FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy and possessiveness

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject "

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Generally I don’t suffer from it on here. As long as I’m still friends with someone it doesn’t matter if they meet others. I think the only time that I do feel a bit sad is if I feel like I’m being replaced which did happen once.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others."

I do not suffer from it at all. And if I find some one being jelitscand possessive, then I run for my life. It is a recipe for high intensity drama!

Sorry..Just being honest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though."

It’s when u fall in love or have deep feelings for someone and want them to yrself ... is it about feelings or do u get it with material things too .. it’s all an inner insecurity which I think the vast majority possess it !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though."

What do you mean by "more" OP? I think that "jealousy" is one of the more taboo subjects on here along with having real feelings for another.

There is one person I do get what on the surface appears to be jealous feelings about. But if you actually sit down, write out or talk to someone else about your feelings and do some proper soul searching you can find out what your genuine feelings are.

Is it because you're needing reassurance that you still matter? Worried about being replaced? Do you want to be exclusively meeting them or do you want to be kept informed about things so you can make your mind up?

We're all adults. Having a good and honest communication with another about where your headspace is isn't necessarily a bad thing - it actually strengthened my relationship and we've moved forward a lot happier.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Oh i can be very jealous. I am a passionate fiery spirited woman. I have a temper. I have jealousy.

Wouldn’t be a problem as i can generally wrangle the jealousy in, but unfortunately i have trust issues due to a past relationship, so it can be problematic if someone i’m dating is not honest with me.

I’m not possessive though, i just lose interest and walk away.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

I do not suffer from it at all. And if I find some one being jelitscand possessive, then I run for my life. It is a recipe for high intensity drama!

Sorry..Just being honest.

Aren’t you leaving to be monogamous?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Oh and no, I'm not possessive. I want those I meet to have fun. I enjoy knowing they are. I just don't like lies/untruths.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If someone is that way with me I walk away.

A platonic woman friend I was meeting one afternoon recently got jealous because I was meeting another friend on the same morning. I can't be doing with that. She got all passive aggressive and asked if I was going to cancel our lunch.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

This.

If there is honesty, clarity and agreed boundaries from the outset then there shouldn't be an issue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

But, if you know you're jealous and possessive and work on not letting it impact on your friends I'd say that shows strength of character. None of us is perfect

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

I’m sometimes happy to be slotted in to someone’s sexual schedule!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

This isn’t the place for jealousy - and this place will naturally provide it unless you are able to keep control of your feelings

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

Yes! I turn people down when that happens. We're not quite compatible and that's fair enough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though.

What do you mean by "more" OP? I think that "jealousy" is one of the more taboo subjects on here along with having real feelings for another.

Yeah I think it’s a fear that they’ll replace me or move on from me. That’s why having plenty of other people in my sphere helps, cause then I’ve always got someone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

I do not suffer from it at all. And if I find some one being jelitscand possessive, then I run for my life. It is a recipe for high intensity drama!

Sorry..Just being honest.

Aren’t you leaving to be monogamous? "

Yes I am. I am talking about jealousy and possessiveness in general. There is more jealousy in monogomy I guess.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

It's not an emotion I posess. Never have.

Nothing about being on Fabs has changed that for me

There's been a few occasions, I can't do things, go out, meet friends, and they make other arrangements. I may feel a tinge of something, wishing I could be there, but it's definitely not jealousy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Even as a couple we are also two individuals and there's no place for jealousy or possessiveness as this could stifle our relationship. As soon as the ability to be yourself goes the problems start in my opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

I do not suffer from it at all. And if I find some one being jelitscand possessive, then I run for my life. It is a recipe for high intensity drama!

Sorry..Just being honest.

Aren’t you leaving to be monogamous?

Yes I am. I am talking about jealousy and possessiveness in general. There is more jealousy in monogomy I guess.

I was thinking more possessiveness actually

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

My jealousy within relationships stems from my lack of trust in other women. As well as men. I’m not jealous because they have longer hair, i’m jealous because i’m trying to protect a relationship.

Which probably sounds weird. But that’s sadly a side effect of having been attempted to be cheated on, and finding the evidence.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

Yes! I turn people down when that happens. We're not quite compatible and that's fair enough."

True story lovely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not jealous when my wife has sex with someone else, and she's not jealous when I have sex with someone else, it's just awesome.

But I would be heart broken if she developed feelings for someone else.

I love my wife, but I don't own her.

well I sort of do when she has her collar on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

This.

If there is honesty, clarity and agreed boundaries from the outset then there shouldn't be an issue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

I've displayed signs of what could have been construed as jealousy which totally weren't. It was me feeling like I wasn't being thought about, like my feelings didn't matter. I felt as though I wasn't being considered nor the impact the actions would have not just on the now but on the future.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

I do need a fair amount of reassurance from B which I've learnt, but from others I need to know their intentions as I lack trust at times and wonder if there's an ulterior motive at play due to past experiences unfortunately. Liars and manipulators have a deep impact that leaves scars.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"Not jealous ... just don’t like being ‘used’ or slotted in to someone’s busy, sexual schedule.

Yes, this for me too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My jealousy within relationships stems from my lack of trust in other women. As well as men. I’m not jealous because they have longer hair, i’m jealous because i’m trying to protect a relationship.

Which probably sounds weird. But that’s sadly a side effect of having been attempted to be cheated on, and finding the evidence.

That's not jealousy beaut, it's fear.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

A little bit of jealousy and envy can be healthy. How you act upon, and how it affects your life based on it is the unhealthy part. Same with being possessive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others."
i personally think its in us all if you like someone that much why would you want to share them but obviously some can

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

Same for me also, but the emotional manipulator tries to make you think it is your fault when you categorically know it isn't

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.i personally think its in us all if you like someone that much why would you want to share them but obviously some can

Mate you are full of wisdom!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

I agree. Jealous behaviour often comes from an insecurity and can be dealt with through communication.

I think that it's important to know why and where it comes from and to be rationalised. People can make a choice about whether to act on it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ueen of sleezeWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I'm not jealous when my wife has sex with someone else, and she's not jealous when I have sex with someone else, it's just awesome.

But I would be heart broken if she developed feelings for someone else.

I love my wife, but I don't own her.

well I sort of do when she has her collar on

This is my thoughts

Sex is just that sex

But feelings thats a whole new ball game.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I'm not a jealous person. Even when I was married, just not built that way.

If I were to feel jealous I'd end the relationship personally, only because its be so out of character for me so I'd take it as a red flag.

Having said that I've encountered a lot of jealousy on here with people I've either met or sometimes not, I suppose everyone has their levels of jealousy but it's a tad annoying when I'm single

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I've only ever got this sensation on a few occasions and it's very specifically based around whether I feel I have something of value that I fear losing.

In general terms on fab I'm not jealous or possessive at all, I like my friends to be meeting others and respect their choices.

I don't think that jealous behaviour has any place on fab though, were all here for (pretty much) the same reasons and we should be able to manage our own behaviour and emotions regarding others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

Same for me also, but the emotional manipulator tries to make you think it is your fault when you categorically know it isn't"

Yes they do, so, if they ain't prepared to take things on board and meet the needs required to dull the fears then things ain't working. We all have pasts that make us who we are today and as much as we don't want the past to have any control over how we perceive things or internalise stuff it's human nature and the brain having learnt lessons and acting upon that information that it does. It's a shitter. Triggers can come out of seemingly nowhere but with work, communication and brutal honesty things can be worked on together and individually. Conscious decisions and efforts need to be made on both parts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I don't get jealous, I never have.

On here, I simply enjoy the time(s) that I spend with people, and the friendship and conversation in between those times if that is the dynamic between us. What they do with anyone else is their business, and I certainly don't keep tabs on them.

I won't tolerate anyone being jealous or posessive over me either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

I agree. Jealous behaviour often comes from an insecurity and can be dealt with through communication.

I think that it's important to know why and where it comes from and to be rationalised. People can make a choice about whether to act on it. "

I agree that communication is key. Although I have been surprised that some people won’t talk openly about what they think and feel. I’d much rather address feelings than bury them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though.

What do you mean by "more" OP? I think that "jealousy" is one of the more taboo subjects on here along with having real feelings for another.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

I agree. Jealous behaviour often comes from an insecurity and can be dealt with through communication.

I think that it's important to know why and where it comes from and to be rationalised. People can make a choice about whether to act on it. "

And managing expectations.

Before me and B got together properly he went to a club with someone else.

I wasn't jealous he went to a club with someone else. I wasn't privy to who he was going with, just "a lady friend"

It was my only day off that week and I knew full well that he was in the area and I wanted desperately to see him. I was disappointed and gutted.

I got really upset that night as I sat there on my own wishing I could have been there too. I knew if the boot was on the other foot I'd have chosen to see him. That's where my expectations were skewed at that time, I thought he'd have made the same choice as me.

Anywhoo, I cried myself to sleep feeling like I wasn't worthy but at the same time I hoped he was having a good night with the bitch he thought more of than me.

Next day I saw the veris.

I wasn't upset in the slightest, I was relieved. The "bitch" of a lady friend was someone I have a lot of respect for!

Again.... communication.

All of my angst could have been null and void if I knew the who and managed my own expectations better than I did.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

I agree. Jealous behaviour often comes from an insecurity and can be dealt with through communication.

I think that it's important to know why and where it comes from and to be rationalised. People can make a choice about whether to act on it.

And managing expectations.

Before me and B got together properly he went to a club with someone else.

I wasn't jealous he went to a club with someone else. I wasn't privy to who he was going with, just "a lady friend"

It was my only day off that week and I knew full well that he was in the area and I wanted desperately to see him. I was disappointed and gutted.

Anywhoo, I cried myself to sleep feeling like I wasn't worthy but at the same time I hoped he was having a good night with the bitch he thought more of than me.

Next day I saw the veris.

I wasn't upset in the slightest, I was relieved. The "bitch" of a lady friend was someone I have a lot of respect for!

Again.... communication.

All of my angst could have been null and void if I knew the who and managed my own expectations better than I did.

I love your honesty in your posts P

you always speak from the heart.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

Mate you are full of wisdom!

"
i know........ youre going to miss me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

My ex-husband was definitely the jealous type and possessive. If I wasn't such a strong person, in retrospect, it could have been a very unhealthy relationship.

Cal and I are not jealous people, but we do communicate well. If we are going out with someone else, the other always knows who with and where.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jealousy is an umbrella term which when you break it down into smaller segments you can work out which bit is making you angsty.

Was fear and hurt rather than jealousy, yet others spouted I was jealous coz that's what they wanted me to be along with hurt. Hey ho.

I agree. Jealous behaviour often comes from an insecurity and can be dealt with through communication.

I think that it's important to know why and where it comes from and to be rationalised. People can make a choice about whether to act on it.

And managing expectations.

Before me and B got together properly he went to a club with someone else.

I wasn't jealous he went to a club with someone else. I wasn't privy to who he was going with, just "a lady friend"

It was my only day off that week and I knew full well that he was in the area and I wanted desperately to see him. I was disappointed and gutted.

Anywhoo, I cried myself to sleep feeling like I wasn't worthy but at the same time I hoped he was having a good night with the bitch he thought more of than me.

Next day I saw the veris.

I wasn't upset in the slightest, I was relieved. The "bitch" of a lady friend was someone I have a lot of respect for!

Again.... communication.

All of my angst could have been null and void if I knew the who and managed my own expectations better than I did.

I love your honesty in your posts P

you always speak from the heart."

Thank you, I don't see the point in being any different. I'm me and if someone else can relate to my posts and think "I ain't so fucked up after all" then wooohooooo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff."

Wowzer

Deep stuff can be good to talk about. Shows we're human ffs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was once close to a woman who broke into my house and shit in my kettle, just because my mum text me.

I'm not going to mention Princess Peachs name as I'd like to think I'm more discreet then that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was once close to a woman who broke into my house and shit in my kettle, just because my mum text me.

I'm not going to mention Princess Peachs name as I'd like to think I'm more discreet then that."

This is a safe space. I’m glad you could share your anonymous traumatic experience.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was once close to a woman who broke into my house and shit in my kettle, just because my mum text me.

I'm not going to mention Princess Peachs name as I'd like to think I'm more discreet then that.

This is a safe space. I’m glad you could share your anonymous traumatic experience."

I told her I wanted a dog once so she bought a dog bowl and beat me half to death with it. Said I shouldnt want another bitch in the house

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though.

What do you mean by "more" OP? I think that "jealousy" is one of the more taboo subjects on here along with having real feelings for another.

My bit of jealousy stems from needing reassurance I matter thing I think. I just get inwardly sad rather than outwardly dramatic though. And its only invoked in those I really really like, so hardly ever at all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Haha yeah I also get inwardly sad rather than outwardly dramatic - good way of putting it.

I would like to clarify I have never boiled a bunny, shit in someone’s kettle, nor beat someone with a dog’s bowl.

Also like to state what should be obvious - harassment, stalking, and domestic violence are totally different to what I wanted to discuss. They’re abhorrent criminal and abusive behaviours.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others."

Btw I wanted to say I thought it was very brave and refreshing to see this opening post. Well done for writing it. I hope that doesn’t sound patronising. I genuinely mean it. It’s good to see vulnerability expressed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was once close to a woman who broke into my house and shit in my kettle, just because my mum text me.

I'm not going to mention Princess Peachs name as I'd like to think I'm more discreet then that.

This is a safe space. I’m glad you could share your anonymous traumatic experience.

I told her I wanted a dog once so she bought a dog bowl and beat me half to death with it. Said I shouldnt want another bitch in the house"

Princess Peach!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff."

Hey lovely.. keep talking. Its important what you have to say.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

Not patronising - thank you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"It's not an emotion I posess. Never have.

Nothing about being on Fabs has changed that for me

There's been a few occasions, I can't do things, go out, meet friends, and they make other arrangements. I may feel a tinge of something, wishing I could be there, but it's definitely not jealousy. "

I am the same

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff.

Hey lovely.. keep talking. Its important what you have to say. "

Thank you lovely xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not an emotion I posess. Never have.

Nothing about being on Fabs has changed that for me

There's been a few occasions, I can't do things, go out, meet friends, and they make other arrangements. I may feel a tinge of something, wishing I could be there, but it's definitely not jealousy.

I am the same

I’m jealous (or envious) of your chill natures! I’m glad there’s people out there who don’t have this problem

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff.

Hey lovely.. keep talking. Its important what you have to say.

Thank you lovely xxx"

Second that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

[Removed by poster at 01/12/19 12:38:13]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Brave and honest post OP

These are two emotions I don’t feel and haven’t for years, they just eat you up.

I can care about someone I’m with and during our time together, they are all that matters. However, when that time is up I move on and get on with my life, as do they, until we meet again with friendly contact in between. I love seeing those I’m with out meeting others and enjoying themselves.

If I get a hint if either of these from someone, I will have a chat with them to clear the air. If it continues I will cut ties as it’s not for me and not what I wish in my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"My bit of jealousy stems from needing reassurance I matter thing I think. I just get inwardly sad rather than outwardly dramatic though. And its only invoked in those I really really like, so hardly ever at all

Yes, I get this so much! What I find useful is remembering that they like me for me. All of my quirks and oddities and me. I like different people - it doesn't lessen the feelings I have for another.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Great post OP x

As a general rule I’ve never been a jealous person whilst not single because, in the main, I’ve been with people who just ‘were’. I’ve had mainly great relationships so never had any reason to be jealous..

On here I only meet people that I’m friends with first and genuinely like as people. Them flirting with others and meeting other people doesn’t make me jealous. I kinda like it... it doesn’t detract from my time with them as long as everything’s transparent and no false promises were made.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff."

They're just jealous....

In all seriousness though I think you're very brave to open discussions like these.

I have suffered terribly from jealousy in the past. What I've come to learn is that it was a reaction to situations...

I'm now with the most amazing man whom I trust and love with all of my heart. Don't get me wrong, there have been fleeting moments of jealousy but thankfully due to the work I've done for myself, I'm able to analyse and accept them for what they are...

Communication is paramount for relationships to work (whether romantically or friendships)

I hope you've got some good insight from your post and the nasty messages haven't upset you... sod them...if they don't like a thread...move in. Simple! Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff.

They're just jealous....

In all seriousness though I think you're very brave to open discussions like these.

I have suffered terribly from jealousy in the past. What I've come to learn is that it was a reaction to situations...

Communication is paramount for relationships to work (whether romantically or friendships)

I hope you've got some good insight from your post and the nasty messages haven't upset you... sod them...if they don't like a thread...move in. Simple! Xx"

The lovely messages and insights massively outweigh a couple of bad reactions! Xx

I am currently working on myself too, so to speak, and I am hopeful these feelings will get better as I understand them more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Nope, not jealous or possessive even if I'm in a relationship x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the replies, I’ve enjoyed hearing your insights.

This topic is obviously emotive for some people - I received a couple angry private messages and someone even blocked me (people I don’t know and never had any contact with)

So I’d like to apologise if the discussion has hurt anyone! That was never my intention.

I just like talking about the “deep” stuff.

They're just jealous....

In all seriousness though I think you're very brave to open discussions like these.

I have suffered terribly from jealousy in the past. What I've come to learn is that it was a reaction to situations...

Communication is paramount for relationships to work (whether romantically or friendships)

I hope you've got some good insight from your post and the nasty messages haven't upset you... sod them...if they don't like a thread...move in. Simple! Xx

The lovely messages and insights massively outweigh a couple of bad reactions! Xx

I am currently working on myself too, so to speak, and I am hopeful these feelings will get better as I understand them more."

Good...

Learning about yourself is a wonderful yet sometimes scary thing. Nonetheless it answers questions and enables you to live as your true self.

Good luck lovely... xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" If someone is that way with me I walk away.

Crikey that's weird.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" If someone is that way with me I walk away.

Crikey that's weird.

Yep. This despite the fact that she'd cancelled our last two meetings because it was raining

. I just told her she was being daft, we had a nice lunch and it wasn't mentioned again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *LOVEpinacoladasWoman
over a year ago

East Sussex

I get jealous when I feel like something is being hidden from me - and that's rooted in insecurity and fear of abandonment. Sadly the warning twinges that something isn't right tend to be accurate! (Not necessarily cheating, but a change of feeling/withdrawal.) And displaying jealous feelings isn't going to help, so I tend to manage them myself/talking to friends, until I'm able to talk about the situation with the person in question.

When everything is open and honest and I feel secure in a relationship (be it friend, fb, romantic) then I might feel disappointed if the person makes other plans, but that's more because I'm missing out on something fun rather than jealousy!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" If someone is that way with me I walk away.

Crikey that's weird.

Yep. This despite the fact that she'd cancelled our last two meetings because it was raining

. I just told her she was being daft, we had a nice lunch and it wasn't mentioned again

I've realised I have a mate like this. She goes away with other mates all the time. I met up with some pals and she was very passive aggressive about not being invited.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get jealous when I feel like something is being hidden from me - and that's rooted in insecurity and fear of abandonment. Sadly the warning twinges that something isn't right tend to be accurate! (Not necessarily cheating, but a change of feeling/withdrawal.) And displaying jealous feelings isn't going to help, so I tend to manage them myself/talking to friends, until I'm able to talk about the situation with the person in question.

You describe this very well, and I identify with a lot of what you say. I think some of what I’m describing is a fear of missing out, or being in the dark.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" If someone is that way with me I walk away.

Crikey that's weird.

Yep. This despite the fact that she'd cancelled our last two meetings because it was raining

. I just told her she was being daft, we had a nice lunch and it wasn't mentioned again

I've realised I have a mate like this. She goes away with other mates all the time. I met up with some pals and she was very passive aggressive about not being invited.

People are strange, except me because I'm perfectly normal

Yet another friend cancelled three or four coffee dates with me then accused me of not wanting to see her any more because I couldn't make a rescheduled date she suggested

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but do others go out of their way to raise the jealousy within u or do u just possess the green monster ... that is the question.. so is it yr fault or others ? It’s a deep subject

Honestly, I think it’s me! A little part of me always wants more from people. I agree it’s complicated though.

What do you mean by "more" OP? I think that "jealousy" is one of the more taboo subjects on here along with having real feelings for another.

Yeah I think it’s a fear that they’ll replace me or move on from me. That’s why having plenty of other people in my sphere helps, cause then I’ve always got someone else."

I feel exactly like this with one guy!

I've always said I should walk and move on!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just fuck anuses at one gloryhole in Sheffield

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just fuck anuses at one gloryhole in Sheffield "

Great input mate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just fuck anuses at one gloryhole in Sheffield "

Maybe I should try this. Cheaper than therapy, right?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just fuck anuses at one gloryhole in Sheffield "

I've missed your hairy bumhole, where've you been? Sheffield...?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I’m not either of those but I do need clarity. Be honest about what we’re doing and I’m all good with that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (Mr) don't get jealous but I do get envious of Mrs which I had confused with jealousy, she finds it easy to talk and socialise whereas I don't, so while everyone is talking to her and having a great laugh with her I'm sat watching and smiling.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

No i dont get jealous and no room in my life for those that do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *merald Eyes XWoman
over a year ago

Can you find me….

"Oh i can be very jealous. I am a passionate fiery spirited woman. I have a temper. I have jealousy.

I’m not possessive though, i just lose interest and walk away.

All of the above.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no not jealous at all end of day is a mostly casual site and here for mostly friends but if met someone who is single and my own could be tempted to take it further , but that's a different kettle of fish

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Velouriah this is one of the most interesting posts I've read in a while, thanks for posting it and thanks for being so open about it.

My lack of jealousy has bothered some exes when I've been in relationships to the point where one of them went out of his way to try to make me react (pulled someone else when we were out together and took her home).

I don't get jealous, but I did get hurt and chose to walk away.

I don't do relationships any more. Now I'm happy if I see my friends/FBs having a good time elsewhere. Sometimes I can feel a little left out, but I know that's my FOMO and my insecurity rather than their behaviour.

Ultimately what someone does when we're not together isn't any of my business, and neither is it their business what I do when I'm away from them.

All I really care about is if we make arrangements to meet up then we meet up - if someone is stringing me along, keeping me as a backup plan in case something better doesn't turn up then forget it, I'm not going to get jealous but I am going to lose interest very quickly, wish you well and be on my way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be very jealous of my ex husband, that was the way he manipulated me. Now I’m not so much, I still get the odd twinge occasionally but he doesn’t do anything to make me doubt myself. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't do jealousy. Although I believe its a valid and unavoidable emotion to many. If someone starts to get clingy I'll be very clear of the lie of the land

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Velouriah this is one of the most interesting posts I've read in a while, thanks for posting it and thanks for being so open about it.

I don't get jealous, but I did get hurt and chose to walk away.

Ultimately what someone does when we're not together isn't any of my business, and neither is it their business what I do when I'm away from them.

Thanks, I love to hear from people eschewing the prototypical relationship and finding their own way. I something think I’d be much happier with friends and fb(s)! X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely I'll admit it. It initially caused some issues for me and beast but it was my own insecurities but we worked through them together. And now I feel secure in our relationship the jealousy has gone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I have had people unfriend me or hide their verification from me because of the comments they have received either in the forum or private message. I know people that have had friendship from others taken away or threatened to be taken away if they meet me or talk to me.

I just shrug. Jealousy is a lousy emotion. If someone is jealous and you moderate your behaviour to kowtow to them, that makes you as insecure as them and it’s probably best we don’t remain friends, our meeting will soon be forgotten.

I guess that sounds harsh but for me the beauty of this lifestyle is people having fun, enjoying themselves and being with whomever they choose, when someone I fancy or have met meets someone else, there is no twinge of jealousy, only a smile that they continue to behave in a way that first attracted me.

Mostly happens with forum people, seldom have these issues locally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have had people unfriend me or hide their verification from me because of the comments they have received either in the forum or private message. I know people that have had friendship from others taken away or threatened to be taken away if they meet me or talk to me.

Mostly happens with forum people, seldom have these issues locally. "

Interesting post! Do you think there’s something about you that attracts this kind of attention, or do you think this is a more common phenomenon than the other posts in this thread suggest?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Interesting post! Do you think there’s something about you that attracts this kind of attention, or do you think this is a more common phenomenon than the other posts in this thread suggest?"

Difficult one to answer OP. I think I am not particularly well liked, I’ve been about a bit. I think a few rumours have bounced around. It used to bother me, but life is to short. Yes I’m a cock sometimes and I can be a little verbally intimidating (apparently) but those that know me, know that everything I type is tongue in cheek. Taking things too seriously ain’t my bag. I just block and move on, it’s sad to see a friend go but fab is fab.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Mostly happens with forum people, seldom have these issues locally.

Interesting post! Do you think there’s something about you that attracts this kind of attention, or do you think this is a more common phenomenon than the other posts in this thread suggest?"

I think it's more common than you'd realise/expect on this site. Jealousy is a complex umbrella term for a whole host of emotions that manifests itself in a myriad of ways. I think people worry that they are going to lose someone if they talk to others etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"This isn’t the place for jealousy - and this place will naturally provide it unless you are able to keep control of your feelings "

Bang on. The more you like yourself, the less jealousy people are in my opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

I used to.

But not now

I use ppl for physical fun here, thats it.

A handful are also real life reliable friends, with or without benefits. But no drama.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

"This isn’t the place for jealousy - and this place will naturally provide it unless you are able to keep control of your feelings. "

Couldn't agree more! If I ever found myself feeling jealous I would re-evaluate my involvement in this scene. If you're naturally prone to feelings of jealousy, distrust or self-doubt, I honestly don't believe this site is a healthy place to be, as the nature of what it is will only heighten those emotions.

For some I think stepping away becomes the most sensible option, for their own wellbeing. It's certainly something I would do if I was feeling that way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hm, I think I’m sure I agree on excluding myself from the site because I sometimes feel jealous.

I am able to keep my feelings in check and I don’t think it impacts very much on my behaviour.

I’d probably have to exclude myself from all relationships if I had a zero tolerance on unwanted feelings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m not sure I agree *

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hm, I think I’m sure I agree on excluding myself from the site because I sometimes feel jealous.

I am able to keep my feelings in check and I don’t think it impacts very much on my behaviour.

I’d probably have to exclude myself from all relationships if I had a zero tolerance on unwanted feelings."

You are welcome here and fine. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t do jealousy but I do honesty. If you’re meeting me and meet someone else it’s done. I only meet people regularly and only ever one person. That’s what I want and I’m clear from the start that if it does progress to something, it’s just me or move on. I don’t share (unless we’re together) but I make it very clear from the start. If it goes pear shaped I walk away. No jealousy involved.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hm, I think I’m sure I agree on excluding myself from the site because I sometimes feel jealous.

I am able to keep my feelings in check and I don’t think it impacts very much on my behaviour.

I’d probably have to exclude myself from all relationships if I had a zero tolerance on unwanted feelings.

You are welcome here and fine. X "

You’re lovely. Thank you Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t do jealousy but I do honesty. If you’re meeting me and meet someone else it’s done. I only meet people regularly and only ever one person. That’s what I want and I’m clear from the start that if it does progress to something, it’s just me or move on. I don’t share (unless we’re together) but I make it very clear from the start. If it goes pear shaped I walk away. No jealousy involved. "

This sounds healthy - communication and boundaries

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This sounds healthy - communication and boundaries

It’s important people know the score. Save all this possessiveness and bitchiness bollocks. If people were just honest what they wanted it’d be a much easier place. People always say I don’t belong here blah blah but I like it and it’s worked for me. I’ve met some lovely people socially and a couple of people where it went further. Never any nastiness or anything. Its actually worked for what I want so far, and even if I don’t meet many I enjoy the forums

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This sounds healthy - communication and boundaries

I’m talking about men here. I have met women more often but I’ve never been looking for a regular long term FWB with a woman.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Openness and communication is very important. As you are clear you only want to meet one, I make it clear they are not the only one before we meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Openness and communication is very important. As you are clear you only want to meet one, I make it clear they are not the only one before we meet. "

Exactly and I think that’s important too. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Openness and communication is very important. As you are clear you only want to meet one, I make it clear they are not the only one before we meet.

Exactly and I think that’s important too. x"

It is, no nonsense, all up front so everyone is clear, makes for a lot easier ride (excuse the pun)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Openness and communication is very important. As you are clear you only want to meet one, I make it clear they are not the only one before we meet.

Exactly and I think that’s important too. x

It is, no nonsense, all up front so everyone is clear, makes for a lot easier ride (excuse the pun)

. Oh yes. And I love this rollercoaster ride I’m on right now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Openness and communication is very important. As you are clear you only want to meet one, I make it clear they are not the only one before we meet.

Exactly and I think that’s important too. x

It is, no nonsense, all up front so everyone is clear, makes for a lot easier ride (excuse the pun)

. Oh yes. And I love this rollercoaster ride I’m on right now

.... and long may it last

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Interesting thread OP.

Ultimately we are responsible for our own feelings and choices.

If a situation or person triggers a 'jealous' response, perhaps look to see what is behind the raw feeling - is it an old wound or a unmet need, an insecurity, a projection? .. it's this that needs your attention, not necessarily the story.

If something disturbs my peace, I have choices .. reassess my needs/boundaries.

It's really natural to feel jealousy and sometimes unexpected, we shouldn't be shamed for feeling it.

But I think it's definitely an inside job x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If something disturbs my peace, I have choices .. reassess my needs/boundaries.

This

Fab, and the 'strangers' within, can be a confusing place at times.

Important to remember, we always have a choice (even the choice to be unhappy , which can be a challenging one to yet your head around) .. And sometimes we gotta make hard ones to protect ourselves

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If something disturbs my peace, I have choices .. reassess my needs/boundaries.

This

Fab, and the 'strangers' within, can be a confusing place at times.

Important to remember, we always have a choice (even the choice to be unhappy , which can be a challenging one to yet your head around) .. And sometimes we gotta make hard ones to protect ourselves"
i protect my inner sanctum with haribos

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

"Hm, I think I’m sure I agree on excluding myself from the site because I sometimes feel jealous.

I am able to keep my feelings in check and I don’t think it impacts very much on my behaviour.

I’d probably have to exclude myself from all relationships if I had a zero tolerance on unwanted feelings."

I'm sure we've all had those unwanted feelings from time to time, but it's how they're handled that makes the difference...I wouldn't ever suggest anyone excluded themselves from Fab for having those feelings, but if they become all-consuming and start affecting other areas of their life I definitely would.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Nope I don’t have them .... I may get a pang of it but if I sit and think and work through it can be sorted ... realising people aren’t possessions and we can’t hold on to them has helped me be more accepting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I definitely have my moments but that comes from being so insecure within myself and I never purposely make someone feel bad about it, I usually just have a sob like a baby lmao. I'm so unhappy with myself and I do compare myself to others and sometimes it does get the better of me in my relationship.

I think it's a completely normal emotion though and as long as you're not being unreasonable or making someone feel like shit because of the issues you have then it's not much of a problem.

I've had anonymous messages on here in the past saying I'm hideous and should stop chatting with so and so etc because he's not interested, I look desperate etc and I think when it gets to the point that you're acting like that, you need to take a step back and find a way to help yourself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I definitely have my moments but that comes from being so insecure within myself and I never purposely make someone feel bad about it, I usually just have a sob like a baby lmao. I'm so unhappy with myself and I do compare myself to others and sometimes it does get the better of me in my relationship.

I think it's a completely normal emotion though and as long as you're not being unreasonable or making someone feel like shit because of the issues you have then it's not much of a problem.

Awww that makes me sad - ppl can be so unnecessarily mean! I think you're adorable and thats regardless of all those beautiful pictures you have!

(Hula music is great too, don't let anyone tell you otherwise....;-))

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it's a completely normal emotion though and as long as you're not being unreasonable or making someone feel like shit because of the issues you have then it's not much of a problem.

I’m sorry people have spoken to you like that.

I know it doesn’t solve the feelings you have about yourself but I think you’re one of the fittest women I’ve seen on here xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hm, I think I’m sure I agree on excluding myself from the site because I sometimes feel jealous.

I am able to keep my feelings in check and I don’t think it impacts very much on my behaviour.

I’d probably have to exclude myself from all relationships if I had a zero tolerance on unwanted feelings.

Yes I agree x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bit of envy at times but not jealousy. I’m not possessive I like sharing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others."

If you have jealous and possessive tendencies, fab is not the place for you. End of. You might try to rein them in, but they'll get the better of you, especially if you cross paths with someone you really like who doesn't feel the same way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I think it's a completely normal emotion though and as long as you're not being unreasonable or making someone feel like shit because of the issues you have then it's not much of a problem.

Just remember that is those messaging you that are acting like that, not you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you Nip, Vel and Spurs! It genuinely only bothered me the very first time but not now. I think jealousy is a completely normal emotion but when you start to involve others and bring them down with you that's when it becomes a big problem.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think it's a completely normal emotion though and as long as you're not being unreasonable or making someone feel like shit because of the issues you have then it's not much of a problem.

That is terrible, some people need to grow up. And I think they purposely target the nice people. And in all honesty I think you look amazing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

I disagree that jealous and possessive tendencies are an immediate reason to say Fab is not the place for you - it's how those jealous and possessive tendencies are manifested is the key. If someone is able to keep them in check and to themselves and manage them appropriately then I don't see the problem, it's when someone allows them to bubble over into maliciousness that they are dangerous.

If clear boundaries are set, and both people are open and honest with each other then that is also key.

I also think jealousy and wistfulness or envy are often confused on here - and they are very different in reality - there are times that someone I've met has been meeting someone else and I've had an "I wish it was me" moment but that is vastly different from me being jealous of anything and soon sorted with a head wobble or two.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

I think it's more about how you act upon those tendencies.

Do you do a bit of soul searching and uncover the why? Do some internal work or gain a better understanding about yourself?

Or are you the kind of person who will try to sabotage what others have by being a sneaky, making, up lies and viewing things as a competition?

One is ok as it's workable and ultimately can make you a better person, the other is so so not on many levels of hideous behaviour and those are the people who I wouldn't say shouldn't be here... I'd say don't deserve to be here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Thank you Nip, Vel and Spurs! It genuinely only bothered me the very first time but not now. I think jealousy is a completely normal emotion but when you start to involve others and bring them down with you that's when it becomes a big problem.

It is definitely a shock the first time it happens, even more so from someone you don’t know. I now just laugh it off, it is definitely their issue and not mine.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

I think it's more about how you act upon those tendencies.

Do you do a bit of soul searching and uncover the why? Do some internal work or gain a better understanding about yourself?

Or are you the kind of person who will try to sabotage what others have by being a sneaky, making, up lies and viewing things as a competition?

Said it so much better than me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

If clear boundaries are set, and both people are open and honest with each other then that is also key.

Perhaps I should have stated strong jealous / possessive tendencies instead. I think everyone is capable of having them to some extent and how they keep them in check is key. From my experience, the more jealous and possessive a person tends to be, the harder it is to prevent those feelings from manifesting in a nasty manner. Assuming they still manage to keep them in check, it comes with an unpleasant internal struggle which sours their experience here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Returning with one last comment. I think that people don’t realise how damaging their jealousy or jealous behaviour can be. The “I get jealous and it’s my issue” is all well and good on the surface but the impact this can have on others, depending on the way it is articulated can have a knock on affect and spoil others enjoyment of this lifestyle.

Those jealous reactions may be dressed up as “banter” or some such nonsense but the behaviour of some, who many who have not be on the receiving end may think are nice people, is worrying and in some cases frightening, controlling and manipulative.

I’m not going to say people shouldn’t be here, but one should walk through this life with soft foot steps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

I would say that is pure respect for what they share as a couple rather than anything else. They have set their rules / boundaries between them. Kissing for example, a lot see as intimate so will keep this for between themselves

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not jealous or possessive, especially not towards people I’ve met here. However I’ve always attracted the jealous/possessive type and it’s truly exhausting. Hate the manipulative behaviour involved but still end up picking this type

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensual 2Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

We are a content couple ...with no jealousy etc...... thats why we are are here ...... but some people have issues and just cant help it .....takes all sorts ......you just need to meet those who are on the same page ......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I’m not jealous or possessive, especially not towards people I’ve met here. However I’ve always attracted the jealous/possessive type and it’s truly exhausting. Hate the manipulative behaviour involved but still end up picking this type

I couldve written that! Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a shame though when they actively choose to hurt you or spoil your experience purely because of jealousy, either because you're viewed as competition or often because they can't have you. They should be ashamed of themselves...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

That's sad to hear

They seem normal at first but then gradually revealed themselves to be this way?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's sad to hear

They seem normal at first but then gradually revealed themselves to be this way?"

Exactly...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldve written that! Xx"

Kisses and hugs to you then...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

That's sad to hear

They seem normal at first but then gradually revealed themselves to be this way?

Exactly..."

Then it's a case of plain bad luck. May 2020 change those fortunes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

If clear boundaries are set, and both people are open and honest with each other then that is also key.

I also think that everyone will be somewhere on the spectrum of zero jealousy all the way to pathological jealousy. I don’t think it’s easy to say where on that spectrum you’d argue “fab is not for you. End of.”

I also think there’s something about the combination of persons and what behaviour some will tolerate, whereas others will find unacceptable.

In my case - being very vulnerable here - the “internal struggle” is worth the pay off. I’m single, I’m not ready for a relationship. I still want sex and intimacy. I can find that through fab and yeah there’s some difficult emotions that can “sour” it a little but I don’t think either myself, nor the people I’ve met, would forfeit our time together to avoid those feelings.

As with all human relationships, we are choosing all the time what is right for ourselves, and we are the best judge of our own risk-benefits.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

I’ve never done this as a couple so just summarising what they might think. However, I’d be surprised if the couples who actively choose this lifestyle together set boundaries based on jealousy, that could be a very dangerous game to play for their relationship. The couples I see around, seem strong and united on what they like and why they do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Okay so this isn’t a great advert for myself..

But I am prone to jealousy and possessiveness. I know it’s unhealthy and not pleasant for anyone so I (think) I keep it well under wraps.

Anyone else wanna confess?

And how do you deal with it? Either being the jealous one, or having someone be possessive over you.

When I’m single, I find the more people I talk to and meet, it dilutes out my own jealousy over others.

If clear boundaries are set, and both people are open and honest with each other then that is also key.

I also think there’s something about the combination of persons and what behaviour some will tolerate, whereas others will find unacceptable.

As with all human relationships, we are choosing all the time what is right for ourselves, and we are the best judge of our own risk-benefits.

It seems you're very aware of some issues you might have and seem to know how to deal with them. If you've derived more enjoyment than grief from your experience here that's great and i'm happy for you. Provided you continue to deal with it well and don't cross paths with people who don't you'll have a brilliant time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

For us part of the reason we have boundaries in place is to do with jealousy and the nastiness that can come from it, but not as you may think.

Having been on the receiving end of manipulative behaviour from others our boundaries are not only a barrier for us, but to protect us from those who may display the yukky side.

No overnight stays is one of our lines. Why?

Not because of concerns that one of us may develop feelings for someone else, but in case the someone else starts developing feelings for either of us and decides they want what we have and chooses to act upon those jealous tendencies creating aggro and havoc for us. Fuck that shit. The drama and fucked upness of it all (lies, private messages, emotional blac*mail) can fuck right off and we'll do what we can to keep it as far away from us as possible.

When bringing another person into your relationship it's a risk we take, so protect ourselves accordingly. I mean, I really can't be arsed knocking people out for being cunty, I've far better things to be doing with my time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

For us part of the reason we have boundaries in place is to do with jealousy and the nastiness that can come from it, but not as you may think.

Having been on the receiving end of manipulative behaviour from others our boundaries are not only a barrier for us, but to protect us from those who may display the yukky side.

No overnight stays is one of our lines. Why?

That's it for us really. Just a safeguard against the possibility of others having jealousy and twattish tendencies.

And yes, you do have far better things to do than knocking cunty people out, my sweet. Taking pretty photographs and repeatedly impaling yourself upon my bell end being just two of them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I suffer from it occasionally. I try very hard to keep it to myself and sort my crap out without inflicting it on others. Failing that, I talk it out privately.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

For us part of the reason we have boundaries in place is to do with jealousy and the nastiness that can come from it, but not as you may think.

Having been on the receiving end of manipulative behaviour from others our boundaries are not only a barrier for us, but to protect us from those who may display the yukky side.

No overnight stays is one of our lines. Why?

That explains why very well. Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

For us part of the reason we have boundaries in place is to do with jealousy and the nastiness that can come from it, but not as you may think.

Having been on the receiving end of manipulative behaviour from others our boundaries are not only a barrier for us, but to protect us from those who may display the yukky side.

No overnight stays is one of our lines. Why?

As always P you say it so much better. It’s not jealousy between the couple that they have the boundaries, but jealousy from others they’ve chosen to allow into their lives

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of couples say they’re not jealous or possessive but then they’ll put certain criteria into meets, like no kissing or if one of them meets alone, they can’t stay overnight.

Are these criteria borne from jealousy or possessiveness?

But for some it could be because of jealousy surely? Not for all couples obviously

For us part of the reason we have boundaries in place is to do with jealousy and the nastiness that can come from it, but not as you may think.

Having been on the receiving end of manipulative behaviour from others our boundaries are not only a barrier for us, but to protect us from those who may display the yukky side.

No overnight stays is one of our lines. Why?

You’ve not knocked me out yet so it’s cool

. I’ve only been threatened so far

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"Oh and no, I'm not possessive. I want those I meet to have fun. I enjoy knowing they are. I just don't like lies/untruths. "
this is me too x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication and candour are key...

I 'catch the feels' easily, but as long as I'm treated with respect and not lied to, I cope with those feelings just fine. I know exactly where you're coming from OP, I think we've all been there at some stage on our Fab journey.

Possessive? Nah, I'm too independent for that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Communication and candour are key...

I 'catch the feels' easily, but as long as I'm treated with respect and not lied to, I cope with those feelings just fine. "

Yes. Well not so much catching the feels easily but it's more about not being lied to and treated with respect. Relationships (and I'm using that in the broad definition of the term) can be fickle, fragile things. Lying creates feelings of self doubt which have a tendency to exaggerate other less positive feelings along with it. I don't mind what people do, I just don't like being lied to. It comes up under showing people a basic level of respect - I afford it to strangers and expect it from someone who wants to get intimately acquainted with my vagina.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Communication and candour are key...

I 'catch the feels' easily, but as long as I'm treated with respect and not lied to, I cope with those feelings just fine.

And when you are lied to and mislead for ages.. you might become insecure and as a result possibly envious. Nothing happens without cause.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Communication and candour are key...

I 'catch the feels' easily, but as long as I'm treated with respect and not lied to, I cope with those feelings just fine.

And when you are lied to and mislead for ages.. you might become insecure and as a result possibly envious. Nothing happens without cause. "

Exactly.

Our fears etc come from things we've learnt.

Our brains hold onto things it perceives as lessons to protect us, some of which outdated, some will always be relevant.

I use the example: at school you're standing up in front on the class reading from a book. You read a word wrong and people laugh at you, you're hurt and embarrassed. Your brain wants to stop that from happening again so it works out what it needs to do to prevent it. Instead of it thinking "I need to get the words right" it learns that standing up reading in front of a group is the cause. From there you avoid situations that mean standing up talking in front of groups, coz the brain sends you into panic mode or riddles you with fear and anxiety about it.

I think it's much the same with other feelings/fears/insecurities. They come from causes, some of them known, some unknown, be it abandonment issues or whatever then display as jealousy from the outside when in fact they're not. It's the brain trying to protect us from hurt.

I don't think many are genuinely jealous, genuinely wanting to take something from another person or not wanting someone to have something. I believe that if insecurities, fears etc are managed in a healthy way and time taken to teach the brain new lessons then things can be worked on and dealt with.

There will be some absolute car crashes of humans who are intent on badness as spoken of earlier, who want what others have rather than working on themselves, so all we can do is put boundaries in place to help keep them at arms length. But for the most part, it's relearning new lessons and listening to your gut.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread