FabSwingers.com forum: Fighting demons

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well its come to my worst time of year for being taunted by my demons under the blackest of black clouds and it hit me like a locomotive today completely out of the blue while driving my work van. This coming sunday will mark the my sleeping sons 7th birthday and now i'm in bits, even more so as its the first year that ive had to deal with it alone without his mother, as a result of this ive chosen to hide my profile, and probably refrain from getting involved in the forums until the cloud has past (i dont want to untintentionally offend someone because im in the wrong place mentally and emotionally) how do you deal with your demons?

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

Keep busy, meditate, go for long walks, visit somewhere you've never been

Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Keep busy, meditate, go for long walks, visit somewhere you've never been

Good luck OP"

Thank you _adet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh really sorry OP, i can only imagine the devastating impact this must have.

I guess its important to know where you draw your strength from.. Its good to be busy but quality alone time to reflect on those precious memories is also good. Doing something postive in his memory may help.. Climbing a mountain and leaving a stone at top with his name on?

Virtual love + hugs to you, hope you get through these dark days x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh really sorry OP, i can only imagine the devastating impact this must have.

Virtual love + hugs to you, hope you get through these dark days x

I need to figure something out, normally his mother and i drag eachother through but this year im doing it alone

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

I am so feeling your pain Op,

So I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, but my thoughts to anyone who wants to know.

I have had a pretty crap time of it with cancer, spinal problems and now a mini stroke.

But I always try and be optimistic and think of all the other people who are far worse off than me.

Op my prayers are with you, I’m just a normal guy, if you ever want to chat go for a beer and talk about it, please contact me..

All the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a horrendous thing to have to deal with. Allow yourself space, don't be afraid to cry or howl, and be kind to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am so feeling your pain Op,

So I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, but my thoughts to anyone who wants to know.

I have had a pretty crap time of it with cancer, spinal problems and now a mini stroke.

But I always try and be optimistic and think of all the other people who are far worse off than me.

Op my prayers are with you, I’m just a normal guy, if you ever want to chat go for a beer and talk about it, please contact me..

All the best

Me"

Thank you, means alot. I hope your health is on the mend, i couldnt begin to imagine how id get through that list

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That's a horrendous thing to have to deal with. Allow yourself space, don't be afraid to cry or howl, and be kind to yourself."

Self kindness is a difficult one as for crying thats easy im pathetic at the best of times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Much love to you. Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Much love to you. Mrs x "

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Words fail me... you need a plan. Is there someone else who can pull you through? Think carefully about who would understand. This is too tough to deal with alone

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Sounds a very dark and difficult place to be, must have been hard to share it...but releasing all that can only help...Try not to be alone with it..

Ring the samaritans on 116 123, 24 hours and it is free.You don't have to be suicidal with all you have going on it could lead to suicidal thoughts.

Be gentle to your self...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Words fail me... you need a plan. Is there someone else who can pull you through? Think carefully about who would understand. This is too tough to deal with alone

No doubt there will be a gaggle of people on sunday all with the best of intentions but i'm not best at taking tea and sympathy, i'll probably just fuel the car up turn my phone off and disapear to some of my favorite spots for the day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's a horrendous thing to have to deal with. Allow yourself space, don't be afraid to cry or howl, and be kind to yourself.

Self kindness is a difficult one as for crying thats easy im pathetic at the best of times"

As a man who can cry quite easily, I say that there is nothing pathetic about it (this comes under the banner of being kind to yourself).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That's a horrendous thing to have to deal with. Allow yourself space, don't be afraid to cry or howl, and be kind to yourself.

Self kindness is a difficult one as for crying thats easy im pathetic at the best of times

As a man who can cry quite easily, I say that there is nothing pathetic about it (this comes under the banner of being kind to yourself)."

See i told you i struggle to be kind to myself, i didnt even realise what id done there

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

"I am so feeling your pain Op,

So I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, but my thoughts to anyone who wants to know.

I have had a pretty crap time of it with cancer, spinal problems and now a mini stroke.

But I always try and be optimistic and think of all the other people who are far worse off than me.

Op my prayers are with you, I’m just a normal guy, if you ever want to chat go for a beer and talk about it, please contact me..

All the best

Thank you, means alot. I hope your health is on the mend, i couldnt begin to imagine how id get through that list

Lol what choice do you have? Fight to live or fade away and die, 2 days after a mini stroke I dressed and played

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds a very dark and difficult place to be, must have been hard to share it...but releasing all that can only help...Try not to be alone with it..

Ring the samaritans on 116 123, 24 hours and it is free.You don't have to be suicidal with all you have going on it could lead to suicidal thoughts.

Be gentle to your self..."

Ive got 3 kids to live for suicide isnt an option, but then that adds to my problems because if it was it would be simple

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am so feeling your pain Op,

So I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, but my thoughts to anyone who wants to know.

I have had a pretty crap time of it with cancer, spinal problems and now a mini stroke.

But I always try and be optimistic and think of all the other people who are far worse off than me.

Op my prayers are with you, I’m just a normal guy, if you ever want to chat go for a beer and talk about it, please contact me..

All the best

Thank you, means alot. I hope your health is on the mend, i couldnt begin to imagine how id get through that list

Lol what choice do you have? Fight to live or fade away and die, 2 days after a mini stroke I dressed and played "

Bloody good on ya *applauds

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

"Sounds a very dark and difficult place to be, must have been hard to share it...but releasing all that can only help...Try not to be alone with it..

Ring the samaritans on 116 123, 24 hours and it is free.You don't have to be suicidal with all you have going on it could lead to suicidal thoughts.

Be gentle to your self...

Ive got 3 kids to live for suicide isnt an option, but then that adds to my problems because if it was it would be simple

All the more reason to call them...exploring your options with a non judgemental stranger can be a lot more beneficial than talking with someone who knows you....Wish you well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds a very dark and difficult place to be, must have been hard to share it...but releasing all that can only help...Try not to be alone with it..

Ring the samaritans on 116 123, 24 hours and it is free.You don't have to be suicidal with all you have going on it could lead to suicidal thoughts.

Be gentle to your self...

Ive got 3 kids to live for suicide isnt an option, but then that adds to my problems because if it was it would be simple

The world is a better place with you in it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no words for something as devastating as what you are going through.

Try to keep busy but still let yourself grieve, it's important to recognise and feel what you feel.

Make sure you've got support around you and access any networks you might need for example The Samaritains.

I wish you well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be your own friend.

If you'd make your friend a meal and tell them they're supported and loved, look in the mirror and do the same to you.

Meditation. There are some really great guided meditations on you tube covering all kinds of subjects. It may not help you skip with joy, but it may help you sleep, and sleep is something that's important to our wellbeing.

Personally I'm crap at it all. I overthink and over analyse myself. So I go on a mad one and have a blowout with trusted friends when things get too much. It kinda gives my brain a reset.

Tomorrow is a new day, and the sun will shine again. It may take a few tomorrows until it does, but it will.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and well wishes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well its come to my worst time of year for being taunted by my demons under the blackest of black clouds and it hit me like a locomotive today completely out of the blue while driving my work van. This coming sunday will mark the my sleeping sons 7th birthday and now i'm in bits, even more so as its the first year that ive had to deal with it alone without his mother, as a result of this ive chosen to hide my profile, and probably refrain from getting involved in the forums until the cloud has past (i dont want to untintentionally offend someone because im in the wrong place mentally and emotionally) how do you deal with your demons?"

Not sure what to say but the biggest of hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds a very dark and difficult place to be, must have been hard to share it...but releasing all that can only help...Try not to be alone with it..

Ring the samaritans on 116 123, 24 hours and it is free.You don't have to be suicidal with all you have going on it could lead to suicidal thoughts.

Be gentle to your self...

Ive got 3 kids to live for suicide isnt an option, but then that adds to my problems because if it was it would be simple

The world is a better place with you in it.

Not to sound big headed but i know it is, im the agony aunt that everyone comes to in times of need, apparantly im a good listener, and i always somehow manage to cheer people up, my friend was on the verge of a breakdown when she lost her mum and somehow unintentionally ended up living at mine for 6 weeks 4 of which she didnt get out of bed unless she needed the toilet, i slept on the worlds most uncomfortable 2 seater settee for 6 weeks, to this day credits me with her suvival, all i did was what any true friend would.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Big hugs op

I write mine down to get them out of my head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a shit load of alcohol usually

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Be your own friend.

If you'd make your friend a meal and tell them they're supported and loved, look in the mirror and do the same to you.

Personally I'm crap at it all. I overthink and over analyse myself. So I go on a mad one and have a blowout with trusted friends when things get too much. It kinda gives my brain a reset.

Tomorrow is a new day, and the sun will shine again. It may take a few tomorrows until it does, but it will.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and well wishes

Thank you, i know the sun will shine again but i know this is going to be a particulaly dificult one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Big hugs op

I write mine down to get them out of my head.

Thats kinda what ive tried to do here

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Big hugs op

I write mine down to get them out of my head.

Thats kinda what ive tried to do here"

I van see that and hopefully it's helpful.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I cannot or want to imagine how this must feel. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you strength for the coming time and always xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cannot or want to imagine how this must feel. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you strength for the coming time and always xx"

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And thank you to anyone ive missed too, you really dont know how much it means x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to read this, as you know I have my troubles too so feel free to message me if you want to chat x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to read this, as you know I have my troubles too so feel free to message me if you want to chat x"

I appreciate that but i fear we may just help eachother spiral, but rest assured once ive got my head in a better place i'll be checking in on you, until then try to stay possitive and check that link out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kick them in the cunt op

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Kick them in the cunt op "

that actually just made me laugh

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

When I think I'm having a bad day. I take a long hard look at the world around me and realise there's far worse off than me. My heart goes out to you though

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Gentle hugs to you op x

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By *harliebbwWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

don't put any pressure on yourself. take the days as they come. expericence now tells me it's the days leading up to that's the worst. what is it going to feel like how I will feel how will or what will people expect of me. my princess would have been 3 on the 6th. just go with the flow. there are trained people you can contract. or just tell his story to fresh ears x remember you might not be together but you will always be him mum and dad so maybe connect to remember. its shit x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"don't put any pressure on yourself. take the days as they come. expericence now tells me it's the days leading up to that's the worst. what is it going to feel like how I will feel how will or what will people expect of me. my princess would have been 3 on the 6th. just go with the flow. there are trained people you can contract. or just tell his story to fresh ears x remember you might not be together but you will always be him mum and dad so maybe connect to remember. its shit x"

I think you've hit a few nails on the head there, as i remember its always the fear and dread of the day approaching that i feel the worst, probably because weve always done something special to honour him on the day, i need to think of what i can do this year

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Gentle hugs to you op x"

Yhank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When I think I'm having a bad day. I take a long hard look at the world around me and realise there's far worse off than me. My heart goes out to you though "

The worlds fucked mate, theres always someone worse off

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Chin up pal and keep moving forward. Easy words but it’s all you can do

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Hug of support to thee

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Chin up pal and keep moving forward. Easy words but it’s all you can do

Thats true, and i know that sometime next week there will be the annual relief followed by guilt that i got through another birthday

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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

My thoughts go out to you. ? My angel baby's birthday and anniversary were just the other week. I usually have a few drinks and spend time with someone who distracts me. I couldnt spend time with Red this year, but i got on this forum and met some really nice people, who helped me get through the rest of the week. You can't ignore it. Your brain still has to process it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m so sorry, I cannot begin to imagine how horrendous that must be.

Be kind to yourself, crying is good, it allows you to release.

Take it away, and allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. There is no wrong emotion, just sit with it.

Sending you hugs. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no words that will ease your pain , but just take the day hour by hour and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to ‘cope’ , sending lots of love

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone, im starting to think maybe making my profile private and hiding away isnt the answer, i'm always blown away at how many nice people there are out in the world

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