FabSwingers.com forum: The best joke you’ve heard?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why did the toilet roll struggle to cross the road??

It got stuck in a crack! Haha

Gets me every time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My recent fave is...

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour?

It had a reptile disfunction

Long time fave is...

How does a monkey make toasted cheese?

It puts it under a gorilla

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

Man in a bar, asks for a pint

Whilst he's waiting, the bowl of peanuts on the bar said

"Wow, you're looking great today, healthy, well dressed .."

The fruit machine in the corner pipes in with "fuck off fatty you're not welcome here"

The man looks at the barman who shrugs and says...

"The nuts are complementary, the fruit machine is just out of order"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Donald Trump

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By *averick20000Man
over a year ago

Beverley

I promise I will meet you

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"My recent fave is...

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour?

It had a reptile disfunction

Long time fave is...

How does a monkey make toasted cheese?

It puts it under a gorilla

Us monkeys are adept at CoT I'll have you know

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By *hampagne_Supernova_91Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Have you heard about the Clown suing the circus after getting sacked?

He's having them for Funfair dismissal.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Have you heard about the Clown suing the circus after getting sacked?

He's having them for Funfair dismissal.

Pure quality!!!

I tip my hat to you sir

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My recent fave is...

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour?

It had a reptile disfunction

Long time fave is...

How does a monkey make toasted cheese?

It puts it under a gorilla

Us monkeys are adept at CoT I'll have you know

Lol yes of course and actually LOLLED at your comment on the rugby

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Why would anyone want to live in Sweden?

Well, the flag's a Big Plus!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why would anyone want to live in Sweden?

Well, the flag's a Big Plus!"

Loooools!

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast

"Why would anyone want to live in Sweden?

Well, the flag's a Big Plus!

Loooools!"

Hehehehe - my fav atm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a bad idea to wear Russian Yfronts because chernobYl fall out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

GAME

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By *0something1965Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Ive decided to get rid of my hoover.

Why?

Well, it's just gathering dust!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those german sausage jokes... they're the wurst...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just had a once in a lifetime experience.

I won't be doing that again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Played frisbee in the park with my dog yesterday...

Not much good though. I think I'm going to need a flatter dog!

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

What you call an English man dressed in a Tux holding a bottle of Champagne after the RWC final.......

Anyone,,,?

....

A waiter...

Lol

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Somebody on fab sent me a photo with a joke in it and I loved it.

Why should you never wear Russian Y-fronts?

Because Chernobyl fallout

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What you call an English man dressed in a Tux holding a bottle of Champagne after the RWC final.......

Anyone,,,?

....

A waiter...

Lol"

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

A few years ago I bought one of those round the world airline tickets

37 hours later I arrived back at Heathrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks in to a pub, says I’ll have a lager please barman

Barman says that’ll be £4 donkey head

Bloke turns and says he just called you donkey head!

Man replies eeaw eeaw ee always calls me that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's grey and comes in pints

An Elephant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s a hospice

About a gallon and a half

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man said yo his wife,

Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

Wife said

You have the biggest penis out of all your friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman walks into a bar and asks for an innuendo so the barman gives her one...

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By *ust the ticket1Couple
over a year ago

Kirkcaldy

Comic Sans and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Barman shouts at them to get out. "We don't serve your type in here!"

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I met a red Indian, sound chap,

He introduced me to his wife,

This is 4 horses he said,,

Ohhh what a beautiful name I said,

What does it mean,

Nag Nag Nag Fffking Nag he said,,

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

If pronouncing my B’s as V’s makes me sound Russian then soviet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met a girl in a pub and asked her what is your name she said Carmen I said thats a nice name she said yes i like cars and men she said whats your name i said beerminge

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

"I met a red Indian, sound chap,

He introduced me to his wife,

This is 4 horses he said,,

Ohhh what a beautiful name I said,

What does it mean,

Nag Nag Nag Fffking Nag he said,,

That's one of the best for a very long time..

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By *heklangsCouple
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Man in a bar, asks for a pint

Whilst he's waiting, the bowl of peanuts on the bar said

"Wow, you're looking great today, healthy, well dressed .."

The fruit machine in the corner pipes in with "fuck off fatty you're not welcome here"

The man looks at the barman who shrugs and says...

"The nuts are complementary, the fruit machine is just out of order""

Hahaha so funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks into a pub with his dog. He walks to the bar and as he does so the dog starts licking his bits (as dogs do).

The barman asks the man what he would like to drink, sees the dog and says "I wish I could do that!"

The dog says "make it a double Scotch and you can Sweetie!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whats the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?

A pick pocket snatches your watch....

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By *idlandsduo400Couple
over a year ago

alfreton

What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies?....

Snowballs!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/11/19 21:06:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Knock knock"

"..... Who's there?"

"Control freak(this is where you say "control freak who?")."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got up, went downstairs and opened the door in my pyjamas. Stupid place for a door ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nicola adams inspires me. stopping doing something you love so not to go blind.

guess i got to stop wanking over her pics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you give the man who has everything?

Penicillin!

This is my favourite ever joke out of a Christmas cracker. My father nearly swallowed his own teeth.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

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By *modDMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

What’s ET short for?

Because he’s only got little legs.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I caught my granny sucking grandad's cock.

"Ugh, that's disgusting", I thought to myself, "it should have been cremated with the rest of him".

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah! "

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol"

They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team.

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By *ovingeachotherCouple
over a year ago

Devizes

whats the difference between a fridge and a woman?

The fridge doesnt fart when you take the meat out!

(sorry guys i know its crap!!) x

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol

They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team.

Susssh u'll start a war,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol

They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team.

Susssh u'll start a war, "

Would.

Never.

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"England got pummelled by South Africa....

Boom.

Ireland got a schooling by Japan

Boo yah!

Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,

There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol

They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team.

Susssh u'll start a war,

Would.

Never.

Lol yea right,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just entered a blindfolded wanking contest,

Didn't win, in fact not sure where I came

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enquired about the dress code for a premature ejaculation anonymous meeting and the lady told me to just come in my pants

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

"I enquired about the dress code for a premature ejaculation anonymous meeting and the lady told me to just come in my pants"

I went to that meeting tonight.

Should have gone tomorrow!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."

She said, "It's natural."

"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other "How the hell do you drive this thing???"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."

She said, "It's natural."

"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Howling at these

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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago

the land of saints & sinners

What’s the biggest drawback in the jungle?

An elephant’s foreskin

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By *unshine05Man
over a year ago

Sherborne

What's the definition of irony

Stabbing a cat to death with an RSPCA pen.

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By *iptopcoolMan
over a year ago

mid

"I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."

She said, "It's natural."

"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

Best one so far

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By *xelf787Man
over a year ago

Chorlton, Manchester

I was walking past Straneways with my mate who is not very PC it has to be said. We saw a window open and a prisoner who was about 4ft tall was climbing down the wall on a knotted rope made out of bed sheets. My mate said "look at that dwarf escaping" to which I corrected him "now that's a little con descending" !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."

She said, "It's natural."

"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not saying my wife used to be a slag, but before I met her the only thing she ever used for protection during sex was a bus shelter

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a police officers truncheon?

One is used for performing cunning stunts.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doctor Doolittle, if you are reading this, could you pop round to my house and tell my neighbour's dog to shut the fuck up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to my wife, the neighbours dogs shittin in our garden again, she said just pick it up and put it in the bin, so i did but the shit is still all over the lawn

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By *ungscotsman26Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Great thread.

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."

She said, "It's natural."

"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did a fart in burger King yesterday, it was a whopper

. Just made that up.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Man in a bar, asks for a pint

Whilst he's waiting, the bowl of peanuts on the bar said

"Wow, you're looking great today, healthy, well dressed .."

The fruit machine in the corner pipes in with "fuck off fatty you're not welcome here"

The man looks at the barman who shrugs and says...

"The nuts are complementary, the fruit machine is just out of order""

Made me chuckle

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I did a fart in burger King yesterday, it was a whopper

. Just made that up. "

No shit

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"I did a fart in burger King yesterday, it was a whopper

. Just made that up.

No shit

Lol

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

2 cops radio back to the station .

Dispatch, we have a situation here,

A Woman just stabbed her husband to death for walking on her freshly mopped floors,

Desk Sarge radios back,

Well did ye arrest her,

Cops radio back,,,

Fuck no Sarge the floors are still wet...

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

A comedy sketch, but it has to be seen (youtube).

Abbott and Costello - who's on first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until it’s bill withers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

THE CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS & THE PENIS -

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it"..

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"THE CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS & THE PENIS -

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it".."
Hahaha

. Only you

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Great thread.

Yup deffo

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why did Osama bin laden kill all his wife’s?!

Because when he lifted up the their skirts he saw “BUSH”

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By *r AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

Dublin

My kids just told me they want a Cat for Christmas

Normally I do a turkey

But ok

I'll keep them happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My lad was a good swimmer at school but one day he came home and told me he had been banned. I called the school and asked why and the Head said 'Because he was pissing in the pool'.

I said 'Everyone pisses in the pool!'

The head replied 'But not from the top diving board ..'

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