FabSwingers.com forum: Rewiring Negativity

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No i am too old to give a flier

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Maybe we can change our mindset. Easier said than done if you are faced with the harsh realities of life with no end in sight to them.

I beleive in giving people a break.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

Welsh Lass

I have read many articles/books on low moods etc and how to retrain your mind to think positively. Whilst i think it can be done, to a degree, i think if you are pre-disposed to think that way, you are essentially just masking your true self, which in turn makes you more conflicted and unhappy. It’s a daily “battle” with yourself to be positive and upbeat, and that is hard work.

I’m very much aware i can be moody, i try not to be a Debbie Downer, but i cannot be the life and gregarious soul of a party, it makes me feel awkward. It’s just not who i am.

Instead i have learn’t to embrace my moody quirks. I do have depression anyway (currently maintained) but i have always been sensitive and temperamental before my first episode.

I think we can only be true to ourselves and try to keep our moods in check with self care and self love.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!"

So these aren’t real people you’re commenting on?!! Why would you intentionally be snarky or confrontational just because it’s online?

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By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

Because of our profession we positively reframe most things - we wouldn't be able to help people if we didn't & so it becomes part of your psyche to do it your own life too

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

The most important thing is actually wanting to change as I believe that some people actually enjoy being grumpy and miserable.

If you do want to change then yes I believe you can re train the brain although it's not an instant fix.

Try to spend time and surround yourself with happy positive people as negativity is infectious.

This quote below was told to me decades ago and has stuck in my mind since.

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.

When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'.

They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

"BE HAPPY"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because of our profession we positively reframe most things - we wouldn't be able to help people if we didn't & so it becomes part of your psyche to do it your own life too "

This for me too (I think we work in a similar field?)

Also, having depression doesn’t preclude a person from being able to reframe things positively. In fact, it’s the basis for CBT (the cognitive aspect at least).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

How do you make that judgement through typed words? Without meeting, talking and watching someone in person? I'm genuinely interested in knowing!

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!

So these aren’t real people you’re commenting on?!! Why would you intentionally be snarky or confrontational just because it’s online? "

Because I find it way more entertaining than the continuous “oh no you’re amazing” shit

Plus I thought the whole point of forums was to discuss and debate , which means having differing opinions not just agreeing all the time.

Of course they are real people on here. Do those real people expect everyone to agree with everything they say?

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By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

"Because of our profession we positively reframe most things - we wouldn't be able to help people if we didn't & so it becomes part of your psyche to do it your own life too

This for me too (I think we work in a similar field?)

Also, having depression doesn’t preclude a person from being able to reframe things positively. In fact, it’s the basis for CBT (the cognitive aspect at least). "

Yes we work in not so dissimilar roles

probably why we can laugh at the most out there things!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!"

So another persona?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because of our profession we positively reframe most things - we wouldn't be able to help people if we didn't & so it becomes part of your psyche to do it your own life too

This for me too (I think we work in a similar field?)

Also, having depression doesn’t preclude a person from being able to reframe things positively. In fact, it’s the basis for CBT (the cognitive aspect at least).

Yes we work in not so dissimilar roles

probably why we can laugh at the most out there things!!

Black humour and all that? Gets you through the toughest days doesn’t it....

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!

So these aren’t real people you’re commenting on?!! Why would you intentionally be snarky or confrontational just because it’s online?

Because I find it way more entertaining than the continuous “oh no you’re amazing” shit

Plus I thought the whole point of forums was to discuss and debate , which means having differing opinions not just agreeing all the time.

Of course they are real people on here. Do those real people expect everyone to agree with everything they say?"

There’s a huge difference between agreeing with what everyone says and deliberately making snide comments for your own entertainment..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!

So these aren’t real people you’re commenting on?!! Why would you intentionally be snarky or confrontational just because it’s online?

Because I find it way more entertaining than the continuous “oh no you’re amazing” shit

Plus I thought the whole point of forums was to discuss and debate , which means having differing opinions not just agreeing all the time.

Of course they are real people on here. Do those real people expect everyone to agree with everything they say?

There’s a huge difference between agreeing with what everyone says and deliberately making snide comments for your own entertainment.. "

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

I'm a snarky and confrontational person anyway, I'd rather confront someone about something than stay silent and allow it to fester into something worse. Having said that, I can also be the opposite end of the spectrum.

I'm not sure I'd want to rewire my brain, I quite like being a sarcastic, grumpy bitch sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you’re talking about two very different things, OP. Having a positive mindset in every day life and training your mind to think in that way is one skill. But the making of snide remarks and apparently negatively on these forums probably doesn’t really reflect a negative mindset, more an aspect of that person’s personality (or online persona at least). I don’t believe personality characteristics and mindset are one and the same, personally. Mindset is susceptible to change... personality is somewhat fixed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you’re talking about two very different things, OP. Having a positive mindset in every day life and training your mind to think in that way is one skill. But the making of snide remarks and apparently negatively on these forums probably doesn’t really reflect a negative mindset, more an aspect of that person’s personality (or online persona at least). I don’t believe personality characteristics and mindset are one and the same, personally. Mindset is susceptible to change... personality is somewhat fixed.

Dreadful typos but you get the gist

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I would agree. Our personality is hardwired after a certain age and this is perhaps why people have difficulty in fundamentally changing? It's who they are.

Mindset is completely different and can be subject to change more readily.

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By *ofistimacatedMan
over a year ago

cavan town

Unless your suffering from depression?? I think ESPECIALLY when suffering with depression. Meditation helps to "rewire" your brain. I've used it for years, initially as a way to cure me of depression and anxiety. But using it on a daily basis helps me to think clearly and "declutter" all the rubbish that's holding be back from being the best I can be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unless your suffering from depression?? I think ESPECIALLY when suffering with depression. Meditation helps to "rewire" your brain. I've used it for years, initially as a way to cure me of depression and anxiety. But using it on a daily basis helps me to think clearly and "declutter" all the rubbish that's holding be back from being the best I can be.

Yes. And CBT (a type of talking therapy) can also, in some cases but not all, help people with depression to “rewire” their thought processes.

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By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

"Because of our profession we positively reframe most things - we wouldn't be able to help people if we didn't & so it becomes part of your psyche to do it your own life too

This for me too (I think we work in a similar field?)

Also, having depression doesn’t preclude a person from being able to reframe things positively. In fact, it’s the basis for CBT (the cognitive aspect at least).

Yes we work in not so dissimilar roles

probably why we can laugh at the most out there things!!

Black humour and all that? Gets you through the toughest days doesn’t it....

Oh yes - we've probably seen things most people wouldn't believe. You have to laugh & quite honestly other people would run the other way!

Luckily Mr KC works the same field as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

How do you make that judgement through typed words? Without meeting, talking and watching someone in person? I'm genuinely interested in knowing! "

It's not a judgement, it's an observation from reading the forums.

Theres many balanced debates in here, but some profiles repeatedly make short sarcastic negative comments, and I've yet to see anything to the contrary.

May be their personality or the medium that they deliver their thoughts in here.

The question is if people have managed to rewire their mindset, not a debate on negative people.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!

So another persona? "

More just the darker side of my personality than another persona.

I hope I have never upset anyone with anything I have said on here. I am not a nasty person, but I can usually see at least 2 sides to an argument and I do like to get a good debate going rather than everyone just agreeing with each other. I have broad enough shoulders to take any negativity this engenders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would agree. Our personality is hardwired after a certain age and this is perhaps why people have difficulty in fundamentally changing? It's who they are.

Mindset is completely different and can be subject to change more readily."

I’m not sure I explained in the clearest way. I just didn’t think the examples in the OP fitted. Struggling with depression, mindset and positive thinking might result in someone coming across as downbeat, low, fed up with life, etc... But coming across as ‘snide’ and deliberately confrontational etc is more a reflection of a personality trait than a struggle with positive thinking, I feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because of our profession we positively reframe most things - we wouldn't be able to help people if we didn't & so it becomes part of your psyche to do it your own life too

This for me too (I think we work in a similar field?)

Also, having depression doesn’t preclude a person from being able to reframe things positively. In fact, it’s the basis for CBT (the cognitive aspect at least).

Yes we work in not so dissimilar roles

probably why we can laugh at the most out there things!!

Black humour and all that? Gets you through the toughest days doesn’t it....

Oh yes - we've probably seen things most people wouldn't believe. You have to laugh & quite honestly other people would run the other way!

Luckily Mr KC works the same field as well. "

Indeed! My OH is a prison officer so although not trained in the forensic mental health field per se, he’s expected to deal with the challenges it presents daily. We have some interesting tea time convos in our house .....

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By *ofistimacatedMan
over a year ago

cavan town

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!

So these aren’t real people you’re commenting on?!! Why would you intentionally be snarky or confrontational just because it’s online?

Because I find it way more entertaining than the continuous “oh no you’re amazing” shit

Plus I thought the whole point of forums was to discuss and debate , which means having differing opinions not just agreeing all the time.

Of course they are real people on here. Do those real people expect everyone to agree with everything they say?"

Snarky and confrontational for your own entertainment? Almost the very definition of trolling

This isn't how discussing and debating goes. You can get a point across without being snarky.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I read Norman Wisdom’s autobiography many years ago and he suggested that by pretending to be happy you could actually make yourself more happy. The act of smiling and laughing does improve your mood even when you’re feeling a bit low.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I would agree. Our personality is hardwired after a certain age and this is perhaps why people have difficulty in fundamentally changing? It's who they are.

Mindset is completely different and can be subject to change more readily.

I'd agree there

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I think I articulated it that way, to hopefully avoid belittling people with conditions that are slightly more complex ?

This post was aimed at people who simply maintain a negative outlook on the world(probably far too complex to summarise on hindsight).

I for one can spot certain profiles, and perhaps it's my interpretation, but they appear to look to berate, criticise or my a negative comment. I've seen and worked with folk like that in real life. I'm asking if you can simply train yourself to be more positive and asking if there are any anecdotes from people in here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would agree. Our personality is hardwired after a certain age and this is perhaps why people have difficulty in fundamentally changing? It's who they are.

Mindset is completely different and can be subject to change more readily.

I believe in your statement. Makes more sense to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I think I articulated it that way, to hopefully avoid belittling people with conditions that are slightly more complex ?

This post was aimed at people who simply maintain a negative outlook on the world(probably far too complex to summarise on hindsight).

Read mine and give me your thoughts....

I'm very much interested.

You're talking to the female BTW.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read Norman Wisdom’s autobiography many years ago and he suggested that by pretending to be happy you could actually make yourself more happy. The act of smiling and laughing does improve your mood even when you’re feeling a bit low."

There's something in that! I'll see if I can find that book x

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I think Norman Wisdom had a cult following in one of the eastern Europe countried. Not sure which one though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I think I articulated it that way, to hopefully avoid belittling people with conditions that are slightly more complex ?

This post was aimed at people who simply maintain a negative outlook on the world(probably far too complex to summarise on hindsight).

Read mine and give me your thoughts....

I'm very much interested.

You're talking to the female BTW. "

I was referring to comments on posts by profiles, not profile content specifically.

No I dont see anything on yours I'm making reference to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah I'll always be a stubborn miserable old git

No fixing me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I think I articulated it that way, to hopefully avoid belittling people with conditions that are slightly more complex ?

This post was aimed at people who simply maintain a negative outlook on the world(probably far too complex to summarise on hindsight).

Read mine and give me your thoughts....

I'm very much interested.

You're talking to the female BTW.

I was referring to comments on posts by profiles, not profile content specifically.

No I dont see anything on yours I'm making reference to."

Erm.... I'm not hinting or saying you are making reference to my profile. You see how easily people can be perceived and misread! We all read things in a different way... Think less chance of that happening face to face rather than words!

I like my mindset - it definitely doesn't need changing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I think I articulated it that way, to hopefully avoid belittling people with conditions that are slightly more complex ?

This post was aimed at people who simply maintain a negative outlook on the world(probably far too complex to summarise on hindsight).

Read mine and give me your thoughts....

I'm very much interested.

You're talking to the female BTW.

I was referring to comments on posts by profiles, not profile content specifically.

No I dont see anything on yours I'm making reference to.

I like my mindset - it definitely doesn't need changing...

That's written words....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

Yes I have.

I used to be extremely unpopular everywhere I went. I was in the navy and was always at odds with everyone until I joined my last ship.

I knew I’d be away for a very long time and if something didn’t change I’d probably get thrown over the side. I realised I was the problem.

I changed my attitude and stopped being such a defensive twat.

As a result, in a new place, surrounded by people I didn’t know, I appeared as a new me and hardly anyone had previous knowledge of old me.

It was life changing.

I left the navy a couple of years later and some years after that came out as trans and I’ve now had a second major change of the way I approach the world.

Apart from losing my marriage, it’s all going well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

Not sure exactly what snarky means but I have a rough idea. By mentioning snarky, negative and confrontational in the OP you're lowering yourself to that very level imho by sniping at those folk indirectly. Better, I think, to just be nice to everyone and respect the ppl you might not know yet....

But in answer the more important question, yes you can, tragedy and loss in my case and the acceptance that shit happens and I only have influence over what I can influence (my circle if influence). If shut is outside if that then no point stressing. Doesn't mean I don't short circuit every so often, but I think we all do....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I think I articulated it that way, to hopefully avoid belittling people with conditions that are slightly more complex ?

This post was aimed at people who simply maintain a negative outlook on the world(probably far too complex to summarise on hindsight).

Read mine and give me your thoughts....

I'm very much interested.

You're talking to the female BTW.

I was referring to comments on posts by profiles, not profile content specifically.

No I dont see anything on yours I'm making reference to.

I like my mindset - it definitely doesn't need changing...

That's written words....

good point, and valid. I still maintain theres some morale hovers out there, but the words point is very pertinent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

Yes I have.

I used to be extremely unpopular everywhere I went. I was in the navy and was always at odds with everyone until I joined my last ship.

I knew I’d be away for a very long time and if something didn’t change I’d probably get thrown over the side. I realised I was the problem.

I changed my attitude and stopped being such a defensive twat.

As a result, in a new place, surrounded by people I didn’t know, I appeared as a new me and hardly anyone had previous knowledge of old me.

It was life changing.

I left the navy a couple of years later and some years after that came out as trans and I’ve now had a second major change of the way I approach the world.

Apart from losing my marriage, it’s all going well

A case example of what I was trying to articulate. Thanks

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

Is it NLP where you put a laggy band on your wrist and ping it every time you have a negative thought, then self correct it?

It’s a technique used for addiction treatment but also applies to changing mentality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

Yes I have.

I used to be extremely unpopular everywhere I went. I was in the navy and was always at odds with everyone until I joined my last ship.

I knew I’d be away for a very long time and if something didn’t change I’d probably get thrown over the side. I realised I was the problem.

I changed my attitude and stopped being such a defensive twat.

As a result, in a new place, surrounded by people I didn’t know, I appeared as a new me and hardly anyone had previous knowledge of old me.

It was life changing.

I left the navy a couple of years later and some years after that came out as trans and I’ve now had a second major change of the way I approach the world.

Apart from losing my marriage, it’s all going well

A case example of what I was trying to articulate. Thanks "

You’re welcome.

I doubt many people spot it’s actually them who’s the problem in their own lives and have the chance and ability to completely change their approach.

It works though. I was so much happier straight away and suddenly popular.

I had to stop myself defaulting to a cutting remark now and then but it very soon became second nature.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I think Norman Wisdom had a cult following in one of the eastern Europe countried. Not sure which one though "

Albania!

Mrs TMN x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

I think trying to be more positive and making negative comments are two separate things, OP.

Yes, you can change your mindset. Depending on how you're wired, it can take a lot of effort, but with the right tools it can be done.

People making negative comments on here is different, to my mind - some enjoy stirring things, some are just lashing out, some genuinely feel that way.

Mrs TMN x

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

You can actively choose not to make negative comments. Initially it’s hard to just not comment but negativity breeds negativity and it does genuinely make things better if you can choose to wait until you can say something positive.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"You can actively choose not to make negative comments. Initially it’s hard to just not comment but negativity breeds negativity and it does genuinely make things better if you can choose to wait until you can say something positive. "

Oh, I agree

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

I think trying to be more positive and making negative comments are two separate things, OP.

Yes, you can change your mindset. Depending on how you're wired, it can take a lot of effort, but with the right tools it can be done.

People making negative comments on here is different, to my mind - some enjoy stirring things, some are just lashing out, some genuinely feel that way.

Mrs TMN x"

This was my point, summarised with less waffle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, I agree

Mrs TMN x"

Also agree

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

I just do t get the point of folk being horrible online. Twitter has got really bad for it.

Just eye roll and scroll on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

How do you make that judgement through typed words? Without meeting, talking and watching someone in person? I'm genuinely interested in knowing!

It's not a judgement, it's an observation from reading the forums.

Theres many balanced debates in here, but some profiles repeatedly make short sarcastic negative comments, and I've yet to see anything to the contrary.

May be their personality or the medium that they deliver their thoughts in here.

The question is if people have managed to rewire their mindset, not a debate on negative people."

Who?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it NLP where you put a laggy band on your wrist and ping it every time you have a negative thought, then self correct it?

It’s a technique used for addiction treatment but also applies to changing mentality. "

Does it work?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We're recreating ourselves all of the time, so it's reasonable to reflect on those aspects of our habits that may be fine tuned.

We're creatures of habit, as it makes life easier for us. We're also driven by our motivation. The decisions that we take will help to define what motivation we have, what we want to gain etc.

Its interesting that positivity, optimism etc are now being viewed as more flexible traits, rather than traits that are more akin to hard wired to our unique personality. We don't really know that much about the human mind, making this exciting times for anyone guiding their own evolution. Make your own rules as you go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I the only one who has done this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or am I in actual fact........ still a cunt?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I the only one who has done this?"

No. I had a reputation for being aggressive and confrontational for a long time. I made a decision to change and I can't begin to describe how much happier it's made me. I wish I'd done it sooner but I think it's the kind of thing that happens when it's going to. The key was accepting that someone else's bad behaviour doesn't excuse your own. And rowing pretty much always makes you look bad no matter how firmly in the right you are. I don't want to be that person any more. I can challenge things that need challenging without snarling like a pitbull

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I come from a family of Negatives Nellies.

It gets wearing living with Eeyore so in the last few years I've made a conscious decision to look for positives and challenge negative thinking.

I think you definitely attract what you put out there too,either consciously or unconsciously, so I'd rather attract good things thanks, much more fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I come from a family of Negatives Nellies.

It gets wearing living with Eeyore so in the last few years I've made a conscious decision to look for positives and challenge negative thinking.

I think you definitely attract what you put out there too,either consciously or unconsciously, so I'd rather attract good things thanks, much more fun.

I could not agree with you more, hun. And life becomes so much nicer without a big black cloud hanging over it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

And your perspective is spot on ?

It's my perspective that more often than not it is the observer who takes every comment as 'snarky' , 'negative' or 'confrontational' who is having difficulty handling discourse.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I come from a family of Negatives Nellies.

It gets wearing living with Eeyore so in the last few years I've made a conscious decision to look for positives and challenge negative thinking.

I think you definitely attract what you put out there too,either consciously or unconsciously, so I'd rather attract good things thanks, much more fun.

Agree with all of the above but you don't have to be Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm to be happy or spread positivity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

And your perspective is spot on ?

It's my perspective that more often than not it is the observer who takes every comment as 'snarky' , 'negative' or 'confrontational' who is having difficulty handling discourse."

Good point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a reframing mind. I’m generally positive, but don’t do that particularly intentionally. I tend to say what I feel and don’t do much self-censorship. What you see on here tends to be stream of consciousness stuff. I don’t even reread or edit posts until after I’ve hit send. I have a good life and lots to be thankful for but know I tend to reframe things easily and see things from multiple perspectives so rarely see even the ‘worst’ things that have happened during my life in a negative way.. in adversity I have always found seeds of hope and the chance of new beginnings.

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By *ocbigMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I have been known to take a contrary 'I actually don't believe in' position simply to further the debate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That said it doesn’t mean I’m not critical of things or sometimes blind to things about myself. I’m simply open to feedback, both giving and receiving, and tend to take on board things of which I think I was unaware.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been known to take a contrary 'I actually don't believe in' position simply to further the debate."

I like to play devil’s advocate at times too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

And your perspective is spot on ?

It's my perspective that more often than not it is the observer who takes every comment as 'snarky' , 'negative' or 'confrontational' who is having difficulty handling discourse."

Of course. Communication by text messages for instance can easily be subject to discourse.

I should have provided examples of what "I" deemed to be relevant.

But as I tried to highlight later on in the thread; my question was aimed at peoples personal experiences of becoming happier and not having a negative attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's well known that some people are more critical online than they would be person to person.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

And your perspective is spot on ?

It's my perspective that more often than not it is the observer who takes every comment as 'snarky' , 'negative' or 'confrontational' who is having difficulty handling discourse.

Of course. Communication by text messages for instance can easily be subject to discourse.

I should have provided examples of what "I" deemed to be relevant.

But as I tried to highlight later on in the thread; my question was aimed at peoples personal experiences of becoming happier and not having a negative attitude."

The info about being more positive via your own thoughts was really good and to get that point across there wasn't need to accuse ( some ) people of being 'snarky' ....

Maybe stick to the point you want to make and not put something that others might pick up on and run with .....

Or is me making a well intention suggestion a bit 'snarky' ?

obligatory girly emoji x

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I have purposely stated away for a few days as the nastiness on the forum was getting you me.

I say it as it is yes but I dont deliberately intend to be nasty to others, online or not. We are all human beings and words can really damage a person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

And your perspective is spot on ?

It's my perspective that more often than not it is the observer who takes every comment as 'snarky' , 'negative' or 'confrontational' who is having difficulty handling discourse.

Of course. Communication by text messages for instance can easily be subject to discourse.

I should have provided examples of what "I" deemed to be relevant.

But as I tried to highlight later on in the thread; my question was aimed at peoples personal experiences of becoming happier and not having a negative attitude.

The info about being more positive via your own thoughts was really good and to get that point across there wasn't need to accuse ( some ) people of being 'snarky' ....

Maybe stick to the point you want to make and not put something that others might pick up on and run with .....

Or is me making a well intention suggestion a bit 'snarky' ?

obligatory girly emoji x "

Not at all. Making points and debating isnt snarky, but point taken on people picking up and running with things.

"Some" peoples comments were the inspiration for the OP, and a post further above articulated very well a case example of how they changed.

Girl emoji accepted.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have purposely stated away for a few days as the nastiness on the forum was getting you me.

I say it as it is yes but I dont deliberately intend to be nasty to others, online or not. We are all human beings and words can really damage a person.

They can hurt someone more and for longer than physical violence. Your attitude to this is perfect esp taking a break if it's getting to you. Being ugly to each other is pointless, mean and damaging to everyone.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

Especially true if your emotional “armour” isn’t as sturdy as it sometimes might be.

I think some people cause hurt by accident but others are outright sociopaths.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point? "

Yes you can.

I posted on a thread yesterday about cutting friends out of my life.

Due to events that had happened in my life, I had become a very negative, bitter person, and was surrounded by others just the same.

Stuck in a rut, same old, same old everyday.

It took a photo with my children to open my eyes.

I decided then, I didn't want to be that person anymore.

I decided from then on I would only focus on the positives in my life, although it didn't feel I had many, I had some, I was just letting the bad overshadow them.

I wrote a list of what I wasn't happy about.

It was a long list.

Then I wrote another, what I could, how I could change those things.

I realised that for every negative, there was a positive, I could create.

I read a lot of books, listened to audio books

Rob Sharma, Zig Zigler, Jim Rohn (my favourite)

I totally changed my mindset. I realised I could change. I did change.

I've had a tough time this year, negatives started to creep in again.

I dug out Jim's CD started playing it at night while in bed, fell asleep listening to it, his words sinking onto my subconscious.

You can change your mindset, if you truly want too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Unless you're suffering with depression or other conditions, theres a reason of thought that you can rewire your brain and thoughts to be more positive...a state of mind?

Reading some (minority)forumites comments, its evident that everything they write is snarky,negative or confrontational.

Have you felt like this and taken a new approach, successfully rewiring your mindset? What was the turning point?

Yes you can.

I posted on a thread yesterday about cutting friends out of my life.

Due to events that had happened in my life, I had become a very negative, bitter person, and was surrounded by others just the same.

Stuck in a rut, same old, same old everyday.

It took a photo with my children to open my eyes.

I decided then, I didn't want to be that person anymore.

I decided from then on I would only focus on the positives in my life, although it didn't feel I had many, I had some, I was just letting the bad overshadow them.

I wrote a list of what I wasn't happy about.

It was a long list.

Then I wrote another, what I could, how I could change those things.

I realised that for every negative, there was a positive, I could create.

I read a lot of books, listened to audio books

Rob Sharma, Zig Zigler, Jim Rohn (my favourite)

I totally changed my mindset. I realised I could change. I did change.

I've had a tough time this year, negatives started to creep in again.

I dug out Jim's CD started playing it at night while in bed, fell asleep listening to it, his words sinking onto my subconscious.

You can change your mindset, if you truly want too

That's great. Inspiring. Thankyou.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I have purposely stated away for a few days as the nastiness on the forum was getting you me.

I say it as it is yes but I dont deliberately intend to be nasty to others, online or not. We are all human beings and words can really damage a person.

Absolutely!! Well said xx

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By *teelcitycouple85Couple
over a year ago

sheffield

"I quite often make snarky or confrontational comments on the forum, but this isn’t real life.

This is the place I like to be more confrontational. I am nice and positive in my real life, where it actually matters!"

Also known as a keyboard warrior

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