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Bereavement

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Has anyone ever felt guilty for not being around more to a relstions house viditing?

I lost my aunt 6 weeks a go. She would invite me round but was busy. I used to visit but not as often as i could have. Ive been sorting through personal effects and feel awful about myself especially when she left me some money in her will. I keep thinking about her inviting me over and me sayong i was busy. I feel terrible now. Hhas thid happened to any of yous?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone ever felt guilty for not being around more to a relstions house viditing?

I lost my aunt 6 weeks a go. She would invite me round but was busy. I used to visit but not as often as i could have. Ive been sorting through personal effects and feel awful about myself especially when she left me some money in her will. I keep thinking about her inviting me over and me sayong i was busy. I feel terrible now. Hhas thid happened to any of yous? "

So sorry for your loss, you think you have all the time in the world for people and before you klnow you have that person shaped hole in your life.

Don't feel guilty. Focus on the good times.

It has been 3 years to the day tomorrow since my Mum passef and the whats whys wheh is constant.

Tomorrow I shall be immersing myself into whatever I can find to to do because it really is one step, each day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone ever felt guilty for not being around more to a relstions house viditing?

I lost my aunt 6 weeks a go. She would invite me round but was busy. I used to visit but not as often as i could have. Ive been sorting through personal effects and feel awful about myself especially when she left me some money in her will. I keep thinking about her inviting me over and me sayong i was busy. I feel terrible now. Hhas thid happened to any of yous? "

6 weeks still isnt very long and guilt can be part of the grieving process. It will take time to accept she has gone and for you to start to come to terms with it. She would have understood that you had a life to lead too and appreciated spending time with you. As said before focus on the good times you shared and take each day as it comes xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for replying, to youd, im under the influence of vodka but thanks for the replies

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"Thanks for replying, to youd, im under the influence of vodka but thanks for the replies "

So sorry for your loss. I think we all feel a sense of guilt through losing someone, it will get easier

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Everyone grieves differently. There's no one answer that fits all.

Concentrate on what you are comfortable with, on the good times and memories and let those around you come into your life as and when you want them to.

Above all, be yourself. It will get better.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

"
,

That's a very special time....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

,

That's a very special time.... "

Yes, it was. She played a huge part in my life and I was grateful for the opportunity as strange as it sounds.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I also know that despite the fact that I do a lot for my parents in terms of care etc that when the time comes I'm going to feel bad about all the times I got fed up and impatient with them.

It's human nature to concentrate on what you didn't do I suppose

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

,

That's a very special time....

Yes, it was. She played a huge part in my life and I was grateful for the opportunity as strange as it sounds. "

It doesn't sound strange, we have recently lost my brother's wife who I helped look after and was privileged to spend her last few weeks with her and be with her when she passed.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

,

That's a very special time....

Yes, it was. She played a huge part in my life and I was grateful for the opportunity as strange as it sounds.

It doesn't sound strange, we have recently lost my brother's wife who I helped look after and was privileged to spend her last few weeks with her and be with her when she passed."

It's as if you're completing something isn't it. It is a privilege and I felt much less sad than I might have done I think

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

,

That's a very special time....

Yes, it was. She played a huge part in my life and I was grateful for the opportunity as strange as it sounds.

It doesn't sound strange, we have recently lost my brother's wife who I helped look after and was privileged to spend her last few weeks with her and be with her when she passed."

I'm sorry to hear that. Condolences.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"I also know that despite the fact that I do a lot for my parents in terms of care etc that when the time comes I'm going to feel bad about all the times I got fed up and impatient with them.

It's human nature to concentrate on what you didn't do I suppose "

It is human nature, think of all the good things that you have done for your parents

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I also know that despite the fact that I do a lot for my parents in terms of care etc that when the time comes I'm going to feel bad about all the times I got fed up and impatient with them.

It's human nature to concentrate on what you didn't do I suppose

It is human nature, think of all the good things that you have done for your parents "

Trust me I do when I'm feeling fed up with them . Then think of all the good things they did for me

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

,

That's a very special time....

Yes, it was. She played a huge part in my life and I was grateful for the opportunity as strange as it sounds.

It doesn't sound strange, we have recently lost my brother's wife who I helped look after and was privileged to spend her last few weeks with her and be with her when she passed.

It's as if you're completing something isn't it. It is a privilege and I felt much less sad than I might have done I think"

It's exactly that. It's the cycle of life and our loved ones will appreciate us being there.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"When my aunt died we had about nine months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death. This meant that we all had an opportunity to ensure we said and did the things that needed to be said and done. That was lucky. If we hadn't had that time I think most of the family would have had regrets.

,

That's a very special time....

Yes, it was. She played a huge part in my life and I was grateful for the opportunity as strange as it sounds.

It doesn't sound strange, we have recently lost my brother's wife who I helped look after and was privileged to spend her last few weeks with her and be with her when she passed.

I'm sorry to hear that. Condolences. "

Thank you..x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just think guilt is a part of a grieving process. We have to focus on moments we had, not those we missed.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"I also know that despite the fact that I do a lot for my parents in terms of care etc that when the time comes I'm going to feel bad about all the times I got fed up and impatient with them.

It's human nature to concentrate on what you didn't do I suppose

It is human nature, think of all the good things that you have done for your parents

Trust me I do when I'm feeling fed up with them . Then think of all the good things they did for me"

That's how I feel. Now looking after my 90 year old Dad, because I love him and he looked after me and still does

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"I just think guilt is a part of a grieving process. We have to focus on moments we had, not those we missed. "
,

Yes..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would think most people would feel bad for not visiting enough, even if they visited every day. X

Sorry for your loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly I am sorry for your loss. Having lost a partner and both parents I think its natural to think of all the things you could have done or would do if you had the time again. But dont torture yourself with this , its important to be realistic and understand we all have busy lives. The fact that you are thinking about it shows you cared . Remember the good times , any special moments you shared. Plant a tree in their honour . If they left you money then buy something special to remember them by or book a holiday that you can spend a little time thinking of them.

Most importantly spend time with those people around you still love so you have no regrets with them..

Best of luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks to all of you who took the time to reply. Thank you all for your kind help. Its helped me a lot

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