FabSwingers.com forum: Bettering yourself

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Has anyone else been in a position of looking for new people to inspire/motivate them? I'm looking to push my business and life to the next level but the mindsets I'm surrounded by are doing the opposite, how can I find new people to help push me to where I want to go? Anyone else had this issue?

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Friends? What is this strange concept?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Meetup group or similar?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Makes sense to me

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Join the freemasons

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By *ilver_StarMan
over a year ago

Oxford

I have done some volunteer work through the years. Each time it's reset my belief in humanity and i've met some selfless and inspiring people who mostly spend their lives enabling others to have better ones.

Try it. You'll see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have to live it. This place is great for finding ppl who aren't like you! I don't rate the terms circle or cage tbh, both imply restriction or exclusivity, for me it's more of a cloud of friends (a positive one) with no real limits or edges.....

Nip

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

I’m up against a brick wall trying to advance at work. So I started a degree part time. One day a week off work to attend and I’ve made a whole new circle of friends and associates. I have people asking me to join their workplace as they have seen what I can do at uni. It’s changed my life and opened it up to options I’d never considered.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I have done some volunteer work through the years. Each time it's reset my belief in humanity and i've met some selfless and inspiring people who mostly spend their lives enabling others to have better ones.

Try it. You'll see."

Definitely this too

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

5yrs ago.

Pretty much cut off all contact with the majority of my friends.

I hadn't been in a good place for a long time.

I decided I needed to change alot about my life, my first goal to lose weight.

I didn't realise till I actually started on my plan, just how negative these people were, because I'd been the same too!

But suddenly having a goal, something to aim for..

The lack of support, the put downs, the sarcasm & doubts.

These people didn't want me to change, they wanted to keep me at the same level, their level.

I walked away...

I see alot of them around now & then, they still doing the same thing day in, day out, I hear them moan about the exact same things they moaned about 5yrs ago.

Only now they add me to their moans once I'm gone..

I'm stuck up, think I'm better than them, wear fancy clothes, drive a flash car.

I'm none of that.

But I won't apologise for dragging myself out of a hole, and creating a better life for myself & my children

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Business Networking?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"5yrs ago.

Pretty much cut off all contact with the majority of my friends.

I hadn't been in a good place for a long time.

I decided I needed to change alot about my life, my first goal to lose weight.

I didn't realise till I actually started on my plan, just how negative these people were, because I'd been the same too!

But suddenly having a goal, something to aim for..

The lack of support, the put downs, the sarcasm & doubts.

These people didn't want me to change, they wanted to keep me at the same level, their level.

I walked away...

I see alot of them around now & then, they still doing the same thing day in, day out, I hear them moan about the exact same things they moaned about 5yrs ago.

Only now they add me to their moans once I'm gone..

I'm stuck up, think I'm better than them, wear fancy clothes, drive a flash car.

I'm none of that.

But I won't apologise for dragging myself out of a hole, and creating a better life for myself & my children

This is similar to my situation, everyone around me is content with their 9 to 5 living for the weekend rat race and they can't see past it, but I can, and I want out, so I've been working on my own projects and business for a few years but I feel trapped by my environment, so I want to mix with like minded individuals but I don't know where to look/go about it. I've gone as far as I can on my own, now i need more.

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

"5yrs ago.

Pretty much cut off all contact with the majority of my friends.

I hadn't been in a good place for a long time.

I decided I needed to change alot about my life, my first goal to lose weight.

I didn't realise till I actually started on my plan, just how negative these people were, because I'd been the same too!

But suddenly having a goal, something to aim for..

The lack of support, the put downs, the sarcasm & doubts.

These people didn't want me to change, they wanted to keep me at the same level, their level.

I walked away...

I see alot of them around now & then, they still doing the same thing day in, day out, I hear them moan about the exact same things they moaned about 5yrs ago.

Only now they add me to their moans once I'm gone..

I'm stuck up, think I'm better than them, wear fancy clothes, drive a flash car.

I'm none of that.

But I won't apologise for dragging myself out of a hole, and creating a better life for myself & my children

Brave and awesome!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like my circle so no

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Business Networking? "

Yeah sort of, but not the type of business where its employees talking to other employees, I want free thinkers that can see past a rat race life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Meetup group or similar? "

This was the direction i was thinking, I've searched for such groups but had no luck so far

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

They obviously aren’t real friends are they ?

I mean if they were real friends and you were looking to jettison them to facilitate a new life that would kinda make you a pretty shitty sort of person - which I’m sure you’re not ...

Ps - blaming others for inertia in you life is really avoiding the single most important person responsible for that - and I guess you know who that is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im already much better than all of you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can get a few pennies together OP I reccomend going travelling.

You'll meet a ton of people from all walks of life that dont want to be a part of the rat race.

Meet some inspiring people that make a living doing what they love.

Or meet people that make doing the bare minimum an art form

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Meetup group or similar?

This was the direction i was thinking, I've searched for such groups but had no luck so far"

What do you want to change and why? Start with that.

Reading to learn, self help books, sometimes apps, online communities. World is your oyster. You've just got to do the work.

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By *modDMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

So you're too good for the people around you?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

So you're too good for the people around you? "

I think that's an uncharitable and unhelpful interpretation.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I prefer to surround myself with positive and loving people. The fire comes from within... only I’m responsible for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read that as battering yourself!

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

So you're too good for the people around you?

I think that's an uncharitable and unhelpful interpretation. "

Very unhelpful.

Nothing wrong with having ambition, wanting more out of life.

If the people around are holding you back, don't want the same things, it doesn't mean one of you, is less or better than the other.

It just means you are different

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"5yrs ago.

Pretty much cut off all contact with the majority of my friends.

I hadn't been in a good place for a long time.

I decided I needed to change alot about my life, my first goal to lose weight.

I didn't realise till I actually started on my plan, just how negative these people were, because I'd been the same too!

But suddenly having a goal, something to aim for..

The lack of support, the put downs, the sarcasm & doubts.

These people didn't want me to change, they wanted to keep me at the same level, their level.

I walked away...

I see alot of them around now & then, they still doing the same thing day in, day out, I hear them moan about the exact same things they moaned about 5yrs ago.

Only now they add me to their moans once I'm gone..

I'm stuck up, think I'm better than them, wear fancy clothes, drive a flash car.

I'm none of that.

But I won't apologise for dragging myself out of a hole, and creating a better life for myself & my children

Brave and awesome!"

I was thinking just thid

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

So you're too good for the people around you?

I think that's an uncharitable and unhelpful interpretation.

Very unhelpful.

Nothing wrong with having ambition, wanting more out of life.

If the people around are holding you back, don't want the same things, it doesn't mean one of you, is less or better than the other.

It just means you are different "

Exactly, thank you, it's that exact attitude that I'm trying to escape from, whenever I talk about starting business, working on projects, investing in myself with a majority of my friends all I get back is "yeah but have you seen the newest episode of blah blah blah"

I work a day job, I then go home and work till 10 or 11 at night on my own things so that one day I won't be having to collect a pay cheque each month.

Yes the motivation should come within, but a person is a product of their environment and I ha e reached the limits of my environment, if this makes me sound snobby or above someone, then fuck it, I guess I am, but I have absolutely no shame in wanting to better my life, I wasn't born to pay bills and die.

Travelling is an excellent idea, when I'm in a position to take a break for a month or 2 I will definitely be doing that.

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By *modDMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

So you're too good for the people around you?

I think that's an uncharitable and unhelpful interpretation. "

You're entitled to see it that way but it all looks a bit 'David Brent' to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

They obviously aren’t real friends are they ?

I mean if they were real friends and you were looking to jettison them to facilitate a new life that would kinda make you a pretty shitty sort of person - which I’m sure you’re not ...

Ps - blaming others for inertia in you life is really avoiding the single most important person responsible for that - and I guess you know who that is

They are still my friends, always will be, but I need more, I need people on my level and above, people outgrow others, same as in a relationship, it happens.

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By *modDMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

"I read that as battering yourself!

You might have invented a new kink.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Meetup group or similar?

This was the direction i was thinking, I've searched for such groups but had no luck so far

What do you want to change and why? Start with that.

Reading to learn, self help books, sometimes apps, online communities. World is your oyster. You've just got to do the work. "

Yeah I consume books like crazy, always got an audible book going or dipping in and out of books during the day, an online or fa e to face community is what I'm after now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Don’t surround yourself with negative people or people not on your business level , however never forget your roots or who you are . No need to find other people only rely on yourself with raising the bar . It’s life I’m afraid it’s natural & inevitable you’re going to leave people behind in life it’s just how it is . Fact , the more successful you become the less friends you will have or can trust ,jealousy will rare it’s head with some people .carve your own way through life /business in a nice way & never look back ( be careful of the karma police though) I hope this is helpful it’s how it is for us both

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think anyone can help you grow, in the most unexpected ways at times. It's about what you take out of it.

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By *modDMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

"Meetup group or similar?

This was the direction i was thinking, I've searched for such groups but had no luck so far

What do you want to change and why? Start with that.

Reading to learn, self help books, sometimes apps, online communities. World is your oyster. You've just got to do the work.

Yeah I consume books like crazy, always got an audible book going or dipping in and out of books "

Lynsey Hanley's "Estates" is a bit of a bore if you're not interested in social housing but there's a fabulous chapter in it called "the wall" which is all about her teenage years spent in an area populated by people seriously lacking in any kind of aspiration at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Business Networking?

Yeah sort of, but not the type of business where its employees talking to other employees, I want free thinkers that can see past a rat race life"

Won't they be competition?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An old boss once told me "if you're the smartest person in the room then you're in the wrong room" so i got up and walked out

needless to say i didn't work there much longer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""if your circle of friends doesn't motivate you then you're not in a circle, you're in a cage"

Business Networking?

Yeah sort of, but not the type of business where its employees talking to other employees, I want free thinkers that can see past a rat race life

Won't they be competition?"

Potentially, but that's not a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"An old boss once told me "if you're the smartest person in the room then you're in the wrong room" so i got up and walked out

needless to say i didn't work there much longer

This is spot on, it's harder to learn if you're the smartest in the room!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Are you using LinkedIn, Twitter and other social media to post about your work and find others you can follow and learn from?

It's easier than ever to find business communities to join. Competitors can spur you on, you find people to collaborate with and you get introductions that can lead to interesting things.

I'm coming to the end of my career, I'm lazy and feel a bit tired with it all (it's December so I get a bit sombre) but I am invited to interesting lectures, networking events and receptions. I go to a few and they ALWAYS lead to a new connection or a re-connection with someone I've lost touch with. I go to about 20% of the things I could go to. If I was as hungry as you are I'd probably try and get that to 80%.

In the old days I would have set up an event and just cold called people to attend. Now when I run an event I can use Eventbrite and it fills quickly.

Inspiration comes in many forms and I try to learn from everything and everyone. Learning what hasn't worked is just as important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hang out with the homeless,they will inspire you,and show what shit friends you have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, I've also done this with family

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some good ideas in here, I will check them all out tomorrow and over the Weekend.

For anyone interested in anything similar, drop me a message and I'll let you know how I get on or feel free to use this thread to discuss your ideas and plans etc

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