a little offended?

Jump to newest
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Sorry it's so loooooong!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope, not wrong to be offended at all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry it's so loooooong!"

That’s what he said

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *epsonWoman
over a year ago

Biddulph


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships. "

I was trying to word a reply. You just did it better

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No that’s rude behaviour...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Sounds to me like it's an excuse she's invented in her head or to give to you instead of accepting the fact that her husband wanted to have his cake and eat it and was too insecure to allow her to do what he was so keen to do himself. Sounds like a harsh assessment but they were both up for it until they realised he only wanted to do it when it fit his own fantasies and not his wife's.

I've experienced both of these things myself. Both people commenting negative things towards my relationship because we're not monogamous and men who are all up for monogamy when it's them sleeping with other women but suddenly aren't so up for it when the woman gets to sleep with other men too. One penis policies aren't for me unless they're imposed by the woman herself, not the man.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You're going to get negative judgement about swinging. People don't understand and why should they?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Sounds to me like it's an excuse she's invented in her head or to give to you instead of accepting the fact that her husband wanted to have his cake and eat it and was too insecure to allow her to do what he was so keen to do himself. Sounds like a harsh assessment but they were both up for it until they realised he only wanted to do it when it fit his own fantasies and not his wife's.

I've experienced both of these things myself. Both people commenting negative things towards my relationship because we're not monogamous and men who are all up for monogamy when it's them sleeping with other women but suddenly aren't so up for it when the woman gets to sleep with other men too. One penis policies aren't for me unless they're imposed by the woman herself, not the man."

*up for non-monogamy

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships. "

Well difficult to say if she was or not. She acted like they hadn't had a conversation (she wasn't aware he had told me) about it, that they both universally agreed they were "too special" to engage in such activity

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Sounds to me like it's an excuse she's invented in her head or to give to you instead of accepting the fact that her husband wanted to have his cake and eat it and was too insecure to allow her to do what he was so keen to do himself. Sounds like a harsh assessment but they were both up for it until they realised he only wanted to do it when it fit his own fantasies and not his wife's.

I've experienced both of these things myself. Both people commenting negative things towards my relationship because we're not monogamous and men who are all up for monogamy when it's them sleeping with other women but suddenly aren't so up for it when the woman gets to sleep with other men too. One penis policies aren't for me unless they're imposed by the woman herself, not the man.

*up for non-monogamy "

That's pretty much how I assessed the situation myself, but wasn't sure if me being offended skewed my perspective!

Thanks for the reply Lacey!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships.

Well difficult to say if she was or not. She acted like they hadn't had a conversation (she wasn't aware he had told me) about it, that they both universally agreed they were "too special" to engage in such activity"

To be honest we never discuss swinging with anybody but other swingers. You've landed yourself slap bang in the middle of their "discussion" around swinging. She's royally pissed off that he wanted something she didn't and her first thoughts are that if he wants other women she can't be special to him, therefore if she agrees their relationship isn't special.

Forget it. It doesn't apply to your relationship. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"You're going to get negative judgement about swinging. People don't understand and why should they? "

Yes I agree, which is why we havent ever shared this with friends before, and I don't think we will again tbh

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships.

Well difficult to say if she was or not. She acted like they hadn't had a conversation (she wasn't aware he had told me) about it, that they both universally agreed they were "too special" to engage in such activity"

Also of course they're going to "universally agree" they're too special. He's dropped himself in deep shit saying he wants other women and has had to save himself somehow.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You're going to get negative judgement about swinging. People don't understand and why should they?

Yes I agree, which is why we havent ever shared this with friends before, and I don't think we will again tbh "

Wise move

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that this encapsulates nonswinger mentality to a tee. I've found that many are interested when it comes to living out a fantasy but the reality is very different, especially when they have to include others wants and desires.

Many people can't understand the difference between sex and love, so they assume an open relationship must be less loving or less special, after all; who would want to share their partner if they actually love them?

In answer to your question; yes I'd be offended but trying to explain that to them will be very hard. Some people just aren't 'built' to swing, no matter how great the fantasy is.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships.

Well difficult to say if she was or not. She acted like they hadn't had a conversation (she wasn't aware he had told me) about it, that they both universally agreed they were "too special" to engage in such activity

To be honest we never discuss swinging with anybody but other swingers. You've landed yourself slap bang in the middle of their "discussion" around swinging. She's royally pissed off that he wanted something she didn't and her first thoughts are that if he wants other women she can't be special to him, therefore if she agrees their relationship isn't special.

Forget it. It doesn't apply to your relationship. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks "

Thanks guys - you certainly live up to your username!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?"

I don’t think it’s wrong feeling offended, you can’t help how their reaction has affected you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships.

Well difficult to say if she was or not. She acted like they hadn't had a conversation (she wasn't aware he had told me) about it, that they both universally agreed they were "too special" to engage in such activity

To be honest we never discuss swinging with anybody but other swingers. You've landed yourself slap bang in the middle of their "discussion" around swinging. She's royally pissed off that he wanted something she didn't and her first thoughts are that if he wants other women she can't be special to him, therefore if she agrees their relationship isn't special.

Forget it. It doesn't apply to your relationship. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks

Thanks guys - you certainly live up to your username!"

Welcome.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

We've made it a cardinal rule for our swinging life not to be discussed outside of our everyday (to others) monogamous life even with our very best of friends.

Most people would tell you that we have one of the best relationships they know but I suspect that would change if they knew we were part of the swinging scene. They just wouldn't understand why we would & do & to be fair they really don't have to!

Most people just presume it's just about sex but as we all know it's about much more than that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We played with a married couple not long ago, once the woman found out we didn't live together I got digs all evening about how we weren't a real couple, just fuck buddies. In the end I had to look her straight in the eye and say very firmly "No. We're a couple. We've been together seven years. Do you understand?" If we'd been at my place I'd have been a great deal less polite. You have every right to be offended by anyone trying to underline your relationship. It's a dick move.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull


"We played with a married couple not long ago, once the woman found out we didn't live together I got digs all evening about how we weren't a real couple, just fuck buddies. In the end I had to look her straight in the eye and say very firmly "No. We're a couple. We've been together seven years. Do you understand?" If we'd been at my place I'd have been a great deal less polite. You have every right to be offended by anyone trying to underline your relationship. It's a dick move. "

Wow now that's really offensive!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We played with a married couple not long ago, once the woman found out we didn't live together I got digs all evening about how we weren't a real couple, just fuck buddies. In the end I had to look her straight in the eye and say very firmly "No. We're a couple. We've been together seven years. Do you understand?" If we'd been at my place I'd have been a great deal less polite. You have every right to be offended by anyone trying to underline your relationship. It's a dick move.

Wow now that's really offensive!!! "

I'd have slung her out of my house, I was itching to backhand her sneery little face. But I'm trying to be good these days

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why be offended its not really offensive its just some people have small minds and cannot grasp the concept as they haven't ventures out of their limited world many people are like this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

It sounds like they both want to explore sex with others...there is probably jealousy involved in her comment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *merald Eyes XWoman
over a year ago

Can you find me….

It’s your right to feel offended !

But I also feel that if 2 people don’t wish to participate in a swinging relationship that is equally special to them not to involve others!

But I also think that for couples on here playing with consent that there relationship is also special !

Each to there own....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


" His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me!

"

I'm sure she knew you are swingers, I've no doubt her husband told her!

She didn't randomly ask YOU about swinging

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


" His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me!

I'm sure she knew you are swingers, I've no doubt her husband told her!

She didn't randomly ask YOU about swinging "

It says she new they were swingers

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


" His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me!

I'm sure she knew you are swingers, I've no doubt her husband told her!

She didn't randomly ask YOU about swinging

It says she new they were swingers "

I read it 'not knowing'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


" His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me!

I'm sure she knew you are swingers, I've no doubt her husband told her!

She didn't randomly ask YOU about swinging

It says she new they were swingers "

Thanks for clearing that up Lacey - loving your abs btw haha!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont take offence take there fucking life

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"It’s your right to feel offended !

But I also feel that if 2 people don’t wish to participate in a swinging relationship that is equally special to them not to involve others!

But I also think that for couples on here playing with consent that there relationship is also special !

Each to there own....

"

I agree, but she used "special" as a reason NOT to swing, which implies your aren't "special" if you do swing - which is what offended me

I wouldn't say to a non swinging couple that we are more "special" than they are

But maybe I'm looking too deeply into this. Thanks for you input though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


" His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me!

I'm sure she knew you are swingers, I've no doubt her husband told her!

She didn't randomly ask YOU about swinging

It says she new they were swingers

Thanks for clearing that up Lacey - loving your abs btw haha!"

Just call me Lacey Von Redderhorn

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

If you're easily offended then there's nothing wrong with being offended at all, we're all different

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


" His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me!

I'm sure she knew you are swingers, I've no doubt her husband told her!

She didn't randomly ask YOU about swinging

It says she new they were swingers

I read it 'not knowing' "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?"
no because you shouldn't have told him after all this time what you were getting up to getting your friends hopes up only to be dashed by his wife, people have an opinion of this lifestyle and you obviously know that if youve been in it for a while and haven’t told your good friend of sometime until now, so what did you expect would happen?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"If you're easily offended then there's nothing wrong with being offended at all, we're all different"

I'm certainly not easily offended lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?no because you shouldn't have told him after all this time what you were getting up to getting your friends hopes up only to be dashed by his wife, people have an opinion of this lifestyle and you obviously know that if youve been in it for a while and haven’t told your good friend of sometime until now, so what did you expect would happen? "

Well, I didn't type out the full story in the interest of time, as the op is long enough without more details! but basically whilst out with my friend, I popped to the toilet leaving my phone and keys on the table - while in toilet, one of our fab friends whatapp'd me, which popped up on the phone screen. So when I got back he queried me about it,due to its content. I didn't really have chance to think of anything to say, although it would have been tricky even given a heads up an hour prior due to the nature of the message!

So I didn't just tell my friend "after all this time" as you put it. I didn't really have a great deal of options other than possibly to claim I was having an affair, which didn't seem appealing to me tbh.

You perhaps didn't notice my previous comments, but I certainly wasn't encouraging my friend in any way - i even explained "this isn't an invite"

When you ask "what did you expect would happen?"

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, i just didn't expect rudeness from his wife. Does that make sense?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants. "

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy! "

You've just been caught in the crossfire here.

She's upset, he's gone about it all the wrong way by the sound of it. I mean what was he thinking for God's sake!? She's trying to get her head round the bombshell of hearing her husband not only wants to have sex with other women but wants her to watch. No wonder she's saying things to make herself feel better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ucilleWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle Upon Tyne


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy! "

I hate to say this as he's your friend but he sounds really ignorant - is his wife even bisexual?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?"

No, we have found similar when we’ve told people, or couple we’ve been friends with won’t talk to us anymore

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy!

You've just been caught in the crossfire here.

She's upset, he's gone about it all the wrong way by the sound of it. I mean what was he thinking for God's sake!? She's trying to get her head round the bombshell of hearing her husband not only wants to have sex with other women but wants her to watch. No wonder she's saying things to make herself feel better.

"

If I'm honest I hadn't considered her feelings in that regard. You are most likely right here, she probably was upset about this on some level.

I'll consider us caught in accidental friendly fire!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy!

I hate to say this as he's your friend but he sounds really ignorant - is his wife even bisexual? "

No she had confined she isn't, but I think he assumed she might be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy!

You've just been caught in the crossfire here.

She's upset, he's gone about it all the wrong way by the sound of it. I mean what was he thinking for God's sake!? She's trying to get her head round the bombshell of hearing her husband not only wants to have sex with other women but wants her to watch. No wonder she's saying things to make herself feel better.

If I'm honest I hadn't considered her feelings in that regard. You are most likely right here, she probably was upset about this on some level.

I'll consider us caught in accidental friendly fire!"

On many levels I imagine.

Put yourself in her place.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"She doesnt have to play with females, if he's not interested In MF/MF then he shouldn't really be swinging, you can't deprive the female of men in my book, it's just not fair unless that's what she wants.

Yeah i agree with this

I think he's a little selfish in that regard. He had no intention at any point of allowing her to play with another male, and once she confirmed she wasn't interested in playing with girls, he asked if she would be interested in watching him play with girls alone - she wasn't

As LR said, seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it! While she has the option of watching him eat and enjoy!

I hate to say this as he's your friend but he sounds really ignorant - is his wife even bisexual?

No she had confined she isn't, but I think he assumed she might be "

Honestly! Your mate really needs to give his head a wobble

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *m A FuckerMan
over a year ago

kingswood,surrey/leysdown kent

its all a very fine line ..always has been and always will be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?no because you shouldn't have told him after all this time what you were getting up to getting your friends hopes up only to be dashed by his wife, people have an opinion of this lifestyle and you obviously know that if youve been in it for a while and haven’t told your good friend of sometime until now, so what did you expect would happen?

Well, I didn't type out the full story in the interest of time, as the op is long enough without more details! but basically whilst out with my friend, I popped to the toilet leaving my phone and keys on the table - while in toilet, one of our fab friends whatapp'd me, which popped up on the phone screen. So when I got back he queried me about it,due to its content. I didn't really have chance to think of anything to say, although it would have been tricky even given a heads up an hour prior due to the nature of the message!

So I didn't just tell my friend "after all this time" as you put it. I didn't really have a great deal of options other than possibly to claim I was having an affair, which didn't seem appealing to me tbh.

You perhaps didn't notice my previous comments, but I certainly wasn't encouraging my friend in any way - i even explained "this isn't an invite"

When you ask "what did you expect would happen?"

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, i just didn't expect rudeness from his wife. Does that make sense?"
yes people should never be rude or abusive but unfortunately your errors of judgement allowed them into a situation where an opinion could be given, the mobile phone thing as well i never leave my phone lying around and even if i did it requires a code to access it but really although the rude outcome shouldn't have occurred you yourself were at fault for allowing them to gain that information

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Nah....it’s just their point of view. You know what your relationship is like. Don’t worry about what others might or might not think.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you right to be offended.. I think a better question is.. Os it worth getting offended about?

You opened that can of worms, by admitting to your friend what your private relationship is like. What comes next is partially on you for opening up about. Non-Swingers will have a variety of reactions.

All my colleagues know I swing, but dont know I'm bi (my choice). I get some shocked reactions from people, they don't offend me, their reaction says more about them than it does about me.

One of my colleagues and I were discussing trans women in porn and how some of them are really rather attractive. He said "I'd love to be bi, I could just fuck anyone, it'd double my chances at least".

"I don't think it works like that" Was my jovial response, we were laughing and joking about what we were talking about.

"What do you mean? How could that not be true?"

"Well, you've got your types right? You wont just fuck anyone right?".

"Right".

"Well.. I imagine it works much the same way".

".......... Oh yeah. Fucking hell, bi people have feelings too! You just made me look like a right cunt!*

(lols)

"Not just that, your a man right"

"I think so".

"Bi men aren't as sexy as bi men are they? I mean, we don't use them to sell stuff? You and I wouldn't even contemplate snogging to get female interest would we?".

"Hell no!"

"Weird innit?"

"........ Yeah.. it's not fair, men should be seen as sexy too".

"That we should mate, but we're not, there's a stigma, if you were bi, it's more likely reduce your chances than improve them".

"Shit! Guess I'm lucky I'm straight".

*Ghengis thinks back to what started the conversation in the first place*

Don't even go there..

*Ghengis smiles and leaves colleague to ponder on what he's learnt*

Point being - Rather than get offended, you could use your experience and knowledge from having a different view.. to educate and explain.

I'm often seen as confrontational when using the forum to discuss more delicate and devisive subjects. Challenging others views. I'm the same in person, but what gets list in translation, is that I've usually got a big smile on my face, if we were together, I'd be watching your face for a reaction and responding.. in what's usually quite a friendly, curious, open ended probe.. rather than trying to make someone look an idiot, because I'm offended.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I always look mildly bemused

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?no because you shouldn't have told him after all this time what you were getting up to getting your friends hopes up only to be dashed by his wife, people have an opinion of this lifestyle and you obviously know that if youve been in it for a while and haven’t told your good friend of sometime until now, so what did you expect would happen?

Well, I didn't type out the full story in the interest of time, as the op is long enough without more details! but basically whilst out with my friend, I popped to the toilet leaving my phone and keys on the table - while in toilet, one of our fab friends whatapp'd me, which popped up on the phone screen. So when I got back he queried me about it,due to its content. I didn't really have chance to think of anything to say, although it would have been tricky even given a heads up an hour prior due to the nature of the message!

So I didn't just tell my friend "after all this time" as you put it. I didn't really have a great deal of options other than possibly to claim I was having an affair, which didn't seem appealing to me tbh.

You perhaps didn't notice my previous comments, but I certainly wasn't encouraging my friend in any way - i even explained "this isn't an invite"

When you ask "what did you expect would happen?"

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, i just didn't expect rudeness from his wife. Does that make sense?yes people should never be rude or abusive but unfortunately your errors of judgement allowed them into a situation where an opinion could be given, the mobile phone thing as well i never leave my phone lying around and even if i did it requires a code to access it but really although the rude outcome shouldn't have occurred you yourself were at fault for allowing them to gain that information "

My phone also requires an unlock code, but when messages are received they pop up on the screen even when locked.

Of course,I could have taken my phone with me. But the phone is not the issue I'm discussing here - I didn't tell you the circumstances to "eleviate" my own responsibility in this, I was merely pointing out I didn't just bring this subject up with him for the sake of it.

Yes it may have been an "error of judgement" and maybe I was "at fault for allowing them to gain that information" as you put it, but hey although I try my best,I'm not a perfect human by any means, sounds like you are

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ucilleWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle Upon Tyne


"Are you right to be offended.. I think a better question is.. Os it worth getting offended about?

You opened that can of worms, by admitting to your friend what your private relationship is like. What comes next is partially on you for opening up about. Non-Swingers will have a variety of reactions.

All my colleagues know I swing, but dont know I'm bi (my choice). I get some shocked reactions from people, they don't offend me, their reaction says more about them than it does about me.

One of my colleagues and I were discussing trans women in porn and how some of them are really rather attractive. He said "I'd love to be bi, I could just fuck anyone, it'd double my chances at least".

"I don't think it works like that" Was my jovial response, we were laughing and joking about what we were talking about.

"What do you mean? How could that not be true?"

"Well, you've got your types right? You wont just fuck anyone right?".

"Right".

"Well.. I imagine it works much the same way".

".......... Oh yeah. Fucking hell, bi people have feelings too! You just made me look like a right cunt!*

(lols)

"Not just that, your a man right"

"I think so".

"Bi men aren't as sexy as bi men are they? I mean, we don't use them to sell stuff? You and I wouldn't even contemplate snogging to get female interest would we?".

"Hell no!"

"Weird innit?"

"........ Yeah.. it's not fair, men should be seen as sexy too".

"That we should mate, but we're not, there's a stigma, if you were bi, it's more likely reduce your chances than improve them".

"Shit! Guess I'm lucky I'm straight".

*Ghengis thinks back to what started the conversation in the first place*

Don't even go there..

*Ghengis smiles and leaves colleague to ponder on what he's learnt*

Point being - Rather than get offended, you could use your experience and knowledge from having a different view.. to educate and explain.

I'm often seen as confrontational when using the forum to discuss more delicate and devisive subjects. Challenging others views. I'm the same in person, but what gets list in translation, is that I've usually got a big smile on my face, if we were together, I'd be watching your face for a reaction and responding.. in what's usually quite a friendly, curious, open ended probe.. rather than trying to make someone look an idiot, because I'm offended.

"

Love that anecdote

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?"

Don't think that couple is open minded enough to like the swing live style , based in your comment

would be probably the end of their relationship not only they sound close minded but the factor jealously also . Think yes you right feeling offended because they are judged your relationship and sure probably without even know what swing means . Closed minded people always tend to judge

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?

Don't think that couple is open minded enough to like the swing live style , based in your comment

would be probably the end of their relationship not only they sound close minded but the factor jealously also . Think yes you right feeling offended because they are judged your relationship and sure probably without even know what swing means . Closed minded people always tend to judge "
I

But you just judged their relationship

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?

Don't think that couple is open minded enough to like the swing live style , based in your comment

would be probably the end of their relationship not only they sound close minded but the factor jealously also . Think yes you right feeling offended because they are judged your relationship and sure probably without even know what swing means . Closed minded people always tend to judge I

But you just judged their relationship "
no i haven't , why you say that?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Those that judgeth should judgeth not ‘ware they themselves be a-judged

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?

Don't think that couple is open minded enough to like the swing live style , based in your comment

would be probably the end of their relationship not only they sound close minded but the factor jealously also . Think yes you right feeling offended because they are judged your relationship and sure probably without even know what swing means . Closed minded people always tend to judge

But you just judged their relationship no i haven't , why you say that?"
i was just referring to the fact the couple think his relationship is not serious because both are into swing and i think that coulple is probably not open minded enough to adventure in the swing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you're offended, you're offended.

I reckon his wife was probably thoroughly pissed off and feels pretty offended herself. That happens when people don't understand each others thought processes and relationships.

Well difficult to say if she was or not. She acted like they hadn't had a conversation (she wasn't aware he had told me) about it, that they both universally agreed they were "too special" to engage in such activity"

Which, in real world language, means vanilla, and that’s ok. If their friendship is important to you, then maybe explain that you felt offended and why, because you don’t want a friendship to be ruined through misunderstanding. Our lifestyle isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. You and your wife have a special relationship too, you’re just different to them. They need to understand that, not judge it. It takes all sorts.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are you right to be offended.. I think a better question is.. Os it worth getting offended about?

You opened that can of worms, by admitting to your friend what your private relationship is like. What comes next is partially on you for opening up about. Non-Swingers will have a variety of reactions.

All my colleagues know I swing, but dont know I'm bi (my choice). I get some shocked reactions from people, they don't offend me, their reaction says more about them than it does about me.

One of my colleagues and I were discussing trans women in porn and how some of them are really rather attractive. He said "I'd love to be bi, I could just fuck anyone, it'd double my chances at least".

"I don't think it works like that" Was my jovial response, we were laughing and joking about what we were talking about.

"What do you mean? How could that not be true?"

"Well, you've got your types right? You wont just fuck anyone right?".

"Right".

"Well.. I imagine it works much the same way".

".......... Oh yeah. Fucking hell, bi people have feelings too! You just made me look like a right cunt!*

(lols)

"Not just that, your a man right"

"I think so".

"Bi men aren't as sexy as bi men are they? I mean, we don't use them to sell stuff? You and I wouldn't even contemplate snogging to get female interest would we?".

"Hell no!"

"Weird innit?"

"........ Yeah.. it's not fair, men should be seen as sexy too".

"That we should mate, but we're not, there's a stigma, if you were bi, it's more likely reduce your chances than improve them".

"Shit! Guess I'm lucky I'm straight".

*Ghengis thinks back to what started the conversation in the first place*

Don't even go there..

*Ghengis smiles and leaves colleague to ponder on what he's learnt*

Point being - Rather than get offended, you could use your experience and knowledge from having a different view.. to educate and explain.

I'm often seen as confrontational when using the forum to discuss more delicate and devisive subjects. Challenging others views. I'm the same in person, but what gets list in translation, is that I've usually got a big smile on my face, if we were together, I'd be watching your face for a reaction and responding.. in what's usually quite a friendly, curious, open ended probe.. rather than trying to make someone look an idiot, because I'm offended.

Love that anecdote "

more tome than anecdote

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

GenghisKhan

I haven't quoted you due to the post length!

Thanks for the post though, I loved the conversation between you and your colleague!haha

I'm not sure if you have read my other posts, but just so you know (briefly put) I didn't really want or intend to share this info, I was on the spot though - and my friend is my bestfriend, I've known him since moving into the UK so 30 ish years I was best man at their wedding so I know I can trust him, and again I didn't have much time to think on the spot lol

I'm certainly not deeply hurt, but I thought it was a little insensitive - however having just read nicecouples post, im thinking about how his wife was probably feeling, and given the circumstances I think nicecouple put it best "caught in the crossfire", so on reflection there was more going on.

Regarding your comments about the forum, you don't sound de similar to me. I sometimes post things quickly if I'm at work and forget that posts,unlike a voice or face, have no inflection, so sometimes people don't take them how they were intended

For example:

Hey - that's my happy friendly "hey"

Hey - that's my sexy voice "hey"

Hey - that's my patronising sarcastic "hey"

Hey - that's my dumb sounding "hey"

Hey - that's my hey back the fuck up "hey"

Now in person, you would easily distinguish between them, in text however...... haha and that's just one word, whole sentences get worse!

I'm making an effort to think more carefully about wording posts in a way that makes them more obviously friendly.

I really enjoy debate/discourse/conversation sometimes, and sometimes when i challenge ideas/viewpoints, people think I'm being confrontational in an aggressive way, whilst in most cases I'm genuinely trying to have a friendly discussion regardless of differing viewpoints. Again I'm trying to make sure my posts are now as friendly as can be, possibly in not doing that before I have seemed more confrontational than I meant.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"GenghisKhan

I haven't quoted you due to the post length!

Thanks for the post though, I loved the conversation between you and your colleague!haha

I'm not sure if you have read my other posts, but just so you know (briefly put) I didn't really want or intend to share this info, I was on the spot though - and my friend is my bestfriend, I've known him since moving into the UK so 30 ish years I was best man at their wedding so I know I can trust him, and again I didn't have much time to think on the spot lol

I'm certainly not deeply hurt, but I thought it was a little insensitive - however having just read nicecouples post, im thinking about how his wife was probably feeling, and given the circumstances I think nicecouple put it best "caught in the crossfire", so on reflection there was more going on.

Regarding your comments about the forum, you don't sound de similar to me. I sometimes post things quickly if I'm at work and forget that posts,unlike a voice or face, have no inflection, so sometimes people don't take them how they were intended

For example:

Hey - that's my happy friendly "hey"

Hey - that's my sexy voice "hey"

Hey - that's my patronising sarcastic "hey"

Hey - that's my dumb sounding "hey"

Hey - that's my hey back the fuck up "hey"

Now in person, you would easily distinguish between them, in text however...... haha and that's just one word, whole sentences get worse!

I'm making an effort to think more carefully about wording posts in a way that makes them more obviously friendly.

I really enjoy debate/discourse/conversation sometimes, and sometimes when i challenge ideas/viewpoints, people think I'm being confrontational in an aggressive way, whilst in most cases I'm genuinely trying to have a friendly discussion regardless of differing viewpoints. Again I'm trying to make sure my posts are now as friendly as can be, possibly in not doing that before I have seemed more confrontational than I meant."

Just be like that with your mates Mrs then. Disarmingly Charming usually puts someone on a back foot and makes them potentially more open to seeing things from your point of view.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have my phone setting for text message only notifications and they only say who has text it doesn’t show any of the message on my screen , any fab friends I only use WhatsApp and then I don’t get notifications come up on my screen from people I don’t want anyone else to know about, if that makes sense !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otfabcouple2017 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"GenghisKhan

I haven't quoted you due to the post length!

Thanks for the post though, I loved the conversation between you and your colleague!haha

I'm not sure if you have read my other posts, but just so you know (briefly put) I didn't really want or intend to share this info, I was on the spot though - and my friend is my bestfriend, I've known him since moving into the UK so 30 ish years I was best man at their wedding so I know I can trust him, and again I didn't have much time to think on the spot lol

I'm certainly not deeply hurt, but I thought it was a little insensitive - however having just read nicecouples post, im thinking about how his wife was probably feeling, and given the circumstances I think nicecouple put it best "caught in the crossfire", so on reflection there was more going on.

Regarding your comments about the forum, you don't sound de similar to me. I sometimes post things quickly if I'm at work and forget that posts,unlike a voice or face, have no inflection, so sometimes people don't take them how they were intended

For example:

Hey - that's my happy friendly "hey"

Hey - that's my sexy voice "hey"

Hey - that's my patronising sarcastic "hey"

Hey - that's my dumb sounding "hey"

Hey - that's my hey back the fuck up "hey"

Now in person, you would easily distinguish between them, in text however...... haha and that's just one word, whole sentences get worse!

I'm making an effort to think more carefully about wording posts in a way that makes them more obviously friendly.

I really enjoy debate/discourse/conversation sometimes, and sometimes when i challenge ideas/viewpoints, people think I'm being confrontational in an aggressive way, whilst in most cases I'm genuinely trying to have a friendly discussion regardless of differing viewpoints. Again I'm trying to make sure my posts are now as friendly as can be, possibly in not doing that before I have seemed more confrontational than I meant.

Just be like that with your mates Mrs then. Disarmingly Charming usually puts someone on a back foot and makes them potentially more open to seeing things from your point of view. "

Haha Im disarmingly charming at all times!! In honesty i haven't mentioned anything to them about this, and at the time I acted completely normally and continued conversation.

They had a lot of questions but I would only be very vague as I didn't want to go into specifics of what we personally have done, so they didn't get much from me other than some generic things that go on in the world of swinging

We were all enjoying a couple of drink and having a laugh and there was a lot of "have you tried this"

"Have you tried that"

"Have you tried the other"

To which i replied several times "have you?"

And it was during this kind of banter/talk the comment was made. It's no big deal in terms of affecting our friendship, just felt mildly stung.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Yes it may have been an "error of judgement" and maybe I was "at fault for allowing them to gain that information" as you put it, but hey although I try my best,I'm not a perfect human by any means, sounds like you are "

I thought it was a snotty comment but didn't want to say. You didn't "bring anything on yourself" if people are envious or insecure or bothered by what you do then that's on them. You told them innocently enough, if they're not interested or they think there's something with it then they could just not say anything. It's what I'd do rather than get defensive and try to neg someone's relationship.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?no because you shouldn't have told him after all this time what you were getting up to getting your friends hopes up only to be dashed by his wife, people have an opinion of this lifestyle and you obviously know that if youve been in it for a while and haven’t told your good friend of sometime until now, so what did you expect would happen?

Well, I didn't type out the full story in the interest of time, as the op is long enough without more details! but basically whilst out with my friend, I popped to the toilet leaving my phone and keys on the table - while in toilet, one of our fab friends whatapp'd me, which popped up on the phone screen. So when I got back he queried me about it,due to its content. I didn't really have chance to think of anything to say, although it would have been tricky even given a heads up an hour prior due to the nature of the message!

So I didn't just tell my friend "after all this time" as you put it. I didn't really have a great deal of options other than possibly to claim I was having an affair, which didn't seem appealing to me tbh.

You perhaps didn't notice my previous comments, but I certainly wasn't encouraging my friend in any way - i even explained "this isn't an invite"

When you ask "what did you expect would happen?"

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, i just didn't expect rudeness from his wife. Does that make sense?yes people should never be rude or abusive but unfortunately your errors of judgement allowed them into a situation where an opinion could be given, the mobile phone thing as well i never leave my phone lying around and even if i did it requires a code to access it but really although the rude outcome shouldn't have occurred you yourself were at fault for allowing them to gain that information

My phone also requires an unlock code, but when messages are received they pop up on the screen even when locked.

Of course,I could have taken my phone with me. But the phone is not the issue I'm discussing here - I didn't tell you the circumstances to "eleviate" my own responsibility in this, I was merely pointing out I didn't just bring this subject up with him for the sake of it.

Yes it may have been an "error of judgement" and maybe I was "at fault for allowing them to gain that information" as you put it, but hey although I try my best,I'm not a perfect human by any means, sounds like you are "
thats my point I'm not criticising you I'm just saying its unfortunately your fault that they found out you were swingers, you obviously didn't want them to know for whatever reason, maybe because you knew they might struggle with that knowledge and here they are struggling with that knowledge as you are now struggling with my analogy of it, which you coincidentally asked me to give, I'm far from perfect but if i want to keep something close to my chest i do that and if for whatever reason i dont achieve it then i can only blame myself, some people are rude and heartless thats life, some people judge thats also life and some people have a different view point to yours thats also life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onglegs888Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Personally wouldn’t worry about it too much.... there’s bigger things to be bothered about other than how you’ve interpreted a word/phrase she’s used. As long as things work for your relationship and No one’s getting hurt I really wouldn’t donate time to being offended

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

People have their own interpretations of things and when they share them, resulting in us making our own inferences. It is up to us to own the inferences that we have made.

People who are on the outside of swinging, without experience, are I think likely to make interpretations of it that they probably wouldn't if they were. It seems wrong to blame them for having different interests and preferences, as well as being ignorant of experience.

We are always free to explain our experiences and positions too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

[Removed by poster at 11/12/19 11:46:42]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Noe, I'd be offended too with how she worded it but I would let it slide.

I do think when it comes to things like swinging most people really don't understand exactly how it works. I think they just hear swinging and then they think you are seeking it elsewhere because you're not happy or satisfied and sex is so special. But, as we know that couldn't be further from the truth.

If she ever brings it up again and downplays your relationship then I'd say something.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Noe, I'd be offended too with how she worded it but I would let it slide.

I do think when it comes to things like swinging most people really don't understand exactly how it works. I think they just hear swinging and then they think you are seeking it elsewhere because you're not happy or satisfied and sex is so special. But, as we know that couldn't be further from the truth.

If she ever brings it up again and downplays your relationship then I'd say something. "

I let so many comments go, just brushed them off and in the end I'd just had enough. We'd been given chapter and verse on their dysfunctional family, stuff I'd never have shared with a couple I was meeting to play with. We value our privacy so she hadn't the faintest idea what we've been through and overcome as a couple. Just because we're not monogamous and we don't live together yet because our children come first always, with no exceptions it doesn't mean we're not entirely emotionally committed. I've known couples make more difficult situations than ours work. I was very insulted that someone tried to dismiss us as fuck buddies, it's just nasty and unnecessary. I didn't overreact which would have been wrong but im not sorry I said something. I think nastiness should be challenged, there's too much of it and no need for it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is not political, just a s story about a recent experience/conversation with a close friend of mine(I'm the Mr)

Okay a few weeks ago I told a good married friend of mine that me and Mrs swing. He's a very close friend and we have always been very open when talking about sex, and like me he's a bit of a perv and sex addict lol

I didn't really tell him much about what we did together as a couple, just gave him some generic examples of what goes on in clubs and the swinging world.

He became very very interested, then told me he was going to speak with his wife about it - I explained it wasn't an invite, but if they wanted to pursue it then go for it!

So a few days later he called me on his lunch break,very excited,as he had just got off of the phone to his wife and he had briefly mentioned it and she had been interested, so he was pleased, and told me he intended to have a more in depth discussion with her when he got home.

Well later that evening i rang him to ask what had happened.

Well this is where things had changed, he didn't have the excitement in his voice that he had earlier. He explained to me that he had mentioned it to his wife at dinner time and she was excited and up for it, so great!

However when he got home and spoke to her, she was up for playing with other men, but NOT women. So seemingly my friend had envisioned that they would enjoy endless MFF threesomes together,the idea of another male hadn't entered his head at any point.She explained she wasn't interested in playing with girls, only guys - my friend told her that this wasn't an option, and asked if she would be willing to watch him whilst he played with other girls - she declined.

So swinging was off of the table for him.

3 days later I went to a local with my friend and his wife. His wife,now knowing that me and my wife are swingers, had loads of questions for me! Mainly asking what sort of things we had done etc - I didn't really answer much tbh as didn't seem fair without my wife there.

Anyways at some point his wife explained(I didn't ask) that they couldn't be swingers, as they had a special relationship, she also used the word serious when the re iterating her point.

It seems like she was implying because we are swingers, our relationship isn't special or serious - which I found offensive.

I find it doubly offensive that the fact is if she had been happy to stand and watch, her hubby, her relationship wouldn't be special! It's merely because her husband wanted to have all the fun without her being able to indulge, which seems very selfish imo.

Am I wrong to be offended here?"

Defo not wrong to be offended but i’d pay that very little attention. She is trying to mug you off, clearly she doesnt know what you know about her situation. Thanks for sharing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top