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Stupid shit your parents once said.

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

My mums as daft as me so she comes out with some corkers. One that springs to mind is that she asked my dad if she thought Ainsley Harriot made nice breakfasts for Dawn French (when she was married to Lenny Henry)!!

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

If you break your leg, don't come running to me

And the other classic

What do you mean you've lost it, where did you last have it

Er, if I knew that it wouldn't be lost would it?

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" x

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

'If the wind changes you'll stay like that' everytime I was pulling stupid faces

Looking at myself first thing in a morning they may have been right...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" x"

Never understood this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'You're adopted, you little shit!'

I still laugh when I remember Mother joking about that. Wait...

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

Jack Nicholson said once that his mother didnt see the irony when she used to call him a son a of bitch

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

My mother once said

I saw a shooting star and I wished upon it, but you're still here

Little harsh I thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Jack Nicholson said once that his mother didnt see the irony when she used to call him a son a of bitch "

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

We should have another child....

Well that worked out well didn’t it? Always stop at your peak (which was me, obviously )

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Don’t come running to me if you break your legs

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By *urtyGentMan
over a year ago

eastleigh

Vividly remember being in my dads van and hearing the news of Freddie Mercury’s death from HIV. I asked my Dad what HIV was and he said “it something you get it if you’re naughty”.....

Fucking put the fear of god into me and I tried not to misbehave, genuinely, for years in fear that I might get HIV.

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By *ouis CyphreMan
over a year ago

The Midlands

My mother once asked a decorator, if he could put a dildo on the wall so, she could hang her pictures up.

My 15 year old self and older sister shouted dado mother it's a dado.

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By *chilles and RavenCouple
over a year ago

Guernsey

My favourite is if i leave a message for my mother to call me back i always say your favourite daughter called. She always calls me back after my sister.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i got something wrong and then said something like...

“Sorry i thought it was finished”

Then she would say, “well you know what thought did dont you, he ran after a muck cart and thought it was a wedding”

I really have no clue what ghat means

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum genuinely once asked "what does a fox say?" and was shocked when everyone in the room broke into song.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you want a clip round the ear .... of cause I do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My mum genuinely once asked "what does a fox say?" and was shocked when everyone in the room broke into song. "

If they did the fox sound effects bit, she'd have been really baffled. To her, it must have been like they were all suddenly speaking in tongues lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shut bloody door was you born I a barn that was one of my favourites

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

My dad asked me if there was 'a special lady' in my life.

Seemed pretty stupid to assume my sexuality, but then it did take him 14 years to buy that pack of cigarettes he popped out for so I probably shouldn't have expected philosophy

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"stop picking your nose, your head will cave in"

Never did though

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

My mam went through a phase of saying "I was so mad I wanted to fist them!" When someone pissed her off....

Gem

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry


"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house? "

Yes turn the fuking lights off unless your for paying the bill.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't look at me in that tone of voice

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!

What's for tea?

"Bread and pull-it with ducks eyebrows"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's for tea?

"Bread and pull-it with ducks eyebrows" "

Oh I normally got shit with sugar on

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house? "

I say that now!! Slowly but surely I've turned into my mum x

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By *artyanna16TV/TS
over a year ago

seacroft

Youll he laughing on the other side of your face in just a minute!

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By *artyanna16TV/TS
over a year ago

seacroft

Were ye born in a park?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house?

I say that now!! Slowly but surely I've turned into my mum x "

I’ve started saying it to friends when they come over. Maybe I’m turning into my mum too then haha

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By *aveed74Man
over a year ago

a round and a bout Midlands

As a 9 yr old I ran in to my mum with a butterfly pupa saying "look what I've found!"*

Mum said, "ah yes, a clitoris".

That might explain a lot of things!

*chrysalis

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My mum is famous for assuming that anyone you know with the same name as one of her friends, actually is that friend. Also if she doesn't know the answer to something she just makes it up. This led to much confusion when I was a kid.

It's got worse as she's got older too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This will help..

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By *chilles and RavenCouple
over a year ago

Guernsey

Another brilliant was she asked if i wanted anything from the shop. Yes please some cashews. Her oh you want some carshoes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's for tea?

"Bread and pull-it with ducks eyebrows" "

Air pie and windy pudding

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By *abonWoman
over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham


""stop picking your nose, your head will cave in"

Never did though"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not my parent but my nan...she was a crazy little Irish woman who had loads of little saying like...

"Well ill go to the foot of our stairs" when surprised about something..and

"you with the face like our wee bulldog!"..she never had a bulldog!!

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house?

I say that now!! Slowly but surely I've turned into my mum x

I’ve started saying it to friends when they come over. Maybe I’m turning into my mum too then haha"

Never say never x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“You make a better door than a window” if you blocked her view of anything.

“Eat your crusts or you will never have curly hair”

‘Mum, can i have ice cream?’

‘Ill ice cream you if you dont behave’

(Substitute ice cream for anything you asked for)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it... I’m still neither an astronaut or heavy weight boxing champion...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we never finished our meals she would always say There are starving kids in Africa who would love that. Me and my brother always replied we’ll send it to them then we don’t want any more.

Her other classic You wait till ya Dad gets home.

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By *uesdaysfundayCouple
over a year ago

Sandbach

I think my mum has come out with all these pearlers. The one thing that jumps out of my mind though is what she said but the butter dish. How was it that butterdish was considered a cure all for all ills? A bump to the head, a bad chest, leg falling off get the butter dish

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

"Eat your crusts they'll put curls in your hair" I didn't even want bloody curls in my hair!

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

The best part of you ran down my leg when your dad rolled off of me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I called my parents house once and mum answered with a hello,

"Hi mum, it's only me"

"....who?"

I'm an only child

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

My dad used to shout "Oi!" then quickly follow it up with "sters", he thought he was hilarious

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

If you eat your carrots you will be able to see in the dark

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

If I left a door open, my mother always said, "put the wood in the hole!"

Or, if going out, especially when really young, she'd always say "make sure you've got clean underwear on, in case you get run over by a bus!"

Yikes, I believed for years that bus drivers were looking to drive at me. But, in later years, I realised that dirty undies would be the least of my worries in such an accident!!!

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

Never underestimate the power of grass to recover...my dad lmao

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip


"If you break your leg, don't come running to me

And the other classic

What do you mean you've lost it, where did you last have it

Er, if I knew that it wouldn't be lost would it?"

That's like when you are looking for something and they say "It'll be in the last place you look". That seems pretty obvious to me. If I find it I'm not going look in any more places, am I?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A girl I dated said to her dad when she was younger

Ouch dad your hurting my fingers

Dad - “I’ll finger you in a minute”

Ha ha ops xx

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

My mum, when I sulked or was cross

"your face will stay like that if the wind changes"

Which only made me learn to walk backwards when it was windy!

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By *ittleRed18Woman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

When my sister would be having a tantrum/sulking and turning on the water works my parents used to say to her 'if only we had the money to send you to drama school, you'd make us a fortune!'

'Blackpool illuminations' and 'put the piece of wood in the hole' were ones in our household too.

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By *aspsMan
over a year ago

dundee

Me and a couple mates went to Blackpool when 16 as a first boys trip mates dad was giving us the talk be safe etc then at end of his speech if you get killed down there il murder you when you get home ??????????

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London

This thread is full of gems!!

If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe a tad controversial... but my man used to say....

Burn everything English... except their coal !

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By *ee04Man
over a year ago

Essex

Why did you let your brother do that?

Hang on he’s got a mind of his fucking own ask him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum when in her late 70s overheard a conversation about oral sex.

She then says to me " is that a real thing?..... they don't do it in this country though, do they?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Eat your crusts they'll put curls in your hair" I didn't even want bloody curls in my hair!"

I was constantly told this by family members. Ive never eaten crusts in my life and have the curliest hair ever

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

They're all the same, some of them.

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By *antasy Explorers 1313Couple
over a year ago

A place where others reside (nr Oxford)


"Do you want a clip round the ear .... of cause I do "

Which evolves into two further things for me as I got older.

1. You're never too old for a clip round the ear

2. You're never too tall for a clip round the ear (my dear mother is only 4'10")

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By *heLaserGuyMan
over a year ago

Coventry

It's black over bills mothers...

Fortelling of impending rain

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Old friends mum used to say ‘Well just eat what you cooked’ if he said he didn’t like his dinner

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"The best part of you ran down my leg when your dad rolled off of me "

I just laughed so loud it echoed in the works toilets lol

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


"The best part of you ran down my leg when your dad rolled off of me

I just laughed so loud it echoed in the works toilets lol"

This one is sublime. Clearly a great woman!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I used to ask my mum what we were having for tea, and she would always say “shit with sugar on”.

You can see where i get my classiness from

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By *rego69Man
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Don’t eat all those sweets there’s another day tomorrow.

Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

Confusing.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"This thread is full of gems!!

If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps' "

If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Those who do bad things always get their cumupances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your Mums ran away with a Black Man"

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


"This thread is full of gems!!

If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'

If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously "

Mine would also sometimes say "can i swap you a green one for a blue one?"

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"This thread is full of gems!!

If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'

If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously

Mine would also sometimes say "can i swap you a green one for a blue one?" "

Yep that too

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


"This thread is full of gems!!

If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'

If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously

Mine would also sometimes say "can i swap you a green one for a blue one?"

Yep that too"

Think we need a separate thread for weird lines my grandad said. Mine had many choice lines

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Stop touching your Willy, it will fall off one of these days,,,

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Wish I’d of swallowed u when I had the chance

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin


"Wish I’d of swallowed u when I had the chance "
ahh lol, terrible but lol

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


"Wish I’d of swallowed u when I had the chance "

Omg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'd laugh to see a pudding roll.

Wtf, mother? What does that even mean?

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

If I ever tried to say something funny as a kid my dad would always say "Was that a joke?.......very nearly"

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London

My dad had this old Arabic story about a fat woman wanting to get a ride on a cart and the driver told her to get in round the back so the horses don't see.

Whenever he sees a larger lady he'd start telling us this but he'd already be crying with laughter after 3 words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When the icecream vans playing its music.. it means its ran out"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wait till marriage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your eyes are bigger than your belly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The alarm sensors are actually santas cameras checking your good fucking nosey cunt that santa

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

My mother taught me about time travel.

"If you don't pack it in, I'll knock you into the middle of next week"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don’t come running to me if you break your legs"

I won't.

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


""When the icecream vans playing its music.. it means its ran out"

"

Gonna try this one!

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