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Most mortifying sex story.

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Ok. This still eats me alive every time I think about it so I’m hoping someone can top it.

My boyfriend at the time was working from home and we spent the morning in bed. He finished up in the back entrance.

Later that morning I went into town and the overwhelming urge to use the bathroom came over me... (thanks enema-esque jizz)!... I already have this awful fear of doing a number 2 outside of my own house.

I ran into the library toilets... they had that weird blue lighting but were pleasant enough.

I don’t even want to describe what the state of the toilet was but there was no toilet brush or anything. I wanted the ground to eat me.

Next thing, June, had taken a break from the Dewey decimal system and came in to do her hourly inspection to which her face turned to absolute rage, she utters apologises profusely at me and hollers our the door “Richard, those junkies have been in again”.

This was a few years ago now and I still have a Caribbean cookbook that I can’t bear to take back.

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

Jezzzzzzzz K. I just spat my coffee and bacon and sausage sambo all over the place.

And you wanted to go on public tv. Not after that you won’t lol x

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Jezzzzzzzz K. I just spat my coffee and bacon and sausage sambo all over the place.

And you wanted to go on public tv. Not after that you won’t lol x"

If you can’t take the piss out of yourself, then who can you!! It makes me chuckle at the sheer horror of it all xx

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"Jezzzzzzzz K. I just spat my coffee and bacon and sausage sambo all over the place.

And you wanted to go on public tv. Not after that you won’t lol x

If you can’t take the piss out of yourself, then who can you!! It makes me chuckle at the sheer horror of it all xx"

Ha ha. Yea but I’m imaging it and can see you hovering over the big legs all over the place and hands pushing against the walls lol. Classic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How much is the fine on the book so far? Lol

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Jezzzzzzzz K. I just spat my coffee and bacon and sausage sambo all over the place.

And you wanted to go on public tv. Not after that you won’t lol x

If you can’t take the piss out of yourself, then who can you!! It makes me chuckle at the sheer horror of it all xx

Ha ha. Yea but I’m imaging it and can see you hovering over the big legs all over the place and hands pushing against the walls lol. Classic "

I’m not tall enough for that. It’d be Like trainspotting meets willow lol

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By *edmark07Man
over a year ago

liverpool

If that's the opening gambit for this thread I'm off, its way to early in the day

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"How much is the fine on the book so far? Lol"

Must be AT LEAST £80.

Might have to throw a fabbers dinner party to get my moneys worth lol

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"If that's the opening gambit for this thread I'm off, its way to early in the day "

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

[Removed by poster at 28/11/19 10:57:23]

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By *athan 123Man
over a year ago

rochdale oldham border


"Ok. This still eats me alive every time I think about it so I’m hoping someone can top it.

My boyfriend at the time was working from home and we spent the morning in bed. He finished up in the back entrance.

Later that morning I went into town and the overwhelming urge to use the bathroom came over me... (thanks enema-esque jizz)!... I already have this awful fear of doing a number 2 outside of my own house.

I ran into the library toilets... they had that weird blue lighting but were pleasant enough.

I don’t even want to describe what the state of the toilet was but there was no toilet brush or anything. I wanted the ground to eat me.

Next thing, June, had taken a break from the Dewey decimal system and came in to do her hourly inspection to which her face turned to absolute rage, she utters apologises profusely at me and hollers our the door “Richard, those junkies have been in again”.

This was a few years ago now and I still have a Caribbean cookbook that I can’t bear to take back. "
. Ha ha love the ending but feel for you

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"Jezzzzzzzz K. I just spat my coffee and bacon and sausage sambo all over the place.

And you wanted to go on public tv. Not after that you won’t lol x

If you can’t take the piss out of yourself, then who can you!! It makes me chuckle at the sheer horror of it all xx

Ha ha. Yea but I’m imaging it and can see you hovering over the big legs all over the place and hands pushing against the walls lol. Classic

I’m not tall enough for that. It’d be Like trainspotting meets willow lol"

I know lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again! "

I don’t think I will off the back of this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

I don’t think I will off the back of this! "

But saying that the guy it happened with I've met since several times

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Jezzzzzzzz K. I just spat my coffee and bacon and sausage sambo all over the place.

And you wanted to go on public tv. Not after that you won’t lol x

If you can’t take the piss out of yourself, then who can you!! It makes me chuckle at the sheer horror of it all xx"

It made me chuckle...thanks for sharing x

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

I don’t think I will off the back of this!

But saying that the guy it happened with I've met since several times "

Rem_mber that woman who got stuck in the window trying to throw her poo out of it

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

I don’t think I will off the back of this!

But saying that the guy it happened with I've met since several times

Rem_mber that woman who got stuck in the window trying to throw her poo out of it"

no??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

I don’t think I will off the back of this!

But saying that the guy it happened with I've met since several times

Rem_mber that woman who got stuck in the window trying to throw her poo out of it"

Strangely enough this involves poo too

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By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

Had a wank one night and fell asleep with the vibrator still inside me. Went to the loo in the morning, somewhat hungover, and out it fell. I didn't even notice. House was full of teenagers who'd slept over from my daughter's birthday party the night before and of course one of them found it. I was tight lipped about whose it was even if not tight lipped enough to stop it hitting the water!

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Had a wank one night and fell asleep with the vibrator still inside me. Went to the loo in the morning, somewhat hungover, and out it fell. I didn't even notice. House was full of teenagers who'd slept over from my daughter's birthday party the night before and of course one of them found it. I was tight lipped about whose it was even if not tight lipped enough to stop it hitting the water!"

Haha. Bless you. That’s cracking x

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

I don’t think I will off the back of this! "

Why not? Anyone open to rear entrance fun* and uses the phrase "enema-esque jizz" deserves recognition and as much fun as she can handle

* not the primary motivator

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"I think if I ever divulged my most embarrassing sex story I wouldn't ever get a meet again!

I don’t think I will off the back of this! "
I still would

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Literally spat my coffee out....

None of my embarrasing stories top yours, my dear!

Thanks for the chuckle!!

x Niki

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By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich


"Had a wank one night and fell asleep with the vibrator still inside me. Went to the loo in the morning, somewhat hungover, and out it fell. I didn't even notice. House was full of teenagers who'd slept over from my daughter's birthday party the night before and of course one of them found it. I was tight lipped about whose it was even if not tight lipped enough to stop it hitting the water!

Haha. Bless you. That’s cracking x"

I aim to please

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By *oirinMarkusCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands and West London

I have many!

One of the most entertaining happened when I was a virgin. First bf and I'm about 17/18, in college. We would go and watch a movie at the cinema and make out.

The first time I was reaching into his trousers after he'd make me cum, I noticed he was already wet. I assumed he'd cum, or that this was normal, but when I looked at my hand, it was wet with blood...

It turned out a girl/ woman rode his cock on Valentine's day and broke it, so his banjo string bled everytime he got erect.

He is now married and has kids, as far as I know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone once cum in the cinema and shot up and over the seats in front.

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By *oodnitegirl OP   Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Someone once cum in the cinema and shot up and over the seats in front.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone once cum in the cinema and shot up and over the seats in front.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Yorkshire Tea went everywhere after reading that

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I know exactly what you mean,thankfully my friend who put the deposit there the night before had just left for work . Not good...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok. This still eats me alive every time I think about it so I’m hoping someone can top it.

My boyfriend at the time was working from home and we spent the morning in bed. He finished up in the back entrance.

Later that morning I went into town and the overwhelming urge to use the bathroom came over me... (thanks enema-esque jizz)!... I already have this awful fear of doing a number 2 outside of my own house.

I ran into the library toilets... they had that weird blue lighting but were pleasant enough.

I don’t even want to describe what the state of the toilet was but there was no toilet brush or anything. I wanted the ground to eat me.

Next thing, June, had taken a break from the Dewey decimal system and came in to do her hourly inspection to which her face turned to absolute rage, she utters apologises profusely at me and hollers our the door “Richard, those junkies have been in again”.

This was a few years ago now and I still have a Caribbean cookbook that I can’t bear to take back. "

Omg I spat my water every where

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By *ulfilthmentMan
over a year ago

Just around the corner


"I’m not tall enough for that. It’d be Like trainspotting meets willow lol"

Now you’ve made me spit my coffee.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say mine was mortifying - more hilarious!

It was a few years ago when I was with my partner of the time. He wasnt quite as adventurous as I was. I'd introduced a butt plug into our play (I knew my intentions and prepped for the event). Anyhoo, during play, adequately lubed up, inserted said butt plug (with one of those sucker things you can stick to surfaces) started play, got a bit energetic and the ruddy thing shot oot my erse! I fell about laughing hysterically, whilst partner was none too pleased and killed the moment. I had considered that if the bedroom window was any lower, I'm sure the damned thing would have suckered itself to the window which made me laugh more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok.....you have to believe that confessing my sins gives me the most horrendous anxiety!

Ok few years ago met with a fab gent, a rather sexy silver fox that got my imagination flowing...so it was the day after boxing day, got my sexy self to his place all excited....this progressed very quickly, he was exceptional...just saying.

So I find myself blind folded and tied to his bed just in a pair of stocking....he was paying ALOT of attention to my lady garden edging me constantly getting me to the brink then backing off....so theres was I all sweaty and screaming for him to just get me there already!!!

I'm now begging for him to finish...so he gets me almost doubled 0ver hands and face doing the work he adjusts himself so I can fill my mouth...I feel my orgasm building and I finally get there and it was soooooo feckin intense my whole body convulsing ...... I did mention it was a few days after Christmas right.....rich food, wine etc etc

Well at the highest point of my intense orgasm I shit....yep SHITE all over his bed.....utterly mortified I'm wracking my brains thinking what the fuck!

I ask him to untie me, I jump off the bed, and said " ffs look what you made me do " he just layed there laughing his fucking head off!

I stripped the bed, put it in his washing machine, though well I better get dressed and take my humiliated ass home, I go upstairs and hes laying there waiting for me and says " so where were we??? "

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Ok.....you have to believe that confessing my sins gives me the most horrendous anxiety!

Ok few years ago met with a fab gent, a rather sexy silver fox that got my imagination flowing...so it was the day after boxing day, got my sexy self to his place all excited....this progressed very quickly, he was exceptional...just saying.

So I find myself blind folded and tied to his bed just in a pair of stocking....he was paying ALOT of attention to my lady garden edging me constantly getting me to the brink then backing off....so theres was I all sweaty and screaming for him to just get me there already!!!

I'm now begging for him to finish...so he gets me almost doubled 0ver hands and face doing the work he adjusts himself so I can fill my mouth...I feel my orgasm building and I finally get there and it was soooooo feckin intense my whole body convulsing ...... I did mention it was a few days after Christmas right.....rich food, wine etc etc

Well at the highest point of my intense orgasm I shit....yep SHITE all over his bed.....utterly mortified I'm wracking my brains thinking what the fuck!

I ask him to untie me, I jump off the bed, and said " ffs look what you made me do " he just layed there laughing his fucking head off!

I stripped the bed, put it in his washing machine, though well I better get dressed and take my humiliated ass home, I go upstairs and hes laying there waiting for me and says " so where were we??? "

"

That's a keeper right there!

Mrs TMN x

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston


"Ok.....you have to believe that confessing my sins gives me the most horrendous anxiety!

Ok few years ago met with a fab gent, a rather sexy silver fox that got my imagination flowing...so it was the day after boxing day, got my sexy self to his place all excited....this progressed very quickly, he was exceptional...just saying.

So I find myself blind folded and tied to his bed just in a pair of stocking....he was paying ALOT of attention to my lady garden edging me constantly getting me to the brink then backing off....so theres was I all sweaty and screaming for him to just get me there already!!!

I'm now begging for him to finish...so he gets me almost doubled 0ver hands and face doing the work he adjusts himself so I can fill my mouth...I feel my orgasm building and I finally get there and it was soooooo feckin intense my whole body convulsing ...... I did mention it was a few days after Christmas right.....rich food, wine etc etc

Well at the highest point of my intense orgasm I shit....yep SHITE all over his bed.....utterly mortified I'm wracking my brains thinking what the fuck!

I ask him to untie me, I jump off the bed, and said " ffs look what you made me do " he just layed there laughing his fucking head off!

I stripped the bed, put it in his washing machine, though well I better get dressed and take my humiliated ass home, I go upstairs and hes laying there waiting for me and says " so where were we??? "

"

Oh my Lord. I have no words!

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston


"Ok.....you have to believe that confessing my sins gives me the most horrendous anxiety!

Ok few years ago met with a fab gent, a rather sexy silver fox that got my imagination flowing...so it was the day after boxing day, got my sexy self to his place all excited....this progressed very quickly, he was exceptional...just saying.

So I find myself blind folded and tied to his bed just in a pair of stocking....he was paying ALOT of attention to my lady garden edging me constantly getting me to the brink then backing off....so theres was I all sweaty and screaming for him to just get me there already!!!

I'm now begging for him to finish...so he gets me almost doubled 0ver hands and face doing the work he adjusts himself so I can fill my mouth...I feel my orgasm building and I finally get there and it was soooooo feckin intense my whole body convulsing ...... I did mention it was a few days after Christmas right.....rich food, wine etc etc

Well at the highest point of my intense orgasm I shit....yep SHITE all over his bed.....utterly mortified I'm wracking my brains thinking what the fuck!

I ask him to untie me, I jump off the bed, and said " ffs look what you made me do " he just layed there laughing his fucking head off!

I stripped the bed, put it in his washing machine, though well I better get dressed and take my humiliated ass home, I go upstairs and hes laying there waiting for me and says " so where were we??? "

Oh my Lord. I have no words!"

But I am laughing loudly

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Picked a girl up once on holiday, took her back to her hotel room. Halfway through sexy time she shit the bed. I never saw her again

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

This thread is gold!

OK, with my first proper boyfriend, we were shagging in the shower at his student halls (classy) when amidst all the soapy slipperiness he accidentally popped my anal cherry! I screamed, he was super confused - didn't even realise what had happened - and I was so mortified I wouldn't tell him.

The next day, he had a very awkward visit from one of the other guys staying on his floor (who'd clearly drawn the short straw) to ask on behalf of the other residents that we stop having such noisy sex...

Mrs TMN x

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