FabSwingers.com forum: It's Depressing.........

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you?

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

I hear you buddy, fab really fucks wwith my self esteem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly? Over the years, the vast majority of meets I've had, came about as a result of being contacted by them!

Very little success contacting others first. Such is Fab

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By *modDMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

Just seen the gritters out on the A38, that’s depressing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just seen the gritters out on the A38, that’s depressing."

Why is that depressing??? I like winter and the frosty weather??

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Just seen the gritters out on the A38, that’s depressing.

Why is that depressing??? I like winter and the frosty weather?? "

different things depress different people

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

20? Think I've exceeded that with no response.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Honestly? Over the years, the vast majority of meets I've had, came about as a result of being contacted by them!

Very little success contacting others first. Such is Fab

I'm not sure a woman has even messaged me first In a whole year! So chances are slim there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

Well said mate. One of lifes great mysteries. 20-1 ration is generous! I reckon im on about 200-1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only message people where I match with their profile and they match with mine. Looking back I’ve the last few weeks it works out 1 in 5 replied. And to be fair the 4 that didn’t probably have so many messages they don’t even have time to look.

Fab is an awesome place

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

I can imagine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No i get 100% reply rate

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By *uryWhipMan
over a year ago

Harringay

"No i get 100% reply rate

I call bull shit on that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only message people where I match with their profile and they match with mine. Looking back I’ve the last few weeks it works out 1 in 5 replied. And to be fair the 4 that didn’t probably have so many messages they don’t even have time to look.

Fab is an awesome place "

Well yes I dont tend to go for people I dont have any interests in or am not attracted too.

I agree it's an awesome place but becoming a struggle

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

it really isn't like that, for us at least. We get very few messages and we certainly aren't inundated. We know why and adjust our expectations accordingly. Its tempting to think that everyone else has it easy on fab and if you read the forums a lot it can seem that way but I think lots of people find it difficult to meet.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

.....but you've had 2 good meets by the sound of it, so you must be doing something right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No i get 100% reply rate

I call bull shit on that."
call what u want i dont pm strangers unless its a forum thing and without fail i get a reply

Or im chatting to friends or a girl i know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sent box is 100% white baring one pending reply il get when she comes online

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

That's hardly the case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like fab, it's helped me in so many ways. I can meet someone for a sexual encounter or just a social coffee. Personally I can't complain

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

It is what it is mate; you can't be everyone's cup of tea. Don't be afraid to use the block button; block any profile either you don't like, or you don't fit their criteria. Stripping the wheat from the chaff means you streamline who is ultimately, a potential match. Don't worry about missing out on pretty pics, you're not here for those, and wank fodder is freely available on the web. Hide the pic of you measuring your cock against the pint glass, most women/couples aren't impressed with such showboating. Good luck!

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

Join the club bud. That’s just how it is on here for us guys. We just have to suck it up and persist. that’s all we can do and of course everybody has their preferences and how many times I have I heard that. And one more thing I think I have even less of a chance than you do and as they say I can’t be everybody’s takeaway

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you?

Thanks for your advice

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you?

Thanks for your advice "

No worries fella!

I would also say, that as you live in Leeds, there's likely to be a large amount of club regulars in your local searches. Check profiles for club veris before messaging, because club regulars tend to only meet in clubs, and consequently put little effort in to using Fab for anything other than a messenger service for people they meet in clubs.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

Wow you would think but no ...

We have posted for meets number of times over the years with very little luck so this why we only do clubs now no fake or what to be's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We mail about 50 profiles depending on what we're looking for. Usually get less than 10 replies. That quickly reduces to 5 or 6. Bit of chat and usually get 1 or 2 for the scenario we have in mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "
put personality into the message theyve heard all the mundane stuff and the crude stuff before

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

It’s equally draining getting a load of messages that are completely inappropriate. It’s hard on here on both sides for different reasons OP.. but it’s very possible to make great connections

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We mail about 50 profiles depending on what we're looking for. Usually get less than 10 replies. That quickly reduces to 5 or 6. Bit of chat and usually get 1 or 2 for the scenario we have in mind.

Atleast your getting 1. Us men get sod all

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By *oyRoy06Man
over a year ago

leighton buzzard

Yet you've had 2 veried meets this year?

Some of us guys have been around a long time and have yet to either meet someone or get a veri; which in turn can hold guys back; but aren't butt hurt moaning about it.

Fab is just like any other social medium in which you will face rejection and or be ignored ... complaining about it in forums doesnt tend to end well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

Strangley ive not had this problem, but then i dont actively seek out individual meets, i just chat to people on the forums or answer questions posted on status updates and talk to people like i would in real life, its seems to work well for me ive made some what appear to be good friends so far and have plans to meet 1 or 2 in the near future, judging by the amount of single guy threads on here that are struggling it strikes me that simply cold messaging no matter how nice and respectful you are just doesnt work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We mail about 50 profiles depending on what we're looking for. Usually get less than 10 replies. That quickly reduces to 5 or 6. Bit of chat and usually get 1 or 2 for the scenario we have in mind.

Atleast your getting 1. Us men get sod all"

Would you enjoy getting messages from rude, unattractive women who spoke to you with absolutely no respect more than getting none?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

Welsh Lass

Fab IS quite draining. Regardless of gender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The biggest issue we face is getting messages from people who clearly haven't read our profile or preferences as to age, etc.

If someone messages without paying attention to those simple little details then why would they be expected to be any more attentive, or put any more effort in, in person? Therefore why should they expect the effort of a response from us?.

The simple fact we have found is that Socials and clubs tend to work better for us and think that may generally be the case for most.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just take it for what it is and do what suits you

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"It’s equally draining getting a load of messages that are completely inappropriate. It’s hard on here on both sides for different reasons OP.. but it’s very possible to make great connections

Thank you for saying it! I’ve spent more than an hour wading through my inbox, it started at 56 unread and it’s still standing at 24 after all that. And apart from a couple of people I’ve been talking to for a while, only two messages have any potential.

OP, if you want depressing, try this: in the past week I’ve had offers of payment for favours, demands to meet the same day from total strangers, dick pics galore, countless “hey babe x” messages, multiple demands to fulfil very specific fetishes that I don’t share, some vile abuse, demands for pics, demands to sleep with someone after I said I didn’t fancy him, and multiple complaints when I’ve told people they aren’t my type. Your ratio is 1 reply in 20 messages; mine is 1 message in 25-50 that doesn’t make me feel subhuman. Fab can be great, but it can also be soul-destroying sometimes. I think that’s true whatever gender you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s equally draining getting a load of messages that are completely inappropriate. It’s hard on here on both sides for different reasons OP.. but it’s very possible to make great connections

And after all that you get told you're lucky and you have it made here

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"It’s equally draining getting a load of messages that are completely inappropriate. It’s hard on here on both sides for different reasons OP.. but it’s very possible to make great connections

And after all that you get told you're lucky and you have it made here

Yup. Yes, we get more interest than single guys, but most of the time it’s not interest I want! I have been kind of lucky because I’ve had more good meets than bad, but mostly that’s because I’m really fussy about who I’ll consider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s equally draining getting a load of messages that are completely inappropriate. It’s hard on here on both sides for different reasons OP.. but it’s very possible to make great connections

And after all that you get told you're lucky and you have it made here

Exactly the same for me. I'm incredibly picky about shoes and they only go on my feet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Honestly? Over the years, the vast majority of meets I've had, came about as a result of being contacted by them!

Very little success contacting others first. Such is Fab

Exactly this... the only man I ever messaged first is coincidently now my other half, we live together and I want to be with him forever (soppy I know) so unfortunately for men it's usually the messages they receive from women that work out the best!

Good Luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Honestly? Over the years, the vast majority of meets I've had, came about as a result of being contacted by them!

Very little success contacting others first. Such is Fab

Good Luck x "

My entire friends list is people who messaged me first.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Maybe you need to change your approach if that’s the return your having?????

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Depends what you say, hiw you say it, when you say it, to whom you say it......part of the rich fabric of the unknown. I find it rather straightforward and direct. Works great me. If a middle aged, married bisexual (partly) man like me can make a 'success' of Fab, then anyone can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We mail about 50 profiles depending on what we're looking for. Usually get less than 10 replies. That quickly reduces to 5 or 6. Bit of chat and usually get 1 or 2 for the scenario we have in mind.

Atleast your getting 1. Us men get sod all

Would you enjoy getting messages from rude, unattractive women who spoke to you with absolutely no respect more than getting none? "

Point taken but we arnt all like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The right one will come along op

, keep on being you and you'll be fine.

Shake off the fab blues!!!

Look at it this way , the women and couples of fab will receive hundreds or even thousands of messages weekly.

let them find you or have a nice chat in the forum

Express yourself!!!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's really helpful for you single guys here to adjust your expectations so that they are realistic. The reality will suit some but not others, who may have come to Fab assuming free easy sex on tap should be their right here - and they won't use flexibility to adjust either their expectations or approach. Preferably they'll do both.

It may be a sob story for them that mail goes unanswered and their very existence is hardly acknowledged. If their approach to securing sex is totally via one website, rather than real life, clubs etc, then it's perhaps this that is sad.

There are thousands of single men forum posts on the same issue, with tons of valid advice on how to make adjustments. Not all of those posters make even the simple changes that would take little effort. It's always for each of us to take responsibility for ourselves, especially when we become adults, so forum readers will be interested in seeing how those who feel hard done by respond to the demands as well as the meaningful information at their fingertips.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always got.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For couples I thought single guys woulda been 100/1 but believe me myself and partner created a profile a while ago looking for another straight male, not a single male contacted us just a lot of dreamers wanking at the thought with no intentions of meeting. So we deleted the profile. Now for the single males who do meet trust me while your wrecking that brain thinking of flirty whitty comebacks to a couples profile you spent all day trying to get your attention, dont hold your breath because just above your comment is a marine commando building pecks who's just done 3 tours and flying his own apache helicopter to meet this couple on Saturday night because his picture shows him at work in the desert and has topless. This is the dreamers stated above that cock block genuine dirty filthy fuckers like myself wanting to fuck somebody's wife long dick style. So jump on come every Saturday and ye shall see the mass of couples who's commandos a no show last minute anyone will do posts. Then your in luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For couples I thought single guys woulda been 100/1 but believe me myself and partner created a profile a while ago looking for another straight male, not a single male contacted us just a lot of dreamers wanking at the thought with no intentions of meeting. So we deleted the profile. Now for the single males who do meet trust me while your wrecking that brain thinking of flirty whitty comebacks to a couples profile you spent all day trying to get your attention, dont hold your breath because just above your comment is a marine commando building pecks who's just done 3 tours and flying his own apache helicopter to meet this couple on Saturday night because his picture shows him at work in the desert and has topless. This is the dreamers stated above that cock block genuine dirty filthy fuckers like myself wanting to fuck somebody's wife long dick style. So jump on come every Saturday and ye shall see the mass of couples who's commandos a no show last minute anyone will do posts. Then your in luck

Unless of course the marine turns up. They do for me and my bf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get 3 types of messages per week......

“ Can I suck you off “

“ Nice cock “

“ I’ll be visiting NYC in 6 months, can we talk and exchange pic’s “

Trust me , you’re not missing much.....

I would honestly suggest stop sending messages and let the women/couples find you..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless of course the marine turns up. They do for me and my bf

"
Il be one for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab IS quite draining. Regardless of gender.

agree but chin up always,someone is out there that will match

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless of course the marine turns up. They do for me and my bf

Il be one for you

Can you do a joke about a chopper for me, hun, I'm still only half awake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

Don't agree that it's depressing, but my interest in here has waned to the point that I hardly ever log on...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We met via Fab, can be done

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Assuming it isn't someone i've already met or off the back of a forum thread, I won't message someone unless I fit the criteria of what they're after. Doing otherwise is a pointless exercise that wastes their time and mine.

Even when it does occur, there's no guarantee they'll actually fancy you and reply in a manner you can build upon. The content of the message and how it comes across is crucial. Include a face pic with your first message as that will establish from the beginning if they find you attractive.

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"Assuming it isn't someone i've already met or off the back of a forum thread, I won't message someone unless I fit the criteria of what they're after. Doing otherwise is a pointless exercise that wastes their time and mine.

I think the adding the face pic part is my usual undoing...

But I think the OP was implying that it's frustrating to make the effort of tailoing individual messages to each profile, only to have them get lost in the swamp of dross that most women seem to get daily. I do feel it myself sometimes, and have to remind myself that this is largely a game. That, and make do with chatting on the Forum

I do sympathise with the ladies for the volume of crappy messages they get, and wish that the majority of guys on here weren't such pricks. Makes it so much more difficult for the genuine ones to stand out

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By *adyinred696969Couple
over a year ago

Brecon

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

Socials, socials, socials.

Find your local organised one and go, best advice for single guys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

Totally agree. Fab is getting harder and harder unless you want to meet a man. Your choice. Worst thing I did was leave here then loose all my versus and friend list. Finding it hard to replace anything from before. It's really rare to get a message from a lady on here now

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I think the adding the face pic part is my usual undoing...

Actually, I think it makes the good, genuine ones stand out far easier!

Local, organised socials are a brilliant way of meeting people in a relaxed, friendly environment. You then need to gather the resolve to be outgoing and taking the initiative in speaking to people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

That's hardly the case."

As a single and on here as a couple I think you'll find that couples find it hard too, we have very little success on fab but no issues in clubs!

For couples theres 4 people that need to be compatible, and that is harder than it looks!

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I think the adding the face pic part is my usual undoing...

Actually, I think it makes the good, genuine ones stand out far easier!

Local, organised socials are a brilliant way of meeting people in a relaxed, friendly environment. You then need to gather the resolve to be outgoing and taking the initiative in speaking to people

Agreed.

I enjoyed the social I went to last month. Just a shame they aren't more frequent. But they take organising, so it's understandable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

That's hardly the case.

As a single and on here as a couple I think you'll find that couples find it hard too, we have very little success on fab but no issues in clubs!

For couples theres 4 people that need to be compatible, and that is harder than it looks!"

I'm actually enjoying fab more as a single male than i did when i was half of a couple for this reason, we both had different tastes so it was difficult. And that single gents is probably the main reason why you have problems meeting couples, i know i would be comfortable if one half of the couple was just "taking one for the team"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

That's hardly the case.

As a single and on here as a couple I think you'll find that couples find it hard too, we have very little success on fab but no issues in clubs!

For couples theres 4 people that need to be compatible, and that is harder than it looks!

*wouldnt be comfortable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fad hard work even for couple's only in different ways..

Must be so hard picking who you want!

That's hardly the case.

As a single and on here as a couple I think you'll find that couples find it hard too, we have very little success on fab but no issues in clubs!

For couples theres 4 people that need to be compatible, and that is harder than it looks!

On our couples profile single guys cant contact us, my choice as I've no desire of a mmf if I want to meet a single guy I have my singles account..our couples profile is for couples and single fems only, we have more issues finding couples than single fems

....

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"The amount of messages and profiles you need to read and respond to with 100% accuracy and originality to even get a look at your profile most of the time.

Does anyone else find it's about a 20 message ratio to a reply (which is usually a no thanks)

And it seems quite draining staying interested in fab when all you do is get knocked back all the time. But then how do you find people with the same kinks and sexual interest as you? "

I (Luke) get it. I've been there. I was a singleton on here a few years ago before I met Hannah. I never had a meet but it didn't get me down one little bit. The reason is I didn't put all my eggs in one basket. I talked to people, went to clubs, tried dating sites and apps. I found the woman for me.

During that time I learned a lot about how to treat women. There are things to do and say and things not yo do and say. If you spread yourself about and behave appropriately you can get somewhere. The key thing from my perspective is to learn. Look at yourself and what you are doing. If something doesn't work, try something else. Always ask yourself if your messages and your profile represent a person the recipient might want to meet. So few men seem to do that.

Very recently I had a pleasant enough conversation with a guy who wanted to meet socially. Very early on I said we're not looking to meet single men, but he kept suggesting it. His profile is about what kind of sexual relationship he's looking for. His only photo is of his cock. In his messages all he asked about was what we were looking for and what experiences we've had. Frankly it was just boring. We are a lot more than our sex lives. We do more than meet people through Fab. It takes more for us to want to meet somebody than than that person wants sexual experiences with somebody and we happen to be close by. There was very little personality presented by him, no humour, nothing of any interest. I've not read your profile or received messages from you so please don't think this is suggesting we think that you, OP, are like this. I don't know.

Unfortunately for single men it is not a man's world on Fab. That's just how it is. There are more men looking than are being sought. That means you have to adapt. You have to be somebody worth meeting. Be funny, intelligent, and interested in more than getting your dick wet. Treat people as people with lives you are interested in. Always ask yourself if you are coming across as an appealing person to meet. You are not a charity. You looking for some form of "fun" is not a driver for people to meet you. Sadly, many men here thinks that's all it should take. "Here's what I want. Here's my cock. Now why am I getting nowhere?" The answer is so often "Because you are only interested in yourself and are not offering anything of value to somebody. Your pleasure is not their priority."

I wish you well, OP. Keep trying. Please don't take offence at what I have written. It's a general comment and not aimed specifically at you. Try places other than Fab and never be afraid to look at yourself and ask if you look like you are coming across as somebody worth meeting.

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

Go to clubs

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