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Playing without knowledge of your partner?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I know I'm going to be in for a bit of a hard time but I would appreciate your opinion, I THINK

Please be nice

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

Your thoughts please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You or your partner?

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By *ouis CyphreMan
over a year ago

The Midlands

Might need your flak jacket mate, but at least your honest. Good luck to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You or your partner?"

Me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You or your partner?

Me "

It’s going to be tough! I’m in the same situation as you and... it’s tough!

But occasionally you might find an understanding lady who knocks your socks off...

So it’s worth the effort, just develop a thick skin to handle hundreds of rejections

Good luck, mate!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of take the moral high ground when it comes to cheating. I don't think it's great but I don't know what's going on for people or their situation so I say do what you gotta do, just do your best to make sure no one gets hurt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You or your partner?

Me

It’s going to be tough! I’m in the same situation as you and... it’s tough!

But occasionally you might find an understanding lady who knocks your socks off...

So it’s worth the effort, just develop a thick skin to handle hundreds of rejections

Good luck, mate!"

Cheers, I have some body armour left over.

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By *llenGTWoman
over a year ago

East/West Mids

It’s not just men. I would say, always be honest. This is one place I can be totally upfront. You have made your choice, others have theirs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You will get caught one day and it wont be pretty. Of course I don't know the situation or those involved but if you are capable of going behind your partners back then surely its time to leave.

I have cheated before and I was very fortunate I didnt lose her. A few years later here we are, but it hasn't been without some incredibly testing times first.

I wish I had been honest straight away, told her how I was feeling and what I wanted to do. It's a risky thing to do as you never know the outcome but it sure would of saved a hell of a lot of fighting.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

"

Doesn't everyone cheating say that,as if their reason is always justified.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

I've only been on here a couple of weeks and in that time I've had messages from several married/attached men who are on here without their partner knowing.

Whilst I appreciate their honesty (because I'm fairly sure there are also plenty of married guys on here who don't admit they are) as soon as I know they are attached I politely explain that I will only ever play with another woman's person if she gives me her consent directly & I know she is on board with the idea. I won't ever knowingly mess with another woman's partner behind her back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not playing.

It’s cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like above posters, I appreciate that you’re honest at least. The married men who are dishonest are not only conning their wives, but they’re also misusing the trust of people who meet with them thinking they’re available.

I do not want to knowingly or unknowingly hurt people.

I’m not really sure what situation justifies cheating on your partner. I’m guessing not everyone’s wife or husband is in a permanent vegetative state.

I will say one thing - I’ve met people in their 80s who are still tortured by the knowledge that their husband or wife had an affair. That pain doesn’t just go away. You are irrevocably changing your partners life story for the worse. Think twice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As it says on my profile *If you're in any form of relationship or have any kind of significant other then it's highly unlikely that our needs are compatible.

Doesn't work for me whatever the reasons but you can only play when it's convenient for you not another person!

Plus I don't need any part of anyone else's drama in my life, I've been lucky and never cheated or been cheated on but have witnessed the devastation caused way to often

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not for me, once met a women who was still attached but thought taking her wedding ring off would mean I wouldn’t notice lol (first sign is usually tan/ring mark on wedding finger) also met another fab women who was a couple but didn’t tell her partner about me so it was abit awkward at the local social...

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Playing and cheating are different things.

I personally wouldn't ever meet someone who's partner didn't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I appreciate the honesty (the irony of that statement isn’t lost on me). I hate lying as it removes my choice. That is unacceptable to me. There are a great deal of people on this site both male and female who are cheating on partners. Women for the most part seem more honest about it in profiles than the men.

Personally not for me. I won’t judge as you never really know what is going on in a marriage, but I don’t want the drama or working on someone else’s schedule all the time. Life is complicated enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I appreciate the honesty (the irony of that statement isn’t lost on me). I hate lying as it removes my choice. That is unacceptable to me. There are a great deal of people on this site both male and female who are cheating on partners. Women for the most part seem more honest about it in profiles than the men.

Personally not for me. I won’t judge as you never really know what is going on in a marriage, but I don’t want the drama or working on someone else’s schedule all the time. Life is complicated enough. "

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

(Ray) for me I would look at my relationship first and ask myself the question why do I feel the need to cheat, it could be I'm not satisfied with my current relationship or I want the danger of been caught so it's an easy way out.

Either way I would have a discussion with my partner and explain (NOT TELL) why I'm not happy or fulfilled, if noting changes then I would call it a day, I know some will say "what about the kids" but bringing kids up in an unhappy relationship is no go for anyone.

If you respect and love that person you owe them honesty at the very least.

All the best to you pal I hope it works out and your happy

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By *ocodoughnutgirlWoman
over a year ago

Sea of jelly and doughnuts


"

I know I'm going to be in for a bit of a hard time but I would appreciate your opinion, I THINK

Please be nice

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

Your thoughts please. "

It's just a question I'm genuinely interested in.

Do you ever put yourself in your partners shoes and think about how you'd feel if the situation was reversed?

I've spoken to married people here and I'm happy to talk. I'm always up front about it'll never lead anywhere as all I'd think about is what if that was me... Well it has been me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been cheated on in the past so I know what it feels like to get hurt.

I would not meet anyone attached or married (knowingly). If they just didn't tell me, they got away with it.

Why stay in marriage if it doesn't work? Plenty singletons to play with.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Its your life. You must live it how you want to.

I always think it's sad when relationships descend to a stage where partners can't communicate with each other but I understand that it isn't always possible.

I hope that both you and your partner find contentment.

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

Personally i dont care too much about whether they are attached or not ,some we have met have been and honest about it ,doesnt make it right but in the bedroom is one thing out of it what we do or are is nothing to do with them and vice versa ,we came on here rather than wait till we got to the cheating stage ,we could have played separate but wasnt for us this way its out in the open and we both see what the other is doing and so far we love watching each other having a fun pleasurable time whether it be with a single or attached guy ,we cant or wont live their life for them ..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Personally i dont care too much about whether they are attached or not ,some we have met have been and honest about it ,doesnt make it right but in the bedroom is one thing out of it what we do or are is nothing to do with them and vice versa ,we came on here rather than wait till we got to the cheating stage ,we could have played separate but wasnt for us this way its out in the open and we both see what the other is doing and so far we love watching each other having a fun pleasurable time whether it be with a single or attached guy ,we cant or wont live their life for them .."

What's the cheating stage? Genuine question

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland


"Personally i dont care too much about whether they are attached or not ,some we have met have been and honest about it ,doesnt make it right but in the bedroom is one thing out of it what we do or are is nothing to do with them and vice versa ,we came on here rather than wait till we got to the cheating stage ,we could have played separate but wasnt for us this way its out in the open and we both see what the other is doing and so far we love watching each other having a fun pleasurable time whether it be with a single or attached guy ,we cant or wont live their life for them ..

What's the cheating stage? Genuine question"
we both knew something was up in our relationship and it could have been easy just to turn to other people ,but after long chats etc this was the result ,we are more open and honest than we have been in the last 25 years ,not for everyone but works for us ..

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

In a relationship honesty and trust is very important , you being honest to yourself but looking to her side if she find out she will get hurt . Would you be ok if you founded she is cheating on you ?

Comunication and be open to the partner can make the all difference in a relationship

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

It's not something I agree with and I won't knowingly play with someone whose partner doesn't know. I'd much prefer to know beforehand so I can make an informed decision.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Personally i dont care too much about whether they are attached or not ,some we have met have been and honest about it ,doesnt make it right but in the bedroom is one thing out of it what we do or are is nothing to do with them and vice versa ,we came on here rather than wait till we got to the cheating stage ,we could have played separate but wasnt for us this way its out in the open and we both see what the other is doing and so far we love watching each other having a fun pleasurable time whether it be with a single or attached guy ,we cant or wont live their life for them ..

What's the cheating stage? Genuine questionwe both knew something was up in our relationship and it could have been easy just to turn to other people ,but after long chats etc this was the result ,we are more open and honest than we have been in the last 25 years ,not for everyone but works for us .."

Oh ok, thanks.

Communication, it's what it's all about

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I get it, people do it for their own different reasons, those reasons are theirs alone. You do what you need to do. Sometimes the situation at home leads you there.

However it is still cheating on your partner. Don't try and take the "at least I'm honest" route as it is a load of shite, because you're not, not honest to the one person that matters. If you are not honest with them, what else are you capable of bullshitting. You would rather be honest to a stranger you are looking to have sex with, while lieing/cheating/keeping the truth from your partner.

As I say, its your choice with how you treat your partner as it is your body, but don't ever think you can cancel out the dishonesty by being "honest" to somebody you are cheating with. Grow a backbone and deal with what's going on at home.

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By *icoleAndLisaTransCouple (FF)
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port


"

I know I'm going to be in for a bit of a hard time but I would appreciate your opinion, I THINK

Please be nice

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

Your thoughts please. "

The way I look at it, it's a matter for their conscience rather than mine. I'd rather people were honest about their relationship status, so I know there's no chance of it turning into something regular/meaningful. And if I say 'no married', I know people will just lie.

I've been in a sexless relationship (apparently anything less than 10 times a year is considered sexless. My ex used to allow, and indeed expect sex to happen, roughly once every 3 to 4 months.) And yes, out of sexual frustration, I cheated during that time. As Ron White once said "I'm a good dog, but if you don't pet me once in a while, you're going to have trouble keeping me under the porch."

For most people, it's oh so simple: The sex doesn't work? End the relationship. But what about the house? The kids? Lots of people are living in less than perfect relationships because they're more tolerable than the trauma of a separation. So where does that leave you if you and your partner aren't sexually compatible? Personally, I believe that if someone's reasonable sexual needs aren't being met (say at least a couple of times a month) they should feel entitled to look elsewhere. Forcing someone into involuntary celibacy amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. Especially given that no crime has been committed.

I think much of the hostility comes from people's own insecurities about their own marriages/relationships, along with projected anger stemming from unresolved issues, involving a cheating partner.

But it's all about walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Yes, if someone has the doting partner, who's willing to have sex with them whenever they want it, and they still screw around, then condemn away. If the partner has had a headache for the last 6 months, then I'm less inclined to judge.

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland


"

I know I'm going to be in for a bit of a hard time but I would appreciate your opinion, I THINK

Please be nice

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

Your thoughts please.

The way I look at it, it's a matter for their conscience rather than mine. I'd rather people were honest about their relationship status, so I know there's no chance of it turning into something regular/meaningful. And if I say 'no married', I know people will just lie.

I've been in a sexless relationship (apparently anything less than 10 times a year is considered sexless. My ex used to allow, and indeed expect sex to happen, roughly once every 3 to 4 months.) And yes, out of sexual frustration, I cheated during that time. As Ron White once said "I'm a good dog, but if you don't pet me once in a while, you're going to have trouble keeping me under the porch."

For most people, it's oh so simple: The sex doesn't work? End the relationship. But what about the house? The kids? Lots of people are living in less than perfect relationships because they're more tolerable than the trauma of a separation. So where does that leave you if you and your partner aren't sexually compatible? Personally, I believe that if someone's reasonable sexual needs aren't being met (say at least a couple of times a month) they should feel entitled to look elsewhere. Forcing someone into involuntary celibacy amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. Especially given that no crime has been committed.

I think much of the hostility comes from people's own insecurities about their own marriages/relationships, along with projected anger stemming from unresolved issues, involving a cheating partner.

But it's all about walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Yes, if someone has the doting partner, who's willing to have sex with them whenever they want it, and they still screw around, then condemn away. If the partner has had a headache for the last 6 months, then I'm less inclined to judge. "
Agree with this .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont like the glamourising of it with user names or in the write ups as being a little secret or suchlike.

Sometimes it happens, how it's mentioned or dealt with makes a difference to me.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"

I know I'm going to be in for a bit of a hard time but I would appreciate your opinion, I THINK

Please be nice

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

Your thoughts please.

The way I look at it, it's a matter for their conscience rather than mine. I'd rather people were honest about their relationship status, so I know there's no chance of it turning into something regular/meaningful. And if I say 'no married', I know people will just lie.

I've been in a sexless relationship (apparently anything less than 10 times a year is considered sexless. My ex used to allow, and indeed expect sex to happen, roughly once every 3 to 4 months.) And yes, out of sexual frustration, I cheated during that time. As Ron White once said "I'm a good dog, but if you don't pet me once in a while, you're going to have trouble keeping me under the porch."

For most people, it's oh so simple: The sex doesn't work? End the relationship. But what about the house? The kids? Lots of people are living in less than perfect relationships because they're more tolerable than the trauma of a separation. So where does that leave you if you and your partner aren't sexually compatible? Personally, I believe that if someone's reasonable sexual needs aren't being met (say at least a couple of times a month) they should feel entitled to look elsewhere. Forcing someone into involuntary celibacy amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. Especially given that no crime has been committed.

I think much of the hostility comes from people's own insecurities about their own marriages/relationships, along with projected anger stemming from unresolved issues, involving a cheating partner.

But it's all about walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Yes, if someone has the doting partner, who's willing to have sex with them whenever they want it, and they still screw around, then condemn away. If the partner has had a headache for the last 6 months, then I'm less inclined to judge. "

Do you not think the person being cheated on is entitled to honesty? Marriage is about far more than sex.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I can only speak for myself .. I would always choose the truth. I wouldn't be true to myself if I didnt.

Lies, untruths and secrets carry an energy which will be present in your relationship. I don't think it's fair for one

I often think lies will be ousted in time.

Non monogomy is natural and a life choice .. why not own it and do it clearly, ethically.. whilst taking care of your loved ones heart and trust?

I know in most cases it will cause a shit storm .. for me, every time, I'd rather weather the storm to be my truest self and honour my fellow humans who are on the journey with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do something you don't want to tell your partner about then its cheating in my eyes. And I doubt you would be able to convince me otherwise.

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By *ooBoo2300Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

I couldn’t really give a shit what is going on in someone else’s relationship tbh, but I don’t want to get involved with someone who is cheating. I don’t want the drama, the sneaking around. The cancelled meets at the last moment, or being ghosted when they get caught.

I don’t want the wife trying to take revenge on me, contacting my husband or making any trouble on a work front. My husband is fully aware, but he shouldn’t have to deal with the fallout of my bad choices.

I do not consent to being party to an affair. If a man is lying about being married, he’s taking away my choice and ability to consent.

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By *icoleAndLisaTransCouple (FF)
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port


"

Do you not think the person being cheated on is entitled to honesty? Marriage is about far more than sex."

That really depends. If they're a controlling individual, who's denying their partner sex as a means of making them miserable, then no, I don't think they deserve honesty from their partner.

Everyone has this vision that the person being cheated on is a good person and a good partner. This is far from always the case.

And let's say someone can no longer have sex. An illness or disability make it too painful, too much effort, or just plain unappealing to them. They still love their partner. They realise their partner has needs. They kind of understand that their partner might go off and look elsewhere. And they're kind of contented about it as long as they don't find out about it, and they still get their hugs and their cuddles.

It's complicated. And as I said before, a lot of the hostility is people projecting their own insecurities and unresolved issues.

And yes, marriage is about far more than sex. Which is why I think it's massively oversimplistic when people say you should just walk away from a (possibly otherwise good) relationship if your sexual needs aren't being met. Sometimes cheating is the least painful option for everyone, at least as long as the partner being cheated on doesn't find out.

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By *uto564Man
over a year ago

Widnes

We only play together

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you for your opinions, it went just as I thought it would have done. It's certainly food for thought. I'm glad you didn't hold back too.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Life isn't always so black and white. I get that. However it's not something I would want to be involved in personally. I'd never meet someone I knew was in a relationship unless I knew their partner was totally okay with it.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

my best friend cheated on his wife 4 times. After the first time when she let him back, he saw her as a door mat, and didn't hold back and continued to cheat. She tried to mend the marriage, but he cheated again.

He was devastated when on the 4th time, she just shrugged her shoulders, and revealed that she had given up and had found herself a boyfriend. He was so caught up in his looks and fun, that he was prepared to rub her nose in his activities and to make her feel even more unattractive. His ego got dented and that's when he left, she divorced him, got the house etc. He had to live with family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Somebody will always get hurt when cheating is involved. Are you prepared to lose your partner possibly your house. You are only one who knows your reasons for cheating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Do you not think the person being cheated on is entitled to honesty? Marriage is about far more than sex.

That really depends. If they're a controlling individual, who's denying their partner sex as a means of making them miserable, then no, I don't think they deserve honesty from their partner.

Everyone has this vision that the person being cheated on is a good person and a good partner. This is far from always the case.

And let's say someone can no longer have sex. An illness or disability make it too painful, too much effort, or just plain unappealing to them. They still love their partner. They realise their partner has needs. They kind of understand that their partner might go off and look elsewhere. And they're kind of contented about it as long as they don't find out about it, and they still get their hugs and their cuddles.

It's complicated. And as I said before, a lot of the hostility is people projecting their own insecurities and unresolved issues.

And yes, marriage is about far more than sex. Which is why I think it's massively oversimplistic when people say you should just walk away from a (possibly otherwise good) relationship if your sexual needs aren't being met. Sometimes cheating is the least painful option for everyone, at least as long as the partner being cheated on doesn't find out."

If they're a controlling individual, who's denying their partner sex as a means of making them miserable, then they shouldn't be together. I don't see a valid reason for anyone wanting to make their partner miserable. But I get your point, it does happen. Personally, I'd end it with that person.

The part about the illness and disability is a tough one. I'm not sure how I would be in that situation as I've never been in it, on either side of it to be honest. I'd like to think I'd still look for consent, but who knows.

As for your third point, sex shouldn't be a the deciding factor for a relationship if its a happy relationship

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By *itnkatCouple
over a year ago

in lincs between lincoln grantham boston

Ask this year's winner of I'm a celebrity she's fogiven all his flings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's disgusting. I can understand why it happens in some situations, but I would never knowingly get involved with someone who was cheating. If you can't be honest with someone you love then you're not somebody I want to spend intimate time with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont and never have cared at all not my problem to solve

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

We dont play with people playing away from home and that's our preference. We understand some do and some may have reasons for it. Its personal choice at the end of the day. We wont play with men or women playing away full stop!! If people message us and then say it we block them (sounds harsh but it's clear on our profile).

However, having been caught in the middle of something years ago (K female half) I wouldnt do it again!! It can destroy lives, ruin marriages and affect children. Fortunately for me it was only me that got hurt that time around. I would never do it again thought that said.

I always think it's better to be honest with your partner if you can! I always say if you're really that unhappy why wouldnt you leave? Obviously after you've tried to sort it out. Always start by speaking to your wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone's life is different as are their reasons for the actions they take the life they live and how they may justify those decisions to themselves or others.

Sometimes just walking away isnt possible. Illness, children, financial issues, having been cheated on, lots of reasons why people do what they do in the search for happiness, love, a connection even if only fleeting.

I've been in both situations so to condemn others for their choices is something I wont do. But whatever choices we make we live with the consequences, even if those don't result in "getting caught cheating".

Life goes on, all our lives are unique, and just like outside of fab, where cheating happens too, we all make choices every day, some good, some not so good.

All we can ever hope for is those choices that take us to a place, a person, who feels like home....

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I understand why people cheat to a certain extent, I also understand why some don't want to meet them. To those who don't meet those whose partner is unaware, where do you draw the line? Will you flirt with those who do? Have virtual dalliances? Everything but penetrative sex? What is it that you class as cheating?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"

Do you not think the person being cheated on is entitled to honesty? Marriage is about far more than sex.

That really depends. If they're a controlling individual, who's denying their partner sex as a means of making them miserable, then no, I don't think they deserve honesty from their partner.

Everyone has this vision that the person being cheated on is a good person and a good partner. This is far from always the case.

And let's say someone can no longer have sex. An illness or disability make it too painful, too much effort, or just plain unappealing to them. They still love their partner. They realise their partner has needs. They kind of understand that their partner might go off and look elsewhere. And they're kind of contented about it as long as they don't find out about it, and they still get their hugs and their cuddles.

It's complicated. And as I said before, a lot of the hostility is people projecting their own insecurities and unresolved issues.

And yes, marriage is about far more than sex. Which is why I think it's massively oversimplistic when people say you should just walk away from a (possibly otherwise good) relationship if your sexual needs aren't being met. Sometimes cheating is the least painful option for everyone, at least as long as the partner being cheated on doesn't find out.

If they're a controlling individual, who's denying their partner sex as a means of making them miserable, then they shouldn't be together. I don't see a valid reason for anyone wanting to make their partner miserable. But I get your point, it does happen. Personally, I'd end it with that person.

The part about the illness and disability is a tough one. I'm not sure how I would be in that situation as I've never been in it, on either side of it to be honest. I'd like to think I'd still look for consent, but who knows.

As for your third point, sex shouldn't be a the deciding factor for a relationship if its a happy relationship"

Sex shouldn't be a deciding factor for a relationship but it's a hard prospect to face potentially never or only rarely having sex again. Especially when you're still fairly young. If that partner doesn't consent to them getting their sexual needs met elsewhere, the alternative is ending an otherwise very happy relationship just over sex or become miserable and resentful. So sex sometimes does become a deciding factor. I'm personally never intending to go back to monogamy. I'm much happier when my relationship is based on us being compatible as people rather than having the additional pressure of being sexually compatible and ensuring each other is satisfied. Unfortunately open relationships aren't for everyone though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I understand why people cheat to a certain extent, I also understand why some don't want to meet them. To those who don't meet those whose partner is unaware, where do you draw the line? Will you flirt with those who do? Have virtual dalliances? Everything but penetrative sex? What is it that you class as cheating? "

I’m at the point now that I won’t entertain any of it, not flirting not even conversation. I’ve tried in the past to be nice and it always ends up with the other party trying to blur the lines. Best approach for me is to steer clear completely. As to what constitutes cheating...that’s very individual and I assume a lot of people will have different opinions. For me it comes down to intent. And you know when your intentions aren’t honourable.

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By *ensualhands4uMan
over a year ago

harrogate


"Everyone's life is different as are their reasons for the actions they take the life they live and how they may justify those decisions to themselves or others.

Sometimes just walking away isnt possible. Illness, children, financial issues, having been cheated on, lots of reasons why people do what they do in the search for happiness, love, a connection even if only fleeting.

I've been in both situations so to condemn others for their choices is something I wont do. But whatever choices we make we live with the consequences, even if those don't result in "getting caught cheating".

Life goes on, all our lives are unique, and just like outside of fab, where cheating happens too, we all make choices every day, some good, some not so good.

All we can ever hope for is those choices that take us to a place, a person, who feels like home....

"
I totally agree with this, I went through many years of my wife being ill, and unfortunately and inevitably our sex life was no more. I loved her to bits, but considered meeting people on here, because I still had physical and emotional needs and I didn’t want an involved affair. I didn’t as it happened, because in time all my energy was focused on her and my desires subsided- emotional stress has that effect. It’s not a straight forward issue. Many people love their partners, but have a sexless relationship- but they know even discussing the idea of meeting other people for sexual liaisons would break their partners heart. Sometimes ignorance is the better choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think a lot of take the moral high ground when it comes to cheating. I don't think it's great but I don't know what's going on for people or their situation so I say do what you gotta do, just do your best to make sure no one gets hurt. "

In my humble opinion there is never an excuses for cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I know everyone is different but my situation is a lot tricky.

Doesn't everyone cheating say that,as if their reason is always justified."

It can never be justified. It's a horrible and disgusting thing to do to somebody. Just leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like above posters, I appreciate that you’re honest at least. The married men who are dishonest are not only conning their wives, but they’re also misusing the trust of people who meet with them thinking they’re available.

I do not want to knowingly or unknowingly hurt people.

I’m not really sure what situation justifies cheating on your partner. I’m guessing not everyone’s wife or husband is in a permanent vegetative state.

I will say one thing - I’ve met people in their 80s who are still tortured by the knowledge that their husband or wife had an affair. That pain doesn’t just go away. You are irrevocably changing your partners life story for the worse. Think twice!"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was cheated on by the father of my kids. To this day I can't even look at him. Our family was destroyed. He took that from us, he made it so I can never forgive him. He's still on here, cheating on his unassuming 20 year old girlfriend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do I know your wife is being faithful? Come to that, how do you? I'm sure you'll say she'd never do that... But wouldn't she say the same about you? She won't need a website to find extra marital sex, no woman does, it's everywhere. As far as I know you're just there to pay the bills and the mortgage while someone else keeps her satisfied. So I'm not gonna judge you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s not just men. I would say, always be honest. This is one place I can be totally upfront. You have made your choice, others have theirs. "

Well said. I'm in same situation. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty best policy then no one under any illusions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally need to man up, and leave this site.

The risks I'm taking by being on here are awful, and certainly don't warrant any benefits I've had. My age has been soooo restrictive, I haven't had any fun on here in years.

I must be an idiot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find the term "playing without consent" quite a telling one.

I personally translate that to "my partners heart is a toy, if it gets broken, well, I had fun playing the game"

P

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"I find the term "playing without consent" quite a telling one.

I personally translate that to "my partners heart is a toy, if it gets broken, well, I had fun playing the game"

P

"

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la


"I understand why people cheat to a certain extent, I also understand why some don't want to meet them. To those who don't meet those whose partner is unaware, where do you draw the line? Will you flirt with those who do? Have virtual dalliances? Everything but penetrative sex? What is it that you class as cheating? "

As soon as I am aware they have a wife/partner I am out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally need to man up, and leave this site.

The risks I'm taking by being on here are awful, and certainly don't warrant any benefits I've had. My age has been soooo restrictive, I haven't had any fun on here in years.

I must be an idiot. "

I read your profile with interest. My take on this, unpopular though it may be is that if you are no longer interested in sex with someone you have no right to expect them not to seek it elsewhere. That decision takes no account of their needs and to me its unkind and unfair. I wouldn't do that to anyone or accept it ftom anyone. But your relationship is between you two and if you're risking it by being here and you don't want to lose it then you are indeed crazy. But I sympathise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally need to man up, and leave this site.

The risks I'm taking by being on here are awful, and certainly don't warrant any benefits I've had. My age has been soooo restrictive, I haven't had any fun on here in years.

I must be an idiot. "

Reading your profile what is it that stops you from going your seperate ways and finding someone to love you and want you again then? The usual kids/house etc? (You dont have to answer obvs)

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Personally i dont care too much about whether they are attached or not ,some we have met have been and honest about it ,doesnt make it right but in the bedroom is one thing out of it what we do or are is nothing to do with them and vice versa ,we came on here rather than wait till we got to the cheating stage ,we could have played separate but wasnt for us this way its out in the open and we both see what the other is doing and so far we love watching each other having a fun pleasurable time whether it be with a single or attached guy ,we cant or wont live their life for them ..

What's the cheating stage? Genuine questionwe both knew something was up in our relationship and it could have been easy just to turn to other people ,but after long chats etc this was the result ,we are more open and honest than we have been in the last 25 years ,not for everyone but works for us .."

Well done, so glad you worked things out. Xxx

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I dont and never have cared at all not my problem to solve "

Until you unwittingly (or not) get caught up in the middle of it then it is a problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with you 100% its not easy at all, especially where you have all the boxes ticked in a perfect family/relationship except that one - sex life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally need to man up, and leave this site.

The risks I'm taking by being on here are awful, and certainly don't warrant any benefits I've had. My age has been soooo restrictive, I haven't had any fun on here in years.

I must be an idiot.

I read your profile with interest. My take on this, unpopular though it may be is that if you are no longer interested in sex with someone you have no right to expect them not to seek it elsewhere. That decision takes no account of their needs and to me its unkind and unfair. I wouldn't do that to anyone or accept it ftom anyone. But your relationship is between you two and if you're risking it by being here and you don't want to lose it then you are indeed crazy. But I sympathise. "

Thank you. Wise words, and I agree with you. It's partly anger that I'm no longer fancied sexually I think. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally need to man up, and leave this site.

The risks I'm taking by being on here are awful, and certainly don't warrant any benefits I've had. My age has been soooo restrictive, I haven't had any fun on here in years.

I must be an idiot.

I read your profile with interest. My take on this, unpopular though it may be is that if you are no longer interested in sex with someone you have no right to expect them not to seek it elsewhere. That decision takes no account of their needs and to me its unkind and unfair. I wouldn't do that to anyone or accept it ftom anyone. But your relationship is between you two and if you're risking it by being here and you don't want to lose it then you are indeed crazy. But I sympathise.

Thank you. Wise words, and I agree with you. It's partly anger that I'm no longer fancied sexually I think. X"

I'm not surprised. That's a difficult thing to hear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally need to man up, and leave this site.

The risks I'm taking by being on here are awful, and certainly don't warrant any benefits I've had. My age has been soooo restrictive, I haven't had any fun on here in years.

I must be an idiot.

Reading your profile what is it that stops you from going your seperate ways and finding someone to love you and want you again then? The usual kids/house etc? (You dont have to answer obvs)"

Yes it's that in a nutshell. Plus, I do love her, we get on really well, it's the intimacy that's frustratingly missing. X

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth


"I dont and never have cared at all not my problem to solve

Until you unwittingly (or not) get caught up in the middle of it then it is a problem. "

I agree!! Its all well and good but a partner scorned can do some damage!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the record I was faithful to someone who ignored me except to criticise, treated me like an employee and made himself completely unavailable emotionally. I stayed for the sake of my son and I remained faithful. The first I don't regret for a minute and the second I regret bitterly. I'm not minimising betrayal or making light of anyone's pain or trying to change anyone's opinion. But I don't see it as black and white any more and I used to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the guy is honest about his status from the off then I would chat then just see what happens

It's the guys who lie about being married who let the side down

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"If the guy is honest about his status from the off then I would chat then just see what happens

It's the guys who lie about being married who let the side down"

I totally agree with you there! Why lie, it just creates bitterness and animosity when you do find out. Besides ... most are not clever enough to maintain the lie and give the game away at some point

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

[Removed by poster at 10/12/19 13:50:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If the guy is honest about his status from the off then I would chat then just see what happens

It's the guys who lie about being married who let the side down

I totally agree with you there! Why lie, it just creates bitterness and animosity when you do find out. Besides ... most are not clever enough to maintain the lie and give the game away at some point"

Exactly

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I dont and never have cared at all not my problem to solve

Until you unwittingly (or not) get caught up in the middle of it then it is a problem.

I agree!! Its all well and good but a partner scorned can do some damage!! "

And I'm sure 9/10 times it's seen by the wronged spouse as the 3rd party's fault and not that of the cheating spouse either, whether or not the 3rd party is aware that the spouse is playing away.

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By *euschMan
over a year ago

peterborough

Whenever this subject comes up it’s always the guy that gets flamed for having the audacity to cheat, yet no-one even cares when it’s the women doing it, just my observation

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"Whenever this subject comes up it’s always the guy that gets flamed for having the audacity to cheat, yet no-one even cares when it’s the women doing it, just my observation "

It’s a fair observation from a male perspective...

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By *ucilleWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle Upon Tyne


"I find the term "playing without consent" quite a telling one.

I personally translate that to "my partners heart is a toy, if it gets broken, well, I had fun playing the game"

P

"

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I dont and never have cared at all not my problem to solve

Until you unwittingly (or not) get caught up in the middle of it then it is a problem.

I agree!! Its all well and good but a partner scorned can do some damage!!

And I'm sure 9/10 times it's seen by the wronged spouse as the 3rd party's fault and not that of the cheating spouse either, whether or not the 3rd party is aware that the spouse is playing away. "

I've never understood that mentality. I became friends with the girl my ex cheated on me with. She got played by him almost as much as I did. Sadly she got the worst of the harrassment afterwards too.

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By *merald Eyes XWoman
over a year ago

Can you find me….


"It’s not just men. I would say, always be honest. This is one place I can be totally upfront. You have made your choice, others have theirs. "

Totally agree with you

Totally honest on my profile about it.... if not for you keep walking then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whenever this subject comes up it’s always the guy that gets flamed for having the audacity to cheat, yet no-one even cares when it’s the women doing it, just my observation "
exactly its really not very good in that respect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whenever this subject comes up it’s always the guy that gets flamed for having the audacity to cheat, yet no-one even cares when it’s the women doing it, just my observation exactly its really not very good in that respect "

Well it has been stated several times during the thread that it Happens both sides... no one did male bashing on here. The comments have predominantly been focussed on partners cheating not men cheating.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont and never have cared at all not my problem to solve

Until you unwittingly (or not) get caught up in the middle of it then it is a problem.

I agree!! Its all well and good but a partner scorned can do some damage!!

And I'm sure 9/10 times it's seen by the wronged spouse as the 3rd party's fault and not that of the cheating spouse either, whether or not the 3rd party is aware that the spouse is playing away.

I've never understood that mentality. I became friends with the girl my ex cheated on me with. She got played by him almost as much as I did. Sadly she got the worst of the harrassment afterwards too."

It's harder to do when they rub your nose in it. But it makes it all the more sweet when it goes wrong and their humiliation is as public as them creaming their knickers over taking another woman's man.

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