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moments when you wish the ground would open up and swallow you

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By *hooter McGavin OP   Man
over a year ago

Exeter

when i was 18 i had been seeing this girl for a few months and we went to her parents for dinner, we were all around the table and i was on my best behaviour, wanting to make a good impression, any way i had a Erickson phone and it rang and the mum said to me thats a nice phone is it new and i turned to her and said yes its my new erection.........it was met with total silence and the girl i was seeing just stared at me so angry, her dad burst out laughing and the mum just went mmmmmm thats nice and carried on chatting, i was so embarrassed i didn't know where to look............i didn't get lucky that night lol

any crazy slip of the tongues or oh my god i cant believe i said or did that moment for anyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when i worked in a nursing home i was asking the residents if they wanted either a fruit salad of salmonella.. i meant semolina

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At a posh social gathering...someone asked me for my opinion of an international opera star... So I gave a detailed opinion...

It was said star's agent....

Not me... But my hostess wanted the ground to open up...

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

When meeting a boyfriends grandparents for the the furst time, was just about to sit down and grandma said, "just a minute" and picked up her false teeth from the exact place I was gonna sit. I should have run

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i went into a shop once and asked for a snake and kidney pie instead of a steak and kidney pie.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.


"i went into a shop once and asked for a snake and kidney pie instead of a steak and kidney pie."

Better than asking for a snake and pygmy

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

or a bacardi and cock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This year was at xfator show in london had to get up to go loo ... on my way back in front of 1000s the comper hosting the show started to ask me where my tan come from and i was a yummey mummy he said ,, and asking me about my life .. thank god it never got on the show .. lol

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By *hooter McGavin OP   Man
over a year ago

Exeter


"This year was at xfator show in london had to get up to go loo ... on my way back in front of 1000s the comper hosting the show started to ask me where my tan come from and i was a yummey mummy he said ,, and asking me about my life .. thank god it never got on the show .. lol "

he was right about one thing hun, you are a yummy mummy, propper milf xxx

did you manage to see your self on telly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when i worked in a nursing home i was asking the residents if they wanted either a fruit salad of salmonella.. i meant semolina "

PMSL ... oh I have so many nursing home stories LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

raverbaby went to a nice italian resturant and asked a cheese and ham PUNANI instead of a cheese and ham PENINI lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few years back I was waiting for a train and the station was undergoing a huge renovation. As a result they had lots of staff working. As I impatiently waited for the train two female members of staff asked me to step back behind the yellow line. "why?" I asked "is there a chance I may get sucked off". They looked up, I looked at my feet and the awkward silence lasted for what seemed like forever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This year was at xfator show in london had to get up to go loo ... on my way back in front of 1000s the comper hosting the show started to ask me where my tan come from and i was a yummey mummy he said ,, and asking me about my life .. thank god it never got on the show .. lol

he was right about one thing hun, you are a yummy mummy, propper milf xxx

did you manage to see your self on telly "
yes but thay cut the comper bits the man chating ... our seats was right up front about 5 back , lol

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By *erkshireMan123Man
over a year ago

Devizes

once asked for condoms by mistake asking for something in my broken french lol cant remember what i was actually asking for though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once was non to flattering about a colleagues total lack of work ethics unaware that his g/f was stood near me and would have heard every word.

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Yorkshire area

the first time i met my ex girlfriends parents, it was a family meal in a local pub, i had never been before, so got dressed up all dapper, the evening went well, answered all thier questions nice and politely, but then came the dessert menu.

apple pie, cheese cake, chocolate gateux, banana split, fruid crumble, knickebockerglory, ice cream, perfritto roles

all of the above £2.50

the waiter asked me what i would like for dessert, i looked at the menu and said "ill have all of the above for £2.50 please"

everyone burst out laughing and i was deadly serious when i said "what are you laughing at"

I didnt realise all of the abover were £2.50 each, i thought they did a small selection like a buffet

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By *hooter McGavin OP   Man
over a year ago

Exeter


"the first time i met my ex girlfriends parents, it was a family meal in a local pub, i had never been before, so got dressed up all dapper, the evening went well, answered all thier questions nice and politely, but then came the dessert menu.

apple pie, cheese cake, chocolate gateux, banana split, fruid crumble, knickebockerglory, ice cream, perfritto roles

all of the above £2.50

the waiter asked me what i would like for dessert, i looked at the menu and said "ill have all of the above for £2.50 please"

everyone burst out laughing and i was deadly serious when i said "what are you laughing at"

I didnt realise all of the abover were £2.50 each, i thought they did a small selection like a buffet "

i love this one, i could of done this lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"once asked for condoms by mistake asking for something in my broken french lol cant remember what i was actually asking for though "

Oh been there .. because condoms are 'preservatifs' in French and I guessed it was the word for jam ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This wasn't me fortunately but I was there ...

A young couple were walking down the stairs to the Jacuzzis and bar at Chameleons Club and an older couple walked through the door at the bottom. The young woman said "Mum?" and her mum said "What are you doing here?" at which point the son in law said "Well having sex like you I guess!"

The Father gave him a very old fashioned look and suggested they all go to the bar and talk ...after the mother found a larger towel to cover her boobs. It was agreed the ladies would keep in touch on who was going when ...lol

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By *ucati1098Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

We played in a converted Warehouse in a flat on the 6th floor.

Big low windows looking out on another block of what look like flats. Very few lights on. Well naked and being taken from behind looked up and several pairs of eyes looking back at us, OMG is was the changing room of the police's vice squad looking right back at us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha I once drilled a 800m hole in the wrong place! A big hole and nothing to show for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

latest one was at work. we had a fertility clinic and baby scan clinic on same day. the ferlitity clinc is where they are sending couples over to cyprus for anon donors. anyhow i didnt have a list of each clinic and asked a couple who they were here to see. they said they had come for a baby scan. well i didnt realise the fertlity clinic did a scan after their couple has been to cyprus. also i didnt realise this couple has already had treatment with their first child. so there they are bouncing this child up and down on their knee. my first gaff was saying what a beautiful little girl they had. turns out it was a boy second gaff was saying...oh well doesnt he look like his daddy

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

My colleague and I had to do a presentation to senior government officials and everyone was nervous.

The Chair of the meeting announced that his boss would be joining us, and when she made a grand entrance he introduced her as Mrs Da Ria.

My colleague, who was an Italian doctor, referred to her as Madam Diarrhoea for the entire meeting....

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By *hooter McGavin OP   Man
over a year ago

Exeter


"My colleague and I had to do a presentation to senior government officials and everyone was nervous.

The Chair of the meeting announced that his boss would be joining us, and when she made a grand entrance he introduced her as Mrs Da Ria.

My colleague, who was an Italian doctor, referred to her as Madam Diarrhoea for the entire meeting...."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when you find out ur mums a member of this site

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By *hooter McGavin OP   Man
over a year ago

Exeter


"when you find out ur mums a member of this site "

did that happen ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not to me no but read another thread just now and it did some poor other sod - he was messaging her and got the dreaded pic sent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when a x girlfriend caught me wanking into a pair of panties ,i was only 18,The panties were her younger sisters

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"Ha I once drilled a 800m hole in the wrong place! A big hole and nothing to show for it. "

800 metres.... fuck me, if the drillbit is that big, how big is the fekkin drill???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having that for the last couple of months lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i remember many years ago we used to have a boxer dog who was very lively lets say, so we took him to the vets to have him castrated as recomended by the vet

Anyway on the day i took the dog into the vets i took my daughter to nursery and when we got there she was telling the techers about her dog going to the vets, so the teacher asked if he was ok and my daughter said.....oh yes hes fine mummy said hes just got to have his knackers off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh and my fave ever was again years ago when my daugter was a nipper, we had been shopping and was on the way home on the train my daughter who was 3 and not been out of nappies long decided to do a pee on the train, i didnt have anything to clean it with and there was a stream running down the carrage so i got up and moved

Anyway the ticket guy came over to check tickets and my daughter started chatting to him showing him her new shoes, as kids do and mid convo she just turned round and pointed at the puddle on the floor and said.....ive just done a wee

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By *weet DevilMan
over a year ago

dukinfield

once working in a hotel one of the fit looking female guests asked if i could take her photo i said yes pop usptairs ive got my intsta mattress camera there oops

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