FabSwingers.com forum: "Don't judge!"

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends on the tone of voice or the words use when stating your 'opinion'

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they are, differing opinions are what makes us inquisitive.

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By *oney to the beeWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Its just as easy to walk on by when you see this though leave them in self bliss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience, people who say "don't judge me" are usually doing something that perhaps they shouldn't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my experience, people who say "don't judge me" are usually doing something that perhaps they shouldn't."

Good point!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?"

It really depends how you put your opinion across.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"In my experience, people who say "don't judge me" are usually doing something that perhaps they shouldn't."

Spot on ,we all judge on something

Its human nature

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People forget that judge can mean assess AND condemn. Do the the first but not the second.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though. "

I don't understand the negative connotations. Everyone judges on the information they have.

Even if they have a negative opinion, they are entitled to it.

Saying otherwise is like telling them how to think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though.

I don't understand the negative connotations. Everyone judges on the information they have.

Even if they have a negative opinion, they are entitled to it.

Saying otherwise is like telling them how to think.

Well negative opinion led Hitler to kill a lot of Jews

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though.

I don't understand the negative connotations. Everyone judges on the information they have.

Even if they have a negative opinion, they are entitled to it.

Saying otherwise is like telling them how to think.

You're right of course. There's a big difference between thinking something and saying it tho eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do silently but don’t feel the need to do it publicly. I accept that something I find totally nauseous can be a turn on for some. If it doesn’t affect me then it doesn’t really matter to me. With regards to veris/who people have met/their profile text/what they’re into etc then yes I totally judge if I was thinking of meeting them, again silently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though. "

I think it's because a judgement is normally a very final decision.

Obviously I have opinions and preferences but I try to be flexible in my "judgements" because sometimes they can be very wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People make mistakes.. we all do..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People make mistakes.. we all do.. "

Though I'm guilty of judging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People make mistakes.. we all do..

Though I'm guilty of judging"

We all are but I think it's the way it's done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?"

Judge people it is human instinct, but not with prejudice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Making judgements is fine, we do that constantly. It is the intonation and dialect we use to express those judgements.

I usually form more of an opinion on the person expressing judgements rather than the person it is aimed for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People forget that judge can mean assess AND condemn. Do the the first but not the second. "

An example regarding a married man who needs discretion.

Assess in relation to self = sorry but I don't meet married men as I feel for your unknowing wife and I don't want the potential backlash.

Condemn: what makes you think I'd touch a lying, cheating bastard with a barge pole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?

Judge people it is human instinct, but not with prejudice

I think this is where the problem lies on here. What’s prejudice and what isn’t. Some Very differing opinions on that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only God can judge me.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"People make mistakes.. we all do..

Though I'm guilty of judging

We all are but I think it's the way it's done. "

I do it silently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People make mistakes.. we all do..

Though I'm guilty of judging

We all are but I think it's the way it's done.

I do it silently

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It just one of those words which carry something negative in them.. someone I know used 'assessment' as an alternative. Hmm.. not much better is it? Can't please people sensitive to words. Guilty of being that.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I have to make judgements. To keep me safe, keep me healthy, keep me happy. It’s part of life. It doesn’t have to be negative, it’s just part of a decision making process I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do silently but don’t feel the need to do it publicly. I accept that something I find totally nauseous can be a turn on for some. If it doesn’t affect me then it doesn’t really matter to me. With regards to veris/who people have met/their profile text/what they’re into etc then yes I totally judge if I was thinking of meeting them, again silently. "

silently is the best way I find.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s discernment and judgment, I try to do the first, and not the second.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been judged relentlessly over my life....i choose not to judge, i find it best to have an opinion that i keep to myself and is open to being changed....glass houses and all that!

Being sanctimonious is only ok for the person being it!

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By *ylvie 888Woman
over a year ago

Cleethorpes

Live and let live. I may have an opinion... it isnt always necessary to share.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though.

I think it's because a judgement is normally a very final decision.

Obviously I have opinions and preferences but I try to be flexible in my "judgements" because sometimes they can be very wrong. "

That's interesting. It might be because they feel it's final.

Their opinion will be based on something. If that's the only info they have, that's all they can base it on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?

Judge people it is human instinct, but not with prejudice

I think this is where the problem lies on here. What’s prejudice and what isn’t. Some Very differing opinions on that. "

Through our sense's/experince we form an opinion (rarely it is been precived). We judges a person's quality by his/her outward structure, then that judgment is in the modes of passion and ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It just one of those words which carry something negative in them.. someone I know used 'assessment' as an alternative. Hmm.. not much better is it? Can't please people sensitive to words. Guilty of being that.

I've been saying assess/condemn for years on here. I think the negative one is then obvious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There’s discernment and judgment, I try to do the first, and not the second."

Discernment = ability to judge well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Having been judged relentlessly over my life....i choose not to judge, i find it best to have an opinion that i keep to myself and is open to being changed....glass houses and all that!

Being sanctimonious is only ok for the person being it! "

Do think it can come across as sanctimonious by saying you don't judge?

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

If we didn’t have opinions then these forums would be very quiet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I judge all the time. We all do when we're deciding who to meet/message/chat to on here. For some reason the word seems to be viewed negatively though.

I think it's because a judgement is normally a very final decision.

Obviously I have opinions and preferences but I try to be flexible in my "judgements" because sometimes they can be very wrong.

That's interesting. It might be because they feel it's final.

Their opinion will be based on something. If that's the only info they have, that's all they can base it on. "

I also think that it's because even though judgements are a part of life and often nessarrly and keep us safe. (making a judgement as to whether it's safe to cross the road) most of us can think of a time when we have felt unfairly judged, therefore it can feel like a negative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions? "

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's fine to have an opinion, what isn't fine is when people share these judgements in a way that make others feel bad for their opinions.

We're all entitled to opinions, just keep them to yourself or so not convey in a way that makes others feel bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days. "

I need to be more Nora. I just say exactly what I think at that minute, often gets me into trouble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days.

I need to be more Nora. I just say exactly what I think at that minute, often gets me into trouble.

oh I still do, depends how strongly I feel, sometimes I just have to say something. I’m so jealous of the people who can just scroll through and not comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days.

I need to be more Nora. I just say exactly what I think at that minute, often gets me into trouble.

oh I still do, depends how strongly I feel, sometimes I just have to say something. I’m so jealous of the people who can just scroll through and not comment

Oh I can't do that!

Ash has physically removed my phone from me the past as he knows I can be like a dog with a bone.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

We all judge internally. All on different levels but we all do it.

However a lot of people feel it is fine to voice their judgements as opinions regardless of wording and context.

Quite often then get defensive themselves when their vocal opinion is then challenged.

A lot seem to hide behind their "I'm entitled to my opinion" as nothing more than a cover to be rude and mean.

Everyone is entitled to a opinion, it does not mean it needs to be voiced when it's not been asked for, or if there is zero discussion to come from it other than "I'm entitled to my opinion" repeated everytime.

People get offended by the smallest thing these days so nobody should hide their opinion in "fear" of offending, but also it doesn't mean you have to blatantly voice your opinion so bluntly that it will antagonise for the sake of getting a reaction.

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days. "

It's never a good idea to say you like something (unsolicited pm's from horny people) or don't like something (called phobic) !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We all judge internally. All on different levels but we all do it.

However a lot of people feel it is fine to voice their judgements as opinions regardless of wording and context.

Quite often then get defensive themselves when their vocal opinion is then challenged.

A lot seem to hide behind their "I'm entitled to my opinion" as nothing more than a cover to be rude and mean.

*** People get offended by the smallest thing these days so nobody should hide their opinion in "fear" of offending, but also it doesn't mean you have to blatantly voice your opinion so bluntly that it will antagonise for the sake of getting a reaction. ***

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate."

***

I know what you mean but it's a no win situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all judge internally. All on different levels but we all do it.

However a lot of people feel it is fine to voice their judgements as opinions regardless of wording and context.

Quite often then get defensive themselves when their vocal opinion is then challenged.

A lot seem to hide behind their "I'm entitled to my opinion" as nothing more than a cover to be rude and mean.

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate."

I couldn’t have said this better myself. And I don’t often admit that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days.

I need to be more Nora. I just say exactly what I think at that minute, often gets me into trouble.

oh I still do, depends how strongly I feel, sometimes I just have to say something. I’m so jealous of the people who can just scroll through and not comment

Oh I can't do that!

Ash has physically removed my phone from me the past as he knows I can be like a dog with a bone.

Haha. That’s why i still use this single profile. He’s a lot more placid than me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?"

Well according to what your wrote on the Jennifer Aniston thread.. you don't want to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone makes judgements but not all should be voiced

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they ask for people's opinions?

On a forum thread you mean? Depends what it is. I usually give my opinion although not as much as I used to. I tend to weigh up if it’s worth the hassle these days.

I need to be more Nora. I just say exactly what I think at that minute, often gets me into trouble.

oh I still do, depends how strongly I feel, sometimes I just have to say something. I’m so jealous of the people who can just scroll through and not comment

Oh I can't do that!

Ash has physically removed my phone from me the past as he knows I can be like a dog with a bone.

Haha. That’s why i still use this single profile. He’s a lot more placid than me

Snap.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate.

***

I know what you mean but it's a no win situation. "

True

Another thing I've noticed the trend of, is generally people who religiously state "its my opinion and I'm entitled to it" are those that have zero interest in viewing and learning of the other side.

Very stubborn in their opinion and not even remotely open to seeing if their opinion can be changed.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Messaging

It's a minefield and theres always someone who will read what they want to from it and then get offended.

It's so hard to put across what you mean at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

98% of whether or not it’s viewed as offensive or unnecessary is, in my view, the *way* it’s put across. Anyone can have any opinion or judgement they like. But an ability to judge if, when, and how to put that opinion across is crucial.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?

Well according to what your wrote on the Jennifer Aniston thread.. you don't want to

I'm judging their judging.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

We constantly judge, we judge if it's safe to cross the road or not for example . It's human nature to, it's how we survive.

Opinions are different, they are not determining if something is safe or not. As long as opinions are part of an honest debate I think they are brilliant. It's when those opinions are not open to change or become facts it becomes an issue. I'm constantly evolving and learning based on others opinions and out looks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate.

***

I know what you mean but it's a no win situation.

True

Another thing I've noticed the trend of, is generally people who religiously state "its my opinion and I'm entitled to it" are those that have zero interest in viewing and learning of the other side.

Very stubborn in their opinion and not even remotely open to seeing if their opinion can be changed. "

I find the people who won't voice their opinion often won't discuss it and hence aren't open to change it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?

Well according to what your wrote on the Jennifer Aniston thread.. you don't want to

I'm judging their judging. "

But are ppl not allowed to have opinions??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We constantly judge, we judge if it's safe to cross the road or not for example . It's human nature to, it's how we survive.

We do make judgements about people as well though, based also on survival instinct at times (to parallel your crossing the road analogy). E.g. Are they someone I want to interact with / are they a threat to me / do their values fit with mine etc... so I agree about it being human nature to judge situations but it’s also human nature to judge people. I think it’s how opinions/judgements are expressed (or not if there’s no need to) that matters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judge away, I do!

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Everyone judges but some are judgmental pricks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having been judged relentlessly over my life....i choose not to judge, i find it best to have an opinion that i keep to myself and is open to being changed....glass houses and all that!

Being sanctimonious is only ok for the person being it!

Do think it can come across as sanctimonious by saying you don't judge? "

No i think you have just seen the only part of the sentence you wanted to tbh.

After my life experiences i have no interest in assassinating people with my opinion,expressed or kept inside.

If The pieces i see of people were like looking at a ruler,I'd be looking at an inch of their life, if that....how they behave is dependant on the other inches of which i know nothing about. I take people at face value x

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate.

***

I know what you mean but it's a no win situation.

True

Another thing I've noticed the trend of, is generally people who religiously state "its my opinion and I'm entitled to it" are those that have zero interest in viewing and learning of the other side.

Very stubborn in their opinion and not even remotely open to seeing if their opinion can be changed. "

To be fair I think it rather depends on the approach of the person trying to change your opinion, or encourage you to look at things another way. Often we are told when our opinions and views are right or wrong on here, that’s not healthy debate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone judges but some are judgmental pricks "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judging a person and forming an opinion are different, one implies superiority and the other is a natural process we go through to get to know someone.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"We constantly judge, we judge if it's safe to cross the road or not for example . It's human nature to, it's how we survive.

Yes totally agree it's only human nature to judge. Whether I decide to express those judgements and opinions are a different matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judgement

The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

I guess what some people are intimidating, is that you dont have all the facts to make that judgement, which is why you should probably refrain from sharing it and assuming its wanted. Judge away, just dont assume its valid or anyone needs to hear.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

We all judge in life, as someone else has said, we judge people and profiles on here by deciding who we chat to/meet, but it becomes a problem when people judge other people and are offensive with it. There is still a lot of prejudice out there about peoples sexuality, which Is a real bug bearer of mine. I try to think along the lines of 'live and let live'. How others choose to live their lives is up to them.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judgement

The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

YES!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Judging a person and forming an opinion are different, one implies superiority and the other is a natural process we go through to get to know someone. "

Not necessarily. If I went on a date with someone and felt uneasy in his company, and let’s say he started to make comments about enjoying non consensual sex and being violent to women (extreme but bear with me...). I’d get the hell out of there sharpish, having formed an opinion that he isn’t a nice person and having made a judgement that he was a potential threat to my safety. There’s no implied superiority - I felt unsafe so I made a judgement about him and left. To make judgements about people is human and necessary. To express those judgements isn’t always necessary. I think perhaps the terms “judgemental” and “judgement” can be confused. I’d agree that the former implies superiority. Not sure if that makes sense ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We constantly judge, we judge if it's safe to cross the road or not for example . It's human nature to, it's how we survive.

Yes totally agree it's only human nature to judge. Whether I decide to express those judgements and opinions are a different matter.

And *how* you choose to express them is crucial isn’t it. It makes all the difference I feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Judging a person and forming an opinion are different, one implies superiority and the other is a natural process we go through to get to know someone.

It does,and it's a fair point for an extreme situation

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Reading this thread I think in future I'm going to start saying "please don't shame me" instead of "please don't judge me" as that is what I really mean when I think about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judging is negative if its based on stereotypes. Always better to ask than assume

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Judgement

The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

At no point they will have all the facts though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Judging a person and forming an opinion are different, one implies superiority and the other is a natural process we go through to get to know someone.

Makes sense to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reading this thread I think in future I'm going to start saying "please don't shame me" instead of "please don't judge me" as that is what I really mean when I think about it."

Makes sense. Shame is surely something that results from the way people communicate with us, not what they communicate. E.g “god that’s disgusting” versus “it isn’t something I’d personally do” (the person might be internally feeling disgusted but not expressing it). Judgement in both instances, but the person probably feels much better about themselves in the latter example.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Reading this thread I think in future I'm going to start saying "please don't shame me" instead of "please don't judge me" as that is what I really mean when I think about it.

Absolutely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judgement

The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

At no point they will have all the facts though. "

You're quite right. That's why it pays to be open minded, or ask for them? Were all going to have opinions, but passing judgement suggests you have some higher position to condemn that person.

A criminal investigation requires all the facts before a decision to prosecute? Maybe more people should work to that burden of proof before they pass comment on others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?"
we all judge, we all have opinions its life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Judgement

The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

At no point they will have all the facts though.

You're quite right. That's why it pays to be open minded, or ask for them? Were all going to have opinions, but passing judgement suggests you have some higher position to condemn that person.

A criminal investigation requires all the facts before a decision to prosecute? Maybe more people should work to that burden of proof before they pass comment on others? "

They will never have all the facts. At what point is it acceptable for them to have an opinion?

Some people think opinion is passing judgement. Differing interpretation of terms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why not?

Are people not allowed to have opinions?"

Judge within yourself and don't let the person know. Simplest way of politeness. Unless they ask

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judgement

The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

At no point they will have all the facts though.

You're quite right. That's why it pays to be open minded, or ask for them? Were all going to have opinions, but passing judgement suggests you have some higher position to condemn that person.

A criminal investigation requires all the facts before a decision to prosecute? Maybe more people should work to that burden of proof before they pass comment on others?

They will never have all the facts. At what point is it acceptable for them to have an opinion?

Some people think opinion is passing judgement. Differing interpretation of terms.

That's the point. Having an opinion and passing judgement are two different things.

Dont assume if you have an opinion, that's it wirth anything to anyone else other than you!

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

As has been said if we all had the same opinions life would be boring and nothing would be neededing a good discussion or debate.

***

I know what you mean but it's a no win situation.

True

Another thing I've noticed the trend of, is generally people who religiously state "its my opinion and I'm entitled to it" are those that have zero interest in viewing and learning of the other side.

Very stubborn in their opinion and not even remotely open to seeing if their opinion can be changed.

Good point. However that other person on the other side of the "discussion" falls in to the stubborn catagory too since they are demanding you see it their way instead of presenting a fair reason to consider their side.

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